Non-gaming spouse.

[GenreFiend]

Has anyone here ever tried to turn a non-gaming spouse into a gaming spouse? What tactics did you use? Did it work? Any help would be appreciated. My wife is nearly perfect, but if she was a rich gamer-girl, you could drop "nearly" from that statement. Thanks in advance.:)

[Nightshade]

Sorry, my wife was gaming before we met. We were talking and I found out that she was a gamer, pianist, and an engineering major, as well as drop-dead gorgeous. Decided I may have a winner.

Nightshade

[Derek Hiemforth]

Two things to try:

1. If at all possible, make sure there's at least one more female in the group. It makes gaming seem like less of a "guy thing."

2. If she doesn't seem too interested in gaming, try interesting her in movies or books of popular gaming genres first. For example, she might be more interested in playing Fantasy HERO if she discovers she really likes fantasy novels, etc.

And of course, most importantly, accept that she may simply not dig it. It's not everyone's cup-o-tea. :)

[Mark Taylor]

Assuming you GM, take the time to run solo games for her. It's a lot less daunting to get into role playing one-on-one than it is to be dropped straight into a group of experienced gamers, and she may well be more willing to try it that way. It's great fun too.

[Vondy]

I recommend divorce. Its really your only option. So few people consider this aspect of their lives before electing to marry outside their hobby. Inter-hobby marriages are extremely difficult. I recommend, however, that you discuss what hobby the children will be brought up in...

I'd just ask if they're willing to try it outright. Let them pick the genre and playstyle, and keep it in a small group. Keep the mechanics to a minimum, and don't press the issue. They may just have no interest.

[Mark Taylor]

Originally posted by D-Man
...Keep the mechanics to a minimum...

Feng Shui is a great game for beginners. Game mechanics a 5-year old could grasp (and they work!) :D

[Dauntless]

Nightshade-
Does your wife have a sister? :)

[DoctorItron]

Not sure about how to get your wife into gaming. As long as she doesn't object to your gaming, she's perfect enough. I recommend playing with your wife only if she expresses interest.

That last sentence applies to RPGs as well as all other forms of "playing" ;)

[Captain Obvious]

Originally posted by GenreFiend
Has anyone here ever tried to turn a non-gaming spouse into a gaming spouse? What tactics did you use? Did it work? Any help would be appreciated. My wife is nearly perfect, but if she was a rich gamer-girl, you could drop "nearly" from that statement. Thanks in advance.:)

If you ever figure this out, let me know.

Actually, I'd be happy if she didn't roll her eyes at me whenever I talk about cool new character constructs or world concepts or what-have-you....

[Nightshade]

Originally posted by Dauntless
Nightshade-
Does your wife have a sister? :)

Nope, but she does have a brother who might be interested.

I don't know that he's a gamer though...

Nightshade

[lemming]

My wife's not a gamer. She's got a bit of a psych lim (15 pointer I think) vs. it. She had a couple bad experiences and then her first husband was a gamer as well. (Not a Hero system gamer though...)
While it would be cool if she did game, I'm working on her computer skills first. I did switch her over to Linux last year. :D

[Angry Gumby]

My wife is also a non-gamer. It works out pretty well for us, since I do think it is also important for couples to have things they do apart from one another.

My wife's experience with gamers has been mostly limited to socially inept "gamer dork" types, and it has totally turned her off. The one time I actually drug her into a gaming store with me, it was *filled* with guys who totally creeped her out. (She wasn't being overly sensitive -- even I was a bit put off. It was something else). That pretty much cemented her preconceptions about gaming.

Anyway, she's just flat out not interested, so I don't worry about it. She's happy and supportive of my hobby without having to be involved in or fully understand it. That may be where you end up; if so don't worry too much about it.

[Killer Shrike]

My first wife gamed a bit with us...but she sucked so bad at it I asked her to stop after a few sessions -- it was really bringing the game down.

I did mention we're divorced right? ;)

My current wife played Mordheim for a while with us back in the day, and used to totally stomp all of us with endless strings of 6's.

