Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Querysphinx]

From Teh Bunneh's Bloodmnater D&D game:

Alix: Shapeshifter, druid, source of cat-girl jokes, possessor of the fail field (worst dice ever).
Brontus: Human? Barbarian. Large, dangerous... occasionally even more so.
Hakkoz: Dwarf. Cleric. Obsessed with tar-covered logs.
Pax: Human Fighter. Only nominally in the same game as the rest of us.
Justine: Human. Warlock. Hot Asian chick. Naked bungee jumper.

Players are entering the wizard's tower. One player keeps rearranging the miniature terrain on the battle map.

Alix: Hold on a minute; I think someone is in the middle of modding the tower.

Players are engaged in a skill challenge to convince an absent-minded mage that he needs to be rescued from aforementioned tower.

Pax: I use my endurance skill to stay awake while they talk about books. *promtly rolls a 1, critical failure* And I fall asleep.
GM: And Pax will take no further part in this skill challenge.

Party discusses tactics for escorting the mage through a shanty town filled with pirates.

Hakkoz: First we roll flaming logs down the hill into the pirate town... then we resurrect.
Justine: Mental note: The dwarf is not in charge.

Party is navigating the pirate town without too much difficulty.

Alix: I keep waiting for something to go wrong... outside of my personal universe where everything goes wrong.

The PC's board an airship and Hakkoz is recruited to tune up the engines. Much metallic banging and clanging ensues.

Hakkoz: I think I fixed it.
Alix: Fixed as in neutered.

Justine gets knocked off the airship while in flight over sea of deadly mist. Alix moves to rescue her.

Brontus: If there's anyone who can make plummeting to your death off the side of an airship worse, it would be Alix.

After Alix successfully saves Justine...

Justine: (Freaking out) I saw the bottom of the ship. You're not supposed to see the bottom of the ship while it's moving! I'm trying myself to the mast.

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angle who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Zeke a demon possessed private investigator
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist

******

A quote I missed from our game 2 weeks ago:

[Zeke has been giving Mike a hard time over the body switch thing.]

Mike - Don't make me seduce you.

Julian - You wouldn't like him when he seduces you.

******

Okay, the rest are from last night's game:

******

Kayla - I'm kind of off the killing.

GM - Yeah, she's trying to cut back.

******

Zeke - They weren't bad guys anymore. They were the corpses of bad guys at that point.

******

Julian - I don't need amenities. I just need my head on my shoulders; that's all the amenities I need.

*******

Kayla - Don't touch her!

Mike [looking down at Molly's body which he's currently stuck in] - How can I not?

Kayla - Don't touch you!

******

Zeke - Julian, can we borrow your truck?

Julian - What for?

Zeke - Haul some wood.

Julian (suspicious) - What for?

Zeke - You familiar with the phrase, 'plausible deniability'?

Julian - [sigh] Here's the keys.

******

Julian - Danger is our middle name. Unfortunately, our last name is "us".

[Matt Holck]

Mike - Don't make me seduce you.

Julian - You wouldn't like him when he seduces you.

lol
I played what looked like an intellect devourer called the "Brain" in a Golden Age Campaign.
Technically, it was a conglomerations of brains pulled from victims in a Nazi concentration camp. It wasn't pleased with its creator.

I bought it a 60 presence and 30 comeliness which irked the other players to no end
as they could not consider a giant brain with lion claws beautiful.

[Susano]

Session 12 of Farlanthia
(D&D 4E)

Random comment: "Petrified Gazebo"

Duncan to Nayumi: "How important is your brother?"
Nayumi: "He's my brother. How important is your brother?"
Duncan: "Dead."

GM makes an attack roll: "Will a..."
Anae: "No."
GM: *pause* "That's not convincing enough."

Anae: "Now I'm going to..."
Computer in the corner: **beep**
Everyone:

Duncan (OOC): "What's her Comeliness?"
GM: "That's Nayumi's mother!"
Calidore (OOC): "I've got four letters for you...."

Madrigan (NPC) speaks to the party: "Your 'deaths' may come in handy."

It's noted that there are seven of us versus an army.
Calidore (OOC): "Well, Duncan is Yul Brenner and I'm Steve McQueen. The rest of you are in trouble."

Calidore (OOC): "Your character is a bard, right?"
Marid (OOC): "Yeah."
Calidore (OOC): "What does he play?"
Wyk (OOC): "Other people."

Duncan (OOC): "You've just bribed a guard with his own money! You deserve what ever happens [next]!"
Wyk (OOC): "This is how the world works! You're just too naive to realize it!"

Anae to Wyk: "Don't make me regret I ever healed you."

[Egyptoid]

Griffon: tell me the bad guys don't have any followers or flunkies, please.
GM: yeah, the Decepti-Crumbs.



The team hacker has failed 3 computer skill checks in a row. And everyone including the DM has commented upon this.
player, angry: well I'll just transform into an Auto-Hydrant and you can all hike a leg over me!


Pimpticon is down and out.
Crowbar: anyone got the cell numbers of his Hobots?
Chessex: I'm not that kind of Transformer.

[Lucius]

Not from my gaming group, but from the only computer game I play these days (except Tetris) - Galactic Civilizations

An alien menace is trying to extort resources with the threat of force.

The dialogue option whereby I express refusal read something like

"We Humans have been killing each other for centuries. If you'd like to join our party, feel free."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Lucius Alexander

The palindromedary is not a party to the killing.

