Help needed!

[ShelleyCM]

My husband is a wonderful GM. He ran some of the most vivid Traveller, Champions, and historical games I've ever played in (the game set in Constantinople in 1000 AD where the PCs had psionic powers was *awesome*!) He was a major creative force behind the Chessmen games, too.

The trouble is that he hasn't run a game in years -- I mean, not since 1995! He does most of his gaming online these days (right now it's MOO3 & Earth and Beyond) and while he'll play in games and he has fun, he could take or leave them.

So here's the question: how to get him interested in running again?

Please note: PG-rated suggestions only. :)

-Shelley

[Hermit]

Ooo.. not sure. Give him access to some books of various genres, see what catches his attention, what inspires him. Find something that hooks him in and he truly loves. Then (Oh so slyly) mention how it might be cool to play in something like that.

Make sure he gets the hint that if anyone DOES GM it, it ain't gonna be you :)

Maybe that would work?

[Vondy]

Shelley,

Primus Rocks!

I recommend blatant, unabashed bribery. Since you put a PG threshold on it I recommend: FOOD. "You run a game I make your favorite food and pat your tummy" or something like that.

If you're uncomfortable with that concept you might tell him what you just told us as a more palatable option: stroking the husband's ego "oh honey, you're so good" is an excellent wife to husband strong arm tactic. Trust me. I'm a husband. I know.

You could also do the mild guilt routine: "how come we never table top game anymore? Why don't you run something!" (not my preference, but every relationship is different).

One that would work on me (I don't know your fella so it could be an utter disaster, but from the looks of 'im on your website it might pass) would be: "I enjoy it when you run games. When shall I schedule your next appearance as Game Master? This week, or next week?"

You could also enlist the aid of your other table-top group members in a nefarious conspiracy to snare him: have them start echoing your sentiments to him.

Or your could do all of them. Sort of a wifely "shock and awe" campaign.

Now I have a question for you: my wife is slowly warming to the idea of trying gaming out. How do I push her over the edge? I finally just asked her: "what sort of character do you want?", to which she answered "someone with a whip". Enter: Black Delilah. A four color dark champions character (she likes batman).

Now, how to I actually get her to take the plunge? Its been so long since I gamed for the first time I don't even remember what that was like. How to I make it easy and enjoyable for a newbie? Especially since she's... gasp! A girl.

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by D-Man
Shelley,

Primus Rocks!

Thank you!


Originally posted by D-Man

I recommend blatant, unabashed bribery. Since you put a PG threshold on it I recommend: FOOD. "You run a game I make your favorite food and pat your tummy" or something like that.

If you're uncomfortable with that concept you might tell him what you just told us as a more palatable option: stroking the husband's ego "oh honey, you're so good" is an excellent wife to husband strong arm tactic. Trust me. I'm a husband. I know.

You could also do the mild guilt routine: "how come we never table top game anymore? Why don't you run something!" (not my preference, but every relationship is different).

One that would work on me (I don't know your fella so it could be an utter disaster, but from the looks of 'im on your website it might pass) would be: "I enjoy it when you run games. When shall I schedule your next appearance as Game Master? This week, or next week?"

You could also enlist the aid of your other table-top group members in a nefarious conspiracy to snare him: have them start echoing your sentiments to him.

Or your could do all of them. Sort of a wifely "shock and awe" campaign.

Heh!

Well, I've tried being subtle ("remember that Constantinople game?"). I've tried being obvious (to the extent of reading him my post, which he found amusing). I've stopped running Traveller (well, actually, I've stopped running everything because I'm in law school) and suggested that perhaps he ought to take over for me (since he's been playing Traveller since I was 6!) -- and no luck! It's maddening.

I do like the idea of working on the other guys in the group, though -- that's sneaky. I like it.

Or maybe I could start an email campaign here: everyone write to mcm@mactyre.net and tell Matthew to run Traveller for me! :)



Originally posted by D-Man

Now I have a question for you: my wife is slowly warming to the idea of trying gaming out. How do I push her over the edge? I finally just asked her: "what sort of character do you want?", to which she answered "someone with a whip". Enter: Black Delilah. A four color dark champions character (she likes batman).

Now, how to I actually get her to take the plunge? Its been so long since I gamed for the first time I don't even remember what that was like. How to I make it easy and enjoyable for a newbie? Especially since she's... gasp! A girl.

I'd suggest having other girls in the game to start with -- if she's not alone, it'll make it a lot easier. In some places, that can be a tall order to fill. But if it's doable, that's a great way to start.

