My 2nd Hero: Shroud

**SMKun** · Mar 19th, '04, 08:05 PM

Ok the back story is a bit long, we've gone overboard on it. It's still missing the most recent part his re-awakening. The character still needs about 50 points of Disads so I can get him up to the 400 point range. He definately needs a few more skills, like AK: Ancient Egypt and a few others. Tell me what you think.

Thanks for all the advice/comments.
Shroud

331 B.C. Alexander the Great invades and conquers Egypt. The city of Alexandria is founded to be the future capitol of the Egyptian territory. At the direction of Alexander the Egyptian sorcerer-priests are stripped of their instruments of power, including every copy of the Book of the Dead. The order responsible for the protection of the Pharaoh, the Guardians of the Secrets, escapes into the western desert with the last surviving copy of the powerful spellbook.

323 B.C. Alexander the Great dies in Babylon of unknown causes after falling ill at a party.

322 B.C. With the death of his master Alexander, Greek general Ptolemy claims Egypt as his own. The Ptolemaic dynasty is the last that will see a Pharaoh on the throne of Egypt. With the crowning of Ptolemy I Soter, the Guardians of the Secrets return from the desert to offer themselves – and the last true copy of the Book of the Dead – to the service of the Pharaoh. Accepting their offer, Ptolemy is given access to centuries of forgotten Egyptian lore that had been entrusted to the Guardians. The relationship between the Ptolemaic pharaohs and the Guardians of Secrets survives until 30 B.C. and the Roman conquest of Egypt.

31 B.C Roman Emperor Octavian defeats the Egyptian forces of Cleopatra VII and her lover Mark Antony. Virtually the entire order of the Guardians of Secrets is either killed in battle or put to death by the Romans. While history reports that Cleopatra and Antony commit suicide, they actually order the last surviving member of the Guardians – Nizari Isma’ilis – to kill them rather than let them become playthings of Octavian.

And so the story of Nizari Isma’ilis begins…

Nizari did not have time to think about the murders he had just committed, though Queen Cleopatra called them mercy killings. Even at the end, it was her wish to deny the Roman bastards anything they could use against the people of Egypt. The footfalls of nearly a hundred Roman soldiers – Octavian’s bodyguards – hammered the floor behind him. Were it not for the Guardians superior knowledge of the palace, Nizari would already be dead. All he had to do was get to the hidden water landing, Henni and the other priests had a boat waiting to help him escape. The noose was tightening though, as more Roman soldiers joined the hunt with every passing minute.

Finally, Nizari found the hidden door and tripped the latch. A swarm of javelins bounced off the sturdy stone door as he slipped into the dark. Barring the door from the inside, he knew that it would take the Romans too long to get through – he had escaped. Letting his fingers follow the guideline through the dark, a pinpoint of light appeared in the distance. The hammering on the door behind grew fainter with every step. The priest motioned frantically, a small palm candle the only light to go by. It was a pitch-black night, and they would need its cover to elude the angry Romans. After Nizari stepped into the reed boat, Henni and the other three priests began to paddle them out into the Nile. The covered exit ran for several hundred feet, and then they could escape into the ancient irrigation tunnel that would take them to the Papyrus Swamp and the Temple of Anubis. Luck was with them, as no watcher noticed them during the few seconds they were out of cover. The journey through the old irrigation tunnel was arduous, but far better than the alternative should they have been caught. Of the 333 Guardians of the Secrets, only Nizari remained alive. If the future of the order, and the secret archive of Egypt were to be saved, the ritual of stone would have to be performed quickly. The Romans were on the hunt for him now, and the free members of the priesthood as well. It was only a matter of time before they got what they wanted, but they could not win once the ritual was complete.