[Deadborder]

Last night's session was actually all planning for the next D&D Game. Even then, it produced some corkers. Names changed to protect the guilty:

Waffers: I got it! my character's mummy was a witch doctor. he went out to get some shrooms for her, and somebody stood on them. I was like "Hey man, don't touch my shrooms" and got angry at him, so I chased him into the city and got lost and confused.
Me: I thought he was going to be a basketballer and run around in a loincloth (Well, actually play an anchient Mesoamerican ball game that is similar to Basketball, but yeah)
Waffers: Well, he became a basketballer after he got to the city and forgot what he was doing
Bill: I thought the idea was to gather shrooms, not eat them


Waffers: He has a big ball
Me: Given the tiny little loincloths that those mesoamerican basketballers wore, that much should be obvious


Me: Bill, why do you allways pick the mini with the shiniest buttcheeks?
Bill: Because all the male minis are crap
Me: They're also sculpted by guys, so the two may not be unreleated.
Bill: Like you can talk; your mini isn't even wearing pants; and I can see her butt cleavage
Me: At least it's not shiny


(I use an on-line rnadom fantasy name generator)
Me: "Cevornia?" That sounds like the name of a former Soviet republic
Waffers: Does she glow in the dark?


Waffers: No, I got it! His Witchdoctor mummy was kidnapped while he was out gathering shrooms for her, so he's gone to the big city to find her and to play basketball.
Me: I will avange you, mother! But first I must win the playoffs!


Me: My character's a mercenary badarse with big... swords
Bill: And no pants
Me: Doesn't matter, you'll be staring at her... swords


Waffers: I could be a n00b monk
Bill: I thought you said a "nude" monk
Me: Well, given that monks don't wear armour...


Waffers: (reading rules) What's a Ki pool?
Me: Its where you keep your ornamental carp


Me: The idea behind a Monk is that you achive enlightenment by beating people up

[Deadborder]

And, as a bonus, from the Star Hero game:

The situation: We've laid a trap for the Big Bad Alien Prince, but now he's escaping. We've been trying to stop him, but all our shots are either missing or hitting for tiny amouts of STUN and BODY

Me: Where did we get these stupid guns?

(Hits for 7 BODY and 35 STUN)

Me: Never mind

[Matt Holck]

I like low dice games the probability curves are wider

[Deadborder]

And finally, and only 99% unrelated, QotW from a member of my WoW guild over Vent:

Kilim: If there's One thing I've leanred in life, it's never to fry something while naked.

[ghost-angel]

Justine: Human. Warlock. Hot Asian chick. Naked bungee jumper.

I see what you did there. She's never been bungee jumping . . .

[Ian Mackinder]

I see what you did there. She's never been bungee jumping . . .

Not yet. That you know of ...

[BoloOfEarth]

A few from last night's D&D 4.0 game:

After some hilarious but highly off-color comments from various players:

Immeral (OOC): You know I can't actually use any of these quotes, don't you?

One of the players (who plays our gnome wizard Renn) wasn't there, so we talked about the various things that Renn was going to do in the player's absence.

This happened while we were camped at a deserted Dwarf mining camp, inside a deserted building for the night. We heard some wolves howling outside.

DM: So, Renn was on first watch. Outside?
Immeral: Yeah, in that goat costume.

Through the barred window, we see something moving around outside, but can't see what it is.

Willow (our shaman, talking to Isari): So, are you going to toss some goat meat outside?
Immeral: I'm just a city boy, and even *I* know it's not a smart idea to toss food to wild animals...

The next night, we're camping just off the road. Willow's player is putting our character minis on the map, and he puts Immeral's figure in the center of the map and, distracted by something else, sets everybody else's figures down off to the side of the map.

Immeral: What am I? Bait?!

The party is attacked by fey panthers, and one pounces on Isari.
DM: It does 7 damage.
Isari: It also takes 7 points radiant damage.
Rivenar: I'll stop six of that damage.
DM: Against the cat? (imitates panther) Hey, dude, thanks! I'll eat you last!

The next day we're back on the road heading for some ruins up in the mountains. At one point the dwarves apparently cut a channel through part of the mountain, with some columns of rock to either side of the road. The DM draws it out on the map board, and Immeral's player places his figure in the middle of the road.

Immeral: You know, this would be the perfect site for an ambush. Only a fool would walk down the middle of this road. Right, guys? (looks around) Um, guys?

After a few heroes make Perception rolls, the DM places four counters on the map, peeking out from behind the rocks.

Isari: There's a humanoid among the boulders.
Rivenar: Only one?
Isari: No. Many.
Rivenar: Then it's not "a" humanoid, now, is it?
Immeral: Oh, you think now is the time to correct his grammar?

The four are wights, and during the ensuing battle a fifth one appears on the other side of the road.

DM: It's a wight, but it doesn't look like the other ones...
Immeral: It's an off-wight.

Years ago, someone had accidentally used permanent markers on the map board, so in one spot is a circle with "tree" written in the middle, and another spot has a red circle with "fire" written in it.

Renn is moving his mini, and goes through the "fire" square.

Rivenar (imitating Renn): Ow! Ow! Hot foot!

In addition to causing damage to us, the wights are also stealing our Healing Surges.

Immeral: Can I use an action point to get a Healing Surge too?
DM: Sure. Better use 'em while you still got 'em.

[Manic Typist]

Isari: There's a humanoid among the boulders.
Rivenar: Only one?
Isari: No. Many.
Rivenar: Then it's not "a" humanoid, now, is it?
Immeral: Oh, you think now is the time to correct his grammar?

Technically, there is nothing wrong or ungrammatical about Isari's statement.

[red_eagle123]

The PC's are discussing where to go for a vacation with an NPC (Darwin):

Sorcha: I hear Aruba is nice this time of year
Darwin: 99 out of 100 students agree that Aruba is a good destination
Charles: What are you talking about?
Darwin: You know, that news story about... What was it, Natalee... Hallway or something, well I guess it doesn't matter now.
PC's: *stunned silence*
Jennifer (OOC?): wow, you're going to a special kind of hell, aren't you?