Infrequent Musings

It's that time of the year where light is scarce and night is long.

Depression is photosensitive.

As much as I love the holidays, the cheer, the family, the time off for my birthday.....

It just hangs in the back, and jumps when I am not guarding against it.

The beast comes out in the dark of the year.

I hate it.

I try and fend it off with my medication (which helps immensely - I'd likely be immobile or suicidal during this time if I didn't have it). I try and fend it off with distractions like movies and TV and video games or music, but you can only do that so far. My wife is a comfort like no other. But still, occasionally, the beast jumps, and lands.

Tonight is one of those nights.

As much as I have come to terms with it, and have structured my life around the ways to keep it at bay, I really hate my depression. And on days like today, I can really feel it hating me right back.