Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Major Tom 2009]

More Champions. But no Cthulhu game, AGAIN Purrdence was the only player that showed up

Zero : I don't understand it. The Beatles aren't even my favourite era of music, but every time I finish talking to Mother I have Maxwell's Silver Hammer stuck in my head.

Zero : Would that be the swordsman who was running around Freaktown showing off his Great Cleavage?

Lots of other opportunity for lewd jokes about swords, too...

Zero : Yes, my chopper has a mind of its own.

Weldun, GM : Back then there were the Elysians, the Thulians, etc..

Stentorian : How about Thetans?
Weldun, GM : No, we're keeping it to things that are halfway believable

Weldun, GM : And over here we have the Knights of Purity. They're new. And totally, completely, unaffiliated with Humanity First.
Terminus : And if you believe that we've got a Brooklyn Bridge over here to sell you...
Weldun, GM : And we'll thrown in this land in Florida.
Zero : One previous owner, who only ever used it on Sundays

Somebody has been coming into Freaktown and attacking random animal mutates. It's probably related to the current political debate about expanding the definition of human to include mutates, etc.

Purrdence : Cow-tipping

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : We know what all this about! It's because we're about to get the franchise!
Zero : Animan-cipation

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : *points to his bear-man compatriot* Barry here wants to join the Marines...
Mystique : I suppose marine mammals would qualify to join the Navy SEALs...
Weldun, GM : You wake up in hospital, on a drip
Zero : We warned you about that sort of joke around here

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : Thank you for avoiding the obvious joke about our Right to Bear Arms.

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : I keep telling Barry that if he joins the Marines they'll just send him to Afghanistan. It's hot there, he'll sweat like a pi.... Very sweaty thing

We also get tax advice from a humanoid cuttlefish with bat wings and a pinstripe suit. The Cthulhu plushie on the table reminded Weldun of this NPC

Sheldon : *to Avatar* It doesn't matter that you're not human, native to this planet, or even biological. You don't get any of the benefits or the rights, but you still have to pay taxes. Any entity that makes a profit has to pay taxes. US tax law is quite specific.
Zero : That's what I call forward-thinking legislation!

Conversation gets around to whether animorphs, mermaids, and chimeras would be kosher

Weldun, GM : Would Gakh be okay?
Stentorian : Hmm...
Me : Are we saying there could be Jewish Klingons?
Weldun : He could have converted!

Weldun : Coca-cola have done it again. Last time it was 'Coke will bring your ancestors back from the dead'. This time 'Real Taste, Uplifting Refreshment' is translated as 'Coke will get you high'
Purrdence : Well, coke does get you high...
Weldun & Stentorian : Wrong kind of coke.

I'd wanted to use the sound files I got as part of the DriveThruRPG Haiti Appeal, in my Cthulhu game

Purrdence : We won't get in trouble with the other tables?
Me : No. It's background music, not a Michael Bay soundtrack

I'm suddenly picturing a group of bloodwine-intoxicated Klingon warriors in full armor dancing to
the "Hava Nagila" song (not sure of the spelling), and doing their dead-level best to kick any
spectator in the head within reach...


Major Tom 2009

[Drhoz]

I'm suddenly picturing a group of bloodwine-intoxicated Klingon warriors in full armor dancing to
the "Hava Nagila" song (not sure of the spelling), and doing their dead-level best to kick any
spectator in the head within reach...

We eventually decided that you couldn't be an observing Jew AND a Klingon. But that's okay, the Jewish people are used to suffering

[Drhoz]

Edge City - Back In Town

Zero : We could always ask Admiral Orange for help.
Weldun, GM : What?
Zero : Admiral Orange. He comes from a long line of naval Oranges
Weldun, GM : *deathglare*
Zero : ... I'll shut up now

Weldun, GM : What about Interpol agents?
Terminus : They're just liaison officers - they don't actually do anything.
Weldun, GM : Ow. That's just mean.