Once she had her hooks into me pretty solidly, she didnt seem to feel the need to keep playing with :rolleyes:

All in all however its probably for the best. We are both far beyond stubborn and well into a whole different eschelon of stupidity, so the less we have to argue about the better :D

[Killer Shrike]

I should point out that she's totally cool about me playing, and only complains when Im totally ignoring her in favor of my hobbies as opposed to only kind of ignoring her in favor of my hobbies.....

Seriously though, she stays real busy with her own interest (tennis), so it works out that we both have a hobby that the other isnt interested in -- gives us time apart and thats important to our relationship (we have an opposites-attract kind of relationship -- we are polar opposites with practically nothing in common).

[DoctorItron]

There's a bonus if you GM and your wife doesn't play - you can have her to critique your adventure ideas. "No, honey, that plot is more transparent than J Lo's latest outfit. The players will solve the mystery in no time."

OTOH, if you GM and your wife does play, then you are obligated to give her the +5 Holy Avenger Sword of Slaying Everything, or sleep on the couch :D

[Krim Haneth]

My signifcant other didn't game until I brought her to the gaming association on campus when we were in college. She got hooked immediately and has gamed since. I have run a quite a few games with her in them. It has always been fun, it has been tense once in a while, but usually its because a plot point hit the group right between the eyes.;)

[Rachel]

Surprisingly enough, I never play face to face. I don't really care for it. However, I do play in the Global Guardians PBEM and enjoy it immensely. Kara's tried solo sessions, small groups, everything. I like the people she games with. I don't read comics, but know enough of the basics to get by thanks to Kara being a comic collector. For some reason, the face to face gaming just doesn't do anything for me. I like the way the PBEM works. It's actually more conducive to getting into actual role playing, allowing you to explore your characters thoughts and motivations in a way you just can't do when everyone's sitting around a table.

I don't think there was a real point here. Just felt like rambling about my take on RPG's. And since, in some ways, I'm a non-gaming spouse . . . ;)

[Curry Wolf]

GenreFiend

Tread lightly.

I was fooled (and a fool).

I met my now ex-wife in a LARP, and was mislead by her gamer friends into thinking she was a gamer. By the time I figured out my mistake, I was pritty committed to the relationship. I spent most of the next three years trying to bridge the gap between her need for attention, her interest in my hobby, and my friends, and her fear and dis-interest in gaming. It was not as if there were not other women in my gaming group, and in fact I met her through women within my local extended gaming community. My games were and are usually about half & half gender mixed.

We are still friends... but the gaming did indeed come between us (not the sole problem, just one of the two defininig ones, the other was the 16 year age gap).

Do not confuse Rocky-Horrror, or Live Action or SCA interests with interest in gaming, because it is just not the same.

If the non-gaming spouse expresses real interest in the gaming, then there is plenty of good advice from the other posts. If the SO is not interested in gaming, and is interested in your time.... You will die a slow and painful death. And your gaming friends will suffer with you.

[GenreFiend]

My wife is just not interested. Period. She doesn't even want to try it, which is kind of weird given her interest in fantasy art and novels. Oh well. On the good side, though, there has never been a question of gaming coming inbetween us. Part of which may stem from the fact that due to real life concerns umong my friends, I am not gaming at the moment. Haven't for some time. Which is part of the reason I WANT to get my wife into it. So I'll have someone to play with. Oh, well, such is life.

[trechriron]

My wife is a computer gamer, fantasy novel reader, and converted movie enthusiast. She has sat at my table for one campaign early in the relationship. She no longer "games" in the table top sense but plays a plethora of online computer games and is an avid supporter of my obsession. OH, and she married me so I am taking what splendid blessings the Gods have bestowed upon me AND RUNNING.

BTW - tell her why you love the game. Tell her what makes each session worth showing up at. Ask her to try it one ("anyone will try almost anything ONCE!") one session. During that session be yourself, be relaxed, and have fun. Make sure she is involved and having fun. Ask her how she liked it but don’t invite her to the next session. If she asks to be involved or decides to “sit in” on another, repeat until addiction sets in.

Otherwise, love her for who she is and keep communication open so she does not find herself competing with your hobby and be glad that you are a gaming geek that has a wife (everything, after all, has a positive side…).

Just my two cents…
:p