Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Darren Watts]

This week's award goes to Chris, for: "In my experience, Neanderthals *always* attack aliens."

This replaces the previous title-holder, from Jason: "I made my INT roll, and I've decided to do it anyway." dw

[Hermit]

*L* Okay, sounds like a fun group.

I don't have a group 'quote of the week' since I don't often get to game them as much as I'd like, but a few quips will always stay with me.

"My rock like brick is buying his comeliness up."
"Okay, what's your rationale?"
"Remember those head shots he took?"
"Yup."
"I figure they chiseled his features."
.....
"This villain is always two steps ahead of us."
"Great, we go backwards and maybe he'll get lost!"

[tesuji]

In last weeks DND game...

The party barbarian, after being offered team leadership...

"I will not be leader."

pause pause pause

then she continued

"So, this is what we will do..."

and she proceeded to tell them all what to do.

As the others listened intently, i about fell out of my chair.

[MarkusDark]

"Anyone who says 'Rodger Dodger' can't be a villian."

[Prometheus]

I think our best has been, "I had to attack the lawyer, he was coming right at me."

[Champsguy]

"Kid Fist demands blood!"
---------------------
"I know Tae Kwon Do, and thus, am INVINCIBLE!"
---------------------
"Hey Pat (the GM), how far away is that speedster?"
"Oh, he's halfway across town. You can see him with your telescopic vision."
(Firing up heat vision) "Heh heh. Make a Perception roll."
----------------------
"Hey Pat, how far away am I from Thor?"
"Well, he's on the ground, and you're pretty far up in the air, behind the clouds."
"Can I see him?"
"Yeah."
"Can he see me?"
"Not at the moment."
"Heh heh. Make a Perception roll."

"Okay. That got his attention. He's riding his chariot up into the sky to meet you. He's looking around for you. Your heat vision just seemed to make him mad."
"So... his chariot is pulled by those flying goats?"
"Yep."
"He can't fly by throwing his hammer?"
"Not this Thor."
"Heh heh. Have his goat make a Perception roll."
----------------------
(After travelling to Nazi world, the brick Gridiron sees a nazi beating an old woman)
"Hey, nazis hate cripples, don't they?"
(tears nazi's arm off)

[Enforcer84]

GM: Crenshaw (Nasty villain, a Vampire Silver Avenger...don't ask me how, just play along) is standing infront of the elevator. Its doors' open revealing the corpses of the stationed guards. He is looking intently at you.

Vanguard(Me): Golden Avenger! Thank God you're here!

Crenshaw (Turning to look back): What!?! Now you sho up you-

Me: I shove him in the elevator, close the doors, weld them with my heat vision and break the cables!

GM: I hate you. I really Hate you.

[lemming]

"I may be Overconfident, but I'm not that stupid!" - Hero with 20 points running away

[WilyQuixote]

Our group has more famous quotes by fellow players then I can remember. However one quote in particular just wont seem to go away for us. It happened while I was DMing a nostalgia quest for our group... The Temple of Elemental Evil (not to be confused with Return to the ToEE). Anyways during one of the fights with a particularly powerful priest the said priest blasted this player with a spell which did close to or slightly over fifty pts of dmg. This player looks to the other players and seeing their looks of concern for his well being merely shrugs and says "It's ok guys! I only took a little over half my hit points from that ONE hit!" This was in the opening round of the combat too. The priest still had plenty of spells to throw down with, that was just the first. It will never be said that this player isn't overconfident in just about any situation and he doesn't even take the disadvantage for easy points either. Go figure.

[Killer Shrike]

That was my personal favorite from the Temple of Elemental Supidity (er....Evil) as well Wily....hehe, although Hrenex had his share of good ones too if I do say so myself....but anyway, back on subject the actual quote was:

"It's ok guys, I'm good; I only took a little over half my hit points." and the player (Dr. Lucky on these boards IIRC) wasnt being sarcastic, ironic, clever, or attempting to be humorous -- he was seriously unconcerned.

He's also the same player that broke the Staff of Power against Tharizdun and nuked half the party which I mentioned awhile back in some other post. Fun fun fun..... :D

[death tribble]

I remember one player saying he was going to use this phase to crap himself.

[Enforcer84]

GM: Okay, you are hurtling at 32xFTL towards Malva, you have been unable to turn the ship around. What do you do?

Ace( My brother's Character): I teleport to the outside of the ship.

GM: You what?

Ace: We've only been flying for about 25 minutes I'll get myself home. I don't need to breath.

GM: Do you realize what is out there? You are going 32x Light speed at that velocity a dust mote would put a hole in you, do you know how many dust motes there are in space?

Me: At least six.

GM: (pause). Yes Chad, at least six, go to your room.

[Bluefire]

Super-Dude (picture surfer that is 6ft tall, 3 of which is mohawk) is flying on his mystical surfboard as we are fighting a 2000ft "Killer Robot" The rest of us have been a bit injured but nothing bad.

Super-Dude: Ok I think I have enough running room for a move-thru.
GM: Ok you set up your move-thru, is there anything your going to do before you start the manuver?
Super-Dude: yea, I'm jumping off my board so it doesn't get messed up when I punch a hole in this guys chest.
-[side note: Super-Dude's powers came from his board, all of them]-
--Moment of silence--
GM: Are you sure?
Super-Dude: yep. cowabunga!!!

We all laughed VERY hard when Nate(Super-Dude) figured out that he was in trouble. He didn't really do a move-thru... well, not exactly.

Flowers were sent to the hospital.

[Christougher]

Moondrake, our tough-as-nails, take-no-s... martial artist is out scouring the town in normal ID, looking for whoever has kidnapped his son.

Two normal muggers jump him. One pulls a pistol and says, "Give me your money and you don't get hurt." After he looks down at Moondrake's feet, he adds, "And give me them nice kicks, too."

Moondrake obliged.

[Talon]

"If they want it done with discretion, why did they come to us?"

[MilkmanDan]

"You can run around in hot pants for only so long before some interdimensional God of Evil begins to come after you. It's just the way the world works."

[Captain Obvious]

Originally posted by death tribble
I remember one player saying he was going to use this phase to crap himself.

Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?

[RDU Neil]

A powerful, flying brick... Tachyon... who had recently been mind controlled by the player charcter Locke (can't remember why... some small thing, actually) was asked how he feels. Tachyon blinks, and stammers, "Cats! I loved Cats! I'll see it again and again!" (Perfectly role played by Matt... who then broke into song with Rum Tum Tugger!)

We fell about the room. Took 20 minutes to get back to the game, and it became the catch phrase. "How do you know Locke has been here?" Glazed looks all around, and everyone mutters, "Cats! I loved Cats! I'll see it again, and again!"

-----------

One of the last "all nighters" we ever pulled... back in '93... group of eight or nine players, with two GMs switching off between two simultaneous battles going on in separate parts of the city. Jim has been asleed for a good half hour at this point, as it's like 4:30 am and we've been playing since 7:00 pm. There is a lull in the talking for a moment, and suddenly Jim's head snaps up from the table eyes still closed, drooling, face slack with sleep and gasps, "I'm so WIRED!" and then his head slams back down to the table... out like a light.

We cried.

-----------

During a big invasion of a VIPER base, the heavy hitters went to the lowest level to engage in battle with the big baddies. One hero, Vengeance, a master of sword and gun, stayed behind on the floor above, to distract and hold off all the agents. He spent his entire combat in or near the elevator shaft, throwing smoke bombs, shooting and beating up agents. He'd just taken one of their M-203s and launched several concussion grenades back down the hall, out of his smoke cloud. He stood there laughing, hearing the explosions and screams... when suddenly three grenades came "thunk, plunk, tink, rollllll" right back INTO his now fading smoke cloud. The troops had been afraid to fire into their own guys up to that point. Vengeance makes a mad dash for the open elevator shaft, makes a brilliant acrobatics roll, and swings up the ladder, just above the open door, so the explosion goes under him. Seconds pass... smoke clears, and I describe the remaining agents poking their heads up to look at the devastated hallway, littered with the bodies of their comrades, low fires burning... no sign of Vengeance.
A couple of them mutter... "Man! Who WAS that guy?" when Vengeance (perfectly timed by Paul) calls out "Hey! Send more guys! I'm getting bored here!"

The whole play group let out a cheer at that one, it was such a perfectly timed, in character line. Even though he didn't declare it as such... I made it a Presence Attack against the agents. Most ran... the others gave up. It was brilliant!
:cool:

[Champsguy]

Our characters are walking down a street, when a group of enemies leap out and ambush us. Just as they attack, the GM's dice go ice cold, and ours go white-hot. The villains miss just about every attack they fire (rolling 18, 18, 17, 18, etc), until our telepathic brick (Jon-El) Mind Controls one of their group (who then suddenly begins to roll awesomely well as he shoots his former comrades). Growing more and more frustrated, the leader of the enemy group declares: "That's it! Now you'll pay!" and fires his 5D6 RKA heat vision at Jon-El.

GM: "Alright! I hit! Let's see how much damage I do." (roll)
We all stare at the dice on the table. The attack did 6 Body and 6 Stun.
Jon-El: (wipes smudge off chest where heat vision hit him) ".......Do you guys want to start over? We can just go back that way, turn around, and come back and pretend like we don't know you're here. You can jump out at us and try this again."
This was met by a howl of rage from the other side.

[FTJoshua]

We were in Africa, and about 6 tribesmen were shadowing us. Pathos rushes over, determines they don't speak English, and draws a line in the sand with his 22d6 EB, against the wishes of our martial artist. The warriors run off. An hour later, we walk into a canyon area, look up, and notice about 1,000 of these warriors with spears and such, ready to make us pay. Pathos, looking around at them and knowing it's all his fault mildly offers this apology to the team: "Hm. My bad."

[MarkusDark]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?

I believe it depends upon how much you want to crap yourself. Although a Solliquy is a zero phase action, if anyone wants to go for a really long speech, I will begin to count it as a half or full action - how else can you get the ol' squeeze them by the neck in the middle of their tirade to get that lovely "...urrk!" graphic?

[Mightybec]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?

It all depends if you've had your daily fiber or not. :D

[Captain Obvious]

Maybe we should get an official ruling from Steve about how long of an action crapping yourself is. I see we're getting several interpretations here...

[Catacomb]

Isn't from Champions, but my all-time Fav is from the old Star Wars by West End.

Pilot to the rest of the crew...'So jumping into Hyperspace is bad without a Nav computer right?'

[rayoman]

In a WEG Star Wars game the rebel group was trying to sneak into a secret Imperial base. The group just landed at the starport and the Cyborg Pirate walks up to the nearest cab driver and says, "Take me to the secret Imperial base."

[rayoman]

Cat, it looks like we both posted a Star Wars rpg story. Anyway, I like your quote. How about putting your brother's name or just his rank and last name in the quote. I would love to use that sig on my emails.

Thanks,

Ray


Originally posted by Catacomb
Isn't from Champions, but my all-time Fav is from the old Star Wars by West End.

Pilot to the rest of the crew...'So jumping into Hyperspace is bad without a Nav computer right?'

[rayoman]

The same player who played the Cyborg Pirate in the post above created a character for a Highlander campaign using the WEG star wars rules. He hadn't given him a name so we warned him that if he begins play without a name then we, the players, will give him a name and it won't be flattering. So the player names himself Stranger. He was trying to be cool and mysterious then the players started "roleplaying"

"Howdy, Stranger."
"Your hair is red? You are the Red Headed Stranger."
"The Lone Stranger!"
"Hey, Stranger, long time no see." - This quote was used everytime another character walked into the same scene as Stranger.

there were many more...some funny...some not, but we laughed our butts off.

[Catacomb]

Originally posted by rayoman
Cat, it looks like we both posted a Star Wars rpg story. Anyway, I like your quote. How about putting your brother's name or just his rank and last name in the quote. I would love to use that sig on my emails.

Thanks,

Ray

Cpt. Jason Jones 1st Marine Force Recon

[Wyrm Ouroboros]

You really should edit your quote to include that. This is what, the fifth time you've been asked? ;)

[Vondy]

We had an extremely gritty dark champions game going with a bunch of casual killer vigilante types (the campaign could have been named "body count"). One week when the gamemaster was sick one of the players stepped up. He thought it would be cute if he whipped CLOWN out on us.

This was a group of players who just didn't find CLOWN funny or amusing (and this was a known fact) and the GM of the week was doing to annoy on purpose. CLOWN got wasted in an extremely succinct and bloodthirsty way. The leader of the group (Pinstripe), who'd pumped Merry Andrew full of lead from his .50 caliber hand-cannon (TM) walked up, gave him a coup de grace and said:

"Now thats comedy".

Everyone except the GM thought it was hilarious.

Literary Note:

Tragedy is when something bad happens to you
Comedy is when something bad happens to someone else

[Enforcer84]

Our first encounter with Firewing's alien forces resulted in the utter destruction of a few blocks of town and our sound defeat.

"We should have asked them if they come in peace."

[CrosshairCollie]

This one happened a few years back, but I still laugh about it. In a 'duo' (rather than solo) adventure, myself and a teammate, Rad (kid, radiation powers, even made a solid-radiation skateboard) encountered Dr. Megaton. I was kind of tired that day and wasn't up to my usual standards of snappy patter.

Dr. Megaton: "You two idiots can't defeat me!"
Me: "I was thinking the same thing about you!"
Dr. Megaton: "You think I'm two idiots? You're even dumber than I thought. You fools, I'm not two idiots, I'm only one ... never mind."

[TheTemplar]

The quote that my last PC, The Templar, will NEVER live down (nor will I, for that matter) occured when we were infiltrating the fortress of Tyrannon - our campaign's Galactus. Some of our number had been captured by him and were being held in his dungeons. We snuck in and initiated a systematic check of each cell, looking for our lost friends. The mood the GM created was great. It was so dark and foreboding..very little light, eerie sounds, etc. Well, that's when I looked into one of the cells and saw our friends manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit. Overjoyed at the sight of my lost comrades, I turned down the hall to the others and shouted, "I Found Them!"

GM: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......."

A 30d6 fireball later.....

We all awoke to find ourselves manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit....

My GM said it's the first time he can remember a player screwing up what he had in mind where the players ended up suffering the consequences. Man. Getting out of that one was a b*tch.

This gag actually carried so far as to show up on our team website, which is down currently...if you click on the link to go to The Templar's character page, you hear the sound byte from The Empire Strikes Back, where Zev (I think that was his name..) radios in to Echo Base saying, " I found them, repeat, I found them!"

[Greywind]

We were playing a modern-day horror game. One of the players had a disadvantage of "Doesn't Believe in the Supernatural".

We had tracked a vampire to his lair. He was going around, taking us out, one at a time. He comes to this particular character, who dumps a whole clip from a MAC-10 into the vampire.

The vampire picks himself up, dusts himself off and says "I am NOT amused!"

The merc looks at the vampire. Looks at his trusty MAC-10 and then back at the vampire and says in a very whiny, almost crying voice, "Neither am I."

[Wyrm Ouroboros]

Happened a while ago, but...

Thor Clone winds up with his trusty mystic mace and brings the doomhammer down upon the villianous flying brick's head. First time we'd ever encountered these people, and as a consequence the TC didn't know exactly what his opponent (Taurus, one of 12 based off the houses of astrology) could do. *Wham!!*

TC: *rolls dice* "Okay, 16 Body, 52 STUN, and ..." *rolls 1d6 for Flying Knockback* "... 14 inches of Knockback."
GM: "He doesn't go anywhere. In fact, he only bobbles a little in the air, then sort of growls at you."
TC: *eyes widen, then pantomimes whipping out a comb, fixing the guy's hair, then grabbing the mace and waggling it* "Let me try that again..."

[Marchwarden]

After the Great Revenge Smackdown against the Crowns of Krim, we are back at the partially rebuilt Stronghold:

2018 DEFENDER: "You know, everyone...we've been through defeat and victory together, but today was different. For the first time, we were unified and cohesive from start to finish. It seems we've finally learned to think of ourselves, not as a group of individuals, but as..."

MARCHWARDEN: "...a fellowship."

2018 DEFENDER: "I was going to say 'a team'. Where did you say you were from?"

MARCHWARDEN: "I am...from New Zealand."

Everyone else exchanges a look.

[Rage]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?
No, but it is a defensive move that you can abort to.
Hey no body wants to fight the guy who just shat himself.