After a journey of several hours, the priests paddled into the docking area of the temple. A pair of armored priests with khopesh stood guard in the night, moving aside to let the party enter the sanctum. A great stone box waited in the center of the temple, and a single brazier gave off a feeble light. Incense drifted down into the room from censers that hung in the rafters, completely eliminating the stench of swamp gas. Only a dozen senior priests had made it to the temple for the ritual, but it was enough. Three acolytes stripped Nizari down and bathed him from head to foot. Henni took the Guardians khopesh from Nizari and laid it reverently on the altar. Two more priests carried in a large urn that had been carefully sealed with wax. Breaking the seal, they took turns dipping a ladle into the container and then pouring the contents over the sword. While the acolytes continued to purify Nizari and prepare him for the ritual, the priests performed a different ritual that would enchant the khopesh. The urn contained blood from every one of the 332 fallen Guardians, and the sword would be anointed with their mingled blood 332 times before blood was taken from Nizari himself for the 333rd blessing. The ritual would create a powerful relic for the restoration of freedom to Egypt. The ritual of the sword took more than an hour, during which the purification of Nizari was completed. Finally, a priest cut the palm of Nizari’s right hand and collected the blood that flowed out. The chanting rose in volume as the final ladle of blood anointed the sword, and the ritual was complete. The blade had turned blood red, but radiated pure sunlight. A priest quickly wrapped the blade in linen, careful not to actually touch the weapon. The fully swathed khopesh was then dipped in paraffin and placed carefully in the stone box. Now it was time for the ritual of stone.

A wooden temple chair was brought forward, and Henni led Nizari to the seat. Acolytes hurried to bring out all the tools of the master embalmer of Anubis. The old man came forward, raised a golden cup to Nizari’s lips and let him drink deep of the drugged wine. Warmth suffused through his body, eliminating all sensation while preserving Nizari’s awareness of the events that were transpiring. While half of the priests began to chant over the Book of the Dead, the embalmer began the exsanguinations. A metal tube was inserted into one wrist, draining his blood into a funerary urn. Another tube, connected to a bellows pump, was inserted into the other wrist. For every drop of blood that was drained, a drop of the elixir of stone was pumped in to replace it. The elixir was a combination of fantastic ingredients from creatures of legend – royal jelly produced by the titanic bees of Kilimajaro to the south, the blood and venom of the giant emperor scorpions that the Guardians used as watch-beasts, and untold other wonders. With this mixture running through his veins, Nizari would become the Guardian Emancipator, and the savior of the enslaved people of Egypt. Unfortunately, as the ritual was nearing its completion, Roman soldiers found the temple and fought their way inside. The Praetorian centurion prevented the slaughter of the priests, but chose to make an example of the last guardian. The tubes were pulled from Nizari’s body, and the priests were ordered to encase him in the embalming wrap that was prepared for him. All but a drop of the elixir had made it into his body, and all but a drop of his own blood had been removed. The ritual was all but completed, the tragedy of it being the single trace of mortality that remained in the body of the Emancipator. Once the wrap was applied, the centurion ordered his men to put Nizari in the stone box that had been prepared for him. As they did so, Henni erupted with a last desperate act. Reading from the Book of the Dead, the loyal son of Egypt – and Nizari’s brother – was able to finish the ritual enchantment before a Roman gladius cut him down. With his lifeblood pouring out of him in a great spray, Henni spit out a final spell…and a prayer of sorts as well. The spell was a last gift of protection for his beloved older brother, and Nizari felt his brother die as the spell took hold on him.
The prayer, however, was given great power as Henni stood at the threshold of the land of the dead. Anubis was the guardian of the entrance to that realm, and as the dying prayer was made in the first and oldest temple of the jackal-headed god, he was listening. Nizari’s last thought was of revenge against those who prey upon the weak and defenseless, and Anubis chose him to be the realization of Henni’s final prayer. Someday, the Emancipator would rise up to fight for those in need.

