A total mismatch, or "Hands down, no really"

[Hermit]

We've had some interesting debates on who could beat who in comic book dom. Which is kind of fun :)

Anyone thought of total mismatches? Those cross over battles that you're pretty sure would last, two or three panels tops, maybe a page if folks were feeling chatty?

One I'd like to see....
Superman VS Speedball :D The only way Speedball could probably win is if Superman got dizzy watching speedy bounce around.

Lobo VS the Fabulous Frogman
Poor Eugene's legs would be served on a side platter

Wolverine VS one of the Robins (Sure I'll get someone protesting this one)
The kid would probably feel as if he'd fallen into a terminator movie... ("He's still coming!")

Galactus VS the Blue Beetle?
"Oh , well, this is just ducky..."

:)

any thoughts on other matches?

[misterdeath]

New Dr Destroyer vs the entire old 4th edition Champions team.

Not just Seeker's going to get his ass kicked. ;)

D

[Hermit]

As Seeker watches Quantum get slammed through a steel wall,
"Not so funny now, is it mate?"

:)

[lemming]

Ambush Bug vs. Superman!!!

Oh wait, it's been done...

Hmmm, for that matter, anybody vs. Superman during some periods of the comics... ;)

[JmOz]

The Red Bee vs The Terminator

[ogier300]

Mack Bolan vs. Frank Castle

[MisterVimes]

Iron Man vs. the Waffler

[Peregrine]

Originally posted by ogier300
Mack Bolan vs. Frank Castle

D'oh! Talk about The Original vs. the Knock-Off...

And Mr. Bolan (would YOU call him Mack if you weren't a personal friend?) wouldn't even need his cast of friends and allies.

[shafti76]

Isn't "Mack" about 110 years old now?

Shaft.....out.

[TechnoViking]

Galactus vs. Matter-Eater Lad

Battle of the eaters:).

Mike

[Superskrull]

Superman vs Aunt May

Captain America vs Nazi mooks

and as a mildly obscure Marvel character reference,
how about Harpoon vs the Walrus

[Agent Escafarc]

Originally posted by Superskrull
Superman vs Aunt May

Captain America vs Nazi mooks

and as a mildly obscure Marvel character reference,
how about Harpoon vs the Walrus

How about Blue Beatle vs. the Walrus:D

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Agent Escafarc
How about Blue Beatle vs. the Walrus:D

The walrus... no question

[Richard Logue]

Lex Luthor vs. Thor

[cubist]

Lobo vs. Wolverine (no, wait, that one was done- what the fu3k were those guys smoking? LOgan? Vs. Lobo, not even with the admantium, without he wouldn't evenlast five seconds- and I'm a Wolverine fan from way back).

[Chaosliege]

Wonder Woman vs Lois Lane

[megaplayboy]

Spiderman vs. Batman--"thwip", "Pow", "thud"

Dr. Doom vs. the Joker--"Insolent fool!"

Shang-Chi or Lady Shiva vs. 5 year old Gohan

Namor vs. Aquaman--"Fish-Talking fool!"

magneto vs. the Metal Men

Flash vs. Quicksilver

Wonder man vs. wonder woman--the amazing amazon wins pretty handily

Captain Marvel vs. Captain Marvel--"there can be only one!"

[keithcurtis]

Despero vs. Willy Lumpkin. Not even Willy's ear-wiggling power would save him.

Ant-Man vs. Ego Prime, the Living Planet

Legion of Super Heroes vs. Power Pack

Beyonder vs. Jimmy Olsen

Doctor Doom vs. John Byrne (bets on who has the bigger ego?)

Keith "Actually really enjoys Byrne" Curtis

[Thirdbase]

Elasticman vs. Mr Fantastic

with special guest referee Plasticman.

[death tribble]

Superman vs Bugs Bunny

Batman vs Daffy Duck

or really anybody vs a Warner cartoon

Tigra vs Mon El

Magneto vs Shrapnel

The Fatal Five vs Alfred (Batman's Butler)

Normal Man vs Absolutely Everything Man

Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) vs Darkseid

[Kevin Scrivner]

Hmmm. I'm not sure who the expected winner would be in these previously posted mismatches:

Spiderman vs. Batman--"thwip", "Pow", "thud"

I mean, Spider-Man survived a battle with Superman (admittedly, he had a little help). And Batman has tangled with all sorts of wierdos from the Swamp Thing to the Hulk. Are we SURE this is a mismatch?

