Half-Breed Love songs

[Egyptoid]

Half-Breed Love Songs : a thread for posting the love-songs that memorialize
the origins of the half-orc, the pixie fairy, the gnome-titan, tieflings, etc.

So, a sorceress goes into a bar on the frontier, orders herself a flagon, and....


This was never the way I planned
Not my intention.
I got so brave, mead in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious, for you,
Caught my attention

I kissed an Ork, And I liked it
the taste of beefsteak on the tusks
I kissed an Ork, Just to try it
I hope the paladin don't mind it

It felt so wrong, It felt so right,
peeling off his chainmail late that night

I kissed an Ork, And I liked it
the smell of ale in his mustache

No, I don't even know your clan
It doesn't matter
You are stronger than a man
Sub-human nature
Not what lawful girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed an Ork, And I liked it
the smell of ale in his mustache
I kissed an Ork, Just to try it
I hope the paladin don't mind it

It felt so wrong, It felt so right
dropped the weapons late that night

I kissed an Ork; And I liked it

Humanoids are so magical
Strong hands, red eyes, so damn virile
Hard to resist, bear-huggable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal it's innocent

I kissed an Ork - And I liked it
the hint of bloodshed in his eyes
I kissed an Ork; Just to try it
maybe the cleric can just fix it...

[Blue Jogger]

(with apologies to Oingo Bongo for parodying Little Girls)

A large titan explains...

I love little gnomes they make me feel so good
I love little gnomes they make me feel so bad
When they're around they make me feel
Like I'm the only guy in town
I love little gnomes they make me feel so good

They don't care if I'm mentally inferior
They're not frightened by my huge exterior

They don't tell me to go away
They don't want to scold me
They don't mind my big club
They just want to hold me
Isn't this fun
Isn't this what titan's all about
Isn't this a curse come true
Isn't this a blessing too

(repeat first verse)

They dont care about my size category
They're not frightened by my bedtime story

Uh oh take a second take
Uh oh it's a mistake
Uh oh I'm in trouble
Uh oh the little gnome was just too little
Too little, too little, too little
Isn't this what titans all about
Isn't this a curse come true
Isn't this a blessing too . . .

And I dont care what people say
And I dont care what people think
And I dont care how we look walking down the street

(repeat chorus)

(repeat first verse)

[Manic Typist]

God help you, because I won't.


(And rep if it'll let me...)

[tkdguy]

You ain't nothing but a half-orc, just snarling all the time.
You ain't nothing but a half-orc, just snarling all the time.
You ain't never killed a kobold
And you ain't no friend of mine.

When you said you were a noble, well, that was just a lie.
When you said you were a noble, well, that was just a lie.
You ain't never killed a kobold
And you ain't no friend of mine.

[tkdguy]

Baby, let me be
Your lovin' bugbear.
Put a sword into my neck,
And hack me anywhere
Oh, let me be your bugbear.

I don't wanna be your ogre,
'Cause ogres play too rough.
I don't wanna be your goblin,
'Cause goblins ain't the kind you
Love enough

Just wanna be
Your bugbear.
Put a sword into my neck,
And hack me anywhere
Oh let me be your bugbear.

[Hermit]

An Elf Male confesses his preference for human women
I like Round Ears and I can not lie
and you other elves can't deny
when a human lass with a non pointed eared face
pulls at a hair that's out of place
you get

URGES
You want to get out and mate
because you just know round rims taste great
Adorned with those earrings she's wearing
She's only good for a few years but I've stopped caring

Oh human, I wanna be with you
we can have ourselves Half Elf issue

My Alfar friends all say it just won't work
but just looking at your ears makes my extra sword quirk

Oh round and smooth to touch
You say you like my bow so much?
Feel free to use my mess, feel to try my best
cause you ain't the average fay princess

I've seen you fighting
or as a caster moonlighting
She's got mass, she's a round eared lass
She sells it well no matter what the class

I'm tired of Elvish sonnets
telling me to go after other elves dogonnit
Take your average elf brother and he will secretly say
It drives him wild when a round eared woman sways

So Elven Fellows. (Yay!) Fellows (yay!)
has your girlfriend got round ears? (Verily Yay!)
Tell them to stroke em, show em
show those sexy ears...
Yon babe's got round ears!
Yon babe's got round ears!

So your elf maid rides a unicorn, and has since she was born
But her unicorn and she are so damn norm
My spear isn't willing to rise
unless you've got round ears behind human eyes

You can wear helms or wizard hats
But please don't point those ears

Some elves may want to be a jerk
and tell you humans and elves just won't work
So they ride off and leave you without a touch
but I'm on the way so please don't you age too fast too much
So some fey folk call you mortal?
Well all that does is make me chortle
Cause I like an race with meat and curves
And your romantic adventuring needs I'd like to serve

To the beanpole elven maidens fair
For me you don't do a thing
A bawdy human wench I can't resist
She doesn't look like I could wrap her waist with just one fist
Some blackguard paid me no respect
and his women he did neglect
He acted the ogre with the women in his power
so I broke em out of his tower

So ladies, if your ears are round
And you want elven loving in this town
Scry me a line, or send me a sign
and we'll share a glass of elven wine

I'll start with your ears you can start with mine
Babe's got round ears

(Gonna die real soon in just a few years, but I don't care if she's got round ears)

(Gonna die real soon in just a few years, but I don't care if she's got round ears)

(Gonna die real soon in just a few years, but I don't care if she's got round ears)

(Gonna die real soon in just a few years, but I don't care if she's got round ears)

[matrix3]

Ha! That is great, Hermit! :D

EDIT: Ah, I can't rep you. Can someone get him for me?

[Hermit]

Ha! That is great, Hermit! :D

EDIT: Ah, I can't rep you. Can someone get him for me?

Glad you liked it.

[shadowcat1313]

if I go digging deep enough... I think I have the lyrics for Brown Eyed Ghoul from an ancient Dragon issue.