Nizari fell into a black and dreamless sleep as the Romans put him in the sarcophagus. Without knowing why, the centurion gathered up the Book of the Dead and placed it beneath Nizari’s head as a sort of pillow. The surviving priests were ordered to finish sealing the stone box and then made to watch as the Roman soldiers pushed the coffin through the temple arch and out onto the dock. The Papyrus Swamp ran deep, and the muck beneath the surface was known to swallow a man in seconds if he became mired. Even the temple itself had been built on an elaborate network of floats, essentially an artificial floating island. Laughing uproariously, the soldiers tipped the stone box off the dock into the bottomless depths of the swamp. The priests looked on in horror as their last hope for Egypt’s freedom was lost. The Romans then bound each of the priests and tied weights around their necks. One by one, they were pushed into the swamp to join Nizari in a slimy grave. With the last priest dispatched, the temple was set afire and the soldiers left. With the morning light, all trace of the temple massacre was gone. The Roman Empire would be nothing more than a topic in history classed when Nizari returned to the light of day.

Note: The single drop of mortality is a lead-in for something you mentioned as being key to the character of Shroud. You see, that single bit of mortality allowed Nizari to age, and decay, during the many centuries he was imprisoned. Admittedly, this happened at a very slow rate, but it is continuing even as he lives to fight crime in the present day. So he kind of stinks, and is slowly but surely moving towards a point where he will return to the dust from whence he came. Of course, there is a catch to it all too…the Book of the Dead has the spells necessary to restore him to the condition he was in before the decay started – which was basically a very powerful guy who ages very slowly. However, when the Brits dug his sarcophagus up, the contents were divvied up between several parties, and have yet to turn up. So, the Book is missing, and the sword could be too if you want.

Shroud

Player: Mike

<table cellpadding="0" border="0"><tr><td align="right">Val  </td><td>Char   </td><td>Cost</td></tr><tr><td align="right">20  </td><td>STR</td><td>10</td></tr><tr><td align="right">30  </td><td>DEX</td><td>60</td></tr><tr><td align="right">20  </td><td>CON</td><td>20</td></tr><tr><td align="right">20  </td><td>BODY</td><td>20</td></tr><tr><td align="right">13  </td><td>INT</td><td>3</td></tr><tr><td align="right">20  </td><td>EGO</td><td>20</td></tr><tr><td align="right">10  </td><td>PRE</td><td>0</td></tr><tr><td align="right">0  </td><td>COM</td><td>-5</td></tr><tr><td></td><td> </td><td></td></tr><tr><td align="right">15  </td><td>PD</td><td>11</td></tr><tr><td align="right">15  </td><td>ED</td><td>11</td></tr><tr><td align="right">6  </td><td>SPD</td><td>20</td></tr><tr><td align="right">15  </td><td>REC</td><td>14</td></tr><tr><td align="right">50  </td><td>END</td><td>5</td></tr><tr><td align="right">50  </td><td>STUN</td><td>10</td></tr><td></td><td> </td><td></td></tr><tr><td align="right">6"  </td><td>RUN</td><td>0</td></tr><tr><td align="right">0"  </td><td>SWIM</td><td>-2</td></tr><tr><td align="right">4"  </td><td>LEAP</td><td>0</td></tr></table>Characteristics Cost: 197

<table border="0" cellpadding="0"><tr><td align="right">Cost  </td><td>Power</td><td align="right">END</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">43  </td><td>Undead: Life Support (Eating Character does not eat; Immunity All terrestrial diseases and biowarfare agents; Immunity All terrestrial poisons and chemical warfare agents; Longevity Immortal; Safe in Intense Cold; Self-Contained Breathing; Sleeping Character does not sleep) </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">15  </td><td>Undead Body: Damage Resistance (15 PD/15 ED) </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">10  </td><td>Undead: Reduced Endurance (0 END; +1/2) for up to 20 Active Points of STR (10 Active Points) </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">5  </td><td>Undead Awareness: Increased Arc Of Perception (360 Degrees) with Normal Sight </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">5  </td><td>Undead Body: Lack Of Weakness (-5) for Normal Defense  </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">8  </td><td>+4 PER with Normal Hearing and Normal Sight </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">14  </td><td>Undead: Healing 2 BODY, Reduced Endurance (0 END; +1/2), Persistent (+1/2) (40 Active Points); Extra Time (Regeneration-Only) 1 Turn (Post-Segment 12) (-1 1/4), Self Only (-1/2) </td><td valign="top" align="right">0</td></tr><tr><td align="right" valign="top">21  </td><td>Nizari's Khopesh: Killing Attack - Hand-To-Hand 2d6+1 (3d6 w/STR), Armor Piercing (+1/2) (52 Active Points); OAF (Khopesh; -1), No Knockback (-1/4), Real Weapon (-1/4) </td><td valign="top" align="right">5</td></tr></table>Powers Cost: 121