[Klytus]

This was from a recent D&D campaign. 'Flekt' was, at the time, a 4th level dwarven wizard with 9 STR. Consequently, he couldn't hit the floor by falling on it in melee combat. Somebody was giving him a hard time about missing the monster for the 3rd time with his dagger when he lets fly...

"I'm a Wizard... I WIZ! No! Wait, that didn't come out right. D'oh! I mean, it comes out alright, just not all the time. Aaa! I didn’t mean it like that... I... er.. oh flaming diarrhea!"

[Killer Shrike]

This happened in yesterday's champions session.

One of the players is the Silver Avenger of Millenium City, John Wrath (Agent of PRIMUS!!!!).

The player was up all night trying to get several projects wrapped up, making last minute changes to an emulator due on Monday (he's a UCSD Computer Science student), and his car disintegrated the day before as well. He's frazzled and off his game, and had to show up a couple of hours late because he was getting his car taken care of (but hey, he showed, which is more than some players would have done ;) ), so he's joined the game in progress and hasn't quite gotten his brain fully engaged yet.


Now keep in mind, this is our 4th session of play. His authority has been well established heretofore. He's been to PRIMUS HQ on several occasions and the generals of that backdrop have been fleshed out, though not all the specifics have been ironed out as yet. The motor pool, R&D, and the Station Chief have all had some work, and some of the necessary facilities such as holding cells and questioning rooms, and private rooms from which to enter ones personal information in the process of getting sanctioned by PRIMUS have been covered, and other facilities alluded to. However, so far its been a place to stop in on in the pursuit of the story, rather than an ends unto itself. So, basically, as something comes up where it would make sense and serve the story, PRIMUS HQ turns out to have something suitable to support it.

In this particular session, the party met up at PRIMUS HQ. ALL of the PCs other than John Wrath have a jealously guarded Secret ID and have no way of getting in touch with each other, and several of the members had initially refused to sanction in fits of paranoia. This has hampered the forward progress of the storyline considerably. To make a long story short, in game events lead to the group meeting at PRIMUS HQ, and the remainder of the PCs went through the sanctioning process. Then the group finally rallied together and moved forward in one direction, assisting the Silver Avenger in the investigation of the supercrime which had initially drawn them all out to combat in the 1st session.

So they follow up a lead regarding a suspicious security guard who was fired from the plant that was struck in the 1st session, after one of the security guards at that location said it was kind of suspicious that the criminals seemed to know where all the cameras and security devices were located -- he suspected an inside job.

The PCs find this guy, a total story-serving mook criminal, and after some questioning John Wrath takes him into custody.

John Wrath gets a call from PRIMUS Dispatch notifying him that a superhuman wanted for questioning with a general APB out on him has been spotted overflying the city.

John Wrath is harried from riding herd on the PCs and this is clearly one too many straws on his back. He says through his mike:

"Uh....Why are you telling me? Dont you know I'm busy? Why dont you call somebody in charge?"

Out of character we all laugh at him, one of the other players says Out of Character something the effect of "You are in charge, you idiot--You are the gawd damn SILVER FRICKING AVENGER! You are THE person in charge of handling crap like this for the entire CITY"

So the player of John Wrath says, "What? Im obviously too incompetent for that kind of responsiblity! Besides, if Im in charge, why does the Station Chief keep yelling at me?"

The group laughs at him

The other players says "Because he keeps having to pick up your slack, thats why!"

The the player of John Wrath says, "Well if Im in charge, I should have an office or something!"

To which I reply, "You DO have an office -- the Office of the SIlver Avenger, Millenium City."

The player is suprised and says, "Really? Where's that at? Do I have a secretary?"

Pretty much the whole table bursts out at once with variations of, "ITS AT PRIMUS HEADQUARTERS YOU IDIOT"; where the entire party had just met up and left together from before all of this transpired.

And I respond with something along the lines of, "Your office is at PRIMUS Headquarters on the top floor, and yes you have a secretary, but they cant keep the position filled because you are too much of a hard ass on the help, so they keep rotating admin personnel in and out. You are never actually in your office because you are too crusty and hard charging to do office work--thats for pencil pushers and sissys after all. You are JOHN WRATH, leader of the Growling RECONDOs in Vietnam, who followed that up with 10 years of teaching uneducated natives of pisshole countries how to overthrow thier oppresive governments for the benefit of the CIA, who's been a Silver Avenger for 18 frickin years; you're a FIELD OPERATIVE, a WORLD FAMOUS "SECRET" AGENT, with a liscence to kill and cigar. You live for this crap! Now are you going to respond to the APB or not?" (ie, I reminded him of his own character concept :rolleyes: )

Once he got his head in the game, things took off, but we all laughed ourselves silly over his initial confusion... :p

[Killer Shrike]

Also, same game, same player:

After the 3rd device from his VPP: R&D Experimental Field Test Equipment Gadget Pool (which he has no control over as part of the Control Cost, and all gadgets in the pool have to have a Jam Activation -- basically the R&D department gives him toys and takes others away as they come up with new crap) fails a 14- Activation, while in combat, John Wrath says:
<h2>
"Im beginning to suspect that my R&D department is trying to KILL ME!".
</h2>

[MechaGM]

Well, back in high school, my D&D group would regularly write down quotes that we found amusing. (Something that my current group doesn't do... sadly... most of our good quotes get lost)

The two best exchanges that I can remember are:

The party is in a tough fight, and one of the Wizards, who is operating under a polymorph self spell, decides he needs to "tactically withdraw"

Matt: okay, I can polymorph myself into any monster I have seen, right?
Sam (DM): Right...
Matt: Alright, I'll turn into an invisible stalker and slink away.
Me: Matt... have you ever *seen* an invisible stalker?
Matt: Err....

The other exchange came from a situation where we badly needed a city-wide distraction so that we could bust someone out of prision... someone suggested inciting a riot of some sort...

Me: Okay, so if we want to incite a riot, we could bribe a large portion of the citizens into revolting.
Peter S: You realize this is a huge city... We'd have to deliver a bribe to over a thousand people, in just one night, and get them to rise up...
Me: You're right... we'd need Santa Claus to pull that off.
Sam (DM): "Ho ho ho! Revolt against your leaders! Ho ho ho! Revolt against your leaders!"

[Acroyear II]

Back in the early 90's I was involved in a high level AD&D game. During one session, our band of adventurers witnessed a huge army of the Undead marching towards the city we had vowed to protect. As we dicussed what sort of action to take against the undead, we noticed a lone figure riding a nightmare at the back of the army, who appeared to be a skeleton in heavy armor. Immeditately the party freaked out and declared the mysterious being to be a death knight. I immediately squashed that idea.

"What!?! It couldn't possibly be a death knight! There are only, like what, 10 in existance, or something like that. What the hell would one of them be doing here?"

The party continued to doubt my ranger's line of thinking. So, I continued.

"Look, if he was a death knight, why is he way back here, far behind the main army? Why isn't up front, leading the undead into the city? I'm telling you, it can't be a death knight!"

Well, that convinced them. On our first round of attack against the mysterious being, it let lose a 20d6 fireball, the trademark attack of a death knight. The party's barbarian failed his saving throw, and nearly all his magic items missed their saving throws too and were destroyed. The rest of the party was nearly dead from the firery blast.

My character's only response to the hatred in the eyes of my fellow party members was, "Well, what the hell do I know about the Undead? I'm just a ranger, after all!"

Acroyear II

[RDU Neil]

Another quote that a friend reminded me of this weekend.

"Boy... these bouncers are TOUGH!"

Member of Road Kill after he failed to do more than piss off my friend's PC with an electrical zap. The PC, Onyx, was in his civies, on a date, at the bar Road Kill tried to rob.

[Nuadha]

I'm shocked you didn't mention this one, Neil:

Quantum Ghost (trying to break up a fight between two teammates): "How much C-4 can I safely use on them?"

[DocMan]

Here's a bit from an old Vampire the Masquerade game. Our cast consists of Drake, the childe of the Ventrue Prince of the city and de-facto Sherrif, Malthus, a recently embraced Toreador who has been placed in Drake's care, and Geoffrey, a recently revived Malkavian who spent 15 years in torpor immediately after his embrace, and is also in Drake's care.

For those who aren't familiar with Vampire, just think of Drake as a somewhat pompus business man, Malthus as a wealthy bookworm, and Geoffrey as an English mental patient (read "Raving Lunatic") with a military fixation.

The setting is Michigan in early November (VERY COLD!), and Drake is in a parking lot with a large sewer grate trying to get some information from the Nosferatu who live in the sewers. He's trying to keep warm while waiting for the particular Nosferatu with the information he needs to get there. Geoffrey is waiting in the car.

Malthus calls Drake's car phone with some information (I dont' even remember what it was anymore!).

G: "Drake's car"
M: "Geoffrey?"
G: "Yes."
M: "Where's Drake?"
G: "He's standing outside."
M: "What's he doing."
G: "He appears to be flapping his arms up and down like a chicken."
M: (to himself) "My god, it's contagous!"

Doc

[Lightray]

I've got two from our decades-ago Champions games in high school -- they've become so infamous that our current group knows 'em.


First, our team was fighting Mechanon, who knew all of our weaknesses since he used to be our team's AI. Mechanon was holding a hostage to shield himself from my (Lightray's) light blasts. Solar Sailor (= Silver Surfer clone) was hovering overhead.

Mechanon: I know you are too weak to risk an insignificant organic like this woman!
GM: You can't hit Mechanon without risking a hit on the hostage.
me: Hey! Isn't Solar Sailor reflective?
SS: What?
GM: Yes, yes he is...
me: I bounce my light blast off of Solar Sailor to hit Mechanon!
GM: Okay. Roll.
SS: Hey!
(I blast Mechanon)
Mechanon: (fails PER roll. blasts SS)
SS: Hey!

From then on, I bounced my energy blast off of Solar Sailor at every opportunity -- "I bounce my light blast off of Solar Sailor!" became Lightray's signature quote, much to SS's dismay.



Second, when I was starting up my own campaign in the same shared world. The heroes had not met, but suspected something was going to happen at the charity ball being held. Unbeknownst to the players, two of them had asked each other to the ball -- in their secret IDs.

GM (me): (description of villains appearing and unleashing mayhem).
Witch: I duck under the table and Instant Change!
Enforcer: I duck under the table and Instant Change!
GM: You each duck under the table. Your date is under there, too, looking at you oddly.
E: Um, I lost my contact!
W: I dropped my napkin!
(they realize who their date of the night actually is)
GM: (description of more mayhem and the other superheroes showing up)
W: Oh, heck. I'm a superhero, okay?
E: Uh, yeah, me too.

To this day, everyone wants to duck under tables to Instant Change -- it's our version of Superman's phone booth. When evil beckons it's "I duck under the table and change!"

(BTW, Enforcer and Witch never did live that incident down; for the rest of the campaign they were teased by their team. they were even a frequent in-joke of the other campaigns in that shared world. I was so proud. :D )

[Agent333]

I was GMing a Vampire game, my player (Charles, Toreador) and his ghoul follower were ambushed by a Sabbat gang and their pet war-ghoul. The War-ghoul had just flipped Charles' car and was sweeping it back and forth, pummeling the parked car Charles and his ghoul were hiding behind. The Sabbat gang leader watching the carnage and full of bravado yelled out, "My pet can do that all night, joker!"

Feigning confidence, Charles handed his ghoul his .50 Desert Eagle and said, "Drop him". His ghoul stood up from behind the car and fired at the war-ghoul. The roll to hit was a three (max damage) and so was the hit location roll. The war-ghoul's head exploded and his 600 lbs fame slumped to the street.

Charles lept up from behind the cover of the car, pointed at his own ghoul and yelled, "He can do that all night too!"

[Klytus]

Taking Docman's lead, there's another good quote from that very same V:tM campaign.

Drake is trying to teach his new Childe (i.e. someone recently turned into a vampire) Lynn the virtues of the Discipline of Fortitude (i.e. supernatural toughness). As Geofry (the afformentioned English Lunatic) is a big, strong fellow, Drake thinks a simple demonstration would best illustrate things.

D: Geofry, hit me.
G: Sir?
D: I said hit me! Right in the jaw. As hard as you can.

Now Geofry regarded Drake as "The General" and had great respect for him besides, so he was very reluctant to give his Commanding Officer anything resembling a real punch. Drake sensed that some motivation was in order. This was when the line was uttered that has oft been quoted in many of our other games:

D: Put your back into it, you pansy!

THAT did the trick. Of course, it was only made more impressive by the fact that Geofry botched his damage roll. End result, Drake doesn't even flinch as Geofry breaks his hand on Drake's jaw, leaving the new Childe very impressed with her Sire and thinking that learning Fortitude would be a wise thing to do.

[Klytus]

And since I don't think Jehan's player posts on this board, I'll tell the story of his unfortunate quote in a D&D game.

Jehan, a wizard, is quite happy and pleased with the Staff of Fire he's recently acquired. So at the start of one adventure, when everyone was just sitting and chilling out, folks are telling me (the DM) what the characters are doing. As Jehan's player seems a bit pre-occupied, I chime in helpfully, "All the while, Jehan sits back and polishes his staff." The others chuckled at this as the player sort of snapped to and said, in all seriousness, "Are you kidding? It might go off!"

Everyone lost it, and it took a moment for Jehan to realize exactly what he had just said. The looks of confusion, sudden realization and total embarassment on his face were priceless.

[Vondy]

I'm running a street level game set in the Bay Area right now:

One of the heroes is a big strong guy (25ST) in a red bull costume with big horns. His moniker is the bull.

This week he charged a badguy and hit him so hard that he carried him out onto a balcony and sent him over the edge.

Midnight, one of the other heroes, was outside, saw this and said:

"huh! red bull gives you wings"

[RDU Neil]

Originally posted by Nuadha
I'm shocked you didn't mention this one, Neil:

Quantum Ghost (trying to break up a fight between two teammates): "How much C-4 can I safely use on them?"

Oh yeah. Can't believe I forgot that one. :o

And the quote was...

... Tim to me (GM)... "So... how much C-4 CAN I safely use on my friends?"


Only in a superhero game. ;)

[Killer Shrike]

Forgot about this one. In yesterdays session the PCs had a small press conference, thier first, and the media asks Gravitic, the Grandmaster of Graviolis what the source of his superhuman powers are.

In his typical 4-color voice, Gravitic answers,

<h1>"Why, my super HUMANITY, of course!"</h1>

[Killer Shrike]

The same character is an actor in bad B-Movies and TV shows in the superhero genre in his civilian ID, a career he started before his powers catalyzed.

Hes got this big 4 color Minuteman! voice, all the time, from years of voice acting, and he's also NOT. TO. BRIGHT.

He's also somehting of a superhero buff, and likes to rattle of obscure trivia apropos of nothing.



In a recent session his agent called him with a new movie deal, Super Weapon V, wherein he would play the main Villain. One catch, Principal Photography is in NYC, but there are 2 weeks of filming scheduled in Zimbabwe.

Gravitic (in his civie ID): "Hmm. I prefer to play the Hero. Im the heroic type, you know!"

Agent: Look, the Academy is favoring leading bad guys lately. Look at Denzel; does a bad guy, gets Best Actor. Whaddayagonnado?

G: Hmmmm. Good point. An Oscar would look good on my mantle. Ill do it!.....but no Zimbabwe. Ill do NYC, but no Africa!

Agent: You gotta do the location shoot. Thats the thing these days. If it aint filmed in Prague, New Zealand, or somewhere near Tunisia, it aint in!

G: NO AFRICA!

Agent: Aw come on, yer killin me here; I coulda called anybody who would die for this role, and who do I call first but you?

G: <h2>"Look, man, I was the PATRIOT MISSILE! And if they want the PATRIOT MISSILE, then NO Zimbabwe! The PATRIOT MISSILE does not do deserted wastelands! You tell them that! Now good bye." --CLIK</h2>

[Enforcer84]

"Look ma'am, I'm sorry you lost your cat in the combat, but I don't see how I am responsible."

"Mittens was in the Car you through at that metallic moron, you ninny!"

"Oh. I'll buy you a new cat."

[Susano]

Originally posted by MechaGM
Matt: okay, I can polymorph myself into any monster I have seen, right?
Sam (DM): Right...
Matt: Alright, I'll turn into an invisible stalker and slink away.
Me: Matt... have you ever *seen* an invisible stalker?
Matt: Err....


