Lines that will live in infamy

[Karimarle]

A call to post your famourite memorable in-game lines. Here are two from a loooong time ago.

The winter weather was bad enough. We were nearly dying from that, not to even mention the ubiquitous evil presence that had been following and menacing us since the start of our cross country trip. It would never actually appear and do us any harm, but it threatened us every night! So, the rest of us were not all that pleased when the ‘sneaky‘ one we had among us called out “Show yourselves!”. When the huge area of swirling snow and ice had finished with us, we were minus two of our group. She was later to earn the moniker ‘Jasmine of the Glib Tongue’ when she yelled out (in the midst of a very religious and law-abiding party, and as we were about to face the same evil anomaly) “Let’s fight evil with evil”

[Sketchpad]

Finding a library in a seemingly abandoned underground lair ...the party investigates with only the non-literate barbarian staying outside the room. After looking through the books for 15 mins., the players suddenly start acting out against each other. Not really sure what to do, the Barbarian goes in and incapacitates his friends one by one, dragging them into the hallway. As they recover, he turns to the library and says stonefaced: "No good can come from books ..."

[Toadmaster]

In a D&D game the party was facing down the villian that we had been chasing / chased by for much of the campaign, the battle was very even with most of each side badly wounded or otherwise incapacitated and the direction the battle took was pretty much going to be decided by the two big fighters from each side. The evil fighter chalanged our fighter saying "I'll see you in Hell" our fighter replied "No you won't, I'm Chaotic Good". Our party did win but only due to some luck.

[Nightshade]

We had a party that had some internal problems. It hit a head when the fighter drew steel, to which the thief coolly stated, "Ah, how appropriate. A BASTARD sword."

Nightshade

[Nevenall]

In this instance we were investigating a weathy merchant for some kind of wrong doing, and we had a cunning plan. The blind doppleganger character transformed himself into a statue of solid gold which we sold to the merchant for a pittance. The rest of us were waiting in the streets outside the doppleganger returned and, flushed with excitement the player exclaimed, "I searched the room..." and he paused, "but then again, I'm blind."
------
The healer of our party: What's going on over there?
Local: They're going to hang a murderer.
THOOP: Really? What did he do?
------
We were chasing down a a theif who had stolen a dangerous cursed book to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. He fled into an equally dangerous swamp, and ended up getting eaten by a giant alligator, book and all, who swam away before we could catch it.
After days of hunting the creature in the swamps, we found it, choked to death on the book. To which information my character replied, "Well, if you swallow a cursed book you're just asking for trouble."
-----
Ah there are so many great quotes, so many that would make no sense to most people.

[CorpCommander]

Don't be alarmed, ladies and gentlemen. Those chains are made of chrome steel.
King Kong (1933)

:-)

I have a terrible memory for these sort of things. I know there have been a lot of them in the games we've run. Usually they are the result of intra-party bitching. I do remember once there was this kid that joined us and played a halfling rogue. The party was chasing down a mutant that broke free of the circus. I am big into maps and I have a very good idea where everyone was. The fighter managed to corner the thing in the loft of a wharehouse or barn. The Rogue made a spot check from a long way away and saw the thing and plinked off an arrow. Mind you the mutant and the figher are in ajacent hexes. I told the rogue, don't miss by '1' because then it ends up in the fighters hex. He rolls and misses by one. The fighter makes a dodge and the mutant gets away. The fighter then said something not appropriate for the family friendly pages of Hero Games.

Then to the tune of Wagners "Ride of the Valkarie" the fighter emerged at a run from the barn singing "Hunt the Hobbit! Hunt the HOBBIT HUNT THE HOBBIT!!!"

The ended up getting the mutant later and I think the Hobbit was eaten by a jaberwocky many sessions later when the fighter was "slow" to come to his rescue. "Serves the blighter right."

[slaughterj]

Playing Palladium FRP, the troll character slew a balrog in the street (duel), and followed with a yelled "Anybody else?!", to which was responded by several other balrogs present :)

[BobGreenwade]

A favorite PC of mine, Calvin Tropp, grew up at his father's high-class vineyard until his entire family (himself excepted, of course) was killed by a mob of semi-humanoid creatures. After that, he became a sort-of thief (more of a private investigator, really), hobnobbing with the lower classes while habitually holding on to his upper-class upbringing.

So, quite naturally, upon entering a new city and being directed to the roughest dive in town, he notes the group in the corner playing mumbledy-peg with a short sword, strides up to the bar, and proclaims:

"I'd like a glass of your finest chablis."

[Edsel]

One night during a Middle-Earth based fantasy game I was playing in my Ranger had a really bad string of luck. During two seperate combats I failed to roll above a 5 on a d20 and never managed to hit anything. Once the party stumbled into town we were asked to identify ourselves. I gloomly replied, "My name is Orodil, that's elvish for I missed."

