RL Intrusions and Losing a Player

[Rapier]

I just got off the phone with one of my players. Chad has an inoperable brain tumor. They give him a year/18 months. This is one part of getting older I never imagined...losing friends.

I'm not sure what to do. Part of me says to go on as if nothing has changed, but part of me can't get over the fact that we're going to lose Chad. Even worse than me is his wife and children. Has anyone had something like this happen? What do you do?

Chad, if you are reading this...sorry for "outting" you. I love ya, man. :)

[Cpt.Storm]

Ouch! Though I haven't had that happen in my gaming group yet I have lost several people near and dear to me in the last three years so I feel your pain. I doubt you'll be able to continue as if nothing happened.

Perhaps dedicating a gaming session to him or even keeping a chair there for him will help. Grief is an unpredictable thing. Everyone has their own way of grieving and they must be allowed to have their way.

I wish you and your group the best of luck handling this. Also, my heart and my prayers go out to Chad and his family in this horrible time.

Sincerely,

[aylwin13]

About seven years ago we lost a player to cancer. She was in my former group in SoCal. Vickie was diagnosed, and began the chemo and drugs. We continued the game. She played when she felt well enough, and we NPC'd her character when she couldn't make it. She seemed to be doing well, and then suddenly she was gone. We left her character in the story, as an NPC. It made us feel as if she were with us.

I think that you should continue your current game as long as Chad can and wants to play. Things will never again be exactly the way they were, but don't change things that you don't have to.



I still miss you, Vickie. :(

[War Cry]

From personal experience, it wasn't easy. About 2 1/2 years ago one of my best friends and the gm of our group died. He had muscular dystrophy so we had a vague idea it would happen someday. I still wasn't really all that ready when it did happen. Jim was literally the glue that held the group together. When he passed on, everything fell apart. I don't see or speak to anyone from that gaming group anymore because of the despicable behaviour they displayed at the funeral. I couldn't imagine running any of my characters under another gm, so I burned all my character sheets, maps, and whatever else I had that had strong ties to gaming with Jim as a sort of tribute to him. He was cremated so it only seemed fitting that the ashes of my most beloved characters should join him. Every time I look at anything Hero or Champions related, I think of Jim. And I smile. He saved my life and I make it a point to honor his.
Don't give up hope. Medicinal science is a marvelous thing. One of my employees and another good friend went through the same thing. His wife was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor 4 years ago. Turned out they could still operate. She's alive and doing well with no signs of her cancer anymore.
Alot can change in a year. The important question here is - What would Chad want you to do?

[Rapier]

I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry.

I'm so bad at keeping promises. Thanks everyone. It helps knowing that others have had this kind of thing happen. We just been together so long, heck I'm godfather for his kids.

We played last weekend and we are playing again on Friday. I've got a real rip-roarer coming. I'm trying not to focus entire plot points around his character. Which is good since it would take some major rewrites of my plans. For now its business as usual. The good news is that after all this time his wife, Nancy, who has played with us only a couple times has expressed some interest in joining us. So I'm writing her in this week.

Actually, I could use a little help. I'm running dry on ideas. She wants to play a Southern Belle named Scarlet. Hoop skirt is optional. She was thinking about a prim and proper southern girl with a penchant for speaking like a sailor (odd but sounds like fun). I was thinking something martial artist or bricky since she is unfamiliar with the sytem. Of course, a simple one or two trick pony might work jsut as well. Anyone have a good southern belle I can beg/borrow/steal?

[Super Squirrel]

Tell you what. I'll sit down with my gamer friends (we are all down in NC) and we will come up with some ideas for you. Give me until tommorrow if you would.

[Rapier]

Tell you what. I'll sit down with my gamer friends (we are all down in NC) and we will come up with some ideas for you. Give me until tommorrow if you would.
No probs. I was thinking some Louisiana belle type, but my knowledge of the south is rather limited. Thanks!!

[Super Squirrel]

I was checking out some Southern Belle sites and this was the ideas that I gathered:

She runs in heals: Gliding 10" (10 Active Points); Ground Gliding (-1/4)
Pscyhological Limiation: Southern Belle Mannerisms (Very Frequent, Strong)
LS: Dimished Eating; Once Per Week
WF: Clubs (to represent Parisols)
Steel-lined Parisol: 4D6 HtH; OAF (Parisol)
16 COM minimum
15 PRE minimum
High Society
Persuasion
Conversation (optional)
Riding (optional but recommended)

One site says all of the best Southern Belles have the name Ann.

