Officially, is Teleios Canadian?

[Lord Liaden]

I want to ask this after seeing James Gillen's recent fine review of Champions Of The North on RPGnet, in which he states that Teleios is often referred to in COTN although he is "not Canadian."

T's writeup in CU and EU states that he's "Jakob Stroessen, the child of Austrian parents who had emigrated to Canada," but not whether he was born in Austria or Canada. I would like Canada to take credit for every world-threatening sociopathic genius it has a right to, but if not then we should give Austria its due. :eg:

[Balabanto]

The answer I'd give is "Decide based on the needs of your campaign." This guy has so many aliases that he can be from any country he wants.

[Vestnik]

Teleios is evil. Canada is widely -- and rightly -- known as a hotbed of evil, a sort of snow-bedecked Gehenna if you will. Thus it is only fitting that he be Canadian.

[Bloodstone]

He's an immigrant.

Telios was driven to deprevity by Canadians constantly asking him if, back home, the hills really were alive with the sound of music...

:p

[Shaft]

He's in immigrant.

Telios was driven to deprevity by Canadians constantly asking him if, back home, the hills really were alive with the sound of music...

:p

Actually, it was asking him what koalas were like in person. One day he just got tired of yelling AUSTRIAN, NOT AUSTRALIAN and opted to become an evil Mastermind.

[Shaft]

Canada is widely -- and rightly -- known as a hotbed of evil, a sort of snow-bedecked Gehenna if you will.

Yup. A title we took from the Russians at the same time as we beat them again and again in World Cup Hockey.

[Comic]

He could be a Quebecker, and thus be Canadian to everyone except himself and a few like-minded party members.

[Legatus]

He could be a Quebecker, and thus be Canadian to everyone except himself and a few like-minded party members.

Now you're being the evil mastermind, Comic! :eek:

[MilkmanDan]

Fortunately, his adoption of Canuckistan as his home has gradually let him away from world domination and general villainy, as all his talents are now directed at trying to clone Wayne Gretzky.

[Hermit]

Oh, let him be Canadian. We had an Austrian villain, angry little man with a mustache if I recall... so let's have THIS mastermind proclaim himself of Canadian Birth and let the world tremble etc etc.

Why should Borealis have all the fun?

[Lord Liaden]

Although I'm hoping for an official response from Steve or Darren, I anticipated the usual amusingly flakey input from the rest of you rabble. You did not disappoint. :D


Oh, let him be Canadian. We had an Austrian villain, angry little man with a mustache if I recall... so let's have THIS mastermind proclaim himself of Canadian Birth and let the world tremble etc etc.

Why should Borealis have all the fun?

Yeah, I wondered if the Austrian connection was coincidental. :eg:

[Lord Liaden]

Teleios is evil. Canada is widely -- and rightly -- known as a hotbed of evil, a sort of snow-bedecked Gehenna if you will. Thus it is only fitting that he be Canadian.

Says the guy from the capital of the Evil Empire. :p

[rjcurrie]

Says the guy from the capital of the Evil Empire. :p

I didn't know that Vestnik was from the Bronx. :)

[Vestnik]

Don't let their pleasant, easy-going demeanor fool you -- it is all a Canadian plot to lull the world into a false sense of overconfidence. One day they shall unleash their fiendish plot, their sleeper agents (Celine Dion, Brian Adams) will be activated, and the world will tremble at the fearsome might of Dark Canada.

[rjcurrie]

Don't let their pleasant, easy-going demeanor fool you -- it is all a Canadian plot to lull the world into a false sense of overconfidence. One day they shall unleash their fiendish plot, their sleeper agents (Celine Dion, Brian Adams) will be activated, and the world will tremble at the fearsome might of Dark Canada.

Lord Liaden, put Vestnik on the list! Clearly he's going to be a troublemaker.

[Vestnik]

I strongly suspect that Celine Dion is really Howler's secret identity.

[Nagisawa Takumi]

Wait? You think Celine Dion and Brian Adams are Canadian agents and/or weapons?

Wow, how stupid do you think we are?

We're CANADIAN, if and when we do attack (Should we decide that it's in your best interests to be invaded) you'll never see it coming.

:D

[Log-Man]

Although I'm hoping for an official response from Steve or Darren, I anticipated the usual amusingly flakey input from the rest of you rabble.
He called you all a flakey rabble!





Rabblerabble, rabblerabble...

[MilkmanDan]

I strongly suspect that Celine Dion is really Howler's secret identity.

Secret? I assumed it was known. That would make Shania Twain . . . well, still untalented as heck.

[Log-Man]

Secret? I assumed it was known. That would make Shania Twain . . . well, still untalented as heck.
Hey, you leave my fiance out of this!