[AnotherSkip]

My halfling barbarianish character was trying to make saves vs the party Mages mind control spell.

after rolling 1 on a d20 (2nd edition) against the hypnotic pattern spell
My character said "OOOOOOooh Pretty!!!!"
after rolling another 1 on a second save attempt
My character buddy hugged the similarly entranced lizardman he was about to kill before the spell went off, both still intently watching the "show".
after rolling another 1 on a save
My character drooled.
and after the spell ran out of it's own accord i said "Do it again!!! Do It Again!!!!!!!"

Another Story:
We were a pack of werewolves trying to deal with a mystic portal that opened up into a latin monastic library that "evil" monks were using to try and develop an armageddon Spell. This thing was soo bad the Utenka Spirit I was in contact with demanded we destroy the mystical knowledge. The only phrase we learned in latin was "which way to the latrine?"

The sheer amount of use we got out of that phrase was astonishing.
every attempt at interrogating us failed miserably because we merely asked where the latrine was.
Every time someone questioned us being somewhere we simply used stock phrase #1.
Anytime we wanted 'out' of a social situation we asked for the location of the nearest latrine.

[CorpCommander]

In a D20 game that takes place in a world run by Orcs I played a Samurai... Hey, had to use Oriental Adventures cuase it was cool. Anyway. We were off to get some bad guys and we saw a party that looked like they might be able to help. So the Samurai slips out of the forest and crosses a field to greet them. Now, I had put a lot of ranks into diplomacy as it fit the chracter. So I approach the other group explain our intentions, make many flattering remarks about them and ask if they will join with us.

"make a diplomacy roll"

"Sure... Ooops." <rolled a one> "I guess my Engrish is not so good! haha! Did I just suggest their leader's lineage consists of forest pigs?"

"What's your armor class?"

:eek:

[Nevenall]

From the beard of a dwarf.

"We are simple people. We want simple things. Give us your stuff."

[Markdoc]

From a Runequest game.

Hadmog the Dwarf gets his arm hacked off, though his life is saved by the healer. After the combat is finished, the healer goes looking for Hadmog's arm.

Kagar (my Troll PC) looks a bit guilty, wipes his mouth and said "I thort he din't need it any more."

cheers, Mark

[Nevenall]

"I will NOT use magic to wash dishes!"

----

"Your captain has been...uh...vacationed. We are taking over this ship."

---

"Stop for coffee! We're in the middle of a chase!"

---

While playing a party of aliens in Heros Unlimited we are fighting earthlings with guns in a thick cloud of fog. One of the aliens fumbles and blasts my alien in the back and kills him. Realizing his mistake he shouts to the rest of the party, "Look out! They have blasters too!"

[Vanguard00]

While exploring an unnatural cave in the mountains, several members of our superhero team were caught by wailing banshee-like creatures, completely deafening all with their screeching. Believing this to be a precursor to an attack my character started to run away, only to be stopped by the yelling of my teammate who was not moving as fast. The other two, seeing me stop, stopped as well.

I stopped and fought my way back to him, still unable to hear was he was shouting. While trying to figure it out we were attacked by the 'main' demon. The fight was long, brutal, and highly unpleasant. Creative strategy on our part got three out of four of us out of there. The fourth was never to be seen again.

Once we were well on our way from the area I asked the first guy what he had been yelling.

After long moments of sullen silence he finally said, "I was telling you to run."

[CorpCommander]

BACK IN THE DAY... when I was running Warhammer Fantasy there were two dwarven characters: Axe and Smash. After seeing a crest commercial they took up a new battle cry:

"We Make Holes in Teeth!"

And they did! Plus holes in skulls, in torsos, in legs, in chests (both on enemies and the things you store loot in), and doors, and oranguatangs and breakfast cereals and... <skip a bit brother>

[Blue Jogger]

That reminds me of Orcish Battle Cry:

"We're Orken! We're Number One! We get the job done! We're Orken!" (From a commerical from the late 80s)

"For this I learned Orcish?"

[Karimarle]

A couple of classics from an old Villains and Vigilantes game:

Stalt! In the name of the law.

and

Drop that phone or I'll kill you! (from a character known to have death touch)

[Karimarle]

And of course, every group has their version of the obvious reply to "I mount my horse." snicker, giggle, tee-hee

For years when the GM of our Sunday afternoon gaming group announced "OK. Dawn comes." after a night sleeping under the stars, we would always yell "Tell her to clean it up."

[Shaddakim]

In a 3E D&D game:


"Launch the second pig!"





It means what it says.

[Vanulf]

In an old campaign of mine I had a friend join a group of adventurers who were already about 5th or 6th level. My friend created a gnome mage who was to be the apprentice of the parties other magic-user.
During a fight with a large group of monsters, the higher level mage cast a Fireball spell without taking into account the area of effect, thereby catching the first level mage, Skibley, in the blast.
Unable or unwilling to pay for a resurection, the party carried the remains back to the Gnomish village, went to the deceased house, and dropped the bag of remains on the table, and unable to speak gnomish simply pointed to the bag and said to the bewildered parents "Skibley".
After which there was much crying and wailing.

