Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Egyptoid]

in the Kingmaker path for Pathfinder, the PC group tries to re-establish
a duchy in a lawless area.

the perk is that at the end of the campaign, the PCs will be nobles and officers of the region.

So last week when the team sorceror missed the session, I referred to him as "His Excellency" all night.

more later when I find my crib notes from a great session.

[Tom]

The player may be happy (or not), but Aquatic is probably regretting my return to GMing...

.oO(We unleashed something so evil it kicked two different armies' asses, scared rebels straight, and was immediately dubbed 'IT' in capital letters? Christ..we're boned.)

[Egyptoid]

4OK game:

Q: "why do we wanna kill this smuggler?"
A: "Look, we can be the new drug smuggler for this sector,
but we won't sell to kids, and we don't cut it with bleach.
We've got standards."


===================================
pathfinder:

The druid goes up a level.
the Bard encourages him to be more advanced, more educated.
"Look, you can get some serious skills now, like etiquette
or whatever. Things that will help you not date your own mother anymore."
Druid: "EWWW!"
Warrior: "Are you saying 'ewww' because you've never dated your mother,
or saying 'ewww' because you don't want to date anyone besides your mom?"



This one castle had a dwarven lawn jockey out front. These kobolds must be racists.



Right when the GM was describing an NPC interaction, and it was time
for the player to respond, another player cut the cheese quite loudly.
Bard interrupts: "In some cultures that is quite the traditional greeting"




"All Kobolds look alike to me"




"Undercommon?. Never heard of it. Must be the trade lingua for whores"



Several NPCs and a PC have died lately. we've had to bury several people.
we have no cleric. so the bard has taken up the habit of saying a few words
over the bodies and burying them.
the druid gets disgusted with this, as it seems unholy or irreverent to him.
the warrior says "Bard, are you using your high bluff skill on the gods themselves?"
this comment ticks off the druid a lot more.
so the bard touches the druid on the shoulder and sincerely asks him:
"Be honest with me, are my sermons getting any better?"
druid stomps off into the woods.

[Lucius]

I thought a Druid WAS a Cleric...

Lucius Alexander

The palindromedary wonders if that's a clerical error

[Drhoz]

Last night's Cthulhu session, in which the party recover from unwise use of grenades and Buttercup the Eldritch Cow

Many opportunities for investigators to update each other on what they've been doing. Plus, Lancaster's player is back!

Lancaster's player : *comes in, backs out slowly*
Lucy's Player : Where are you going?
Lancaster's Player : I'm sorry, but Drhoz is entirely too pleased to see me

Lucy : I accidentally shot someone... seven or eight times
Pvt. Rondale : I'm sorry, but after the sixth time it stops being an accident
Lucy : My finger slipped!
McGinty : She has a nervous twitch!

McGinty pays Lucy for the ruins of her house and land, and sets her up in one of the bedrooms at Bernie's

McGinty : Here's $6000 - the land is mine! And by the way, rent is $500 a night

McGinty : There was this Private Investigator nosing around. Asking questions about your fire. We told him to go away, he didn't, he died.
Lucy : What?!?

Prof. Engeleins suspects government agents have been pumping him for information whilst he was semi-concious from painkillers. McGinty doesn't think his has to worry about it.

McGinty : I get gaps in my memory all the time! I sit down with a full bottle and when I wake up somebody has stolen all me booze!
Rondale : And you're in a gutter with no pants and the policeman is saying 'Hello again, McGinty'
McGinty : Bat Country!

Me, GM : It is still Bernie's house, after all...
McGinty : And I said I'd look after it right up until I track him down and shoot him in the head

He also intends to turn the conservatory into even more of a deathtrap then it already was. Complete with bait in the form of suspicious old books on a shelf, and doors that can't be opened from the inside

Me, GM : ..... *struggling to find the words* You're a bastard

Roping in a new PC - A Protestant priest. Also Irish. Also a heavy drinker. What passes for Paddy's confession takes place in a speakeasy whilst the two of them are getting utterly smashed.

McGinty : I've sinned. I've sinned a lot. And fooking 'ell I enjoyed it.

McGinty : I've held what's left of my friends in my hands..
Rondale : In what's left of your hands...