Zero : So that's why Japan keeps getting all those giant monsters - they have to have to give the Defence Force something to do.
Weldun, GM : We've defeated Godzilla! Hmm, now we have to justify the Defence Force. Zero : Quick, clone Godzilla!
Weldun, GM : No. Because then we'd get that annoying little tit Gadzookie.
Zero : Could be worse. There was that guy that cross-bred Godzilla, a rosebush, and his dead daughter.
Weldun, GM : Ah. Godzilla vs. Biollante. Tentacle hentai rosebush!
Zero : Lesbian tentacle hentai rosebush

Mystique :This reminds me of a joke. [snip]
Terminus : You're right, this does remind me of a joke
Weldun, GM : Ow!

Mystique : Maybe we should fly to Japan and trash Tokyo until the give us the information we need.
Trawler : Do you realise how many seconds that would take?
Weldun, GM : Ouch. I believe that's one of the top ten signs you should end your Champions campaign. I've never believed that myself.

Weldun, GM : We're trying to keep Avatar away from Japan - I'm still not sure how they'd react
Zero : Nuclear entity?
Weldun, GM : Living aspect of the Sun

Zero : I'm going to be doing some unlawful breaking and entering of people's brains again, aren't I?

Mystique : If you play a doughnut do you have to buy the Hole-in-the-middle advantage?
Zero : Hunted by the police

Terminus : Time for Plan C
Stentorian : What's Plan C?
Terminus : Reversion to Plan A.

Zero : If we're talking about Nazis, how about Pope Palpatine? The Italian police broke up a gay prostitution ring in the Vatican this week. They caught one of the Pope's Gentleman on tape organising hook-ups.
Mystique : What, really?
Zero : Yup. The Gentlemen are the assistants that get assigned to guests of His Holiness. They got him making special requests.
Trawler's player : Nineteen inches, minimum.
Zero, Weldun, Terminus : What????
Weldun, GM : That's truly god-like endowment!
Trawler's player : Oh, sorry, I was talking to him.

The Freaktown mutates have armed patrols now

Stentorian : Where did you get these?
Freaktown Citizen Militia : We make them ourselves - Winchester knock-offs. Deer slugs
Freaktown Citizen Patrolman with the deer head : *slaps first patrolman over the head* Solid slug
Zero : You'll have the molluscs complaining next

Mystique inflicts multiple cow-related puns on us

Zero : If I can just steer us back to the problem at hand?
Weldun, GM : Argh!
Terminus : That was udderly uncalled for.

Poor Weldun... punsters on three sides, now...

Zero : How about that canine mutate, Ian da Vinda?
Weldun, GM : Ian who?
Zero : You know, he used to be Howard March, but he changed his name.
Weldun, GM : What are you talking about?
Zero : *sings* Howard March is that dog Ian da Vinda
Weldun, GM : *howl of pain*

Trawler : Competent is not a term we associate with The Edge very often

Weldun, GM : You're successfully inside his mind. It's not very big
Zero : Barely enough room to swing a CAT scan

Weldun didn't have some details handy

Zero : Ok, according to Mook Number 1's memories, the bad guys have a hide-out on Generic Road, at Abandoned Warehouse No: 2
Weldun, GM : It's a timeshare

Weldun, GM : For the next 10,000 years you'll have a link to his mind!
Mystique : Such as it is

Turns out the whole plot was a secret attempt to use the humanocentric bigots as catspaws to earn the mutate cause more sympathy

Weldun, GM : The poor animorphs! Pathetic prawns of pathos, waving their little paws!

[Houston GM]

Truth & Justice, "Superhero Mashup Crisis on Two Worlds"

A cross-dimensional crisis is causing dimensions to merge, and even superheroes and supervillains to merge with each other (the superheroes are unaware that they were ever two separate individuals). Heroes from the Avengers and Justice League have teamed up to uncover the source and correct the situation.

Cast of Characters:
Atomic Manhunter: mashup of the Atom / Martian Manhunter
Bat Lantern: mashup of Batman / Green Lantern
Black Vision: mashup of Luke Cage / Vision
Captain Thor: mashup of Captain America / Thor
Scarlet Spider: mashup of Scarlet Witch / Spiderman (he gained his powers when bitten by a gypsy witch ... who'd been bitten by a radioactive spider)
Wolfeye: mashup of Wolverine / Hawkeye

After waking up (feeling "funny"), Wolfeye heard screams and explosions in the distance.
Wolfeye: "They're playing my song."