<table cellpadding="0" border="0"><tr><td align="right">Cost  </td><td>Skill</td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">4  </td><td>+2 with Khopesh </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">3  </td><td>Acrobatics 15- </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">9  </td><td>Analyze: Combat 15- </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">3  </td><td>Breakfall 15- </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">0  </td><td>Language: Egyptian (completely fluent; literate) (4 Active Points) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">2  </td><td>Language: English (fluent conversation) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">3  </td><td>Stealth 15- </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">3  </td><td>Shadowing 12- </td></tr></table>Skills Cost: 27

<table cellpadding="0" border="0"><tr><td align="right">Cost  </td><td>Talent</td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">5  </td><td>Eidetic Memory </td></tr></table>Talents Cost: 5

Total Character Cost: 350

<table cellpadding="0" border="0"><tr><td align="right">Val  </td><td>Disadvantages</td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">25  </td><td>Distinctive Features: Mummified (Not Concealable; Extreme Reaction; Detectable By Commonly-Used Senses) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">15  </td><td>Physical Limitation: No sense of taste/smell (All the Time, Slightly Impairing) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">15  </td><td>Physical Limitation: Only sees Black/White (All the Time, Slightly Impairing) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">25  </td><td>Social Limitation: Being Undead (Very Frequently, Severe) </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">15  </td><td>Reputation: Undead, 14- </td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="right">5  </td><td>Money: Poor </td></tr></table>
Disadvantage Points: 100

Base Points: 250
Experience Required: 0
Total Experience Available: 0
Experience Unspent: 0

**innominatus** · Mar 20th, '04, 11:55 AM

A few observations:

1.) Somebody needs to re-establish the Goodman School of Cost Effectiveness. To wit: if you're buying up two or more of your Figured Characteristics (ED, REC, END, & STUN), you should seriously consider buying up the Base Attribute instead (in this case, CON); you'll save points and be harder to CON-Stun. You might also consider lowering the EGO down to 18 (or even 13 and add some Mental Defense); you'll still get the extra +1 to EGO-Based rolls, and the -1 ECV isn't going to make THAT much difference if you're not attacking with EGO powers, anyway...

2.) I didn't read your origin story (I almost never do on these sorts of posts -- read the tagline!), but he seems pretty easily intimidated and unimpressive (low PRE) for a "Great Emancipator". Even if he's not very persuasive, he could stand to at least have some Presence Defense ("I've already died once; what are YOU going to do to me?")

3.) He seems awfully fast and wily for a mummy; if he's undead, it'd probably be more in character for him to soak up the damage rather than dance around it. I'd say you'd be better off (and more in keeping with the conventions of the undead) selling off some DEX & SPD and beefing up your defenses, or even getting some Damage Reduction if you can afford it. In any case, you could probably do away with the Lack of Weakness (your defenses are so low anyway, it isn't going to make much difference if someone does Find Weakness on you).

4.) Have you considered taking the Regeneration down to a single d6, and removing the "Once a Turn" Limitation? You'll save 1 pt., but you'll also be healing 6 BODY per Turn (1 per phase) rather than just 2...and with that extra healing factor, you might even save a few more points by lowering the Damage Resistance a bit...

5.) If memory serves, it costs 2 pts. for a +1 PER Roll for ONE sense; to get +4 for both Sight & Hearing, it would in fact cost you 16 pts. Or, you could buy the 3-pt. Levels and have them be good for ALL your senses (which would then be a total cost of 12 pts.)