Other suggestions:

Have the game at your house. (Familiar territory -- gamer dens can be kind of creepy.)

Keep the game small. (Also, invite people you know she likes -- if the larger group has a problem with it, tell them tough -- this is her intro to gaming.)

Keep the early plots/problems fairly simple to solve -- NOT because she couldn't figure out the puzzles, but because all the genre conventions that most gamers know are totally new to her. If she gets it quickly, you can always complicate the situation, but if she doesn't, she'll be frustrated.

And a female strong-arm tactic: volunteer to take her to dinner and a romantic comedy the next day.

Good luck!
Shelley

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by Hermit
Ooo.. not sure. Give him access to some books of various genres, see what catches his attention, what inspires him. Find something that hooks him in and he truly loves. Then (Oh so slyly) mention how it might be cool to play in something like that.

Make sure he gets the hint that if anyone DOES GM it, it ain't gonna be you :)

Maybe that would work?

Well, he DID make off with Star HERO before I could even look at it -- it came in the mail today! I'm hoping that will help. :)

Shelley

[Chris Goodwin]

Two words: Strip Champions.

Okay, so the text of the suggestion is PG-rated.... ;)

[lemming]

Originally posted by ShelleyCM
So here's the question: how to get him interested in running again?
Hmmm. Kidnapping him, locking him in a closet, reformatting his hard drive, hmmm. maybe not.

Are there any subjects that he would want to run a game about? You could see if there are any willing players in the area. :D

What made him decide to stop running?

[lemming]

Originally posted by ShelleyCM
I do like the idea of working on the other guys in the group, though -- that's sneaky. I like it.

Naw. That would never work.


Originally posted by Shelley

Or maybe I could start an email campaign here: everyone write to mcm@mactyre.net and tell Matthew to run Traveller for me! :)

Which reminds me: He said he was going to reply to my email questions about his character. Tell him he'll get a picture if he answers! If he doesn't, I know where he lives. :cool:

[misterdeath]

Baseball bat and a Stun Gun?

Try the rational approach. "Honey, why haven't you ran anything for a while. You're an awesome GM, and I'd love to play in one of your games."

See if you can coax out of him the reasons why he won't run. Alleviate his concerns.

Something's keeping him from doing it. Find out what it is, and eliminate the problem.

If you're looking for Sci Fi, letting him drool over Star Hero is good. As a long time Traveller player, I kinda like the Terran Empire setting, and by using that he can cut down on universe creation time and effort.

Get the book, wave it in front of him, and don't let him see it until he promises to run something?

D

[Celt]

Consider the possibility that he doesn't want to GM or that he's not as interested in tabletop play as he used to be. I'd say ask him about GMing and see how he feels. If he doesn't respond enthusiastically don't push it.

You said he plays in games but it seemed like it was not a regular thing. Try running a game at the table yourself, scheduled for every week or every other week. Let him get his juices flowing by playing. This is more likely to produce a positive response than any other approach IMO.

A campaign with a GM who is pressured into running is usually short-lived.

PS: Posting his email address is defintiely not the way to go. Bet some enterprising readers here will take the ball and run with it despite the fact you were only considering the option.

[misterdeath]

Originally posted by D-Man
Now, how to I actually get her to take the plunge? Its been so long since I gamed for the first time I don't even remember what that was like. How to I make it easy and enjoyable for a newbie? Especially since she's... gasp! A girl.

Ok, do you have any idea what she's going to like to do? Is she going to want to kick ass and take names, interact with things, talk to people, figure things out, or what?

If you don't know, something relatively simple as a first adventure that incorporates a little bit of everything. That way you can see what she likes to do, and go from there.

I'd probably start off with a Solo Adventure, mainly because throwing a newbie in the midst of a group of hardened gamers can be intimidating.

Remember that everything is new, and her preconceptions will be formed in these first games. So, she won't know about good tactics, playing the speed chart, what the maneuvers do, and what have you.

So, that you'll have to help with. So, combat should be pretty simple, until she gets the hang of things.

Once you've ran the character for a couple of sessions, sit down with her, and get some feedback. Character design changes, adventure planning, and what she felt worked and didn't work.

Give advice then. But make sure that you don't preach. Advise, then let her make the decisions.

Hmmm. That's about all right now. Gotta get back to work.

D

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by lemming
Hmmm. Kidnapping him, locking him in a closet, reformatting his hard drive, hmmm. maybe not.