As the heroes arrived on the scene, they saw the villains collecting a large number of iridescent mushrooms.
Wolfeye: (spotting the mushrooms) "Now I know why I feel funny."

Ace of Clubs attacked Wolfeye.
Ace of Clubs: "I'll take care of you, runt."
Wolfeye: (easily ducking under the attack) "The bigger they are, the better the breeze when they miss."

Ace of Hearts mind controlled Black Vision.
Captain Thor: (to Ace of Hearts) "Honor demands that give you a chance to surrender."
Ace of Hearts: "Suck on it, fake Asgardian."
Captain Thor: "That was your chance."
Captain Thor creamed Ace of Hearts with his shield.
Black Vision: (still mind controlled, to Captain Thor) "Mama said to knock you out." (then punched Captain Thor ... hard)
Wolfeye: (to Ace of Hearts) "I'm giving you one more chance to surrender." (then shot her before she could respond) "PSYCH !!"

After the fight, the group interrogated one of the defeated villains, Rhino (who was oddly unaffected by the mashup effect).
Rhino: "Ace of Clubs tried to eat a mushroom, and he was stupid for an hour."
Wolfeye: "How could you tell?"

The heroes flew between worlds in Bat Lantern's bubble, toward the source of the trouble.
Wolfeye: (pulled out a cigar ... paused) "Is this a no smoking flight?"

Villain mashups for the next encounter:
I.V.O.: mashup of Professor Ivo / Braniac
Lex Luthor: mashup of Lex Luthor / Bizarro
Red Goblin: mashup of Red Skull / Green Goblin
Ape Ben, Ape Johnny, Ape Sue, Ape Victor: Red Skulls minions, mashups of apes / Fantastic Four

Ape Sue had been throwing force bubbles at everyone.
Wolfeye: (to Ape Sue) "Shouldn't you be flinging poo, or something?"

Villain Mashups for the final encounter:
Abominaut: mashup of Abomination / Juggernaut
The Leader: mashup of Doom / Reed Richards
Dread Clia: (I have no idea who this was a mashup of)
Grim Klaw: mashup of Grimjack / Klaw

Scarlet Spider: (hearing Abominaut speak coherently) "Abominaut is intelligent."
GM: I wouldn't go that far.

Wolfeye shot an arrow loaded with chemical mace into Abominaut's eyes. Infuriated, Abominaut charged at Wolfeye. Wolfeye shot an oil slick arrow at Abominaut's feet and dodged to the side, causing Abominaut to go skidding past and slam into the parapet of the tower. Wolfeye fired an explosive arrow into Abominauts back (in the hope of propelling him over the edge), but Abominaut was unmoved.
Abominaut: (to Wolfeye) "This isn't target practice."
Wolfeye: "It is for me."

The Leader tried to dominate Scarlet Spider, but failed.
Bat Lantern: "You failed to dominate even a child?"
The Leader: "Everyone has bad days."
Bat Lantern: "This is one of yours."

Bat Lantern: (to The Leader) "I bet you were made fun of in school. Remember this?"
Bat Lantern used the ring to form a giant rubber band around The Leaders head, snapped the rubber band, and slingshotted The Leader into the wall.

Black Vision: "Mama told me to never hit a lady, but Dread Clia's no lady."

Scarlet Spider: (to Dread Clia) "You need to cool off, hot head."
Wolfeye: (firing a napalm arrow into Dread Clia's hair) "Hot head, literally and figuratively."
Captain Thor: "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
Wolfeye: "It smells like victory."

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist
Sonia a half-vampire reporter
Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator

***

Sonia [speaking of her teammates]: Wait. You assumed communications?

***

Julian: You have a bag of ammo. I'm not saying anything.

***

Zeke: That guy's trying to shoot me with a submachine gun. That makes him a bad guy.

***

Zeke: Alright, I guess I'll shoot back.

***

Kayla [wailing]: But... But... I'm just a ninja!

***

Danny: I'm slow, but I'm inaccurate.

***

Sonia: I recover from being creeped out.

***

Sonia [after shooting a zombie with a crossbow bolt and it continues shambling forward]: Hey! This is a no-shambling zone.

***

Zeke: This is going to look so ******-up on a police report.