Namor vs. Aquaman--"Fish-Talking fool!"

Aquaman won when they faced off in the crossover series (whether he SHOULD have is another matter).

Captain Marvel vs. Captain Marvel--"there can be only one!"

The world's mightiest mortal vs. mister "I zap it with my alien bracers." Both are pretty powerful. Unless one of them caught the other in his Secret ID I think it would be a pretty tough fight.

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Kevin Scrivner
Spiderman vs. Batman--"thwip", "Pow", "thud"

Yep... Batman would whip his butt (see Dark Knight returns)




Captain Marvel vs. Captain Marvel--"there can be only one!"

The world's mightiest mortal vs. mister "I zap it with my alien bracers." Both are pretty powerful. Unless one of them caught the other in his Secret ID I think it would be a pretty tough fight.

Ah... but Rick Jones would stomp a mud-hole in Billy and then kick the water out.

[aylwin13]

On the more humorous side:

Moonknight vs Bat-mite

Wonderman vs The Wonder Twins

Krypto, the Superdog vs Scooby-Doo

:D :D :D

[Thirdbase]

Arthur (from The Tick) vs. Human Torch


Oh my God he's heading straight for the flame!!

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by MisterVimes
Yep... Batman would whip his butt (see Dark Knight returns)

I'll see your Dark Knight Returns and raise you a DK2. That vomitous mass of amateurish tripe is justification enough to make me want to strangle Miller with his own intestines. 'Sides, I don't know who the poser in the cape was in DKR, but it sure wasn't Kal-El, that for sure. Honestly, how could he NOT know there was gonna be Kryptonite in the final throwdown. Like the Bat was gonna be able to do squat without magic or Green K and I notice that Bat-mite wasn't invited to the scrap. :)




Originally posted by MisterVimes
Ah... but Rick Jones would stomp a mud-hole in Billy and then kick the water out.

Little snot has it coming after how obnoxious he was in Power of Shazam, too. Beat him like a three year old at K-Mart, Rick!

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Superskrull
I'll see your Dark Knight Returns and raise you a DK2. That vomitous mass of amateurish tripe is justification enough to make me want to strangle Miller with his own intestines. 'Sides, I don't know who the poser in the cape was in DKR, but it sure wasn't Kal-El, that for sure. Honestly, how could he NOT know there was gonna be Kryptonite in the final throwdown. Like the Bat was gonna be able to do squat without magic or Green K and I notice that Bat-mite wasn't invited to the scrap. :)

Don't get me started (Vein throbbing in my eye). I mark it down to Super-Senility.


Little snot has it coming after how obnoxious he was in Power of Shazam, too. Beat him like a three year old at K-Mart, Rick!

You can argue Marvel vs Mar-Vell (Genis-El) all day, but I think that Billy (if I had parents they would dress me like this) Batson will find few defenders. Annoying little git.

[tenebre]

i just read teh marvel Vs DC last night..

meh.. lame but cute.

at any rate

playing heroclix last night heres some real ones we had near the end of a sad match up

Doomsday vs Police man
Doomsday vs. Hercules
Doomsbay vs. Thug


you get the idea :-) hahah

[Bazza]

Impossible Man v EVERYBODY ELSE
Impossible Man v Darkseid
Impossible Man v Thanos
Impossible Man v Aunt May

can anyone think of someone that Impossible Man can't lose too?

[Bazza]

Originally posted by Chaosliege
Wonder Woman vs Lois Lane
Aunt May v Lois lane

[Agent Escafarc]

Julius Schwartz vs. Stan Lee

Stan Lee vs. Jim Shooter

Tag-team match-up:

Schwartz/Lee vs. those responsible for Crisis/Onslaught

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by MisterVimes
Don't get me started (Vein throbbing in my eye). I mark it down to Super-Senility.

I hope so, 'cause otherwise Miller is a soulless husk who survives by devouring the dreams of others. Hmm. Well, I suppose he could be a soulless husk either way.


Originally posted by MisterVimes
You can argue Marvel vs Mar-Vell (Genis-El) all day, but I think that Billy (if I had parents they would dress me like this) Batson will find few defenders. Annoying little git.

