Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Hagadorn]

GM: So your in the crowd of police using your invisible to sight, sound, touch, taste, mytic, danger and combat power, to place donuts next to unsuspecting police officers...

Stranger: And Coffee!

[teh bunneh]

Not really a funny quote, but a great little exchange in our d6 Star Wars game last night.

A bit of a complex setup first. Our small group of rebels is trying to break some prisoners out of a Star Destroyer's brig. We've just gotten news that an Inquisitor has been called to question them, and he's supposed to be arriving in the next 6 or 7 hours. So we've got a deadline. We sneak on board the SD disguised variously as storm troopers, Imperial officers, and maintenance crew, and somehow we accidentally got split up.

The guy disguised as the storm trooper tells the officer on deck that he's a courier with an important delivery for the captain. Of course, there's no record that a delivery is scheduled, but he manages to flim-flam the officer into believing it's due to some bureaucratic mixup, and he gets escorted down to the detention level.

Meanwhile, the second team hacks into the computers and forges a prisoner transfer order, direct from the Inquisitor. It basically says, "I won't be able to make it after all, send the prisoners to me instead." So we head down to the detention level.

Our storm trooper gets in to see the captain and tells him that the package is "For Captain's eyes only," so the captain takes him into an interrogation room and tells him to open it. He opens the case, pulls out a grenade, and drops it at the captain's feet (diving behind a table for cover). The grenade goes off, killing the captain. Our guy hits the fire alarm and starts calling for help. "Oh my god, rebels infiltrated the detention level and killed the captain! Help!" More storm troopers and officers pour in. The place is a mass of confusion.

Then we walk in. We see the captain's broken body rushed out of the room. We see smoke and debris and hear the alarms blaring. My character walks up to the officer in charge and announces, "The Inquisitor has ordered a prisoner transfer. Your facility is no longer safe."

Officer: Wha??? How could he have possibly known...
Shasi: The Inquistor knows everything. Do not question his methods!
Officer: I've got an emergency to deal with!
Shasi: The emergency is why I'm here. We need the information those prisoners have, and we can't risk it falling into the wrong hands.
Officer: You can't just march in here and start ordering us around!
Shasi: That is exactly what I'm doing, under the auspices of the Inquisitor!
Officer: If you think your people can do better than us...
Shasi: Your security is inadequate! You allowed terrorists to attack the heart of your operation!
Officer: Don't talk to me about my security!
Shasi: If you have a problem with our methods, you should file a complaint!
Officer: You're damned right I'm going to file a complaint!

...And we walked out of the detention center with the two prisoners in tow (and a "storm trooper" to escort us). The officer was so flummoxed he never even bothered to double-check our documentation!

[Susano]

Wow, Imperial Inquisitors are just as scary as Imperial Inquisitors!

[Houston GM]

The team is a group of cybernetically enhanced federal agents. They're nominally assigned to the US Marshall service, but they frequently get "loaned out" to other agencies due to their specialized talents.

Following a joint operation with the DEA, Ham has submitted a draft of an affidavit (documenting that the team had probable cause to apprehend some drug smugglers) to his supervisor. His boss returned the draft with the following comment.

Hehe. I love a good ambush

Details as to the story?

Don't open the spoiler unless you are interested in the story. (Yes, this comment is directed at Kirby.) Some quotes from the ambush were previously mentioned in this post.

Spoiler:

show spoiler

The PCs...
Darnell Jones: A former gang member; possesses wired reflexes; the team's up close shooter.
Henry "Eyes" Brown: Was a witness under witness protection; now works as a member of this special task force; possesses cyberoptics; the team's spotter, sniper and driver.
Mike "Ham" Hammond: Formerly part of a special military platoon designed for high-tech urban environments; possesses a cybernetic communications suite roughly equivalent to a mobile NSA listening post; the team's ELINT (electronics intelligence) specialist; his full capabilities are a well-guarded secret.

The team had tracked the drug smugglers to an abandoned building complex out in a swamp. The drug smugglers were using the location to cut the drugs before taking the to another location.

The DEA liaison had informed us that the drug smugglers were known to carry automatics ... and they had the reputation for being trigger-happy. Eyes had counted at least eight drug smugglers in two off-road vehicles, so we were feeling a bit outnumbered.

Ham thought that the building complex was a tactical nightmare, so he recommended that the team set up along the only road out of the complex and take them there.

(Ham spends a lot of his time downplaying his own abilities...)

Ham used his cyberware to set up a satellite uplink so he could call the DEA liaison to request some backup.
DEA Liaison: "How did you manage to call me from the middle of a swamp?"
Ham: "I have a satellite phone."
DEA Liaison: "I didn't know the US Marshall issued satellite phones."
Ham: "They don't. This one's mine."

Ham explained how they located the drug smugglers.
Ham: "We stumbled across the back-pulse from their tight-beam landing beacon and tracked it to their source."
DEA Liaison: "I'm impressed. That takes a lot of skill."
Ham: "I used to do this kind of thing during the war. And we were lucky enough to be patroling in the right place at the right time."

