Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Funksaw]

This isn't from a tabletop game, but it's funny enough... over VoIP on Team Fortress 2, where it's considered "newbie weekend" because people get to play for free this weekend and the game only costs $10.

There's a game called "Pipeline" where your goal is to stand near a cart of your team's color and push it up a hill. The team that pushes the cart up the hill first wins.

The teams are clearly color coded - the blue team pushes the blue cart, and the red team pushes the red cart.

So it was with some annoyance when I said: "Okay, when I give you this ubercharge [a type of buff] you head straight to the cart..."

that the next thing I said was:

"...no, head to the other cart!"

[Celt]

This isn't from a tabletop game, but it's funny enough...

Nobody said it had to be tabletop, did they? I've brought up lines from my Rock Band/Guitar Hero ensemble, haven't I?

BTW, anyone know how to say "travel and death" in Sindarin? I figure it's going to be our version of 'strength and honor' or 'a Elbereth Githoniel' but I'm too lazy to look it up.

[Klytus]

More once I have a chance to re-read my notes

Notes found

For the battle-maps, I use M&Ms for the innocent bystanders, and the Hershey's mini's (Krackle, Mr Goodbar, etc.) for cars. In the middle of the battle, Graviton (a brick) makes use of the environment.

Graviton: So I'm gonna grab the Mr Goodcar...

After the battle, Nightengale (the mentalist) has one of the villains (Lightning Lord) under Mind Control. Since these were a group of villains that had never worked together before, and since a notorious mentalist super-villain was in town, the party is sure that they are being controlled. So the interrogation begins.

Nightengale: Are under mind control?

Lightning Lord: (sardonically) You mean besides yours?

[Enforcer84]

Context too mundane for the unintentional comedy.

Ayreth: So which position do you prefer?
Mint: *epic pause*

[BlackCobra]

Session of our dimension hopping D&D campaign:

The samarai-ko Lady Min is grappled by a nasty demon. Her halfling companion comes up behind the demon and sneak-attacks him for a HUGE amount of damage.

Lady Min OOC: "Say hello to my little friend!!"

-----------------------------------------------

GM, referring to the same demon, who is being killed by the halfling rogue, OOC: "Nothing but goo!"

(Which is like "Nothing but net", but with more demon-gore.)

[DocMan]

For the battle-maps, I use M&Ms for the innocent bystanders, and the Hershey's mini's (Krackle, Mr Goodbar, etc.) for cars. In the middle of the battle, Graviton (a brick) makes use of the environment.

Graviton: So I'm gonna grab the Mr Goodcar...

We also determined that you can smack the brick with a given car twice. The first time you break the Hershey's mini in half, the second time you eat the bar and leave the wrapper on the map to represent the wreckage.

Very accurate and effective.

The only problem is keeping the players from snacking on the environment.

Doc

[input.jack]

We started a Star Wars game this weekend, set 10 years after the Battle of Endor, in the GM's own continuity (rather than the hideous mess that is the SW EU). The PCs:

Raene Taa: An ex-Imperial officer who spent 8 years as a Hutt slave, and was rescued by the Republic. Raene is Bodycast as Pink

Dirk Nightstrider: A cocky young Jedi, one of the first graduates of Master Luke's Jedi Academy. Dirk is Bodycast as Jensen Ackles

Princess Asha Nabarrie: Diplomat from Naboo, and neice of the late Queen Amidala, who bears a striking resemblance to her aunt. Asha is Bodycast as Natalie Portman.
(Asha's Player thought that Padme got the shaft in the last Prequel, and wanted to give poor Natalie Portman a chance to do something in the Star Wars universe)(In this continuity "Queen of Naboo" is an inherited title, not an elected office).

-------------------------

[The PCs are all present for a celebration to commemorate the successful return from its shakedown cruise of the Liberty; the first of a new line of "Star Defenders"]

GM: ...And its about the size of a Super Star Destroyer. And its clearly of Mon Cal design.

Asha (OOC): So...its like a giant flying space pickle?

GM: ...Yes.