[DrunkonDUty]

>>We had an Austrian villain, angry little man with a mustache if I recall... <<

Oh this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Much rep. :)

[FenrisUlf]

I want to ask this after seeing James Gillen's recent fine review of Champions Of The North on RPGnet, in which he states that Teleios is often referred to in COTN although he is "not Canadian."

T's writeup in CU and EU states that he's "Jakob Stroessen, the child of Austrian parents who had emigrated to Canada," but not whether he was born in Austria or Canada. I would like Canada to take credit for every world-threatening sociopathic genius it has a right to, but if not then we should give Austria its due. :eg:

Austria has already had one genocidal, world-threatening madman. I say, let Canada have Teleios (though he probably views himself as being above that whole 'nationality' thing).

[Lawnmower Boy]

I have it on good authority that Teleios loves the Leafs, tunes in Sheilagh Rogers at 10 am every morning without fail, voted for Pierre and can't wait to vote for Justin, wears a Tilley hat on his walks, longs for the days when King of Kensington was on TV, has all Rita McNeill's CDs, prefers Sylvia to Ian (and late Ian, at that)
.
.
.
Because he's an evil Canadian

[Killer Shrike]

What other country could the world's most perfect man be born into, if not Canada the world's most perfect nation? I mean obviously.


True story: when I travel abroad I pretend to be Canadian. People in other countries seem to like Canadians. Heck, if it wasn't so damn cold there, or filled with Canadians, and if there were anything interesting to actually do there of course, I'd probably live in Canada too. :eg:


In fact, if there were an election for world dominator, my vote would go to Teleios. I mean, sure Destroyer has cooler toys, and while VIPER's had its ups and downs it at least has proven experience managing a world-spanning enterprise over a long haul, but Teleios just has better campaign slogans. Some of my favorites:


Vote Teleios: Better than you could ever possibly be, since 1982. It's a fact.

Vote Teleios: Don't hate him because he's beautiful. Hate him because you are inferior and need an outlet for your crushed ego.

Vote Teleios: Better living through beneficent socialism, obsessive hockey fanaticism, and eugenics!

Vote Teleios: Because it was inevitable that Canada would eventually have its revenge!

[Steve Long]

T's writeup in CU and EU states that he's "Jakob Stroessen, the child of Austrian parents who had emigrated to Canada," but not whether he was born in Austria or Canada. I would like Canada to take credit for every world-threatening sociopathic genius it has a right to, but if not then we should give Austria its due.

Technically, he was born in Canada, but he's not Canadian really. First, if pressed for an answer he'd consider himself an Austrian. Second, given his nature and activities, he's really more a "man of the world" with no real home.

So, we can't really blame Canada for this one, any more than for that benighted attempt to start World War III back in 1978. :)

[FenrisUlf]

So, we can't really blame Canada for this one, any more than for that benighted attempt to start World War III back in 1978. :)

Did I miss something? Is this something from CotN, or something from the real world?

[GestaltBennie]

Technically, he was born in Canada, but he's not Canadian really. First, if pressed for an answer he'd consider himself an Austrian. Second, given his nature and activities, he's really more a "man of the world" with no real home.

So, we can't really blame Canada for this one, any more than for that benighted attempt to start World War III back in 1978. :)

Hey, if I had known that graduating from high school was going to bring the world within a hair's bereadth of Armaggeddon, I'd have dropped out.

[Hermit]

I now want to make a new short mustached mastermind from AUSTRALIA! just to add to the confusion...

[Badger]

I didn't know that Vestnik was from the Bronx. :)

I thought Vestnik was a Mets fan. ;)

[Nagisawa Takumi]

...and if there were anything interesting to actually do there of course, I'd probably live in Canada too. :eg:

What? You don't like having sex? :D

[Comic]

Technically, he was born in Canada, but he's not Canadian really. First, if pressed for an answer he'd consider himself an Austrian. Second, given his nature and activities, he's really more a "man of the world" with no real home.

So, we can't really blame Canada for this one, any more than for that benighted attempt to start World War III back in 1978. :)
Alas.. Teleios merely isn't Canadian _yet_, in this case.

Due to the 'Lost Canadians' crisis, Canada is about to pass a law repatriating a wide and diverse group (including the case of people born in Canada but who might not consider themselves Canadian and/or may be considered citizens by other countries).

In 1978 "The Great Comic Book Heroes (and Other Short Stories)" was published (Richler, Mordecai), proving Canadian leadership in comic books beyond any doubt... but I'm not sure that's the act of war referred to.

And boring? Absolutely. Most of our guns are long-barreled, low gauge, and used for dull things that don't involve homicide. Most of our crimes are petty and bland. Our politics are a cure for insomnia, and if anything or anyone becomes too interesting, we ship them to someplace that wants interesting people and things.

[Steve Long]

Did I miss something? Is this something from CotN, or something from the real world?

Well, just the humor in my post. Or perhaps I missed the humor mark. ;)