The Warner Bros version:

"You're not a Labrador Retreiver."
"Yes I am. Show me a Labrador and I'll retreive it."
"There's no such thing!"
"Oh yeah? Have you ever seen a Labrador?"
"Uhm... no."
"Than shaddup."

[Susano]

For a while I was running an anime-inspired ghost-hunters game (and hope to restart it real-soon-now![tm]). Think HELLBOY mixed with HELLSING.

Anyway, the cast was a mixed bag of characters, including Lin Foo Wong the ghost, Mack Williams ex-NYPD, Yuki Hari the ghost-hunter, and Alexander Maxamillian the sorcerer.

Some lines I noted down as amusing:

Lin Foo Wong: "I'm glad I'm not a superstitious ghost."

Yuki's player, responding to unwanted comments: "Shut up! I'm being cinematic!"

Uncredited (but about a villian I think...): "Special, as in 'mommy thinks I'm special'."

Agent Thompson [indicating blue-skinned and white-haired Lin]: "Who is she?"
Mack: "One of our agents."
Agent Thompson: "*What* is she?"
Belinda: "And acrobat from Peking."

Mack also made me break up by telling a talking corpse: "You're dead! What do you need treasure for?" Which just so happened to be virtually Hellboy's same exact line in the HELLBOY story I swiped the plot from. He got +1 EXP for that.

[CrosshairCollie]

Ah, that one reminds me ... in mid-battle, I'm playing this character here (Crosshair Collie, she of many guns) and my teammate who is a mutant brick. We're fighting some Genocide grunts, and through more luck than skill, we're winning, though right before this line, an agent landed a solid hit on the brick, who had been arrogantly spouting off about himself for a good solid Turn.

Agent: "Hah! Not so special NOW, are you?"
Brick: "Shows what you know, I *am* special!"
Me: "Yeah, like the Olympics."

I've used this line RL. Even got my mother-in-law to crack a smile at it. ;)

[Bud Gray]

I did a revamp of Los Asesinoes (dropped a couple members, added a couple new ones, and rewrote a couple) and used them a henchmen to the new Professor Muerte. For a couple weeks I had Stalker seduce the PC, Diva. After they had, ahem, consummated the relationship, he invited to a big party full of rich people, where stalker and his team promptly took everyone hostage as a distraction to Professor Muerte's real plan. Stalker offered to make Diva a vampire and live with him forever. She refused and was taken captive. When the rest of the team showed up and freed her, the big fight began. The french warewolf, Loupe Garou, jumped Horus, the armored hero, and brought him to the ground, but before he could rip his armor open, Horus let loose with his helmet's laser (RKA), killing the warewolf outright, promting this exchange:

GM (me): "You now have a dead werewolf on top of you."
Xander (team mentalist): "Wouldn't he revert back to his true form when he died?"
GM (me): "You're right." (to Horus) "You now have a naked dead man on top of you." (turning to Diva's player) "I guess your character would know what that's like."

She promtly jumped up and chased me around the room with a foam LARP sword.

[Bud Gray]

Here's another.
I was running a fantasy hero game a while back. The heroes had found an evil cult that had been kidnapping the locals for sacrifices. Thae PCs made their way to the main chamber where the cult was about to start a big cerimony. Of course, a fight ensued. While the priest held off the undead, the wizard decided to start tossing molotov cocktails down the hole that the giant leeches (that the cult fed captives to) came out of. This caused the complex to catch fire. Meanwhile, the knight had come accross an evil knight and the two were having an honor duel. Right in the escape path. As the rest of the group came rushing up, trying to escape the flames, the dwarf's player remarked:
"Will you just take him as a disadvantage so we can go!"

[Bud Gray]

Okay, one more.
I had unleashed my big, unstopable, brick, Negaton, on the heroes. While the rest of the team was assembling to help stop him, the team's speedster, Nomad, was faced with the task of keeping the beast busy. He made constant hit and run attacks against Negaton with little effect other than to make him mad. And at the end of every passing strike Nomad would taunt Negaton to keep him focued on him rather than innocent bystander.

Nomad: "Come on, Grape Ape, try and catch me!"
Negaton growls and grabs a nearby pickup truck.
Nomad: "Nonononono, don't do that, I'm coming back!"

I still missed the bugger. But I got me revenge with Baron Frost and his damage shield.

[Bud Gray]

Just thought of another.
I was using Baron Frost against my players. This was after several discussions about Dr. Destroyer and my unleashing of a Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Eisenfaust, on them. Before going into battle, they had a briefing with thier PRIMUS liason.

PRIMUS agent (me): Baron Frost was born in Germany...
Xander (Alien mentalist/energy projector) in complete emotionless monotone: "First Dr. Destroyer, then Dr. Eisenfaust, now Baron frost. Are all of your supervillians from Germany? Perhapse you should arrest the entire country."
Short pause
Me: "Shut up."

It will be a long time before I can use any NPCs from Germany.

[Darren Watts]

Well, after some debate, the winner of last night's Quote of the Week was actually me: "I don't know if this is going to be a deal breaker, but we *are* going to require that you wear pants." (Said to Jason's Mondabi character, who for various reasons had been running around naked for quite some time.)

This narrowly beat out Chris's entry: Upon being asked for an opinion on what we should name our spaceship, he replied, "Something historical. How about 'Bismarck?' " dw

[Klytus]

This quote comes from yet anothe rone of our Vampire games. We're all in a van, and some members of the group are getting ready to head out someplce, stealth being of the essence. My character, James, had to remain remain behind with the van, but said that he and his weapon would be ready should there be a need. To this, Sid, the party smart-@$$ replies:

"Oh, great way to not attract attention, James! People will be wandering by on the streets going 'Gee, who is that well-dressed stranger leaning against that van cleaning his gun?'"

It took 5 minutes for things in and out of game to settle down enough before I was able to explain that I would be waiting inside the van, and that I would not be waving my gun arround in either event...

[tmutant]

Player said he was invoking the "drop your butt and run" rule, adding a free 2 game inches of movement.:D

[Dave965]

Quote of the month from our game group was delivered in a 'Demon The Fallen' game....

"Thats A Smite You're City And Slay You're Enemy Angel....You're More Of A Christmas Tree Stuck Up You're Ass Angel...."

[Nuadha]

Some Amber game quotes:

Before I had my Champions character named Chango, I played the loa Chango/Shango in an one-shot Amber game based off of the Vodouan Loas. Shango's brother, Baron Samedi had gone missing years ago and Shango was looking for him. Shango found his brother, Samedi's corpse and he had been cut into many pieces. Shango put him back together and brought him back to the living, albeit, as a skeleton.

Samedi: How did you find me?
Shango: In pieces.

In another Amber one-shot, our characters had stolen a police van and were running from the cops. Trying to lose them the conversation in the van went like this:

Character 1: We could got to Scotland Yard. We'd blend in. There would be lot's of police vans there.
Character 2: Yeah....but they have cops in them.

Finally, there was a quote about one of my Amber characters, a character that could "feed" off the pain of others, that I will never forget:

"Alex isn't evil. He's just hungry."

[Nuadha]

One of the players in my monthly Changeling game loves writing down the funny quotes and later emailing them to everyone. Here are some highlights from one of the sessions:

"You're nice. Why are you (working) here?" -- Abigail to Maevren, Drusilla's groundskeeper

"I check to see if there's anything out of the ordinary." --Samuel Titus
"Other than the elf and the vampire, no." -- GM

"I'm not going to shoot you, you're my groundskeeper. I don't want to mow." -- Drusilla to Maevren

"Welcome to Undead Animal Farm." -- GM to the group, as Drusilla gleefully contemplates breeding an army of undead scarabs

[William Bushway]

Crosshair Collie wrote:

Me: "Yeah, like the Olympics."

Ah yes, reminds me of this one:

"Having a battle of wits with Foxbat is like competing in the Special Olympics: Even if you win, you're still retarded."

Substitute "with Foxbat" with "on the 'net" and it pretty accurately describes my feelings on USEnet ;)

[JohnathanChance]

Ok here's one from my groups Warhammer FRP campaign. The group was just about to leave town on our great quest when the dwarf in the party pipes in with this line

Dwarf: "Before we leave town, I am going to find me a whore!"

GM: "Sorry there aren't any dwarven whores here."

Dwarf: "Damn! Then I go home and kiss my wife and child goodbye."

That was the start of our campaign...and we still have a very lecherous dwarf.

[oberon]

Playing Earthdawn, the party had just defeated the evil cult in the nick of time, preventing the nasty demon from fully entering reality. As it is struggling to make it through the portal, but being inevitably drawn back;

Dwarf (Me): You should taunt it. Go on, it's helpless.
Saurial (drops his pants): Hey! If you're REALLY nice to me, I'll let you suck on this before you're destroyed!

The GM then made a roll. The demon made a last effort, thrust itself forward and clamped its jaws together. Everyone except the saurials player thought the look on his face was priceless :)


oberon

[assault]

Hi Oberon,

You're from Toowoomba?

Alan

[JohnOSpencer]

Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."
Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."
War Cleric:(In think irish accent) "What are ye doing."
Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."
War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."
Me: (Blank Stare)
War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

John Spencer

[Karma]

QOTW (just this week):
GM: "They don't throw you out, they just politely ask you to leave and wait..."
Me (playing a polite 16 year old): well my character is a nice little poppet so I leave.
GM: You Poppet out as it were" (looks as the shocked faces of the rest of the players) "I did not say that, I did not say that"
Me: "No, I just leave it in and walk out the door"
Note: It takes very little to put the group consciousness in the gutter.

Still my all time favorate (the Gazzebo effect in action):
GM: You get off the boat. The island is covered in mangroves.
Mage: I fireball them before thay can attack me.
GM: Mangroves, as in swamps with trees. Forget it, your back in you happy place.
Note: There was no known monster in this world to anyone's knowledge (including the GMs) that had a name even vaguely like 'Mangrove'.

[Enforcer84]

Although its a dilber rip off, it worked wonders to lighten the table.

NPC:" I am Khulvan the Peerless. I have never been defeated."

Amator (PC): " How do you know you wouldn't like it?"

Khulvan: "I want to kill the elf first."

[Champsguy]

Originally posted by JohnOSpencer
Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."
Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."
War Cleric:(In think irish accent) "What are ye doing."
Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."
War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."
Me: (Blank Stare)
War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

John Spencer

Ah, now this reminds me of a story.

One of the players in the group was a real jerk. The group was playing Mechwarrior, and the player's character (for whatever reason) had decided to pick a fight with two other PCs. He hit one of them, and rolled 2D6 for damage. The other PCs were just going to beat him up, until somebody realized what it means to roll 2D6 in Mechwarrior (punches and kicks only do 1D6 plus your strength--to get more than one die, you've got to use a weapon). They confronted the player, who said "Yeah, I stabbed you with my vibro-knife".

The response of the other players? They pulled out their automatic rifles and shot him to pieces. They then looked at each other, smiled, and said:

"You know what it's time for?"
"Yep. Burial at sea!!!"
zzziiiiiippp

-------------------------------------------

Same players, same GM, different game. They were playing Star Wars, and each was a jedi from some sort of short race (I think one was a Yoda-creature, and another was something like an ewok). Anyway, they come across another jedi who has been injured, and they use their force powers to heal him up. Five minutes later, the previously-injured jedi appears in front of them, at the top of a flight of stairs. He laughs maniacally, powers up his light-saber, and says:

"Foolish jedi, now you will witness the power of the dark side. Turn to the dark side now or die!"
The dark jedi goes to swing his light-saber around in an impressive display, but the GM rolls a fumble, and the dark jedi accidentally cuts his own leg off and tumbles down the stairs.

The two players look at each other.
"Burial at sea!!!"

[CrosshairCollie]

Wednesday Night's game was the first of my d20 SAS characters-to-Hero 5 characters games. I broke out my old 4E VIPER book, and I'm running the 'Microfilm Madness' scenario out of it. As an ulterior motive to getting the PCs a base, there's a Golden Age heroine in attendance with a deep, seething hatred of VIPER (crippled her, killed her husband, that sorta deal). She saves a PC's life with a warning, and later invites them all to meet her in her humungous limosine ("I got in on the initial stock offerings of two little companies called IBM and Wal-Mart.")

At this point, I have hunkered down, imitating her slouch, put on my most serious, Bruce-Wayne-In-Batman-Beyond scowl, and added a bit of gravel to my voice. In the meantime, a friend of our host has moved into the next room and started playing a movie.

I start my speech: "Let's get right to the point. To put it simply ..."
Female voice from TV in the next room: "DAMN!"
Everybody lost it for a good five minutes.

[Wildcat]

This one happened a while ago... about 93 if I recall.
Situation: We were running the Famous Island of Dr Destroyer adventure, and the Superteam (Vanguard had just made their way to the end of the underground complex, after facing 100s of Destroyer agents, upwards to 10 supervillains in the good Dr's employ, and are now face to face with Dr D himself (Finally). The team started out nearly 15 strong, and was now down to 4 heroes. Napalm, Starstrike, Phoebus, and Wildcat.

Dr D goes into his lengthy speech about how he is the only true ruler of the earth, and that his master plan will rid the world of the chattel, leaving only the most superior, and that this was the hero's last chance to remain among the chosen few who would be left to be lead by Destroyer (you know typical Megalomaniac garbage)
All the Heroes were on their last leg (just a few Stun, almost no End etc...) except Wildcat, who had an awesome REC, and Regen. Knowing that a simple Martial artist/Wise ass couldn't really do anything against THE DR. He opted for a sacrifice...

Dr D: "So heroes, what will it be? A fulfilling lifetime of serving the greatest personage ever to grace this planet, or utter annihilation?
Wildcat:*Raising his hand timidly* "Uh.. .Sir... Mr ah.. Dr Destroyer Sir... One question please.
Dr D: *with his most annoyed voice* "Speak"
Wildcat: "An Ass Sphincter says 'What'"
Dr D: *not sure he really herd the fool* "What?"
Wildcat: *smirks*
Dr D: *Now sure of what the little fool said, and quite angry at having been made a fool of.* "DIE!!!" *Blasts Wildcat with his most powerful attack*
The rest of Vanguard: "Now" *Combining their attacks on Dr D, and send him crashing into his own Doomsday devise.*

We all just died laughing ... But not till after Dr D was down.

[Tim]

This just happened tonight in my B5 hero game. A character who could fly spacecraft had just crashed a small anti-grav hoversled, twice. The Engineer of the group, who can't leave anything mechanical alone wanted him to fly the one still operating some more so she could figure out how it worked.

The quote, by the engineer, during this exchange, "I promise it won't crash again." To the pilot!

TimS.

[oberon]

Originally posted by assault
Hi Oberon,

You're from Toowoomba?

Alan

Hi Alan,

I am indeed! What do you know, another Toowoomba person!

Got a question,

Cold enough for you?? :) :) :)

(says I as I sit typing, wrapped in a blanket, a cup of hot choc in front of me :D )


oberon

[Blue]

I think the lines are funnier without an explantion:

"Just what this game needs. More evil cows!"

[lemming]

Sergeant Sonic to NPC: "Well, sometimes people need to disappear."

Let's just say the particular NPC isn't very trusting of the Sarge anymore.
---
And on the Toowoomba connection, my step-sister in law lives there. Other than that, I have no knowledge of the place... :)

[Hermit]

Newbie recruit visiting the Team: "Every time I visit here, it's like a soap opera..." ;)

[Ellis]

This happened while they were investigating, and managed to get way off track. The PC with Shrinking was about 3" tall and sneaking through the unsuspecting suburban family's home, when he came upon the young boy's bedroom. He failed his stealth. The little boy made his PER, cried out "Someone got me a Altura doll??!! Cool!!"

The character realized he'd been spotted and froze in place, allowing the kid to grab him and carry him around. The kid sneaked into his sister's room and was about to start abusing her Barbie doll, when his mother called him to eat. He tossed our hero and Barbie onto the bed in Barbie's "house" and ran to eat.

After waiting til the kid was gone, Altura got up, then told Barbie, "I'll call you."

The rest of our group was in stitches. :)

[winterhawk]

The resident mutant relaying that someone had tried to recruit him into the mutant supremacy group (ala the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants) called The Revolution to the rest of the team:

Bankshot: "They tried to recruit me into their organization...they're metahuman terrorists calling themselves The Revolution."