Yep. Snotty too. Seems to be behaving himself in JSA these days, but I'm watching him, regardless. On the other hand, when was Genis adopted into the House of El? Did I miss some cool comic like "Secret Crossover" where Arachnoman teamed with NIght Avenger to combat Ultimateman's newforged alien empire created while he was influenced by Crimson Element X? Personally, I think publishing this one through Image is a cool and sneaky idea. Also, severe head colds make me think weird thoughts when I've been up and unable to sleep longer than 3 hours a day.

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Superskrull
I hope so, 'cause otherwise Miller is a soulless husk who survives by devouring the dreams of others. Hmm. Well, I suppose he could be a soulless husk either way.



Yep. Snotty too. Seems to be behaving himself in JSA these days, but I'm watching him, regardless. On the other hand, when was Genis adopted into the House of El? Did I miss some cool comic like "Secret Crossover" where Arachnoman teamed with NIght Avenger to combat Ultimateman's newforged alien empire created while he was influenced by Crimson Element X? Personally, I think publishing this one through Image is a cool and sneaky idea. Also, severe head colds make me think weird thoughts when I've been up and unable to sleep longer than 3 hours a day.

Oooops. Genis-VELL

[Starcorp Man]

Color Changing Kid vs. Rhino

Forbush Man vs. A Kid with a Rock (Kid wins)

[Champsguy]

On the "Superman vs Bugs Bunny" and other characters vs Warner cartoons, I'm assuming the cartoons are gonna win.

Bugs Bunny, after all, knows magic.

Vampire: "Abracadabra! I'm a bat!"
Bugs: "Hocus Pocus! I'm a bat, too!" (baseball bat)

Also, I'm gonna side with ionic energy over amazonian pms.

[Champsguy]

Originally posted by Morningstar70

(And thus, the Marvel tons wars begin anew! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :rolleyes: )

Well, it hasn't kicked off on these boards yet. :)

[death tribble]

Of course the toons win !

ever see Bugs lose ?

[Gary]

Originally posted by death tribble
Of course the toons win !

ever see Bugs lose ?

I've seen Bugs lose at least twice. To the Gremlin, and the Tortoise. :)

[Agent Escafarc]

Originally posted by Gary
I've seen Bugs lose at least twice. To the Gremlin, and the Tortoise. :)

He also lost to Marvin Martian's insta-critters when they fell into sewer. The last scene in that one had Buggs running to the hills:p

[Richard Logue]

The Spectre vs. Perry White...

poor Spectre...

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by Richard Logue
The Spectre vs. Perry White...

poor Spectre...

I guess Perry broke his secret stash of Super Cigars, then? Those things can even cure cancer, y'know.

All that comes to mind now is the immortal words of Fred Flintstone...
"Winston. It tastes good, like a cigarette should."

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by Morningstar70
Yup. Bugs doesn't obey the laws of physics, and he generally has his 10d6 Int Drain AoE Damage Field up.



I like Simon alot, but Wonder Woman casually lifts oil tankers. :)

(And thus, the Marvel tons wars begin anew! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :rolleyes: )

Oh sure, but after all, oil tankers only weigh like 75 tons or so. :D After all, when Thor, Vision, Iron Man and Wonder Man worked together they were able to life that whole hypercompressed floating mountain thingie that Graviton accidentally made. That means mountains only weigh like 4-500 tons, tops.

[cubist]

Nu-uh, the smart Hulk was able to lift a mountain and hold it off the heroes in Secret Wars, even when he was only able to get a little bit stronger from being mad and everyone was taunting him to do it...

[Hermit]

Originally posted by cubist
Nu-uh, the smart Hulk was able to lift a mountain and hold it off the heroes in Secret Wars, even when he was only able to get a little bit stronger from being mad and everyone was taunting him to do it...
Ah yes, if only we could mix 80 comic book situations with modern day movie ones...

Hulk/Banner, holding up the mountain as best he can, "not sure if I can hold it..."
Sphynx, "You dress in the manner of a male prostitute..."
Hulk/Banner- "HULK SMASH!"

:D

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by cubist
Nu-uh, the smart Hulk was able to lift a mountain and hold it off the heroes in Secret Wars, even when he was only able to get a little bit stronger from being mad and everyone was taunting him to do it...

Wow. Those things are almost lighter than air. 'Course, Hulk is strongest one there is, even if he was Banner-Hulk at the time.

[starblaze]

And speaking of the Hulk.....

The Comic Book Hulk vs. the Body-painted, Lou Ferrigno, TV Incredible Hulk.