Asha (OOC): *Points skyward* ZENTRAEDI! :O

GM:*Points to the door* Wrong franchise! Get off the set!

Asha (OOC): *Mimes slinking away in shame*

-------------------

GM: Your transport comes out of hyperspace uncomfortable close to the 18 Kilometer-long monstrosity of a ship that is the Liberty.

Dirk: Well....I dont feel as manly anymore...

--------------

GM...So each Mandalorian makes their own armor.

Asha (OOC): So is there a guy out there in tragic armor like a catcher's vest and a hockey mask?

GM: The other Mandalorians look at him as "Jethro the Mandalorian", whose deflector shield just doesnt glow as bright as anyone else's

-------------------

[The characters are on Nar Shadda, the "planet-city of sin" in the SW universe. Like Las Vegas only without the rules. The PCs need to find out some things regarding the local underworld.

Raene Taa takes Dirk Nightstrider to an S&M club. When they return, Asha askes Dirk what happened.]

Dirk: She took me to a club...where they hit each other...for pleasure

Raene: You make it sound strange

-------------------

[A Pat Benetar video comes on TV]

Asha (OOC): I remember "Benetars" at school, back in the 80s.

Dirk (OOC): Pat Benetar acolytes?

GM: "Gessay Benetar-ts!"

Asha (OOC): WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BRAIN!

[Karma]

Heh. I honestly can't recall what game this quote originated in, but it's become the tag line for at least one pulp hero in any of our games:

"Women seem to have a problem with my face. They either want to punch it or kiss it. Sometimes both."

Sounds like a character of mine who (in a total fit of unoriginality) I described as the guy in the Eagle's song 'Take it Easy'... you know "Seven women on my mind. Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me, one says she's a friend of mine"

[bubba smith]

We started a Star Wars game this weekend, set 10 years after the Battle of Endor, in the GM's own continuity (rather than the hideous mess that is the SW EU). The PCs:

Raene Taa: An ex-Imperial officer who spent 8 years as a Hutt slave, and was rescued by the Republic. Raene is Bodycast as Pink

Dirk Nightstrider: A cocky young Jedi, one of the first graduates of Master Luke's Jedi Academy. Dirk is Bodycast as Jensen Ackles

Princess Asha Nabarrie: Diplomat from Naboo, and neice of the late Queen Amidala, who bears a striking resemblance to her aunt. Asha is Bodycast as Natalie Portman.
(Asha's Player thought that Padme got the shaft in the last Prequel, and wanted to give poor Natalie Portman a chance to do something in the Star Wars universe)(In this continuity "Queen of Naboo" is an inherited title, not an elected office).

-------------------------

[The PCs are all present for a celebration to commemorate the successful return from its shakedown cruise of the Liberty; the first of a new line of "Star Defenders"]

GM: ...And its about the size of a Super Star Destroyer. And its clearly of Mon Cal design.

Asha (OOC): So...its like a giant flying space pickle?

GM: ...Yes.

Asha (OOC): *Points skyward* ZENTRAEDI! :O

GM:*Points to the door* Wrong franchise! Get off the set!

Asha (OOC): *Mimes slinking away in shame*

-------------------

GM: Your transport comes out of hyperspace uncomfortable close to the 18 Kilometer-long monstrosity of a ship that is the Liberty.

Dirk: Well....I dont feel as manly anymore...

--------------

GM...So each Mandalorian makes their own armor.

Asha (OOC): So is there a guy out there in tragic armor like a catcher's vest and a hockey mask?

GM: The other Mandalorians look at him as "Jethro the Mandalorian", whose deflector shield just doesnt glow as bright as anyone else's

-------------------

[The characters are on Nar Shadda, the "planet-city of sin" in the SW universe. Like Las Vegas only without the rules. The PCs need to find out some things regarding the local underworld.

Raene Taa takes Dirk Nightstrider to an S&M club. When they return, Asha askes Dirk what happened.]

Dirk: She took me to a club...where they hit each other...for pleasure

Raene: You make it sound strange

-------------------

[A Pat Benetar video comes on TV]

Asha (OOC): I remember "Benetars" at school, back in the 80s.