The Nightshade in his best Dark Avenger of the Night creepy voice: "Don't worry...this revolution will NOT be televised!"

[BlackSword]

This happened last weekend in a Jadeclaw game. We had just finished beating back bandits that had tried to steal our wagons and we were decided whether or not to burn them in a pyre or not.

GM: Its going to stink and you're going to be there the rest of the night
Player1: We can wait until morning, what are they going to do turn in to zombies?

.
.
.

GM: Okay, its just before dawn, you're on watch roll perception
Player1: Success
GM: You notice the bodies moving, four zombies are attacking you.

[CrosshairCollie]

This was in an old Marvel Superheroes Game (the better-than-people-give-it-credit-for SAGA system, with the Fate Deck rather than dice). At any rate, a buddy of mine was playing a character with Phasing, and I had Teleport and Invisibility. We were the espionage squad. The GM had a very ... linear way of doing things (both running games and playing), so was completely unable to come up with any way to stop us.

Anyway, we're investigating a Sentinel outpost in the middle of the Nevada desert. Through some sneaky manipulations and sabotage, we managed to get all the human troops into their barracks (surprise inspections), and seal the barracks doors, locking them in. We then sent the Sentinels on a wild goose chase, and opened the gates for the rest of our teammates.

A couple of minutes later, I looked at my friend, looked around, looked back to him, and said, "You know what this means, don't you? All Their Base Really ARE Belong To Us."

[johnad3]

In a newly formed Champions team, we were informed about some of our new base's features. This in character conversation happens a little while later.

NPC (to another PC): I can get you some Reggie Bars. I just happen to have a box of them. But you'll owe me big time!
PC: I haven't had a Reggie Bar in a long time. OK.
ME: What's a Reggie Bar? never heard of it.
PC: It's another company's answer to the Baby Ruth Candy Bar. It didn't last long.
ME: So they don't make it anymore...
NPC: Yeah. I can give ya a couple, but you'll owe me, since they are so rare.
PC: That's fine, I really want one.
ME: Ummmm....Don't we have food replicators?
PC: realization dawning...Laughs.

[assault]

Originally posted by oberon
Got a question,

Cold enough for you?? :) :) :)

(says I as I sit typing, wrapped in a blanket, a cup of hot choc in front of me :D )

Umm, Oberon,

you need to remember that there are Canadians, and other citizens of the "places that are really cold" here.

With that in mind, I will admit that, yes, it has been a bit nippy of late. I particularly appreciated today's combination of rain and wind, which first slowly and methodically soaked you, and then dropped the temperature a bit. It wasn't snow, and nobody was likely to freeze to death because of it, but it was very.., umm.., very.. bracing (that's the word!) indeed.

I'm still generally surviving with a light jumper, a long sleeved shirt, and a tee-shirt underneath the long sleeved one at night. During the day, I've been losing the jumper. At work I've been rolling up the long sleeves... Of course, it's not winter yet - this is still Autumn.

Anyway, we should keep an eye open for each other's posts: if neither of us convinces the other that we are complete twinkies we might have to actually stumble across each other in person at some point...

(I don't have a group in Toowoomba at the moment. I've been a bit of an occasional member of some Brissie groups for a while, but that doesn't really work.)

Oh, and I've been playing Champions since early '82, and I've got the rulebooks to prove it... :)

Alan

[Tony V.]

Best quote I can remember came from a Vampire game.

"DUCK!!! CHICKEN!!!"

I'll leave it to your imaginations as to how and why :D

[Cap'n D]

Originally posted by Tony V.
"DUCK!!! CHICKEN!!!"

that just reminded me of one of our funny fowl quotes...

in an attempt to get at the bottom of what had a bird character so agitated...
"what's your beef, chicken?"

[Ben Seeman]

From our Tuesday night Star Hero game, one player was trying to haggle down the price of new clothing. The other player, getting tired of the process, said...

"I have High Society, so pay the full price."

[oberon]

Originally posted by assault
Umm, Oberon,

you need to remember that there are Canadians, and other citizens of the "places that are really cold" here.
Oh, definitely :)
Got to admit, I prefer the cold weather to the heat, which is odd considering I grew up in North Queensland. I find it amusing when I'm talking to my family and they are complaining about how cold it is (the min. temp in Cairns is usually about the same as the max temp here :) )


I'm still generally surviving with a light jumper, a long sleeved shirt, and a tee-shirt underneath the long sleeved one at night. During the day, I've been losing the jumper. At work I've been rolling up the long sleeves... Of course, it's not winter yet - this is still Autumn.

Still in the tshirt and shorts for most of the day. The usual comment at work is that people really know when winter has arrived, when they see me bothering with jeans/jacket.


Anyway, we should keep an eye open for each other's posts: if neither of us convinces the other that we are complete twinkies we might have to actually stumble across each other in person at some point...

(I don't have a group in Toowoomba at the moment. I've been a bit of an occasional member of some Brissie groups for a while, but that doesn't really work.)

Oh, and I've been playing Champions since early '82, and I've got the rulebooks to prove it... :)

Alan

Cool. I've never actually played Hero, yet :)
Bought C:NM just before 5th ed came out, found it didn't really do what I wanted, so I sold it and got 5th as soon as it came out. Unfortunately, I don't really have the time at the moment to develop a campaign (finishing my PhD) and most of the people I game with have yet to be convinced of the benefits of Hero, to be bothered trying a one-shot. Ah well, I'll wear them down eventually, and then they shall join the converted :D
I do know a couple of other people in Toowoomba, who have played Champions in previous eds., and are keen to try 5th, so it's on the backburner until I have more time on my hands.

Of course, if someone wanted to run a Hero game that I could play in, that would be another matter. I'm sure I could find SOME free time ;)


cheers
oberon

[assault]

Originally posted by oberon
Of course, if someone wanted to run a Hero game that I could play in, that would be another matter. I'm sure I could find SOME free time ;)


cheers
oberon

Hmm. Definitely Hmm.

I may have to think about this.

Alan

[CrosshairCollie]

"You've recieved an anonymous tip."
"From who?"
"Do you need a dictionary or something?"

[Klytus]

This was from our D&D game last night. The cleric was dramatically brandishing his holy symbol and invoking his deity, Pelor, to turn some zombies...

"Might of Smelor - Pite these undead!"

["V"]

I blush to admit it but several years ago, carried away by my own rhetoric as a GM my descriptive powers short circuited somewhat.

"The zombies lurch toward you, reeking of odour."

Still gets brought up from time to time...

[Susano]

This exchange occured in last night's Feng Shui game:

GM: "It's a topless bar..."
Tasha: "Is this where I interviewed eariler?"
Cassie: Excuse me?"

[Haerandir]

Speaking of Feng Shui, this one is from a game I was in a couple of years ago:

My friend Joey rolls to hit an opponent who has laughed off the worst the party has been able to throw at him so far, and gets a 6 on his positive die (which, in Feng Shui means he gets to re-roll it and add the results).

Me: "Impressive."

Joey: (rolls another 6)

Me: "Most impressive."

Joey: (rolls another 6)

Me: "Obi-Wan has taught you well."

Joey: (rolls something that isn't a 6)

Me: "Oh, good, I was running out of Darth Vader quotes."

Needless to say, he waxed the poor bad guy pretty thoroughly.

-edited to fix stupid html tags

[Super Squirrel]

I have a great one but you had to be there to hear it. :D

[Super Squirrel]

Though there is this one that is rather good. Midnight is wearing earplugs because they are facing Sonic, a villain who seems to be capable of mind controlling people. Sil-D isn't but has been hit by a very powerful flash attack.

"Sonic says something but considering how neither of you can hear him it doesn't matter."

[Rage]

WOW thats the most random qoute EVER!! I guess I'd have to have seen it in context....

[Super Squirrel]

My vote is to let that one stay but remove the link and censor the words. :) Of course that doesn't leave much left.

I had a quote in my game that was funny.

Sonic looks at you and says, ".... ... .... .... ........?"

To the player refered to earlier who was wearing earplugs.

[Arkham]

From Friday's Champ's game, OOC.

A: Retrocognition isn't 100%.
V: You're right, it's 20/20.

[Super Squirrel]

From my Post-Apoc Game:

Donnell was sitting in a sniper position in a tree and takes out a Templar holding another player hostage. Another Templar unleashes a full power fire blast on Donnell. The blast destroys the tree Donnell had been sitting in, blasts him through a second tree, and smashes him up against the trunk of a third tree. His left wing and arm are broken and critically scorched. He remains at his landing location for three full turns from the STUN and with the help of another player is able to walk back to the party to which Liana replies, "Do you need healing?"

[Super Squirrel]

Oops, sorry. Double Post.

[Enforcer84]

Never give a crazy elf a sword.

[Karma]

Originally posted by BlackSword
This happened last weekend in a Jadeclaw game. We had just finished beating back bandits that had tried to steal our wagons and we were decided whether or not to burn them in a pyre or not.

GM: Its going to stink and you're going to be there the rest of the night
Player1: We can wait until morning, what are they going to do turn in to zombies?

.
.
.

GM: Okay, its just before dawn, you're on watch roll perception
Player1: Success
GM: You notice the bodies moving, four zombies are attacking you.

Rules of Role Playing:
No 1: Never give the GM ideas!

[Karma]

Classic :
GM: The Brick (can't remember his name, he played big 'n'dumb very well) opens door revealing the Gigeresque aliens. You are all behind him in single file. He's blocking the doorway
Blaster: DUCK.
Brick: Where? All I see are rejects from the Alien movies.
Blaster: No you idiot GET DOWN
Brick: If you think it'll help (Player starts doing moves from Saturday Night Fever and singing 'Staying Alive')
Other Party member: Just shoot THROUGH him.

[Marchwarden]

Okay, this one was from last session, it makes sense if you've seen a certain film that pretty much the entire gaming community has seen...

Radar Rider, the energy projection mutant, falls prey to the "Skeetworld Phenomenon". Put simply, the large number of published characters who combine Flight and 0-END, nonpersistent Force Fields into an EC, plus the lower defense levels of 5th Ed., plus the increased number of ways in which multiple attacks can be made in a phase, all add up to an entire class of characters who regularly seem to get blasted out of the sky at least once per game session. Anyway, this time Defender has no means of reaching him and so he plummets like a rock and smacks his stunned-and-therefore-non-Force-Fielded head against the pavement. What's worse, the cause of his fall was a well-aimed car hurled by the Monster, who is stalking over to him and flexing his claws.

Marchwarden therefore leaps from the roof of a five-story building onto some telephone cables and runs along them, shooting off the last of his arrows to get the Monster's attention. Then he flings himself down onto the Monster with only his woodland knives, knowing that he's hideously outmatched but risking his butt anyway to save his teammate. Due to his ridiculous CVs and a lot of Martial Block rolls and Flying Dodges, he manages to survive long enough for Defender and Eternia to show up and administer the smackdown (Eternia is the Monster's worst nightmare: and irresistably lovely, innocent-eyed young woman who regenerates his worst attacks swiftly and is as strong as Grond).

Anyway, Radar Rider takes a few recoveries and, a bit sheepishly, tells his pointy-eared teammate from "New Zealand":

"Hey Marchwarden, I just, um, wanted to say thanks, you know, for..."

The Marchwarden of the Galadhrim holds up a hand.

"Pay it no mind, friend. Since ancient times, an alliance has existed between our two peoples. Long ago, we fought and died togeth-"

"Dude, no way are you getting a hug!"

[Mayday]

Deathwatch was poisoned and dying when a mystical samurai appeared offering him a way out.

'Which do you choose. Death or Death in Life?'
DW: "I choose not to choose, and to be judged by you.'
'I am not here to judge. That is the cowards way out."
DW: 'Are you living or dead?'
'That is for you to decide.'
DW: 'I take Life in Death.'
"You mean Death in Life."
DW: "That too."


Mayday was kidnapped in her Secret ID by a vampire who had Hideous as his butler. The team came to rescue her.

Eclipse hovering invisibly outside lands and knocks on the front door. "Hi! I'm Mr. Bradley, but you can call me Milton." smiles and puts out his hand. Hideous shakes and takes cold damage. "Very nice to meet you.' It says stupidly. Eclipse
throws Hideous down the block and goes in.


Their plans in ruins the villains set a bomb at the heart of the underground complex and depart. Or try to...

Villain: "We only have 8 seconds. It will be a glorious death."

American Valor: "Why don't you have it without me?"


Escaping the bomb blast Vanguard tracks down the villains but instead are led into a trap that sends them back to the Jurassic era. While the gadgeteer minded examine the machine responsible, the mystical alien has a better idea.

Bedlam: "I'll let you try to fix this, then I do what I have to."

Night Warden: "What do you mean by that?"

Bedlam: "How would you like to go to an extra dimension?"

Night Warden"Can anyone get hurt?"

Bedlam:"I don't know. I've never done it before."

Psi-Shock: "By the way, are you well liked in your dimension?'

Bedlam: "I can't remember. I know someone wants to kill me."

Psi-Shock: "And who's that?"

Bedlam: "The Gray Slayer."

[Vondy]

In my street level game the heroes are investigating the 8-Ball Syndicate, which has 14 teams of 15 members whose masks look like various pool balls. The Queue balls are the go betweens and fixers. 8-Ball is the leader. Trick Shot, Break Shot, and Scratch are the costumed enforcers. The Arc is called behind the 8-Ball.

Midnight: Who do you think is pulling their strings?
Bull: The 8-Ball.
Midnight: No,that's too obvious. It would be too easy.
Bull: Huh, you're probably right.

[DocMan]

Originally posted by Karma
Rules of Role Playing:
No 1: Never give the GM ideas!

Wrong! ALWAYS give the GM ideas! It gives you a better shot at winning than if you wait for what the GM thinks up on on 'is lonesome!

Doc

[Klytus]

Originally posted by DocMan
Wrong! ALWAYS give the GM ideas! It gives you a better shot at winning than if you wait for what the GM thinks up on on 'is lonesome!
Doc

True. But there are few things more disheartening than getting screwed over by an idea you gave to the GM.

[CrosshairCollie]

Last night's D'n'D game. Our party druid had been grappled by some ugly undead monstrosity, and as my action came up, I decided to lend aid, and as I swung my rather pathetic quarterstaff, my battlecry echoed through the evil temple ...

"DON'T SQUEEZE THE SHAMAN!"

:D

[altamaros]

The first one occured to me several years ago. It was a game called "Bloolust" (never translated to english; imagine a world like Conan the Barabarian's where all the characters are the wielders of sentient immortal weapons).

GM (me, trying to put a feeling of barbary in the scene) : The battle is now over ... the battlefield is almost completly silent now, scents of burnt flesh and blood ... hacked corpses lying around ... crows and ravens are beginning to land to get their part of the sinister feast to come ... you slowly came to each other, driven by your weapons. (to PC-1) You see (PC-2) at a distance, he's waving a arm at you ...
PC-1 : eerr ... one of his arms ?
GM : ...

The second one occured in a Champions game some months ago :
Plot : In a Theater, the big bad guy was opening the arch-classical portal-to-the-place-with-leatherwinged-ugly-critters-with-claws. A part of the team was trying to evacuate the public while the other part was fighting the avant-guard (a reddish minotaur with scent of sulphur).
Grendel (2 meter high wolverine with a strength of 40) takes knockback from a blow and is projected several hexes away from his ennemy; -not even stunned thanks to his Dam. Reduction.-
GM (to Grendel) : the blow sends you almost to the other side of the theater; you crash on the floor just aside of a terrified old lady (mimic of a old lady frightened scream)
(Grendel's player, checking his sheet and noting that he would need a full move to reach his opponent now)
Grendel (to the GM) : how much damage can make a li'l old lady ?
GM (and other players) : ???
Grendel (explaining) : as a missile ...

[Col. Orange]

MY PAL STEVE: "Ah, so it's a battle of wits you're after, ay?"
ME: "Um, okay." (I put one hand behind my back)

[Darren Watts]

Ladies and gentlemen, our new champion:

Chris:"Wait a minute. We only need to return one of these creatures (note: horrible venomous alien land-squids that the party's been knocking itself out to capture, at great risk) alive to get paid, right? So we could keep the other, as a pet?"