6.) If it were me, I'd pump up his STR to 25 (no additional cost since you can "buy back" the boosted Figured Characteristics), take the Reduced END on STR to just 1/2 END (saves you 4 pts.), and lower the HKA to 2d6 (still up to 3d6 w/STR) and add "1/2 END" to it (same cost for the weapon); assuming a Half Move & Attack each Phase, you'll be doing the same damage but only burning 24 END per Turn instead of 36.

7.) With no Movement Powers and only a single noteworthy attack, it seems like this character would be at a real risk of being a one-trick pony; might you consider making the khopesh a Multipower with both an HKA and a HA slot (using either the hilt or the flat of the blade) to give him some flexibility? Or maybe some form of Martial Arts to allow him to do non-lethal damage (you could also add a Weapon Element for the khopesh, to take advantage of the OCV & DCV modifiers as well as the increased DC's)?

Just my never-to-be-humble opinion.....

**Zed-F** · Mar 22nd, '04, 08:05 AM

1.) Somebody needs to re-establish the Goodman School of Cost Effectiveness.

Agreed, unless there is some in character reason not to have higher STR/CON, these will definitely save you some points in figured stats, especially if you go for the breakpoints rather than sitting at even values. Far too many points are being spent on figured stats. If you really want the extra figured stats, bump up STR and CON by at least 5 apiece and scrap the excess spent in figured stats. Otherwise, consider lowering some of your figured stats.

2.) I didn't read your origin story (I almost never do on these sorts of posts -- read the tagline!), but he seems pretty easily intimidated and unimpressive (low PRE) for a "Great Emancipator". Even if he's not very persuasive, he could stand to at least have some Presence Defense ("I've already died once; what are YOU going to do to me?")

High EGO can stand in for presence. If he has an in-character reason to buy up his EGO, he doesn't also need PRE unless he wants to make PRE attacks. Buying up EGO will help both against EGO and PRE attacks, so it's not horrible from an efficiency perspective.

3.) He seems awfully fast and wily for a mummy; if he's undead, it'd probably be more in character for him to soak up the damage rather than dance around it. I'd say you'd be better off (and more in keeping with the conventions of the undead) selling off some DEX & SPD and beefing up your defenses, or even getting some Damage Reduction if you can afford it.

Disagree on brickiness. No need to stereotype mummies as being damage sponges. If he wants to be a fast and nimble mummy rather than a brick mummy, more power to him. HOWEVER, that said, you should probably pick one style and go with it; you don't have the points to be both fast and highly damage resistant. Do you really need 20 BOD? You do have regeneration going for you, after all; you are far more likely to get CON-stunned and subsequently KO'ed than be at risk of death as it stands. If you want some damage reduction, fine, but it's fairly expensive if you buy it natively, and this character has more urgent needs to address at the moment.

4.) Have you considered taking the Regeneration down to a single d6, and removing the "Once a Turn" Limitation? You'll save 1 pt., but you'll also be healing 6 BODY per Turn (1 per phase) rather than just 2...

Illegal. FREd specifically states that you must take at least a once per turn limitation on regeneration. As a PC you may take once per hour, but not once per phase. You *could* reduce it to one BOD per turn if you wanted to save points.

7.) With no Movement Powers and only a single noteworthy attack, it seems like this character would be at a real risk of being a one-trick pony; might you consider making the khopesh a Multipower with both an HKA and a HA slot (using either the hilt or the flat of the blade) to give him some flexibility? Or maybe some form of Martial Arts to allow him to do non-lethal damage (you could also add a Weapon Element for the khopesh, to take advantage of the OCV & DCV modifiers as well as the increased DC's)?

Agreed on the lack of flexibility. A blaster can sometimes get away with low mobility, but a hand-to-hand combatant never can, especially since this character doesn't even have enough STR to make a viable throwing attack. As a low-STR melee character, a good movement power is a must. I agree with the multipower, though I would make sure it has a movement power and possibly a ranged attack power in it.