Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Captain Obvious]

From a long ago campaign where thirteen of history's most evil villains were attempting to take over the world. Characters were investigating events and trying to uncover the identity of the "Evil Thirteen".

Characters:
Agent Fox; an FBI agent modeled after Mulder on X-Files
Vladimir; a former Spetsnaz soldier and mercenary type

Scene: Fox and Vlad are hot on the heels of a shadowy stalker who has been caught spying on the PCs. They have chased the bad guy into a nearby church where they see him hiding in the rafters.

Shouting in rage, Vlad draws both of his Desert Eagle .50cal pistols and shoots continuously at the bad guy while running forward. The ninja drops to the floor and Vlad continues to empty his pistols into the body until he is standing over the body with his pistols clicking empty. As he reloads his pistols, he looks to Fox who has been standing at the entrance dumbfounded by what he has just witnessed.

Vlad (triumphantly): "That is how we do things in Russia!"

Just then an Uzi wielding bad guy appears near the alter and starts firing at them. Fox pulls out a pistol and fires a single shot which hits the goon in the head and drops the guy instantly. Fox blows on the end of his pistol and puts it away turning to Vlad he says:

"That is how we do things in America!"

To this day it is a moment we all remember.

The bunneh's friend, are you?

[teh bunneh]

Ha! I had to go hunting, but I posted that story back in 07! I'm shocked that Captain O remembers that... That was indeed a moment of gaming awesome.

[Captain Obvious]

Well it was a pretty good story. I remembered hearing that story from somewhere and went looking for it myself...I never would have remembered who told it in the first place.

[Blue]

In our game tonight we have been enlisted by Bill Gates to steal a priceless book written in Atlantean so that we can teach him the language.

GM: Do you teach Bill how to read the language?
ME: My proposal is to teach him 75% of what he needs to know and then charge him again for Atlantean 2.0

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist
Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter
Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator.

******

Julian: I guess I should go into the room so we can all be trapped.

***

Sonia: I have a 15- Perception, darn it; I can do it while I'm unconscious.

***

[The team are confronting a vampire that's been tormenting them for several game sessions. Julian has been taunting her throughout the fight until she manages to land a 15 body claw attack on his arm.]

Mary: Where's your bravado now?

Julian: On the floor with the rest of my arm.

***

Kayla: I have a feeling that, even without their heads, they're not going to do very well.

***

Julian [to Sonia]: Yes, you slowed her down so the rest of us *real* heroes could take her down.

Kayla: Hey, wait a minute... He called me a real hero!

***

Zeke: Well, I thought the shooting was important.

***

[in the middle of combat]

Julian: Is Mary dead or just unconscious?

GM: Are going to take time to examine her?

Julian [sigh]: I melt her face again.

***

Sonia: Can I kill the vampire now? And then Julian?

***

Julian: I don't think I can afford to be a hero any longer.

***

Julian: Who else is worst hurt? [player looks at character sheet] Oh, yeah, me.

***

Julian: We lock them in the boiler room and set it on fire. If they get don't free, it's natural selection.

***

Zeke [on the phone with his police contact]: Do you know any doctors who can dig a couple bullets out of me off the record?

Det. Mariska Alerton [pause]: I really wish you hadn't said that over my home phone line.

***

Kayla: Fine, just put me in the frickin' trunk.

***

Mike: It's not my body that's hurt anyway.

***

Julian: We're a team. We don't communicate.

[Susano]

Due to Real Life (TM), the GM ended part one of Farlantha, Age of Dreams, with the PCs at level 8, not 10. That said, here are the quotes from the last session of the first phase of the campaign:

(Warning -- we were in a silly mood).

Calidore (OOC): "4Chan sums up Calsar as follows: 'LOL Random'."

On how to get rid of evil minions in your employ: "Pink slips written in explosive runes."

"Napalm sticks to ghouls."

Na'Yumi: "There's an army coming?"
Duncan: "Why do you think we're leaving town [so quickly]?"
Wyk: "That's what we do everyday?"

The GM is describing a location the party is approaching.
Calidore (OOC): "So... the College of Mages is basically Helm's Deep with Hogwarts in the middle."
(pause)
GM: "FYI Mike? I hate you."
The GM then describes the College of Mages as basically Helm's Deep with Hogwarts in the middle... "just all in ruins."

Calidore on how to get into the enemy fortress (OOC): "First we build a giant rabbit."

"Fire up the grill, we got werewolves!"

Wyk: "You can't sacrifice something you want to get rid of."

GM (to Joan, his wife): " You hid my dice!"
Anae (a.k.a Joan, the GM's wife): "I did not! I'm not upset you forgot your dice...."

Duncan (OOC): "Haven't you ever heard of wight supremacy?"

Next time we meet -- 11th level!

[IndianaJoe3]

Today's Champions game

Earthquake (earth-themed brick): I hit the truck, trying to disable it (rolls 14 BODY).
GM: You have an engine block.

[Lucius]

Today's Champions game

Earthquake (earth-themed brick): I hit the truck, trying to disable it (rolls 14 BODY).
GM: You have an engine block.

I want Martial Arts, Weapon Element: Seige Engines

Lucius Alexander

Weapon Element: Palindromedary Mounted Weapons

[Blue Jogger]

Dwarf (OOC): I hope combat happens soon.
GM: And then the wizard you were talking to slumps over dead.
Dwarf: Wait, what just happened?
GM: Phase 12, you see two thrown axes in the back of the wizard.

[Narf the Mouse]

Dwarf (OOC): I hope combat happens soon.
GM: And then the wizard you were talking to slumps over dead.
Dwarf: Wait, what just happened?
GM: Phase 12, you see two thrown axes in the back of the wizard.