Ham also contacted the local sheriff to request a couple of spike strips.

The team set up an L-shaped ambush ... or as close to an L-shaped ambush as one can manage when you have three people. Fortunately, two DEA shooters arrived to assist before the ambush started.

Darnell and Eyes were going to be the short side of the L, engaging the drug smugglers from the front. Ham and the reinforcements would made up the long side of the L, engaging the drug smugglers from the flank and behind. Darnell had a light machine gun. Eyes had his sniper rifle. Ham and the DEA shooters had rifles.

Ham explained the strategy.
Ham: I want Darnell here. That way none of us is down-range of the machine gun. I want Eyes here, so he can disable the vehicles if they try to blow by us. The only downside of this arrangement is that I'll be down-range of the sniper rifle. But if I'm going to have any friendly fire coming in my general direction, I'd prefer it to be coming from the sniper.

A DEA shooter expresses his concerns.
DEA Shooter: "The plan is sound, but are you sure that we have probable cause?"
Ham: "Yeah. Their sentries are using walkie-talkies, and I overheard one of them telling another how long it would take them to finish cutting the product."
DEA Shooter: "You can listen in on their walkie-talkies from here?"
Ham: "They're broadcasting on an open channel ... and there's not a lot of competing radio transmissions in the middle of a swamp."

Ham also rigged a tripwire to a radio transmitter so the team would have some warning as the drug smugglers' vehicles approached.

The ambush went almost according to plan. As the two vehicles reached the spike strip, Ham (broadcasting over the drug smugglers' radios) ordered them to give up.

The first vehicle (a pickup truck) hit the spike strip, blew all four tires, and skidded to a stop sideways across the dirt road. The second vehicle swerved off the road to go around.

Eyes and Ham shot out the front tires of the second vehicle, while Darnell used the machine gun to turn its engine block into swiss cheese.

The drug smugglers in the back of the pickup truck started firing their automatics at Darnell, so he started ventilating the back of the pickup truck. Some of the drug smugglers started hopping out of the back of the pickup truck (to get more cover from the machine gun), which put them directly into the sights of the DEA shooters.

After a brief but intense firefight.
GM: You hear one of the drug smugglers broadcasting over the radio.
Ham (ooc): What is he saying?
Drug Smuggler: "No mas! No mas!"
Ham (to the team): "Cease fire. They're ready to give up now."

Two of the drug smugglers were still hidden in the bed of the pickup truck. In order to play it safe, a tear gas grenade was tossed into the truck bed in order to flush them out.

A DEA shooter looked into the truck bed to see why the two drug smugglers hadn't come out.
DEA Shooter: "I think we just wasted a perfectly good grenade."
Ham: "I'd rather have a grenade wasted than one of us wasted."
DEA Shooter: "True that."

After the drug smugglers were in custody, Darnell commented on how the plan worked out.
Darnell: "I managed to keep them all occupied. They were too busy shooting at me to pay any attention to the rest of you."
Eyes: "I like plans where they shoot at you instead of me."

During the debriefing with the DEA...
DEA Liaison: "We're happy to share credit for the arrest, but we'd like to take full custody of all the drugs and other evidence that was siezed."
Ham: "That's fine with me. Our boss asked us to help you out. He didn't ask us to bring home any souveniers."

[BoloOfEarth]

From last night's D&D game:

(Necessary background: For the past year our male fighter, Aren, has been having "relations" with the beautiful young Margravene, wife of the Margrave -- an older baron-type aritstocrat. The whole party knows this, as do a few of the Margrave's guards, but it's not publicly known nor is it really an exclusive relationship. When back in town, Aren still lives with his parents.

Meanwhile our female rogue, Devlyn, has been seeing a lieutenant in the Margrave's guard. Our party is in a city outside the Margrave's lands, attending the wedding of teammate and nobleman's son Ryan Strongblade.)

Ryan's lesbian aunt and her female partner arrive in town, and he notices both women are about five months pregnant.

Ryan: How did *that* happen?
Il'Marcum: (in condescending tone) Well, when a mommy and a daddy really love each other...
Ryan: I know that! But what about when a mommy and a mommy love each other?!

- - - - - - - - -

Ryan: I look around at the various guests. Is there anybody there that doesn't belong?
DM: There's always a few party crashers, but nobody you recognize.
Ryan: Oh, that's okay. I'm more worried about the people I *know* but aren't invited...

- - - - - - - - -

Ryan: Is the Margravene with Aren?
DM: No, he didn't invite her to be his guest.
Ryan: So who is his guest to the wedding?
Yllek: (OOC) His mom!
Il'Marcum: (OOC) Oh, great, it's like prom all over again!

- - - - - - - - -

A mystery woman manages to kidnap Devlyn's lieutenant, and Devlyn tracks her to a house. Sneaking in, Devlyn hears the woman questioning and torturing the man. She chases off the woman, who is apparently a sorceress, and seeks somebody in the party to heal her boyfriend's cuts and burns (and a severely-kneed groin). Devlyn eventually finds cleric/ranger Yllek.