Terry: "I want to name it... Milo."

Runner-up: Chris: "Wait. Is this a *fighting* conversation?"

Though the actual funniest thing in the game last night was probably Terry silently turning off his comm link while I was in mid-rant.

dw

[Ben Seeman]

Hey look!

http://www.unityfleet.com/TerranEmpireCampaign/creatures.htm

It's Milo! Ain't he cute?

[SKJAM!]

At the very beginning of my gaming career, 1st Ed D&D...

Our party had been commissioned to retrieve a gem called the Eye of Odin by the Church of Odin. It was, unsurprisingly, at the bottom of a monster-infested, heavily-trapped dungeon. It had been several peril-filled sessions and time was getting about 2 AM.

Finally, someone cast a spell to locate the gem, which proved to be sitting on an unremarkable pedestal in a bare room.

Before anyone else could get a word out, one tired player announced, "My dwarf marched over to the gem, picks it up and shouts, 'O!D!I!N! Come and get your f-----g gem'!"

GM rolled for Divine Intervention, got it, and the dwarf vanished off to Valhalla, along with the Eye.

Which left the rest of us to deal with the lich the trapped pedestal had summoned....


SKJAM!
"A good man, sir. Not someone I'd give sharp objects, but a good man."

[Seraphim]

It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away........

Set during the first star wars film. One of the characters Clef Blade was a bounty hunter working for the imperials, he was hired by Grand Moff Tarkin himself. The other a female y-wing pilot Melissa.

Melissa was taking Clef Blade back after a major fight scene.

Clef Blade tells Melissa that he is a High officer in the Rebel Alliance.

M: So Where can I take you?
CB: Um....where are you going?
M: The Rebel Base, you know where that is right....
CB: Yeah its on .....um.....
M: Yavin 4.....

As soon as the y-wing landed Clef Blade was on the intercom to the imperials.

[Seraphim]

I have also been in another star wars game with the same characters as above.

CB: Melissa I turned your droid into a new Holo-Droid
M: Thanks

Melissa got back everyone had left the planet and she was left with a hollowed out shell of a droid and found it very difficult to get off the planet.

[Rerednaw]

I was running a 3E conversion of Temple of Elemental Evil (the old modules) and since the players didn't have any spellcasters, I had hired out to them two NPCs, a cleric and a wizard.

The wizard has gotten hit by a feeblemind spell in the previous combat and since no one in the party had the appropriate healing was basically a blithering idiot.

I had advised them to go back to town with their magical fire support gone, but they chose to press on. Shortly thereafter, the party was then fighting a group of nasty demons and rather than have the mage get hurt, lead him to a pillar and told him to hide/stay there out of the way of the combat.

Well needless to say that didn't work, a demon spied the helpless mage and teleported next to him. I rolled two natural 20's, confirmed the criticals, rolled nearly max damage which took the mage to around -18 or so. Quite simply, the mage splashed.

Player: "So how is the mage doing?"
Me (made this up on the spot):
"The NPC wizard,
with the INT of a lizard,
now has his gizzard,
all over the floor."

Cheers.

[RDU Neil]

"So... how much C-4 can I safely use on my friends?" :D

[Smeazel]

Okay, here was a rather disturbing one. The GM just told the group that a certain encoding scheme included a "retinal scan" as part of its unlocking mechanism.

One of the players, after a pause, said "I didn't hear 'retinal' at first."

Use your imagination to guess what she did hear. Now imagine how, exactly, the body part in question could be scanned... or, better yet, don't...

A somewhat less disturbing, but a bit blander, quote from the same session, when the PCs are rushing to escape a collapsing building and one wants to go back for a special power suit she had been given by an NPC:
PC 1: "I need the suit!"
PC 2: "Or you can escape with your life and ask Parker for a new one later."
PC 1: "'Escape with your life' sounds good..."

[pinecone]

THis is from a long time ago...Character 1 Ghosthunter...just kicked in the door to the bathroom of a Demon safe house and the dude in the shower is standing there covered in suds...."hey get lost...or I am going to hurt you,hurt you BAD..." Ghosthunter smirks "Go ahead, Scare me"...famous last words...one very gruesome instant change and a big pres ATK later Ghosthunter is standing there with her mouth open as the big bad Critter o' Doom(tm) hits her with a big bad claw...to this day "Go ahead, scare me" is a phrase of infamy....

[Darren Watts]

Several excellent quotes from Derek's traditional "Challenge of the Superfriends" at Kubla Con last Saturday night (and if you weren't there, you must be a commie pinko subversive or something.)

1) The nefarious Legion of Doom developed a ray to steal the Superfriends' powers. This was symbolized in Batman's case by his utility belt unlatching and flying away by itself, which led to several belt-related gags. My personal favorite was, "Perhaps you could develop some utility suspenders?"

2) Mighty Dan Reiley, as usual playing Gorilla Grodd, was watching his teammates in the LoD take a beating. When Derek asked what he was doing next, he replied, "Thinking about quitting and forming my own villain team." A discussion of him recruiting various other super-powered monkeys (like Titano, Mallah, and maybe even Mojo Jojo) into a fiendish team ensued, with various suggestions for names ("How about the Gorilla League of Wickedness? Or P.R.I.M.A.T.E.?") Derek himself topped everybody, though, when he smirked and said, "No, I've got it- the Apes of Wrath!"

Said team was immediately voted into the Champions Universe and will probably be appearing in a Digital Hero article soon. dw

[Blue]

Woohoo! I was just thinking: "There are not enough simian related supplements for this game." Problem solved!

[Susano]

Originally posted by Darren Watts
Several excellent quotes from Derek's traditional "Challenge of the Superfriends" at Kubla Con last Saturday night (and if you weren't there, you must be a commie pinko subversive or something.)

Don't blame me, I was out getting pie.

:p

[Susano]

Originally posted by Morningstar70
What was the one .sig line?

"Everything is better with monkeys."

Yup. hence my character of A.P.E. (who only saw play like... twice... :( ).

http://www.devermore.net/surbrook/original/ape.html

[Agent X]

I was playing a character called the Invincible Man and an ambush had been planned for my character while one of my teammates was busy fighting in aerial combat over the city skyline. I raced to my car, being a non-flier, only to find Grond patiently sitting on the front hood of my car (horribly denting the hood I am sure). Invincible Man's response, "Hey, do you mind? You're sitting on my car." Grond got up and moved out of the way. I got in my car and drove off to get back-up.

Apparently, Grond had been mind-controlled and expected Invincible Man to show up in a costume. Invincible Man rarely wore a costume and was not concerned with a secret identity. Since, I didn't fit Grond's conception of his quarry, I was allowed to take my car and go.

[Col. Orange]

"If you think I'm childish now, wait 'till you see me naked!"

Took me a while to recover from that one.

[Gannok]

BTW Darren, it occured to me a few days later that I believe WotC made a Magic card with a bunch of gorillas on it called the Apes of Wrath. It was from a set a few years back. Just a heads up.

[Haerandir]

Originally posted by Gannok
BTW Darren, it occured to me a few days later that I believe WotC made a Magic card with a bunch of gorillas on it called the Apes of Wrath. It was from a set a few years back. Just a heads up.

Actually, it's a card for Shadowfist, from Z-Man Games. WotC's not that cool.

[winterhawk]

Player is having a few drinks with an old buddy from his days in the CIA...the buddy is a metamorph and has a few too many, causing his features to get a bit runny...on the way out of the bar, they are attacked...the metamorph goes down, and turns into a puddle...

Player to attacker: "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's a little sloshed."

[WhammeWhamme]

Originally posted by Haerandir
Actually, it's a card for Shadowfist, from Z-Man Games. WotC's not that cool.

Actually, 'Apes of Rath' is a Magic card.

Of course, in MtG, Rath is a place....

[jtelson]

Actually, 'Apes of Rath' is a Magic card.

There is an Apes of Rath card in Magic and an Apes of Wrath Card in Shadowfist.

[lemming]

Originally posted by Morningstar70
As long as the Apes of Wrath aren't cybernetic monkeys with helicopter rotors coming out of their backs or tanks sewn to their butts, you can...

wait for it

Go Ape.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal.
This will happen in my game about the same time monkeys fly out my butt.

[Agent X]

Originally posted by lemming
This will happen in my game about the same time monkeys fly out my butt. Wow! That soon huh?:)

[lemming]

Originally posted by Morningstar70
You mean there's no chance of fighting the Battlechimp Potempkin or the Orangutank? Well, not unless I change my diet

[Karma]

Originally posted by Morningstar70
You mean there's no chance of fighting the Battlechimp Potempkin or the Orangutank?

>sigh<
Or, lets not forget, the Battlechimp's chief henchman "Furious George".

[Susano]

Originally posted by Karma
Or, lets not forget, the Battlechimp's chief henchman "Furious George".

Note to self -- get back to those Feng Shui to HERO conversions.

[Susano]

Actually, someone has been sending me a steady supply of WW to HERO conversion material. I justn eedto get off my butt and HTML the files.

[Captain Obvious]

Well, as long as we're talking about monkeys...

The M&M adventure Time of Crisis has the characters traveling to several parallel Earths to keep some pan-dimensional entity from destroying the multiverse. One of the parallel Earths is Ape World... Can your character stand up to the Iron Monkey, Elasti-Gibbon, or Chimpanzoom?

http://www.mutantsandmasterminds.com/slideshow.php?prod=ToC&pic=5

[MilkmanDan]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Well, as long as we're talking about monkeys...

The M&M adventure Time of Crisis has the characters traveling to several parallel Earths to keep some pan-dimensional entity from destroying the multiverse. One of the parallel Earths is Ape World... Can your character stand up to the Iron Monkey, Elasti-Gibbon, or Chimpanzoom?

http://www.mutantsandmasterminds.com/slideshow.php?prod=ToC&pic=5

I'd like to thank you in advance for this opportunity.

A planet where men are ruled by apes? It's a madhouse! A maaaaaaaadhooooouuuuuse!!!!!!

[Ben Seeman]

Krikakik: "I think we should let them board us and then take them out in hand-to-hand combat."

Sampson: "Okay, we're going to do that."

Jeddah: "Why?"

Sampson: "Cuz the Fex said so."

Cayley: "Okay, calm down. Take a deep breath and think about what you just said."

Krikakik, a diplomat, is notorious for coming up with completely outrageous and ridiculous courses of action. No one ever listens to him... well, usually.

[Gannok]

Well, seeing as how I have both Shodowfist and Magic cards, and I haven't played either in many years, it would be easy to get them confused. I was more concerned that they exsisted to begin with regardless of where they come from.

[Magmarock]

Heya guys,

Thought you might like some more monkey-themed names for the Apes of Wrath:

Furious George's evil ape-gents: codename "Barrel o' Fun"

Lemurderer (serial killer, excaped from a French zoo)
Ape-X (the apex of monkey-dom)
Gorillazilla (think Monsta-2000!)
Monkeyshine (my own monkey M/A villainess)
The Silver Simian (alien monkey on a flying, silver banana)
"Right Turn" Clyde (don't stand on his right...)
Fling Shui (He ain't arrangin' furniture!)
Armegibbon (the last monkey, courtesy of my brother)
Bubbles- The Dark Chimpion (he ain't gunna take it no more!)

and (drumroll please...)

BaBOOM! (Guess what his specialty is?)

Cheers, all!

Magmarock :D

[loki]

OK here is one. In my gaming group I run the Grab and Squeeze brick named Pitbull who is VERY overconfident and a total smart a$$.

Pitbull grabs generic viper agent #1 and squeeze him into unconsciousness. He casually drops the agent and turns to the Super Villain that has been recruited to try and fight him off.

(Special thanks to the rapper Fifty Cent… how in the world did a Fifty Cent line make it into a champions game… don’t ask..):confused:

PB: “You’re like a pop tart sweetheart”
Villain: “Huh?”
PB: “You’re soft in the middle”
Grab… squeeze… KO’D super baddie

[Brandi]

Originally posted by Magmarock
Lemurderer (serial killer, excaped from a French zoo)


Despite the name, this guy should be an orangutan, not a lemur.

Think about it.

[TaxiMan]

I'm surprised no one brought up the scene from Bruce Almighty, where Bruce makes a monkey come out of a thug's butt.

Actually calls it a butt monkey.

[Old Man]

Originally posted by Gannok
Well, seeing as how I have both Shodowfist and Magic cards, and I haven't played either in many years, it would be easy to get them confused. I was more concerned that they exsisted to begin with regardless of where they come from.

As an active Shadowfist player I consider it my duty to list all the monkey-related card names in that game:

King Kung
Battlechimp Potemkin
Furious George
Orango Tank
Chimpanzer
Che Gorilla
Gorilla Fighter
Apes of Wrath
Ba-BOOM
Funky Monkey
The Monkey Who Would Be King
Koko Chanel (Master of Monkey Style)
Flying Monkey Squad
Big Macaque Attack
Mo Monkeys Mo Problems
Monkey Boy
Too Much Monkey Business
Simian Liberation Army
SAM Simian
Simian Sneaker
Who's The Monkey Now?
Gorilla Warfare
Monkeywrenching

That's quite a few, now that I look at it. Ordinarily I consider the monkeys to be a small and silly minority in that game. Sadly there is as yet no card titled "Butt Monkey".

[Rage]

I said it, but I didn't mean to.
In the Champs game we do I was NPCingan insane batman type guy. Who was hunting a villain called KillerClown.

"Its TIME TO DIET CLOWN! *CRAP!!!* I mean die, lousy Woolworths Script this stain looks like a T."

[Enforcer84]

I once had a Sherif of Rottingham moment:

"You're going to Kille ME!....wait, that isn't what I meant..."

[jtelson]

King Kung
Battlechimp Potemkin
Furious George
Orango Tank
Chimpanzer
Che Gorilla
Gorilla Fighter
Apes of Wrath
Ba-BOOM
Funky Monkey
The Monkey Who Would Be King
Koko Chanel (Master of Monkey Style)
Flying Monkey Squad
Big Macaque Attack
Mo Monkeys Mo Problems
Monkey Boy
Too Much Monkey Business
Simian Liberation Army
SAM Simian
Simian Sneaker
Who's The Monkey Now?
Gorilla Warfare
Monkeywrenching


Chimp Shack
Monkey House

[White Heat]

Gaming quote for this week goes, unfortunately, to the GM of our D&D game.

Background: One of our PCs is a half-orc named Kel. She frequently (more frequently than the rest of us at least) laments the lack of willing partners for "romantic interludes." Last session, we were up against a cleric of Erythnul, the evil God of Slaughter, and his party members, one of whom was rumored to be a half-orc like Kel.

Ok, so, Kel walks into the now-empty tavern where the orc is and assesses him as a possible candidate for a romantic interlude. The GM's descripition of the orc's general ugliness and undesirability concluded with the phrase "this charming specimen of orchood."

I told him it would end up here. :)

[Klytus]

Actually, *I* thought the best part was the response to my line of "this charming specimen of orchood." I think it was DocMan who said...

"Now there's a set of words I never thought I'd ever see used in the same sentence."

[MarkusDark]

Originally posted by loki
OK here is one. In my gaming group I run the Grab and Squeeze brick named Pitbull who is VERY overconfident and a total smart a$$.

Pitbull grabs generic viper agent #1 and squeeze him into unconsciousness. He casually drops the agent and turns to the Super Villain that has been recruited to try and fight him off.

(Special thanks to the rapper Fifty Cent… how in the world did a Fifty Cent line make it into a champions game… don’t ask..):confused:

PB: “You’re like a pop tart sweetheart”
Villain: “Huh?”
PB: “You’re soft in the middle”
Grab… squeeze… KO’D super baddie

I liked his line from this week's game.

"Go ahead and target ol' tall, dark and grabbed"

[Wildcat]

We were playing a Teen Super hero game using the Ravenswood Academy. The PC's are all gathered around a pool party and one of the NPC's is trying to hit on another one.

NPC that is speaking is a Southern character, complete with drawl and everything . . .

In an attempt to hit on the character, he clears everone else away from the target love interest. First character he sends away is Prodigy and 9 year old super genious. Second one is a PC that get's sent off to talk to another charcter. Leaving him alone to work his magic (sorta . . . ) Said character is, rahter well endowed for her age and Fletch (the NPC in question) makes the mistake and breaks the plane. During the conversation, Prodigy comes back and he starts talking to her, allowing the other character to escape. As he's talking he turns around notices it's just them . . . which leads to the quote

"Damn it child . . . can't you see (see's Megan walking away) I'm goin' down in flames here?" I said that just as one of my players was taking a drink . . . I thought he was going to die.