Are there any subjects that he would want to run a game about? You could see if there are any willing players in the area. :D

What made him decide to stop running?

It was a time/energy issue. After graduating, his first jobs involved a lot of on-call and nights, and it wasn't really practicable. (These are the first instances of Matthew falling asleep during games -- before that he used to relentlessly tease our friends who fell asleep while gaming!)

It's not a matter of not having inspiration -- he reads constantly, almost exclusively sci-fi and sometimes fantasy.

And I'm sure we could cough up a few players here in PDX. :)

Shelley

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by Celt
You said he plays in games but it seemed like it was not a regular thing. Try running a game at the table yourself, scheduled for every week or every other week. Let him get his juices flowing by playing. This is more likely to produce a positive response than any other approach IMO.


Ah, if only we had that kind of time!


PS: Posting his email address is defintiely not the way to go. Bet some enterprising readers here will take the ball and run with it despite the fact you were only considering the option.

Oh, I don't know. For one thing, I'm aware of how his sense of humor works. And another: I'm willing to try the bludgeon -- after all, I've been trying subtle and not-so-subtle for EIGHT years. :)

Shelley

[Derek Hiemforth]

D-man suggested a mild guilt routine. I'd suggest a not-so-mild one. ;)

Try doing some extra nice things for him just out of the blue. Then after each one, when he's commenting on what a nice thing you did, mention that you'd really love it if he ran a game. Eventually his conscience will get to him... here's his wife doing all these nice things for him, and he won't even run a game for her!

You can also try using special occasions as leverage. If you've got a birthday or anniverary coming up, tell him that him running something would be a great present!

There's also the reverse of the advice you gave about introducing the female S/O to gaming. If there's something he really likes to do but you're not as enthusiastic about, make a deal with him that you'll do that with him if he'll run a game for you.

Lastly, you could always club him over the head with it. (Some guys need this.) Just say, "Hey! I'm your wife, dammit! You're supposed to want to do nice things for me! Please run a game!" ;)

[Talon]

Originally posted by ShelleyCM
Well, he DID make off with Star HERO before I could even look at it -- it came in the mail today! I'm hoping that will help. :)

Make sure he sees Terran Empire too!

[keithcurtis]

Originally posted by Derek Hiemforth
Lastly, you could always club him over the head with it. (Some guys need this.) Just say, "Hey! I'm your wife, dammit! You're supposed to want to do nice things for me! Please run a game!" ;)

Oddly enough, this is the approach my wife uses.

Keith "...and it works" Curtis

[Thag13]

My wife uses the Klingon approch.

Runa Game or Ill Kill ya!!!!


Make me runa game for her.

that and the kinky sex I get later..hehhehe

of course we have been married for 20 years now....

Oh and I wrote your husband and told him to run a game for you
I hope it helps

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by Thag13
Oh and I wrote your husband and told him to run a game for you
I hope it helps

He called and said it was "Run Traveller for your woman." LOL!

(Hey, I'll take all the help I can get!!!) :)

Shelley

[Vondy]

Well, I mailed him and told him what I thought.

You may not want to thank me, though...

[The Mad GM]

I'm in the same boat as your husband, actually. I used to love running, but the career comes first. I've tried to start up any number of times, but I just don't have the time to GM in the fashion that I used to.

I had a good rep in our local group for 'off the cuff' games, but little did they realize that while I didn't write stuff down, I imagined the gist of the adventures, villains, and NPCs beforehand during idle moments.

It's been about 5 to 6 years since my idle moments were frequent enough to sustain a campaign, and I feel somewhat intimidated trying to start one up again. I get my free time (what I call being able to go home before 8PM) in random spurts through the year, too random and unstable to run a regular game for our group (which meets weekly).

One thing that helped me was running a demo game at DragonCon last year. It took alot of prep work, but I had months to prepare, and it gave me a specific deadline to get it together. It also had the advantage of being a one time event, without the pressure of having to back it up with a weekly game when time got tight.

Ask him to try a one-shot: the birthday idea makes for a good deadline with a touch of love to it. Conventions are also a good opportunity, because it's strangers, and if you screw up it won't be with people who knew how good you used to be.

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by The Mad GM
I'm in the same boat as your husband, actually. I used to love running, but the career comes first. I've tried to start up any number of times, but I just don't have the time to GM in the fashion that I used to.


Mad,

Thanks so much for your insight. I read your post to my husband dear, and he became very thoughtful. I think that the "idle moments" theory makes a lot of sense. Now that I'm in school again, that's my main problem with fiction writing -- when I sit down in the few off moments I have to work on a novel, I haven't "gelled" things in my head enough yet.