Dirk (OOC): Pat Benetar acolytes?

GM: "Gessay Benetar-ts!"

Asha (OOC): WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BRAIN!

iadmit i dont get the zentradi joke

[ghost-angel]

Zentradi are the bad guys in Robotech.

[Ian Mackinder]

Zentradi are the bad guys in Robotech.

... And their capital ships are decidedly green - and a couple of types are even a tad pickle-y looking.

[BoloOfEarth]

From this past Sunday's D&D game:

The party has taken possession of a former orc-owned keep a week's travel from our hometown (Darkwood), and are slowly trying to equip / rebuild / man the keep. At present, we have four low-level fighter types, all 10+ levels lower than the PCs. At the end of the prior session, Yllek the ranger was scouting around and found a group of 40+ trolls, 20+ lizard men, and others approaching the keep from the nearby mountainside. Yllek is rushing back to warn his compatriots, and some of them aren't even at the keep, but instead back at Darkwood.

Leila (via email): Everybody needs to say where they are and what they're currently doing, so we can come up with a plan.
Yllek (via email): Well, Yllek is currently running down the mountainside thinking, "OH MY GOD! FORTY TROLLS! FORTY TROLLS!"

Leila tree-walks (basically, teleporting from one tree to another similar one far away) back to Darkwood to get our two fighters. She first goes to the recently-married Ryan and explains the situation...

Ryan: (imitating Inigo Montoya) Forty trolls? At my best, I could only take 7 or 8...

Leila: I need you to see if Rogan (Yllek's mentor, an NPC) is available to help out, then meet me over at Il'Marcum's house. I'll go get Aren.
Ryan (turns to his wife Isis): Honey?
Isis (points to the door): You heard the woman. GO.

Ryan goes to Rogan's house, but nobody is home.

Yllek (OOC): You should have checked the bar. MUCH better chance of success there.

Meanwhile, our rogue Devlyn sneaks outside the keep, wearing magic armor that can disguise her to appear to be any other race, and also translates anything she says to that tongue. She plans to look like one of the lizard-men and listen in on their battle plans.

Yllek (OOC): How are we going to know not to attack you?
Devlyn: I'll tie a piece of cloth around my leg, like I'm injured.
Ryan: 'Cuz you know they'd bring previously wounded members to the battle.
Yllek: And you didn't tell any of us that you're doing that, so we have no way of knowing that's you. We'll probably just say, "Concentrate fire on the wounded one!"

Leila, Aren, and Ryan tree-walk back to the woods outside the keep, not knowing that the trolls and lizard-men have since surrounded the keep, and the tree they just exited is quite a ways outside the keep and pretty close to the enemy's front line. Leila changes to a bird to scout around, but is soon netted by a lizard-man.

Leila: How did they know I wasn't a normal bird?!
DM: Well, those lizard-man scouts, WHO WATCHED YOU STEP OUT OF THE TREE, also saw you change to a bird...

The trolls attack, and one of our hired fighters (a female half-orc), manning a ballista, gets a critical hit on a troll. Her twin sister (Nala), manning the other ballista, missed her target completely.

Nala: Showoff...

[Lucius]

Sounds like a character of mine who (in a total fit of unoriginality) I described as the guy in the Eagle's song 'Take it Easy'... you know "Seven women on my mind. Four that want to own me, two that want to stone me, one says she's a friend of mine"

I thought that was "Four that want to hold me, two that want to scold me, one 'cause she's a friend of mine."

Lucius Alexander

Don't let the sound of your own palindromedary make you crazy.

[Greywind]

Well, I'm running down the road
tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women on my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine,
Take it easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow Arizona
I'm such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
take it easy..."Alright"

Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen
my load, got a world of trouble on my mind
lookin' for a lover who won't blow my
cover, she's so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy,
come on baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me, ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,oo h,ooh,ooh,ooh

Oh well you know we got it easy
We oughta take it easy, yeah

[input.jack]

I thought that was "Four that want to hold me, two that want to scold me, one 'cause she's a friend of mine."

Your interpretation is far kinder than the original lyrics