WC

[loki]

Originally posted by MarkusDark
I liked his line from this week's game.

"Go ahead and target ol' tall, dark and grabbed"

Yeah... but i was on like 12 different kinds of meds for my cold... so it could have been the drugs talkin' :D

[Blue]

In reference to how Michele takes forever to take her turn:
Mark: "I've finally figured it out. You see, Michele can do anything, it just takes forever!"

This was matched by the comment
Jim: "Can I buy Michele-Power?"

Or course one player had the very Yogi Berra like statement:
Paul: "You can't move any further than you can move."

But the best in-character comment went something like this...
Dr. Tellwilliker: (In a bad german accent) "I would like to take blood samples and test you to explore your powers and abilities."
Rodeo Clown: "I can tell ya what I can do. Ya don't gotta poke me with nothin'."

Okay, you had to be there. Timing is everything.

[Agent X]

In the first session of my new GAC, one of the players is the Patriot Ranger and he has a problem with needles as his origin involves medical experimentation. Two of the players are Doctor Phantom and Doc Turbo. As they met the man who would send them off to England to help the Brits battle the Axis threat and were introduced to one another, Patriot Ranger asked each of them something to the effect of, "Are you a real doctor?" :)

[Seraphim]

My quote of the week, comes from a player outside of the game.

They were up against an ex good guy blaster named the Danish Bolt II.

After the rest of the players came up with their idea, on how to beat him.

I asked the player in particular what he was going to do, and he just started shouting ' I dont know What am I supposed to do again' at this point everyone kinda ignored him and then he kinda flipped 'No really someone has got to tell me what to do I have no idea'

[BlackSword]

Since it had been a while since the last game, we decided to do a quick pick up game that only two of us and the GM could make. It was a Jadeclaw game and my character was trying to learn one of the secret schools of martial arts. We found a master and he sent us to deal with someone who was bothering him. The person bothering the master was one of the more powerful and supposedly evil races. After some roleplay discussion me and the other player had a little pow-wow.

"should we attack him?"
"I don't know, he's supposed to be evil"
"hmm, he doesn't seem evil, but we are supposed to 'deal' with him."
"Paper, rock scissors to decide?"
"Right, on three."
<pause, 1, 2, 3>
"Okay, you won so we attack him."
We turn to the GM, "We're ready."
"You decided by paper rock scissors?!?!"
"Yeah"
"Okay, he throws his sword at you."
<commence battle we lose badly>

[Enforcer84]

"Let me make my ego roll against my "Code against Killing". I made it! Oh, Zepplin's a dead man."

[bwdemon]

From a Werewolf: the Apocalypse game...

GM: "I'm not sure the rest of the Pack will want to contribute as heavily (toward establishing a Pack Totem) as you wish them to."

Me: "They will pay homage or they will pay the consequences."

From a Werewolf: the Wild West game...

GM: "...you are overconfident and arrogant."

Me: "It's only overconfidence if I fail. It's only arrogance if I'm not better than you."

From my first Vampire: the Dark Ages game and my first experience with White Wolf's games...

Me: "Let me get this straight. You want all of us to attack an army of literally hundreds of armed soldiers led by an ancient vampire of untold power and all we get is the five of us and a handful of militia?"

GM: "Yes..."

Me: "Die alone, suckers!" (my character proceeds to flee with all due haste, nobody ever said Vampire was a heroic game... you can only live forever if you don't get yourself killed!)

From a Champions game...

Friend: "Shrinking is the best power! My character's unhittable! I bet I can take out Adder (assassin with HKA+Poison attack) easy."

GM (playing Adder): "What's your Dex & Spd?"

Friend: "23 & 5" (grinning smugly)

GM: "Adder has a 24 & 6, so he'll go first" (rolls a 3)

Friend: "****!"

From that same Champions game...

Friend: (just came upon a group of villainous agents) "I've got a DCV of 20, there's no way he'll hit me! I'm going to walk through these guys..."

GM: "The first agent tosses a stun grenade."

Friend: "......." (that silence was worthy of any quote I've heard. Heheheheh)

[dbcowboy]

MorrowProject Game:
We planned our infiltration of the city for literally hours. We'd selected to enter the city via the river with scub gear. We'd studied the map, selected our targets and the order we would attack them in. We'd just finished summarizing the attack plan.

Player 1 (entirely serious): Ok, so what's the plan?

Group: -stunned silence-

Short time later....

GM: You're swimming quietly along the bottom of the river when you come to a wall.

Player 2: a what!?!

-group surfaces-

Player 2: Who put this dam here?

-2 hours planning our infiltration and no one noticed the dam on the map-

Altogether is was a good sign, we only won when things went really wrong.

[1Big Rich]

I'll add a contribution.

In some of our less than stellar moments, we have some Questions answered with a Question.

Our Bard, party leader, figuring out why the now-unconscious NPC mage was assaulted the previous night, speaking to our big, dumb Barbarian, played by a weight lifter: "You're a strength character, what do you fear?"
Barbarian: "STRENGTH!!!" (He was confident he knew that one!)
Bard: "He's a magic user, what does he fear?"
Barbarian, uncertain and looking a little confused: "Strength?"
The table howls, but the Bard, caught up in his own logic, angrily replies, "NO!!! MAGIC!!!!" Then he realizes what the barbarian said and joins the laughter...

Our martial arts 'hero' Shadowdragon, is infiltrating a bank that is in the hands of some robbers/terrorists/hostage-taking bad guys. Hidden, he hears machine gun fire, then sees a masked figure in body armor with a MAC-10 shooting the bad guys all around. On his legs, letters spell out "The Cure".
Shadowdragon has a very confused look, and another player asks rhetorically, "What's he curing, Shadowdragon?
Shadowdragon: "Life?"
Shadowdragon's tag line after a combat was usually, "I didn't take any stun..."

Finally, we have a player excited about his new flying character, SkyKnight. Meeting the group, he has a brief conversation with group leader, Enigma.
Enigma: "What do you do?"
SkyKnight: "I FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Enigma, unimpressed: "What else?"
SkyKnight, taken aback and not expecting a follow-up question: "Fast????"

Regards,

Big Rich

[Enforcer84]

Good Quotes! FAST!

"Wait, you can't arrest me, I'm the Hero!" - Purple Haze

[DocMan]

From last Saturday's D&D game:

Our party rides into a town on the way to the Baron's residence. I suggest we got to an Inn for lunch and to get information from the locals. One of the other players suggests:

"We should ask the Gown Tards about what's happened."

Doc

[Enforcer84]

PC's once enterd an inn and as they were sitting down they heard the snippits of conversation from the table behind them.

"No Troga! You cook elf over open flame! Boiling makes the meat rubbery."

Players got up and moved to another table.

[CrosshairCollie]

I'm embarassed to say, this one's from me ...

"I'll hide behind the invisible guy."

[DocMan]

Actually, hiding behind the invisible guy is a great tactic. The enemy can see you, and shoot at you, but they hit him! Of course, this will kinda piss off the invisible guy...

And there's that pesky "See Invisible" power you have to buy, but otherwise, hey!

::considering creating an invisible brick character::

Doc

[White Heat]

Originally posted by Enforcer84
PC's once enterd an inn and as they were sitting down they heard the snippits of conversation from the table behind them.

"No Troga! You cook elf over open flame! Boiling makes the meat rubbery."

Players got up and moved to another table.
Ya know, I'm kinda frightened of that inn. I was talking this over with the DM and one player in our D&D game, and we were unsure exactly what type -- ok so what race -- of NPC would say this in public. Ogre? Orc? And furthermore, what inn would welcome that type when there are humans, elves, and other peaceful humanoids like gnomes and dwarves to serve ale to? I mean, really, if you were the barkeep, would you let an ogre in?

Just tell me where the inn is and I'll stay away from it forever, ok?

[Enforcer84]

It was owned by a half orc. He allowed anyone of any race in his bar as long as they behaved. Heads of those unable to comply with this bylaw adorned the inn. The players were ushered there by locals who sent all the potential trouble makers there.

[JohnOSpencer]

Originally posted by CrosshairCollie
I'm embarassed to say, this one's from me ...

"I'll hide behind the invisible guy."

That reminds me. A shadowrun game where everyone was running away from the big baddies. The Troll says "I'll pretend I'm a dumpster." Another character then tells me "I'll hide in the dumpster."

John Spencer

[White Heat]

quote:Originally posted by Enforcer84:
_________________________________________________

It was owned by a half orc. He allowed anyone of any race in his bar as long as they behaved. Heads of those unable to comply with this bylaw adorned the inn. The players were ushered there by locals who sent all the potential trouble makers there.
_________________________________________________

As a Storyteller myself, I can see that that inn is a very cool place, and you were a genius for thinking it up. However, in my role as player in all D&D games (I have problems with games that actually expect you to understand and abide by all rules, therefore I do not run D&D or Champions, although I will play either game), I sure hope I never run into it.

Oh, by the way, Klytus (the DM) is already threatening me/us (heads up, DocMan) with an inn like it in Greyhawk... Thanks a lot, dude.

[Klytus]

Originally posted by White Heat
Oh, by the way, Klytus (the DM) is already threatening me/us (heads up, DocMan) with an inn like it in Greyhawk... Thanks a lot, dude.

::smirks:: Well, I figured on calling the place "The Screaming Viking". Only it wouldn't be run by a half-orc, but rather a very high-level retired Barbarian with his greataxe on the wall behind the bar. So long as the axe stays up there, all is well.

[Lupus]

Originally posted by Enforcer84
"No Troga! You cook elf over open flame! Boiling makes the meat rubbery."
*grins* It's not quite "Pass me another elf, sergeant," but it's up there. ;)

[Elysea]

Champs campaign; Assault, the team-leader brick/martial artist wants to try out an attack on Black Ice, the team's teleporting brick/energy-projector.

Assault: Hold still.
Black Ice: Why don't you ever try out your attacks on him? (points at Harrier, super-genius/gadgeteer)
Assault: Because you'll take the damage better than him.
Black Ice: No I won't!
Harrier: <cocks his head> How do you figure?
Black Ice: I won't take any damage if he hits you!

[Susano]

Originally posted by Lupus
*grins* It's not quite "Pass me another elf, sergeant," but it's up there. ;)

Yes, that was a very special book.

[The Vaultdweler]

We are playing a Black Ops game.The group consists of an ex-green beret(Core),a sniper(God),Hack our computer geek,Silicone demo guy,Waki ex-Yakuza,Sonny ex-hitman for the mob,and Lance our weapon guy.We were hired to assassinate a Jewish mob leader.We were going to do the job but someone beat us to it.
We entered his mansion and discovered another team there.Ok here is the quote:
GM to Sonny,Waki and Core:"You enter the master bedroom and hear sniffles from the closet."
Sonny to Waki"Go check it out."
Waki goes over and checks it out.Several things fall out of the closet.He sees a 13 yr old girl in there hiding.
Player to GM-I shoot her between the eyes.
We were all pretty dumbfounded by this but oh well.

[Agent X]

Originally posted by The Vaultdweler
We are playing a Black Ops game.The group consists of an ex-green beret(Core),a sniper(God),Hack our computer geek,Silicone demo guy,Waki ex-Yakuza,Sonny ex-hitman for the mob,and Lance our weapon guy.We were hired to assassinate a Jewish mob leader.We were going to do the job but someone beat us to it.
We entered his mansion and discovered another team there.Ok here is the quote:
GM to Sonny,Waki and Core:"You enter the master bedroom and hear sniffles from the closet."
Sonny to Waki"Go check it out."
Waki goes over and checks it out.Several things fall out of the closet.He sees a 13 yr old girl in there hiding.
Player to GM-I shoot her between the eyes.
We were all pretty dumbfounded by this but oh well. That's not cool.

[CrosshairCollie]

Please tell me that character got raked over some VERY hot coals for pulling such a boneheaded stunt.

[lemming]

Originally posted by The Vaultdweler
Waki goes over and checks it out.Several things fall out of the closet.He sees a 13 yr old girl in there hiding.
Player to GM-I shoot her between the eyes.
We were all pretty dumbfounded by this but oh well.
Hmm, reminds me of the character I played in a Merc game. Secretary's would keep saying "You can't go in there!" Well, at least that's what they tried to say. However, this wasn't a surprise in that particular game.

Sounds like it in this one. Though even in the campaign my character was in, the character would be in severe trouble. Getting rid of a source of information like that. :rolleyes:

[Kristopher]

That's the kind of thing that would start a firefight within the PC group, either on the spot or later, in most groups I've been in.

[Klytus]

Originally posted by Susano
Yes, that was a very special book.
Ok, I'll bite: What book?

[Klytus]

Originally posted by The Vaultdweler
He sees a 13 yr old girl in there hiding.
Player to GM-I shoot her between the eyes.
We were all pretty dumbfounded by this but oh well.
That's even worse than what our idiot half-orc barbarian did in one of our games. A major battle had just concluded in an underground lair. At this point, she attacks a charmed enemy soldier - who is still under the effects of a Charm Person spell! And yes, boys and girls, this was before they had a chance to question him about anything.

Her excuse, "Well I thought the spell was going to wear off any moment now."
"Are you insane?!" says the spellcaster who Charmed the enemy. "That sepll will last for hours!"
"Well I didn't know!" says the orc defensively.
"Did it occur to you to ask how long the spell would last before you went and did that?"
"...."

Well, none of us could accuse her of poor roleplay: she has the role of "stupid half-orc" down cold. :rolleyes:

[Susano]

Originally posted by Klytus
Ok, I'll bite: What book?

GRUNTS, about a bunch of orcs who become US Marines. The line is "Sargent, hand me another elf, this one's split."

[CrosshairCollie]

Our entry this week comes from my friend Jeff, playing Mental Block, a telepath (duh). Said Mental Block has just found himself on the recieving end of a Move-Through by an updated-to-Fifth-Edition Brick (of VIPER fame). I have my dice in hand, shaking, but have not yet rolled damage.

Brian: "I hope you have a good PD."
Jeff: "I hope I have a good HMO."

[Enforcer84]

Originally posted by White Heat
quote:Originally posted by Enforcer84:
_________________________________________________

It was owned by a half orc. He allowed anyone of any race in his bar as long as they behaved. Heads of those unable to comply with this bylaw adorned the inn. The players were ushered there by locals who sent all the potential trouble makers there.
_________________________________________________

As a Storyteller myself, I can see that that inn is a very cool place, and you were a genius for thinking it up. However, in my role as player in all D&D games (I have problems with games that actually expect you to understand and abide by all rules, therefore I do not run D&D or Champions, although I will play either game), I sure hope I never run into it.

Oh, by the way, Klytus (the DM) is already threatening me/us (heads up, DocMan) with an inn like it in Greyhawk... Thanks a lot, dude.

Sorry bout that.
I probably shouldn't mention his "security' team consisted of an orc fighter, 2 bugbear warriors, an Ogre fighter, and a dwarven monk.

[Enforcer84]

oh yeah, another quote.

One of the players asked the owner, I think I named him Ghoren, about the dwarf.

"He came with the Bar."

[Elysea]

Teen Superhero campaign. My characer, Requiem, is a young woman who had been kidnapped and trained all through her youth by a secret underground society of black mages to serve as one of their shock troops. She eventually breaks through their brain-washing, discovers her past, and flees the organization. Joins a superhero team to try to redeem herself, but she's ever-so-slightly hampered by her lack of a good non-lethal attack (2d6 HKA (sword), Autofire, Armor Piercing being her primary weapon, with a variety of backup spells) and her lack of a Code vs. Killing. This occasionally leads to... disagreements with the rest of the team, when she's a little too quick to use lethal force. Or, as one person put it:

Black Ice: She's like a puppy that's been trained to pee on the carpet!

[MilkmanDan]

Had a few good ones this week. The team consists of Tesseract (my character), a martial artist/brick/teleporter; Kushi, a anime brick babe; The Shadow, a mentalist with darkness and desolid; and Rom, basically a Tron clone. Kushi gets hit by a tunneling brick and the knockback drives her up and into the ceiling.