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Superskrull
Wow. Those things are almost lighter than air. 'Course, Hulk is strongest one there is, even if he was Banner-Hulk at the time.

It was a Jim Shooter book. You expected consistancy?!?!

[Karma]

Originally posted by cubist
Lobo vs. Wolverine (no, wait, that one was done- what the fu3k were those guys smoking? LOgan? Vs. Lobo, not even with the admantium, without he wouldn't evenlast five seconds- and I'm a Wolverine fan from way back).
Which is why, I believe, it did last all of 3 panels. (1) They go over a bar, (2) a hand with a stoggie in it comes up (so we are still unsure), (3) Lobo follows.

P.s. I think Jubilee was jibbed in the fight against Robin, only way she lost was 'cause she had the hots for him.

[ogier300]

So I'm reading an old National Geographic from the late '70s in the bathroom today, and it mentions that the paint (just the paint!!!) on a modern mid-sized oil tanker weighs 400 tons. Just the paint on the outside of the tanker! 400 tons! Jeez Louise.

So my vote for mismatch -- anyone who can casually lift a Supertanker vs. anyone who can't.

[Superskrull]

Originally posted by MisterVimes
It was a Jim Shooter book. You expected consistancy?!?!

Hmmm.

Nah. Besides, I think he's probably responsible for Dazzler. I still remember that foul graphic novel she had.

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Superskrull
Hmmm.

Nah. Besides, I think he's probably responsible for Dazzler. I still remember that foul graphic novel she had.

Shooter is a mixed bag.

Good Shooter:
* Writing LSH at age 14
* Creating the idea of direct sale comic books
* His run on Avengers with George Perez (150-200, I think)
* Founding Valiant
* Insisting that all Marvel stories have a beginning, middle and end.
* Devloping the Graphic Novel format
* Driving all of Marvel's talent to DC (Hey, you wouldn't have had George Perez on Titans without him)

Bad Shooter
* Ripping off Roy Thomas (Secret Wars and the even worse Secret Wars II)
* His playboy-esque Avengers novels
* Dazzler (this was a good idea for the first direct sale comic?!?!)
* Making Clairemont and Byrne Kill Jean Grey
* Letting his Best friend bring her back because he said "Please"
* Alienating DC to insure 10 years of no crossovers
*Driving all of Marvel's talent to DC (You wouldn't have lost Perez, Alan Davis and a ton of others without him)
* Being a mysogynistic creep
* Dazzler the Movie Graphic Novel
* Founding Defiant

[keithcurtis]

Originally posted by Karma
Which is why, I believe, it did last all of 3 panels. (1) They go over a bar, (2) a hand with a stoggie in it comes up (so we are still unsure), (3) Lobo follows.

I thought Wolverine won that fight. Though how, I've no idea. Lobo stands toe-to-toe with Superman.

I thought that fight was the cheesiest. The artist (and probably writer) obviously didn't have the time to script or draw the fight unti the last minute, so it was set up so that only one panel would have to be created: the winnah coming up and grabbing the cigar.

Keith "Wouldn't it have been a kick if Monica Lewinski had been behind the bar?" Cirtis

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by keithcurtis
I thought Wolverine won that fight. Though how, I've no idea. Lobo stands toe-to-toe with Superman.

I'm looking at it right now. Wolverine won... it was stupid. It was a popularity contest or else Hulk would have mopped the floor with Superman.

[Lord Mhoram]

Originally posted by MisterVimes
I'm looking at it right now. Wolverine won... it was stupid. It was a popularity contest or else Hulk would have mopped the floor with Superman.

Huh? That was one of the few they got right. WW should have taken Storm, and Lobo should have taken Wolvie (pure populatiry there). Spiderman they got right, and with the great "clone" joke in it too. Don't remember which the fifth voted one was though.


Back to the original topic, one of the best mismatches that actually got published was issue 3 (I think) of Marvel Knights. Punisher vs that Troll guy that has gone toe to toe with Thor. Nothing the Punisher did made a difference.

[Oruncrest]

Originally posted by keithcurtis
I thought Wolverine won that fight. Though how, I've no idea. Lobo stands toe-to-toe with Superman.

...and gets clobbered by Vril Dox II. And gets the heck beaten out of him by Santa Claus. And gets killed by the little brother of some unknown. The last two examples were in his own comic series.
The only time Lobo is a match for Superman is when Lobo's in a Superman comic.