Update to all: he has been carrying around Star HERO and has been nitpicking bits of it. (This is good: this means that he's thinking of things he would change.) I have my fingers crossed.

And seriously, thanks to everyone who's written him!

-Shelley

[The Mad GM]

Hope it helps! I'm still trying, myself.
Keep us posted.

BTW - Guy Gavriel Kay is definitly not 'guilty' reading!

[i3ullseye]

There is one thing really needed.

A game is a group. 2 people can game, but that is usually more fun with clothing optional. now some woudl say larger groups with clothing optional wou...err... I digress.

get the game group together and have them apply some peer pressure. If he has some gaming buddies, get them on your side and let the majority rule start forcing his hand.

[Vondy]

Originally posted by The Mad GM
I'm in the same boat as your husband, actually. I used to love running, but the career comes first. I've tried to start up any number of times, but I just don't have the time to GM in the fashion that I used to.

I had a good rep in our local group for 'off the cuff' games, but little did they realize that while I didn't write stuff down, I imagined the gist of the adventures, villains, and NPCs beforehand during idle moments.

It's been about 5 to 6 years since my idle moments were frequent enough to sustain a campaign, and I feel somewhat intimidated trying to start one up again. I get my free time (what I call being able to go home before 8PM) in random spurts through the year, too random and unstable to run a regular game for our group (which meets weekly).

One thing that helped me was running a demo game at DragonCon last year. It took alot of prep work, but I had months to prepare, and it gave me a specific deadline to get it together. It also had the advantage of being a one time event, without the pressure of having to back it up with a weekly game when time got tight.

Ask him to try a one-shot: the birthday idea makes for a good deadline with a touch of love to it. Conventions are also a good opportunity, because it's strangers, and if you screw up it won't be with people who knew how good you used to be.

I have this problem, too. Its rough. I've dropped to running twice a month now.

[Tasha]

I would suggest that the small group idea is easier than a solo adventure. A solo adventure can be really awkward. It is also nice to have someone else there who is non threatening to be a player with. So I would advise a 2 player (3 including the GM) game. That way she can experience roleplaying the way that it will be in a group environment. Also having just 2 players can be alot of fun to GM as then you can completely focus on the characters. Also make sure that the game is more than combat. As much as I love to beat things up with my character, I love even more to talk through an encounter. I also like to have a real connection to the NPCs and places.

I would also advise to keep the game simple. If you are using optional rules, stop for now. If you can make it easier do it. It can really help a newbie learn the rules. Remember that the Hero system can be really dense and intimidating. So be patient, ask questions in real world terms not game terms. Make the first few games as fun as you can. Don't be afraid to ask her about how the game could have been made more fun. What situations she liked and what just bored her. You really have to cater to the new person to keep them interested and engaged. Otherwise they will become just another person playing because you are there (Typical buddy)

Hope this helps,

Tasha :)

[ShadowRaptor]

Hi Shelly from salem...

I just wanted to wish you luck. I have been trying to get my wife to play in a game for two years now and she shows some interest and wants to try, but only if another female is also there, and so I am out of luck. Its the familarity of seeing another female playing she says that would help her feel more comfortable with it.

Also, your book PRIMUS is a cool book.

Do the direct approach with your husband, it works with me better than the subtler things because I don't pay attention to subtle that well. Just walk up to him and say, "Honey, you run this game that I am holding in my hands next month or you will be sleeping on the couch until you do run it, and don't smirk at me like that because I am totally serious." And as you say that have the book in one hand and a pillow in the other for the couch, then tell him, "Pick and choose." and see which one he picks. ;)

Then write down on a calender what day he is going to run the game and make sure he has the time from work to run it that day. This would work with me. ;) :D

[ShelleyCM]

Originally posted by ShadowRaptor

Also, your book PRIMUS is a cool book.


Thank you!


Originally posted by ShadowRaptor

Then write down on a calender what day he is going to run the game and make sure he has the time from work to run it that day. This would work with me. ;) :D

It's not the time from work that's the problem (his work week is fairly normal), it's the energy to do something creative. But like I said, he's working on reading Star HERO.

Further update: while out with friends today (one of whom is in the gaming group), I started applying pressure -- with help from the friend! Matthew sighed mightily (nothing subtle about this campaign of mine) but didn't seem as opposed to it as he was before. :)

Shelley