"Hey, somebody knocked Kushi up!" Ba-dum-ching.

Also, since technology didn't work too well in the underworld we were in an Tron's technological, he had to hide somewhere. He desolids into conductive materials, so we got him a frying pan to live in for a while. The puns on that one should last for a few sessions.

[Ndreare]

Originally posted by The Vaultdweler
We are playing a Black Ops game.The group consists of an ex-green beret(Core),a sniper(God),Hack our computer geek,Silicone demo guy,Waki ex-Yakuza,Sonny ex-hitman for the mob,and Lance our weapon guy.We were hired to assassinate a Jewish mob leader.We were going to do the job but someone beat us to it.
We entered his mansion and discovered another team there.Ok here is the quote:
GM to Sonny,Waki and Core:"You enter the master bedroom and hear sniffles from the closet."
Sonny to Waki"Go check it out."
Waki goes over and checks it out.Several things fall out of the closet.He sees a 13 yr old girl in there hiding.
Player to GM-I shoot her between the eyes.
We were all pretty dumbfounded by this but oh well.

As the gamemaster of the cold blooded killer I can asure you their were both experiance and Karmic penalties. -3 to each.

(In my games I use a Karma System. Basicly the players get extra karma for doing good things, making the game enjoyable for others, being cinimatic and stuff like that. They looses karma for picking fights, being evil, or pissing me of.

Well 1 point of karma can be used to naturaly modify a die roll by 1 and three can be used to get a reroll. Negitive Karma I use to turn all those nice little threes and fours into fives so they don't get crits or make were if these miss by one or two points they miss altogether. Of course they could waste there positive karma if they want to make it a crit again or to hit again but hey.)

[CrosshairCollie]

Thank you. That makes me feel warm and fluffy inside.

[CrosshairCollie]

Oh yeah ... as an addendum to my previous 'line of the night' post, the same player (Jeff) had a slip of the tongue and referred to his character as wearing a latex costume rather than spandex. The mental images ...

[loki]

Not to steal my GM’s thunder but this one is too funny to wait, AND he sleeps in later than I do.

Ok a little set up. We have done some detective work and find out that (not joke here) Major Payne is stealing technology from our friendly neighborhood UNTIL clone (called FORT).

Major Payne calls US to his office; we are thinking “Great we got him, no problem, game over, lets get more pizza”.

We get there and he tells us that it is not him who is behind it, but it was Captain Johnson. (Now admittedly I don’t think our GM had thought about the name that much and it just leapt into his mind and he ran with it… he will NEVER do that again).

After the complete run down my character decides to summarize the situation:

“Let me get this straight. You have a Rogue Johnson on your hands and you want us to get a hold of it for you??”

Low brow I know, but damn it was funny. There were about 400 other Johnson jokes, to the point where we had to put a moratorium on all Johnson jokes for the rest of the night, which didn’t work of course, but at least we tried.

Lok

[loraxxx]

we were playing a group of up and coming young heroes sponsored by the FF in a campaign set in the 1960's marvel universe--therefore, teen angst was a regular part of every gaming session....

during one particularly tense meeting, as we are all standing around, staring angrily at each other, we get an unexpected call over the "visi-phone'' from ben grimm--the everlovin' blue-eyed THING....

''hey--," he chimes in all chippper, and crap, "why all the long faces?"

IMMEDIATELY, ZEPHYR--illegitimate brother of the X-MEN'S ANGEL, having all the same powers/problems as his more famous sibling, but NONE of the perks, and therefore, chief brooder of us all--raises his hands, shrugs his shoulders and says,

"because they're more aerodynamic....?"

needless to say, the mood became infinitely lighter, as all the players fell over-themselves, laughing, leaving poor old ben looking confused and bewildered (as was typical for him during that era....)

[loraxxx]

....we once had a gm, who needed a name for an "aquaman-type'' character, and decided to call him ''THE SEA-MAN....''

we LITERALLY BEGGED him to change the name, which he wouldn't, so we proceded to waste a good 45 minutes of game time showing him the error of his ways....

[CrosshairCollie]

Originally posted by loraxxx
....we once had a gm, who needed a name for an "aquaman-type'' character, and decided to call him ''THE SEA-MAN....''


South Park joke, from the SuperBestFriends. I can definitely see why you'd try to convince him to have a different name.

[MarkusDark]

So the heroes are chatting with the local "military" about a Captain who has turned traitor and is trying to illegally capture a super by the name of Poltergeist.

"So, what is his name, Major?"

**Referee quickly pulls out a name from the air**
"It is Captain Johnson."

At this point, I saw the expression on my players faces and realized I made a mistake.

"So, you are telling us you have a rogue Johnson on your hands?"

"He sure is, and apparently he has a hard-on for Poltergeist..."

And it just went down hill from there....

[loki]

Originally posted by MarkusDark
So the heroes are chatting with the local "military" about a Captain who has turned traitor and is trying to illegally capture a super by the name of Poltergeist.

"So, what is his name, Major?"

**Referee quickly pulls out a name from the air**
"It is Captain Johnson."

At this point, I saw the expression on my players faces and realized I made a mistake.

"So, you are telling us you have a rogue Johnson on your hands?"

"He sure is, and apparently he has a hard-on for Poltergeist..."

And it just went down hill from there....

Markus... i beat you by like 12 hours! Funny to see we both posted on the same story though! :D I still smile when i think of all the low brow jokes!

[MarkusDark]

Eh, I was half asleep when I wrote it so I didn't read the past ones, figurin' you were too busy gettin' ready for Hawaii... ;)

[Killer Shrike]

Originally posted by Susano
About a bunch of orcs who become US Marines. Yeah; I think I served with those guys. They are hella good with the Mark 19. :D

[Killer Shrike]

This weekend in our CU game the PCs were finishing up a struggle with a pocket of zombies at the requisite rural farmhouse in pursuit of the shadowy Papa Zombie and his enforcer, Ogun.

The previous week 2 of the PCs of our group the Millennial Men were captured by Ogun and some lesser vodoun serving Papa Z, and the two heros were entrapped in a warding circle, further surrounded by a barn full of Zombies.

Major Savage, a Terran Marine from the far future crashlands nearby after falling thru a dimensional rift while doing battle against the invasion fleet of Istvatha V'han in his timeline. Picking up on a homing beacon implanted in one of the two captured PCs, he thinks its a signal from another stranded Marine and tracks it down. He kicks in the door and is quite surprised to see a small horde of 20 odd zombies standing around 2 strange looking individuals that seem to be trapped in some kind of stasis field.

Chaos breaks out, and eventually he manages to free the other 2 PCs, who are unknown to him. During the fight, the player realizes he's buring through the charges on his gun at a good rate and decides its time to conserve ammo. The GM suggests he butt-strokes the Zombies instead of shooting them. The player looks at the GM strangely out of the corner of his eye and says "Uh...no, I think Ill just keep shooting". A few Phases later his ammo situation concerns him again and again the GM suggests butt-stroking the zombie. This goes on twice more, with the player looking at the GM stranger and stranger each time.

Finally he breaks down and says <h3>"OK, I give up; what good would it do to stroke the zombies butts?"</h3>


Myself, the other 2 players at the session, and the GM are all prior military, so we all busted up. It never occured to any of us that someone might not know what butt-stroke meant in context with a rifle and in the middle of close combat. :D




* For those of you who dont know, in military parlance to "butt-stroke" someone means to strike them with the butt end of a rifle, preferably in the mouth or across the bridge of the nose or jaw, or at the temple. In the gut will do to, but the general idea is to mess someone up without wasting a bullet. When done in conjunction with a bayonet affixed, this is usually called "hooking and jabbing".

[Tim]

In my Bab 5 Hero game, where the Pcs are helping to solve the Drakh plague, one of my PCs is seriously addicted to coffee. When discussing the high price of coffee now that Earth is quarintined.

a pc comented, "Let me get this straight. We are jeprodizing the Planet Earth for Coffee."

[Blue]

Originally posted by Killer Shrike
<h3>"OK, I give up; what good would it do to stroke the zombies butts?"</h3>

So glad this wasn't a LARP.

[Balok]

We were chasing an enemy who was escaping on a motorcycle. We managed to stake his spokes, bring the bike to a quick stop. Apparently, the poor man's luck ran out; the GM ruled that he'd sailed over the handlebars, landed face down, and skidded to a stop.

Another player commented "He must be unhappy, now!"

Knowing this guy, I knew I didn't want the rest of it, but morbid curiosity won out, and I asked why.

"Just look at that long face."

[RDU Neil]

"I just pushed a man out of a 40 story window. I didn't do it just to get rid of you!" Speedball to his lady love, who he is warning to leave New York because of a terrorist threat.

"Do you realize just how far in the $hitter you are when 'Eric's' character is the Good Cop!" (Rick, while the heroes are questioning a villain, and Eric, who normally plays the "grim servant o' death" type characters is the only voice of reason.)

"No... really... who's the mook?" Speedball, upon meeting Nunzio for the first time.

"You don't know what's going to happen when it hits you." Me (GM)
"Nothing good! It's not a healing spell!" Geoff


Great games create great quotes!

[Darth Sarcastic]

Years ago I ran a D&D game. As usual all the PC's were in the local watering hole. A dwarf (I think) comes up to them.

Dwarf NPC: Excuse me gents, would you care to go on an adventure? (Ok, so I wasn't too inventive)
PC's in unison: NO!!
Dwarf NPC: Aw c'mon guys...please?!?

Another amusing moment...

GM (me): Ok so you do (dice roll) 8pts of damage * 6 (head shot)...hey...what's 8*6?
Pete: Lots!!

During a superhero game...
GM(me): Ok, so he falls to the floor with a resounding thud...uh, Chris what are you doing this round?
Chris: He's fallen to the ground? I get out and beat 'im in da' head!!

[Deacon Blues]

Originally posted by Christougher
Two normal muggers jump him. One pulls a pistol and says, "Give me your money and you don't get hurt." After he looks down at Moondrake's feet, he adds, "And give me them nice kicks, too." Oh, that's just beautiful. My first genuine laugh reading these. :D

From a 7th Sea game (I'm actually responsible for this one), in which our notoriously reckless group had to figure out a way to collapse a castle on top of some giants:

"Every time we go into a house looking for a prisoner or an incriminating letter, we end up burning it to the ground. But all of a sudden ..."

[J4y]

GM: "Dr. Destroyer's armor was somewhat unyeilding but you manage to scuff the paint work. He'll have to buff that out but it may be a while before he notices since it's on the back and his minions aren't eager to point it out to him."

[Dr. Anomaly]

Okay, I admit it, these next two are from a D&D game. Hey, guys, I'm the GM 95%+ of the time, and when given a chance of play, I LEAP at it!

In any case, this particular game is run by the owner of my FLGS. Said GM inists that "the dice never lie" so he made us roll our characters 3d6 in order *and* roll twice each on his patented "Good Things / Bad Things" tables (sigh). My characters stats ranged from average (9 STR) to really good (17 WIS) except for one (6 INT). He expected me to play a cleric with that wisdom, so I decided to play a druid 'just because.' I decided the reason for the druid's low INT score isn't that he's stupid, he's just very literal-minded and direct. His favorite quote: "Act first, think later. Stoping to think in the wild will get you killed."

So...this druid (a halfling named 'Wren', by the way) has the usual menagerie of small animals around him at all times, even in the city. The scene: the party is trying to find the missing wife of the local brewing magnate. Following her usual routine for the day she disappeared, we've reached the shop of an artist sculptor with whom she had a weekly appointment. My animals are running around and getting into everything while the artist is busy denying he knows anything about the wife's disappearance. While this is going on, his next appointment of the afternoon walks in. She's a good-looking but snotty human woman. She seats herself on a divan, only to shriek when she sees my weasle 'Bloodspiller' perched on the arm staring at her. She leaps to her feet and swings a backhand blow at Bloodspiller while continuing to shriek. I (in character) yell "Hey! Don't touch my weasle!"

...which, as it turns out, is said just as a customer enters the store and sees/hears me yelling this at the owner... :rolleyes:

Later that same night, same game: for the 2nd time that evening, a player playing a dwarf has to bow out unexpectedly early due to family obligations coming up. The second time I look at the only other remaining player (playing an elf mage) and say "We lose more dwarves that way." :)

[RDU Neil]

ooops dual post

[RDU Neil]

>>>Dear Vice President Cheney,

Thank you for letting me leave alive.

Yours truly,
Dr. Lucas Warren<<<

The scary part is, this quote is actually game relevent!

[Nechevo]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?

Not if you are middle aged

[Arandmoor_Keet]

This one was just uttered a few minutes ago during a game of Mechwarrior: Dark Age (not champions...but hey!) by my brother:

"&#!%...if only I was shooting my own guys!"

Arandmoor

[gewing]

That reminds me of one! we were playing a very strange campaign where our characters were mostly from the real world (more or less) and were shifted over to one where magic worked, etc. (Mine was actually kidnapped from the back of an ambulance by Morganna Le Fey :) )

2 characters, played by good friends, made mercenaries who had been working in Africa. The turned into anthropomorphic bulldogs- the "dogs of War"

fairly soon we were in a situation where a heavily armored hell knight or some such was holding his sword at the throat of a little girl in front of him.

CHaracter- Can you kill him?
Dog of war #1: sure, no problem.
ME: WIthout killing the girl?
DOg of war #2 Make it difficult why don't you?

They used their small gadget pool to put laser sights on their AK 47s and shoot him in the head. :)





Originally posted by Champsguy
Ah, now this reminds me of a story.

One of the players in the group was a real jerk. The group was playing Mechwarrior, and the player's character (for whatever reason) had decided to pick a fight with two other PCs. He hit one of them, and rolled 2D6 for damage. The other PCs were just going to beat him up, until somebody realized what it means to roll 2D6 in Mechwarrior (punches and kicks only do 1D6 plus your strength--to get more than one die, you've got to use a weapon). They confronted the player, who said "Yeah, I stabbed you with my vibro-knife".

The response of the other players? They pulled out their automatic rifles and shot him to pieces. They then looked at each other, smiled, and said:

"You know what it's time for?"
"Yep. Burial at sea!!!"
zzziiiiiippp

-------------------------------------------

Same players, same GM, different game. They were playing Star Wars, and each was a jedi from some sort of short race (I think one was a Yoda-creature, and another was something like an ewok). Anyway, they come across another jedi who has been injured, and they use their force powers to heal him up. Five minutes later, the previously-injured jedi appears in front of them, at the top of a flight of stairs. He laughs maniacally, powers up his light-saber, and says:

"Foolish jedi, now you will witness the power of the dark side. Turn to the dark side now or die!"
The dark jedi goes to swing his light-saber around in an impressive display, but the GM rolls a fumble, and the dark jedi accidentally cuts his own leg off and tumbles down the stairs.

The two players look at each other.
"Burial at sea!!!"

[Klytus]

I finally have a quote from a Champions game!

Said to our mentalist who was about to attack the enemy (female) brick.

"Bitch-slap her grey matter!"

[TheMightyDan]

Okay…I guess Ben and Darren are too busy running the company to post this week’s Quote of the Week from our gaming group…go figure! Anyways it gives me a chance to finally chime my $.02 in.

And without further ado, this week’s Quote of the Week (from our game last week) goes to none other than, Darren Watts…

The setup: Chris’ character, an android Fex named Krikakik is gambling away his hard-earned money (in a casino run by the local Venwordien IV mobster, Daeno…I’m sure it’s not a crooked operation at all [I say as I roll my eyes]…) from the party’s first mission to Omeglan Prime.

Chris: “So I tried Plan A <gambling half of his credits on one roll of the dice> and it didn’t work…”

Darren: “Yes, but then you tried Plan B…which was really just a retry of Plan A.”

Chris (slowly): “Yeah…”

Darren: “How many letters of the alphabet do you think you’re going to have to go through before ‘Plan A’ works?”

Much laughter ensued. Then in typical Chris fashion, he followed up with:

Chris: “Well, hopefully ‘A’.”

More laughter.

[Thrakazog]

D&D party is following a lead in an big city investigation. The lead takes them to an underground tavern/fight club. There is a very large half-ogre bouncer at the door.

After discussing for several minutes how to gain entry, the dwarven prince (13th in line to the throne of Drozac, or Prozac as we would taunt him) walks right up to the bouncer and declares himself.