I thought that fight was the cheesiest. The artist (and probably writer) obviously didn't have the time to script or draw the fight unti the last minute, so it was set up so that only one panel would have to be created: the winnah coming up and grabbing the cigar.

I thought of a way Wolverine could've beaten Lobo within 30 seconds of reading MvDC #3 that required only two things:
1)a change of scenery from a bar on a planet to a bar on a space station. and
2)Wolverine demonstating an IQ higher than room temperature.
What happened in MvDC #3 was just plain laziness

On another note: Mr. Vimes forgot the worst of 'Bad Shooter': Creating the New Universe.

[Keneton]

Remo Williams versus Hong Kong Fuey
Ultraman vs The Pink Power Ranger
Royce Gracie vs Grace Jones
Shaq vs Spike Lee
Mr. T vs. Mrs Buttersworth
Voltron vs Baron Karza
Death Star vs Ego The Living Planet
Majin Buu vs. The Ghost Busters Stay Puff Marshmello Man
Hef vs. Bob Dole (while both hyped on Viagra)
Kiss vs. The Backstreat Boys
Bob The Builder vs. Bob Villa
Sweetums vs Beeker
:D

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Oruncrest
On another note: Mr. Vimes forgot the worst of 'Bad Shooter': Creating the New Universe.

I was going to say that, but I actually LIKED Psi-Force and after The PITT, things got interesting... in the end it was just a failed experiment... so, Bad Shooter! No Donut!

[starblaze]

Originally posted by MisterVimes
Shooter is a mixed bag.

Good Shooter:
* Writing LSH at age 14
* Creating the idea of direct sale comic books
* His run on Avengers with George Perez (150-200, I think)
* Founding Valiant
* Insisting that all Marvel stories have a beginning, middle and end.
* Devloping the Graphic Novel format
* Driving all of Marvel's talent to DC (Hey, you wouldn't have had George Perez on Titans without him)

Bad Shooter
* Ripping off Roy Thomas (Secret Wars and the even worse Secret Wars II)
* His playboy-esque Avengers novels
* Dazzler (this was a good idea for the first direct sale comic?!?!)
* Making Clairemont and Byrne Kill Jean Grey
* Letting his Best friend bring her back because he said "Please"
* Alienating DC to insure 10 years of no crossovers
*Driving all of Marvel's talent to DC (You wouldn't have lost Perez, Alan Davis and a ton of others without him)
* Being a mysogynistic creep
* Dazzler the Movie Graphic Novel
* Founding Defiant

What is a direct sale comic?

[Koshka]

Originally posted by starblaze
What is a direct sale comic?

IIRC (it's been a while) it's a comic that is only sold through comic stores or by subscription, as opposed to comics you can get at the convenience store crammed in between the crossword puzzle magazines and the hot rod magazines.

This of course assumes you can still get comics places other than comic book stores, I haven't really been looking.

[MisterVimes]

Originally posted by Koshka
IIRC (it's been a while) it's a comic that is only sold through comic stores or by subscription, as opposed to comics you can get at the convenience store crammed in between the crossword puzzle magazines and the hot rod magazines.

This of course assumes you can still get comics places other than comic book stores, I haven't really been looking.

That's exactly correct. Shooter essentially created the comic shop industry with that manuever. If you wanted direct sale books (which were all labelled as such), you had to go to a comic retailer. At the time that lead to differences on the covers as well. The new-stand copies looked normal, but there was an "X" over the spot where the UPC code went and 'Direct sale' in that area. In some cases, there was a white diamond (instead of a square) where the price-tag was located.

Ah... nostalga.

[Arkham]

Originally posted by Keneton
Bob The Builder vs. Bob Villa
[/B]

Bob the Builder would _SO_ kick his rear!

Here is a few more...
Beast vs. Blue ( of Blues Clues fame )
Brainiac vs. Dexter.
Teen Titans vs. Power Puff girls. ( $20.00 on the girls )
Beast vs. Beast ( As in Maggie and the Ferocious Beast )
Yellowjacket vs. Winnie the Pooh
Iron Man vs. The Iron Giant
Plastic Man vs. Sponge Bob Squarepants. ( This would be fairly even actually... )
Black Manta vs. PB&J Otter.
Ultron vs. Rollie Pollie Ollie.

[Jeff T.]

Road Runner vs. anyone

Tasmanian Devil vs. Wolverine