For a character concept I'd either go with Brick or Weapon Master. I can see a Southern Belle using her charm to inspire (AID) or heal (HEALING) with some sort of incantation. For defenses give some sort of Armor with a Luck Skill Roll. Depending on how you want to do the character, you could also put an Armor, IIF, 14- Activation roll to depict some sort of steel underdress.

[Blue]

I have this bad habit that when I leave, I leave for good. I don't go to high school reunions, I don't track down long lost friends, I don't visit old workplaces. This means that when my original group of gamers broke up I've not seen any of them since.

So what I'm saying is that while there's nothing worse than a friend dying, there's always that thing where you just drift apart and don't even get to enjoy their company for the time that remains.

My current group has a member who had a close brush with cancer, but generally speaking they're all in good health and all in early middle-age, so it seems I get to keep them for a while. I'm the most likely issue, since I hate/fear doctors.

[Rapier]

I was checking out some Southern Belle sites and this was the ideas that I gathered:

She runs in heals: Gliding 10" (10 Active Points); Ground Gliding (-1/4)
Pscyhological Limiation: Southern Belle Mannerisms (Very Frequent, Strong)
LS: Dimished Eating; Once Per Week
WF: Clubs (to represent Parisols)
Steel-lined Parisol: 4D6 HtH; OAF (Parisol)
16 COM minimum
15 PRE minimum
High Society
Persuasion
Conversation (optional)
Riding (optional but recommended)

One site says all of the best Southern Belles have the name Ann.

For a character concept I'd either go with Brick or Weapon Master. I can see a Southern Belle using her charm to inspire (AID) or heal (HEALING) with some sort of incantation. For defenses give some sort of Armor with a Luck Skill Roll. Depending on how you want to do the character, you could also put an Armor, IIF, 14- Activation roll to depict some sort of steel underdress.
The Parasol!! I love it!

I'm thinking MP Parasol:
1) Missle Deflection
2) +d6 HTH
3) 2" Stretching (outside the MP most likely)
4) Gliding (parachute effect)

Then give her some parasol martial arts. This could work very well. I was considering loading her up on PRE skills too (High Society, Persuasion, Conversation, etc). I'll put some work into getting this into HD tonight. I would like to get the character to Nancy by tomorrow so she has a couple days to do history and familiarise herself with Scarlet Ann (I like the Ann part). She can bug Chad about the particulars ("a martial dodge?").

Oh, what about +10" Running (Gestures: Requires both Hands - Lifting up Skirt)? Man, this is fun.

Thanks again.

[death tribble]

In a way Rapier you are lucky in that you know what is happening and have time to prepare for good or bad.

I lost a friend and have no idea whether they are still alive at all. More importantly neither does his family. He vanished over a decade ago and no-one knows where except where he was last, Turkey. The family aren't sure whether he was last in contact with a group of his friends or with them. We all said no but there is no clear evidence either way. He wasn't the sort of person to do this to his family nor to his friends.

[Super Squirrel]

Oh, what about +10" Running (Gestures: Requires both Hands - Lifting up Skirt)? Man, this is fun.

Thanks again.
Don't do Running with lifting up the Skirt. When they want to run, they do it well. It looks more impressive that way anyway. I would do it as the Gliding; Ground Movement Only for moving in heels and a skirt.

[Vondy]

I had a player, Mike, who had a very serious case of diabetes that was very hard to manage. He had a diabetic attack in the shower and slipped into a coma while his mother out of town on business. That was in the evening. He died in the morning. That afternoon, when he didn't show up for the game, we went looking for him. You have to understand: this was the most consistent, puntual guy you ever met. When he didn't show up without calling our collective gut sank. One of the other gamers had a key to his house and we went in. One of the guys found him in the shower. That was a hard day. A very hard day.

I don't know what to tell you about your friend other than the fact that I'm terribly sorry for you and for him, and that the only thing you can do is be there for him if and when he asks you to be. He's in a golden time now. Every moment for him counts now in a way few people can really understand. His friends can only do their best to respect how he chooses to use that time, and to be forgiving of his struggles of the heart because he is going to have them. Cherish whatever time he gives you.

[zornwil]

This is close to home, but worse, as we have a player who experienced cancer that is normally fatal. So far, so good, it seems to have been beaten, knock wood. Anyway, his wife mentioned to me that his being able to play in our group helped him a lot. We played often remotely with him via a conference phone. Mostly, we played as if there was nothing abnormal, although of course people would ask him how he was. I do suggest of course you ask him what he wants to do about gaming.