***

Julian: Oh, wait, Presence attack. That's based off Presence, isn't it?

***

Julian: Stomp him into the dirt for Jesus.

Kayla: Judiasim doesn't believe in Jesus.

Julian: For Budda, Allah, Vishnu, whatever!

[Enforcer84]

One shot game:

Agetha: "You really are full of yourself, aren't you?"
Auric: "I try to be modest but I'm working against a whole lot of awesome."

Auric: "I don't fear the Reaper, the Reaper fears me. Well, one of them. Did you know there were 666 Reapers? Some are better than others. One collects the souls of dead Ford Pintos."

[teh bunneh]

Dread Clia: (I have no idea who this was a mashup of)

Probably Dormammu the Dread Lord and Clea, Dr. Strange's apprentice/sweetie.

[DocMan]

Ape Ben, Ape Johnny, Ape Sue, Ape Victor: Red Skulls minions, mashups of apes / Fantastic Four
The Leader: mashup of Doom / Reed Richards

So Victor von Doom was mashed up twice?

Doc

[Houston GM]

So Victor von Doom was mashed up twice?

As best I understood, someone was being mashed up twice.

Ape Victor seemed to have Reed Richards' stretching powers. Reed Richards in the tower seemed to have Richards' superscience powers and Doom's suit.

[Steve]

From last week's D&D4 game.

NPC Elf: "Just call me Starlight."

PC 1/2 Elf Warlock: "No, and you can't make me!"

[Broadsword]

Player1: So we run his DNA, anything on file?
GM: His cells have no DNA.
Player1: That's impossible. How could he be alive and running around?
Player2: Come On! We just fought a guy made of energy and another guy made of metal, but this guy with no DNA is impossible?

[Rapier]

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Lynn: "I am SO gonna start doing STUFF!"

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"If I wasn't eating taco I would be all over that pie."

------------

GM: "She doesn't have a buttload of unspent XP. One buttcheek's worth, I'll grant you."

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"The best part was the disembodied voice saying 'Giggity!'"

------------

AJ: "You know, when PsyClone takes control of your body, you act like a man."

------------

AJ: "We'll sing Poker Face [at Karaoke]"
Lynn (ooc): "There's a song called Poke Her Face?"


------------

[Cancer]

"I came. I saw. I peed on it." -- Wulf, the anthropomorphized dog

[Major Tom 2009]

"I came. I saw. I peed on it." -- Wulf, the anthropomorphized dog

Shouldn't that read as "Veni, Vidi, Whizzi"?


Major Tom 2009

[Haerandir]

From Thursday's Amber Diceless RPG session:

You'll notice that these quotes tend to be Conrad-centric. This is because I'm playing Conrad and tend to remember the conversations that involve me most clearly.
------------------------
Conrad: I've got the perfect place [to conduct the ritual]. It's got a tower with only one staircase, in a castle full of armed guards who follow my orders.
Alaric [sarcastically]: Oh, that sounds GREAT!
------------------------
Conrad: All I'm saying is: I'm the best of a bad lot.
Alaric: You're really giving me the hard sell, aren't you?
Conrad: If I gave you the hard sell, you'd be really suspicious.
------------------------
Leandro's player attempts to use his conclusions to prove his postulates:
My response [I'm summarizing a much longer 5-way debate here]: "I'll stipulate that plummeting from a treetop to pounce on a target and crack their skull constitutes 'fighting', and that by that definition A) coconuts fight all the time and B) the purpose of a coconut is to flip out and kill people. You cannot, however, go on to declare that coconuts are ninjas, and therefore mammals. You have to be a mammal BEFORE you can be a ninja. Thus, despite the name, coconut milk is not actually milk, and is still technically a form of fruit juice."
------------------------
Conrad: "We're on a quest. You know how it is."
------------------------
(I can't find my notes, so I've gone and forgotten the name of an NPC I created as part of my character background. Very embarrasing.)

Conrad's mother: "How long will you be staying?"
Conrad: "I"m not sure. We have a dark ritual to perform, powerful mystic entities to summon, a war to stop, reality to save. The usual."
Ma Conrad: "I'll tell the kitchen staff to expect guests for dinner, then."
------------------------
I know I'm forgetting some good ones. I'll try to remember to write things down next time.