Step 1 of any successful plan: Make sure the Dwarf can't talk.

[Matt Holck]

The wizard talks of old magic and how spells could age someone to place power into magic items..
Troy asks what this aging might do to children.
The elf informs Troy that the blink dog is already full grown.

[Drhoz]

From the 7th Sea table - a PC's pregnant wife has woken up with a craving for iced cream

PC : "It's two in the morning! There is no way on Earth I can get you iced cream!"
Wife : bursts into tears You don't love me anymore!
PC : You're right! I don't!... I shouldn't have said that...
GM : In this era one of the treatments for gonorrhea is running a red-hot wire up into the affected areas. Since she's a fire mage, your wife doesn't bother with the wire.

GM : It's 1668 - there's not a lot of international news coverage

Climate Change

Fireleaper : Of course some cities won't want to be protected by dikes.
Me: It threatens their masculinity

And on the effects of rising sea levels on Florida

Me : And if you believe that I've got some condos in Florida to sell you. Nice water views...

Playing Munchkin, we encounter a combined Unspeakable Awful Indescribable Horror, AND Squidzilla

Me: We just ran into Cthulhu?!?

Our GM is a no-show - we picture him in the starring roll of a picture I'm drawing of a pack of gnoll pirates about to disembowel a sailor.

Trawler's player : A Hyenous crime

Avatar : Avatar, disrupting radio traffic worldwide.
Zero : Think locally, act globally

In Cthulhu - the raid on Innsmouth. Each player is playing 6 PCs, including the marines sent into the smugglers tunnels under the northside slums

Col. Lancaster OOC : Dear God sir, your dog just ripped my leg off. So it can hump it in peace

Barbara vdB : "I just ask one thing - can you make sure your campaign doesn't escape and infect ours this week?"

Also from the other table, listening in on our campaign - they have long experience of previous characters played by my wife

"Dear god - tell me you didn't just give her a flamethrower"
"At least tell us you didn't give her any fuel!"
"Worse - she's got a flamethrower. I've got flares.... and I'm standing right behind her"
"Scream!"

Purrdence's Marine - The flamethrower's named for my wife Vera. My ex wife.
Me GM - She was a hot tamale

Me GM - (Describing the Flamethrower) After two short bursts, it needs a refill
Purrdence's Marine - that's what my wife used to say.

Sergeant - (Mocking another PC's Bigfoot encounter, in reference to something BIG that just swam under the boat) Did it have a beard, boy?
Purrdence's Marine - Not as big as my ex-wife's!

Purrdence's Marine : My ex husband...
Sergeant : Husband? Is there something we don't know about you, Private?
Purrdence's Marine : Wife! I meant wife!
Me GM : Well this is Massachusetts. They're advanced about that sort of thing up here

Me GM : The tunnel is damp, and dripping with clammy slime and phosphorescent algae...
Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine & : "Just like my ex wife...".
Me GM : What was that?
Purrdence's Marine & : Nothing, nothing *looks innocent*
Me GM : ...and stinks of decaying fish...
Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine : *collapse laughing*
Me GM : *headdesk*

Attempt and fail to stop a fellow marine from being dragged overboard by something

Sergeant : Oh great, we just turned Private Douvre into a wishbone. Oh look, I got the big end!

Me GM : They're not gators. Gators don't have fingers like that. Gators don't have faces like that. And gators don't wear golden jewellery either.
Sergeant OOC : - Dear God they've got bling! (makes gang signs and leans back in chair) Deep Ones Bitches!

Private Anzacks to ineffectual Officer - Yessir, Captain Toothless, sir! Right away sir!
Purrdence's Marine - And this is why you're still a private and nobody likes you
Private Anzacks OOC : Really? I thought it was cause I kept taking everything I could get my grubby little hands on

Purrdence's Marine - I failed, I rolled 18. My Dex is only 15. Ass over manboobs.

On the Coastguard Cutters patrolling outside Innsmouth harbour

Petty Officer - OOC - Sir, it looks like theirs a pair of boobs out there.
Captain - OOC - Get your mind out of the gutter son.
Petty Officer - OOC - No seriously sir, it looks like a couple of Irishman.

On the submarine S-19

Petty Sub Officer - (denying a crewmember crushed to death under a fallen torpedo is useless) What are you talking about? He's armed, he has a torpedo.

Me GM : - (Describing an NPC) .. is rigid and unbending.
Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine : Just like my ex-wife.

In RL, the Swan River is amazingly noxious tonight - gaggingly, eye-wateringly bad.

Purrdence : Gah! Smells like a Deep One crawled up the river and died

[StormK]

Ha! I had to go hunting, but I posted that story back in 07! I'm shocked that Captain O remembers that... That was indeed a moment of gaming awesome.

Now you should tell them the story about how you defeated the main bad guy in the jeep race to rescue a hostage held on a dangerous jungle island...

Don't forget to mention the GM's reaction...

[Klytus]

Me GM : - (Describing an NPC) .. is rigid and unbending.
Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine : Just like my ex-wife.

We all have the same ex-wife? What're the odds? ;-)

[BoloOfEarth]

I forgot to write down many from our D&D 4th game last night, but two stood out:

After we've cleared the ancient Deva city of its infestation of Fell Taints, we're searching the city (okay, looting it) and discover 2,500 GP, split into 50 bags each containing 50 GP, in a side building of the main temple. Our shaman is adding all of that gold to our pile-o-loot.
Isari (Deva avenger): HEY! Those are for people who visit the temple!
Willow (Eladrin shaman): WE visited the temple!

Isari: A Deva Avenger is like a paladin with a bad toothache.