"Dwarven health inspector. I need to see your kitchen."

After watching the dwarf get thrown a beating in the alley, the rest of the party pays the cover and walks right in.

Same party, later that very early morning: Everyone had a good time following that lead, and the party is mostly drunk. The same dwarf, having found the garbage chute and used it to gain entrance, is totally intoxicated. He passes out on the steps of the city foudner's building in the main square. Party kenku samurai decides now is great time for practical joke.

Dwarf wakes up in the morning with a small human child on his back, kicking his flanks. He's on all fours. A large sign next to him on the steps reads "Free dwarf rides".

[loki]

Originally posted by Thrakazog
Dwarf wakes up in the morning with a small human child on his back, kicking his flanks. He's on all fours. A large sign next to him on the steps reads "Free dwarf rides".

Now damn that is funny ha-ha!:D

[Klytus]

OK, this isn;t an in-game quote per-se, but I saw someon on the WoTC boards with this quote in his sig line, nearly busted a gut because it was so wrong, so I decided I simply MUST share:

from Fool of a Took (the handle being used on the board in question)
"Dad, what's the blowhole for?"-Chris *pointing to a whale*
"I'll tell you what it's not for son. And then you'll understand why I can never go back to SeaWorld."-Peter

[Thrakazog]

Same D&D group and party, different adventure:

In the climactic battle, the group ambushes a convoy led by evil warlord who they've been hired to eliminate. They fight his unit and decide not to kill him in a fit of heroism. Instead they tie him up.

So, as the DM, I role play the NPC.

"Now what, you going to kill me?"
The party confers. And confers.
"Well?"
The party looks about with 'what now' looks.
"You don't have a plan, do you?"
More intra-party looks.
"You really don't have a plan! Morons! I've been captured by morons!"
PC: "Um, we're taking you back to town and putting you in prison."
Note: the NPC runs the town, has standing troops in town, and the prison is inside the small fort adjacent to town where his forces are stationed.
NPC: <grins> "Fine. Take me back to town. Let's go."
Party realizes this won't work. More 'what now' looks.
NPC: "Idiots! What kind of mercenaries are you?"
More looks.

[Blue]

The quote that got the biggest laugh this week would not make you laugh at all in print (you had to be there).

So instead I substitute the second best laugh, which is still funny in writing (and pat myself on the back in the process).

GM (Me): "The surveillance tapes of the loading bay show that they put the artifacts into the back of a panel truck."

Mercury: "Is there anything an emblem on the side of the truck?"

GM: (Thinking about how there would be, but struggling to come up with one) "...Uh yes. It'll be... a Little Debbie Snack Cakes truck."

Rift: "I pull out my handheld database of future crimes and check to see if this crime is recorded in the future events."

GM: "It turns out that Little Debbie is the secret mastermind behind all crime! She's the top of the pyramid."

[Laughter ensues]

[CrosshairCollie]

No setup added, it's funnier standing on its own ..

"Give me a big enough lemur, and I can move the world."

[Azimer the Mad]

I have a PC in my game who has multiple personalities. Literally, there are two entities who share space and exist one at a time, like FIrestorm or Marvel's Captain Marvel. One is a werebear, the other is an animated teddy bear with the IQ of Einstein. Since he is now the Bear Totem, he gained a third shaman form.

With other playing commenting on the interaction on personalities, imagine a wise shaman bear-man shrugging his shoulders, saying,

"Yes, I suppose I am, in fact, Yoko Onno."

[misterdeath]

Neil: "Look, I don't have to Roleplay being Ignorant."
___

Later, we find a Magic Ring of Elemental Power. Massively powerful, and deep down we all knew that the GM was messing with our heads.

So, being good greedy little PCs, we diced for it. Neil won. So, Joe works out a trade to Neil for his ring of Clinging.

They capped the deal with Joe saying, "Ok, it's done. I just traded away my best magic item for the Cursed Ring of Doom."

D

[White Heat]

Whaaat? Did people suddenly stop talking during games? How can this be?

[Klytus]

Originally posted by White Heat
Whaaat? Did people suddenly stop talking during games? How can this be? Relax. I'm sure a good few quotes will pop up in tonight's game. After all, Burns will be there... :D

[RevHooligan]

From last night's game:

"You're not evil. You're vulgar and stupid, but you're not evil."

"This is a good Hot Pocket."
"Yeah. They're even better if you don't put your butt on them."

"You'll give me the file for $5000? Are they're any copies?"
"I have a disc in a safe place. You'll get the disc when I get the money."
"Where's the disc?"
"In my pocket."
"You're new to this, aren't you?"

[MarkusDark]

"Why are you asking me? You're the one in tights!"
-Normal NPC's response when questioned about what was going on.

While attempting to free an item from a web, I pulled, tugged and eventually began chewing my way through. My intrepid team-mate looks over at me and says, "Dude! You know that came from a spider's butt?!!"

[Tim]

At our game yesterday.

GM: Would you guys rather roll hit locations yourself, or have me roll them for you?

ME; I'd rather roll my own, (beat) hit locations that is.

[White Heat]

I didn't write it down, so some of the details may be lost.

The time -- Yesterday afternoon.

The game -- D&D

The DM -- Klytus

The players -- Jehan, a wizard, and Ashe, a Tiefling fighter-rogue

Necessary things to know -- one of the players had been making comments about the cleric whose room was being searched offering sacrifices of goats to her god. There had been much reference to goat's blood; every time Ashe opened an item in the cleric's room, the first thing Eddie said was, "Is there any goat's blood?"

The situation -- on a previous visit Ashe had been interrupted while trying to open a mysterious locked case he found inside a trunk with an amazing lock. He returned later with Jehan, who was supposed to be a lookout. Ashe botched a couple of attempts to get the case open, so Jehan came in with scrolls of Knock to open the case. The case opens.

Jehan: What's in it? I bet it's a Basilisk's head...

Comment of the week #1:
G.O.D: Roll to save.

Jehan: ::blinks, mouth open, stunned look on his face::

Long pause, mostly filled with OOC comments from the players who are somewhere else in the keep.

G.O.D: Psyche!

Jehan: ::recovers his wits:: Ok, so what's really in the case?

G.O.D: You see a bundle wrapped in black satin.

Players in general: Ooh, black satin, not a good sign.

Ashe: Ok, so I lift the entire bundle out of the case and unwrap it. What's inside?

Jehan's player: Black satin? Or is it a portable hole?

Female player: Tampons! (it's a female cleric, after all!)

Eddie: Is there any goat's blood?

Comment of the week #2:
G.O.D: Okay! Okay! You win! It's a portable hole filled with 600 feet of tampons soaked with goat's blood! Are you happy now?!

We couldn't breathe for 20 minutes.

[tabascojunkie]

i took my wife through a BS fantasy game the other night to introduce her to roleplaying a little. i gave her a generic fighter i had made, you know, 20 STR dumber than a box of rocks farmboy who knows how to use a sword. the PC is waiting in a tavern for a friend who lives in this new town. two guys see the greenhorn country boy and decide to pick on him. one walks over and grabs him by the shoulder and says "my friend over thre says you owe him a drink! " the pc replies "i don't think so." so the bad guy takes his best roundhouse to the PCs nose. after PD and all that is figured in his best roundhouse has absolutely no effect. the PC, still sitting down, just looks at him and says "i thnk maybe you should buy ME a drink." bad guy scampers away quickly

[Victor]

A few years back, we had a Star Hero game with heavy Traveller influence, that ran for many years, in which my character developed a reputation for firing "mouth torpedos".

One of the major antagonists during the campaign was Duke Isstvan Von Losch, who had a side business of creating artificial people, primarily for the elaborate theatre acts aboard his ship (where many of these AP's were actually killed during the performances), but also creating AP assassins and duplicates of people in positions of authority (okay, one that we're sure of -- sort of -- who was killed publicly by a PC who was either unknowingly an AP, or the person later AP's were modelled on).

One of the NPC's in the ship's crew was an AP who had escaped. Despite her extensive skill at all things combative, and the fact that she joined the crew under an assumed identity, she was eventually accepted by the rest of the crew. She did, at least, have a passionate hatred of Isstvan (or pretended to), and an enemy of our enemy was good enough for us.

At one point the group was attacked by a couple of competent bounty hunters who had stowed away aboard their ship, and after defeating them, stashed them in an airlock. A long argument (20+ minutes of roleplay) over their fate ensued, with my character wanting to put them off at the next port, and the NPC arguing that the only thing that would stop them from coming after us again would be to kill them.

The more unrelentingly she argued for their death, the angrier my character got with her, and when she finally issued an ultimatum that if he didn't order them killed, she'd do it herself. He hissed at her, "Isstvan made you well", and stomped off to the bridge.

She went back to her quarters, grabbed her 20mm Light Assault Gun, and put a hole in the head of the first "person" she saw (which happened to be one of the ship's security 'bots, much to the chagrin of the Android PC who was trying to uplift it to sentience).

To this day, anytime someone in that group says the worst possible thing in a situation, it gets a response of "Isstvan made you well."

In my mind, though, a good runner up was him telling The Emperor, "In the game of chess, the King and the Pawn both go back in the same box when the game is over." Luckily, The Emperor conisdered the group in a friendly manner at the time, but that strained things a bit. :rolleyes:

[RevHooligan]

Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

[Hugh Neilson]

Originally posted by RevHooligan
Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

We had a bug and on the battlemat in the middle of a pitched battle - "Look out for the Giant Fly!"

[Arandmoor_Keet]

When I ran games at College we always used a battle mat. Well, one of the rules was that you were suposed to roll on a non-mat surface because when you rolled on the mat three things usually happened: 1) your dice kept rolling for somewhere around 20-30 seconds (I kid you not), 2) the dice ALWAYS ended up rolling low, 3) and since we never had enough miniatures, half of the bad guys were dice so when you "went bowling", so to speak, it usually screwed something up on the mat.

Well we had this one player who simply never listened or learned, and every time his d20 knocked over his mini on the mat:

"Oh and Steve just got hit by a boulder for 2d20 damage!"

He got hit by no less than 2 mysterous boulders per session for two whole years of play.

[Korvar]

Demon: The Fallen game. We were in a Siege Tower orginally built to breach the Walls of Heaven during the War, but now would act as a gateway to Hell if the door were opened. We had gotten our hands on some Artifacts, were standing in front of the Door deciding what to do, and the Big Bad Guy of the campaign was standing behind us, all menacy.

Our planning consisted of me turning to one of the other characters and saying:

"On the count of two-- we're going to get killed."

Strangely enough, we all knew what that meant, and the plan went without a hitch :) and we got killed.:D

[loki]

Originally posted by RevHooligan
Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

Ahh yes the quote from the fiance! lmao that is very funny :D

[RevHooligan]

She also asked if we needed a giant magnifying glass to torture the ant with.

[Klytus]

In our Saturday D&D game, one of our players is a wizard who has fallen in love with the spell Phantasmal Killer. For those of you who don't know, this spell can kill you instantly if you fail 2 saving throws: one WILL save to deisbelieve the illusion, the second a FORTitude save to avoid dying of a heart attack. Anyway, I could never figure out why he loves this spell so much, because it had never worked, not even once. The last straw came when they were fighting a band of 3rd level orcs. He couldn't even get the spell to work on an orc under the effects of Confusion. I made a crack about his repeated casting's of Phantasmal Failure.

Wizard: Did you just call it Phantasmal "Failure"?
DM: Yep.
Wizard: I want to be angry, but that's so damn funny...

The spell has now picked up all sort of permutations on that theme, Phandismal Failure being the most recent. It's now a grudge for him: he will continue to memorize it and use it until it works at least one - even if it has to be against a paraplegic kobold with typhoid.

[Klytus]

(Whoops. Double post. Please delete)

[Klytus]

I can't believe I'm the only one with a group that can kick out good quotes here lately...

This is from a Vampire game we play in. The main character in question is Chance (i.e. Lucky) LeBlanc, a gambler. He has a girlfrend named Franchesca.

Player 1: "So, Chance, are you feeling lucky?"
Chance: "No. That's Francesca's job"
Player 2: "Wait a minit -- you named your ::ahem:: 'Lucky'?"
Player 3: "Wll it sure beats Mr. Happy!"
Chance: "No... that's Francesca's job!"

[Klytus]

And then there was this conversation about evil D&D clerics.

Player 1: "Evil clerics have it made. They can command the undead to do their bidding."
Player 2: "Yo! Go to the river and do my laundry!"
Player 3: "Eww! Who wants bits of dead flesh on your clothes?"
Player 4: "That's why you use skeletons."
Player 2: "Exactly! And then when the skeletons are done with the washing, they can double as a drying rack."

I have some wierd friends...

[Stephen Mann]

From an old AD&D game:

We're fighting a group reputed to be much more powerful than we are. After a few rounds, the other group tries to intimidate us with their massive reputation. Our fighter/mage is dueling the other team's weaponmaster, who's supposed to be practically unbeatable. The F/M responds to the weaponmaster's taunts with: "My weapons are bloody, are yours?"

Later, we were facing waves of undead. My cleric had turned the first few groups, then botched his turn rolls on the next couple. When the others accused him of incompetence: "My holy symbol gets tired after a while!"

We'd been fighting hobgoblins for a while, and were really getting sick and tired of them. The fighter/mage declares: "I see a hobgoblin, I kill the man wearing it."

In an underground city, we needed some prisoners to interrogate. While fighting a bunch of derro, our mage fireballs a group of richly dressed temple leaders who used some kind of Horn magical item to attack us. They would have been good sources of information, so we were a bit peeved at the mage. His reply was: "They blew a horn right at me, what was I supposed to do?"

To the (new) unscrupulous fighter in the group who had problems hitting in his first few fights: "They're unconscious, Oridio, we'll let you kill them."

The mage insulting the ranger: "The only inanimate object I talk to is Jimmy."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In the very temporary Aberrant game, the energy blaster is facing a foe who is immune to energy blasts. Desperate, he tries to impress his opponent with his martial arts battle cry: "Hong Kong Phooey! General Tsoa! Kung Fu!"

Our group split up to case the grounds of a public ceremony we were supposed to protect later in the day. Our telekinetic didn't return until after the ceremony started: "I was getting my mustache darkened."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

During a Rifts game, the group is watching a gladiator prize fight. In this particular fight was our blond, blue-eyed ex-military team leader versus the new guy on the team who was playing the chaotic stupid jerk. Everyone bet their money on the team leader (and won). The jerk asked later why we had done that. The most polite answer was: “Always bet on the blonde.”

Assorted lines I don't remember the circumstances for:
“You really are an idiot, aren't you?”
“The time for subtlety is gone.”
“Now that it’s been explained to me, it makes sense!”

[Klytus]

From last week's Vampire game.

Chance: Why Burns, can't you see she's just trying to expand your horizons?

Burns: Well, Chance, the thing is, is that I don't consider mental illness to be a redeeming trait.

Chance: But Burns, your problem is that you don't know how ill you already are.

Burns: ...

[Anodyne]

D&D can conjure up some truly great moments.

This happened years and years ago, in the first D&D game I ever played. We're in a dungeon, of course, and we've found a room with various magical items on display, most of them divine in nature. Our dwarven fighter/cleric--who is a notorious lech, referring all too frequently to "Captain Happy"--finds a hammer with the emblem of his god Moradin on it, prays suitably for some time, then reverently reaches for it.

DM: You pick up the hammer. Immediately, your entire body turns grey and gritty--
Ranger: Hell, he's been turned to stone??
Mage: Nobody panic! I think I've got a scroll of Stone to Flesh--
DM: Living stone. He can walk, talk, and take actions in a perfectly normal way. He's just made of solid stone. Clothes and all.
Me: Do I get to use my "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" line now?
Ranger: No.
DM: You now have a CON bonus of--
Dwarf: Wait. Wait. Where's Captain Happy?!
DM: Captain Happy is *gone*, okay?
Dwarf: NOOOOO! CAPTAIN HAAAAPPPYYYYY!! I drop the hammer!
DM: You can't. It's become part of your hand. This is clearly a blessing of your god and should be viewed as a great honor . . . are you listening to me at all?
Dwarf: NOOOOOO!! CAPTAIN HAPPY, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

[misterdeath]

Amanda, talking about the Villianess.

"Oh, there's a scared little girl inside her. And it's giving her indigestion."

D