Devlyn: I need you to heal him.
Yllek: (OOC) Do you tell me what happened?
Devlyn: (OOC) Not yet, there's too many people around.
Yllek: Okay fine, I'll heal him. But first... (takes the lieutenant aside) Listen, pal, if she's going to get into the rough stuff, you really need a safe word. I suggest something short, like 'zebra.'

Il'Marcum: When you go to heal his groin, remember that Cures are touch spells!

[Major Tom]

From last night's D&D game:

(Necessary background: For the past year our male fighter, Aren, has been having "relations" with the beautiful young Margravene, wife of the Margrave -- an older baron-type aritstocrat. The whole party knows this, as do a few of the Margrave's guards, but it's not publicly known nor is it really an exclusive relationship. When back in town, Aren still lives with his parents.

Meanwhile our female rogue, Devlyn, has been seeing a lieutenant in the Margrave's guard. Our party is in a city outside the Margrave's lands, attending the wedding of teammate and nobleman's son Ryan Strongblade.)

Ryan's lesbian aunt and her female partner arrive in town, and he notices both women are about five months pregnant.

Ryan: How did *that* happen?
Il'Marcum: (in condescending tone) Well, when a mommy and a daddy really love each other...
Ryan: I know that! But what about when a mommy and a mommy love each other?!

- - - - - - - - -

Ryan: I look around at the various guests. Is there anybody there that doesn't belong?
DM: There's always a few party crashers, but nobody you recognize.
Ryan: Oh, that's okay. I'm more worried about the people I *know* but aren't invited...

- - - - - - - - -

Ryan: Is the Margravene with Aren?
DM: No, he didn't invite her to be his guest.
Ryan: So who is his guest to the wedding?
Yllek: (OOC) His mom!
Il'Marcum: (OOC) Oh, great, it's like prom all over again!

- - - - - - - - -

A mystery woman manages to kidnap Devlyn's lieutenant, and Devlyn tracks her to a house. Sneaking in, Devlyn hears the woman questioning and torturing the man. She chases off the woman, who is apparently a sorceress, and seeks somebody in the party to heal her boyfriend's cuts and burns (and a severely-kneed groin). Devlyn eventually finds cleric/ranger Yllek.

Devlyn: I need you to heal him.
Yllek: (OOC) Do you tell me what happened?
Devlyn: (OOC) Not yet, there's too many people around.
Yllek: Okay fine, I'll heal him. But first... (takes the lieutenant aside) Listen, pal, if she's going to get into the rough stuff, you really need a safe word. I suggest something short, like 'zebra.'

Il'Marcum: When you go to heal his groin, remember that Cures are touch spells!

Well, this one wins the "TMI Award of the Week" from me...



Major Tom

[Major Tom]

Wow, Imperial Inquisitors are just as scary as Imperial Inquisitors!

Just think of how much scarier it would be if the real Imperial Inquisitor looked
like Dolores Umbridge -- and had the temparment to match ().



Major Tom

[Nerdnumber1]

Just think of how much scarier it would be if the real Imperial Inquisitor looked
like Dolores Umbridge -- and had the temparment to match ().



Major Tom

A frog-like, magic using inquisitor that wears pink! What a horror!

[Tom]

From the Avengers/Thunderbolts crossover on HC...

"Right. The epicenter seems to be that school. I'll land on the roof and continue scans. Please avoid bending reality too much in the meantime as it might throw up some interference."

[input.jack]

GM: Hominy is "bad corn". Hominy is corn that touches you at night and makes you cry...

-------------------

Kat (OOC): So, how embarassing is what hes doing when I slip in thru the window?

GM: Well, hes got a dead goat, and its dressed up like Raggedy Anne...

--------------

The rest of the good quotes were too weird or racy to post

[Greywind]

...like that wasn't...

[Major Tom]

A frog-like, magic using inquisitor that wears pink! What a horror!

And let's not forget her legion of spy-cats.

And yes, I agree, she was an absolute toad.



Major Tom

[Major Tom]

GM: Hominy is "bad corn". Hominy is corn that touches you at night and makes you cry...

-------------------

Kat (OOC): So, how embarassing is what hes doing when I slip in thru the window?

GM: Well, hes got a dead goat, and its dressed up like Raggedy Anne...

--------------

The rest of the good quotes were too weird or racy to post

Ewwww...

(About a quote being too weird to post: on this board, there's no such thing.
Too racy, yes, but not too weird.)



Major Tom

[DJ Blackrock]

Just an update and a bump for the thread. Sadly, the Space Opera, Serenity, Champions and Hunter games have been a bit devoid of good quotes. At least, good quotes that won't get this thread locked, and I don't want that

Just letting it be known, I'm still around, and should have some good ones soon. Champions is tomorrow, and we're introducing Panther, the super-strong gymnast and a small, sheltered, terrified, shape-shifting Jewish kid. No name yet for him.

[bubba smith]

he should be interresting