[Starwolf]

I had worked long and hard on an adventure for Fantasy Hero. The intrepid group was hunting an evil witch in a haunted forest. The witch lived in a huge hollow tree and gainde entrance through a crack in the trunk caused by a lightning strike. The barbarian reported to the rest of the group after scouting out the entrance...."I can't wait to get into the witch's crack"... where upon the game descended into a total chaos of laughter... :p

[Nevenall]

"What? You've never seen an invisible boat before?"

[Greatwyrm]

I ran a D&D game a few years ago, in which, the party always managed to get themselves in more trouble than they could handle. After one particularly bad episode near the end of the 2+ year campaign, the player of the Barbarian had a sudden flash of insight.

Just as it was about to hit the fan again, he said,
"I've finally figured it out. We're cursed so that we can't learn."

[Briguy123]

The following event happened during a a highschool AD&D campaign. We had just finished Module S1: White Plume Mountain. On the area map provided in the module there is a small illustration of a skeletal dragon at one edge with the text, "here lies the way to the cave of the undead dragon." I the players decided they wanted to investigate, so I generated an appropriate scenario.

Once they finally reached the cave they gathered about 100 yards from the entrance and held a war council. Our doughty fighter (played by a kid who later gained the knick name of "Hacker") finally had a brilliant thought and announced to the group "I'll smoke him out!"

Before anyone could remind him that undead don't breathe, he through a small gem enchanted with a fireball spell into a large patch of dry prairie scrub. The resulting commotion aroused the dragon who used the fire to his advantage. He used fire spells to surround the PC's with a merry conflagration. The players had to fight the dragon while trying to survive a raging prairie fire.

From thence forth, the groups battle cry became "We'll smoke them out!"

[Wolf]

Way back in the good ol’ days of gaming…. We were about to start a new cyberpunk style campaign, and our GM told us about the storyline. We were undercover cops trying to infiltrate a very not-good group of terrorists. Part of the story was that the cops had a specific pistol that they carried, and to get one in the black market was very difficult, however my friend wanted one. So that was his in, He was so good he could get a cops pistol. So we get ready to play, and we are frisked before seeing the boss, the henchmen grab my friends pistol, and take it too the boss when we go in to see him. He asks, “Where did you get this gun?”, in an angry voice. And without missing a beat my friend says laughing like he’s stupid, “I’m a cop.”

[Eodin]

Testosterone RolePlaying Quotes...
We kept a journal of priceless (to us) quotes, named after a running joke called the testosterone roll (indicated how good a male character's beard could grow, among other things). Here's a few of my favorites...

From an adventure where the COM 24 Elven Druid, asking for aid from the visiting queen, seduces her... "Aren't affairs of state fun?"

From the same adventure...
WF: "Are you kinky?"
CT: "No, he's a druid."

Referring to the possible level of a monk villain...
"I wouldn't speculate as to the height of his order."

During a D&D campaign, in which Ninja agents were a problem...
"Did he move like flowing mercury to envelope it, or did he catch it like a cleric?"

From a chaotic neutral gnome thief during an encounter with a possible villain, to another character.
"I'm chaotic neutral. Eat this."

From a gamma world adventure, wherein the achilles heal of the attackers was the interior of the weapons' barrel, a 6 inch hole...in theory like the hole Luke Skywalker was aiming for in Star Wars...
"Shoot for the blacks of their holes"

Talking to a first level character...
"Put on an air of several hit dice"

After a rescue of a fair maiden by the Paladin in our group...
DW: "Did you grab her nice?"
CT: "I'm a paladin -- of course I grabbed her nice!"

Needing to hide the presence of a monk character...
"Are you the level of monk where we can stick you in a portable hole and forget about you?"

From a Star Trek campaign, trying to check for disease...
"Can a medical tricorder detect virulent micro-orgasms?"

[grymlocke]

---
'...are you gonna eat that?...'

'...but it's still moving.... '


'...so?...'

[CrosshairCollie]

"A BOAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

--During my last FH campaign, any random player. I hadn't realized that, over the course of the game, every single time the PCs were on a seagoing vessel of any sort (including a simple barge), something happened and it invariably sank. This happened like six times.

[SDK]

Originally posted by CrosshairCollie
"A BOAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

--During my last FH campaign, any random player. I hadn't realized that, over the course of the game, every single time the PCs were on a seagoing vessel of any sort (including a simple barge), something happened and it invariably sank. This happened like six times.

So one of the PCs must have been Groo.

[Nightshade]

I had a game where I was playing a Paladin and a friend of mine was playing a Ranger. We had found out that there was a town to the south that was being attacked by a dragon. Needing to get there quickly, we tried to get the Ranger a horse, but we did not have any money. The Ranger asked if he could borrow the horse, just to get to the town, where he and I would kill the dragon, then he would bring the horse back.

The very concerned owner, who had actually heard of us and knew that we might be able to win, said, "How do I know that you really are these people? How do you know your not just lying to me."

My friend answered "My friend's a Paladin. He won't let me lie."

Nightshade

[Nevenall]

"Let the Imperials board us this time. I bet I can talk our way out."
--A Notorious smuggler.

"Just give a lightsaber and let me fight Darth Vader."
--A Non-Jedi, Not even force sensitive, Bounty Hunter.