Pastor Joe is all in favour of alcohol for healing the sick

Pastor Joe : It's sterilising the wounds, from the inside!

Naturally the two of them are completely drunk by the time they stagger out of the speakeasy and head back to Bernie's to drink some more. I'll gloss over what happened on the way, because there's no way in hell it's SFW. Suffice to say it involved a rat, a small blue-white humanoid, and Paddy getting home with the arse out of his pants.

Paddy, gesturing to Lucy.

McGinty : This.... this 'ere gel.. with the bottle... this 'ere gel's Lucy. Knew 'er dad. She's one of the gels staying 'ere.
Pastor Joe : *stares blearily* One of them? I can see two...

One comment that ran for the rest of the night

Prof. Engeleins : Nipples are much fun when they're automated.

This worked out quite well for me, actually. I could run through the actual investigation with Amy Wells, Col. Lancaster, and Pvt. Rondale, whilst the rest of the players argued about whether the sparks would fly clockwise or widdershins from an electrified nipple. Admittedly it also lead to synchronised miming with sound effects of aforementioned automated electric nipples.

Engeleins would quite like to know what happened to his friend that invited them all out to the Eldritch Cow incident. Having been in hospital for 5 weeks and unconscious for most of it he hasn't been told yet.

Prof. Engeleins : So what happened to my ex-colleague?
McGinty : Well... let me put it in as few words as possible... *pops cheek* SPLATCH
Prof. Engeleins : *a tad upset* Thank you for so informing me of the death of an old friend!
McGinty : Oh, no problem. And see, I nabbed his occult collection too!

Not that Engelein's collection is safe either. McGinty has been sent around to look after the flat, and has a good search of the place while he's at it.

Me, GM : Our friend is in a coma! Quick, let's loot his house!

McGinty : What do cats eat? Alcohol, right?

Prof. Engeleins OOC : Darn, I was hoping for facial injuries. If I can get my Appearance low enough it'll start being positive again! It's like a train wreck! I can't look away.. and yet I'm strangely aroused....

The rest of the players update Lancaster on how the little ghost girl was dealt with.

Chorus : Ding-dong, the witch is dead, which old witch, the wicked old witch, Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead!

Which leads to ...

Prof. Engeleins OOC : We've faced horrors Man Was Never Meant To Know! Traversed non-euclidean spaces that will blast our sanity beyond repair! But now we're in Kansas and I want to kill myself
Rondale : I'm sorry Toto, but there's only one bullet left and I'm using it on myself.

Party drives to Jenning in multiple vehicles. Amy & Lancaster get there first, by virtue of being sober.

Prof. Engeleins : What about Rondale and I! We were in your car!
Col. Lancaster : You get there second, by virtue of being in the back seat.

Col. Lancaster : Did you just say 'a drunken mob of Irishmen'? i believe there's a redundancy there...

Col. Lancaster : *booking rooms for the party* And here's another $20 to pre-pay for damages.

Lucy : I have standards!
Me, GM : The same standards as Chinese manufacturing?
Prof. Engeleins OOC : Oh, burn!

Col. Lancaster : His name is going to cause us so many problems in diners. Pastor Joe? 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean we want more coffee...'

Eventually the group follow clues, punch a suspect into unconsciousness, and set up shop in his shack for the night. Entities arrive, and are responded to with the usual screaming and shouting and swarms of bullets.

Me, GM : Can I at least finish my description of the creature?
Lucy's player : No! Descriptions mean sanity loss!

And for the time being, we'll pause it. But believe me we I say the Siege At Rooger's Shack went on for hours yet, and the quotes were golden

[Drhoz]

Me : Consider yourself lucky my brother isn't playing in the BSG sim. If he was, I'd bet money Caprica City would be renamed The Republic of Fat Bastard by the end of the week.

Barakusia campaign survived, partly because the PCs did.

Al : What are you?
Tarmikos : Female
Al : No, race
Tarmikos: Human
Rumbaba : Kosher Were-boar

In the middle of interrogating Kobolds prisoners, we get sidetracked into arguments about comparative anatomy

Murray, GM : Ok, despite the name, Dragonborn are clearly monotremes.
Gae-el Aukana : What?
Rumbaba : They lay eggs but they have tits.

Rumbaba ( Good Cop ) : Before we start, should I call you sir or ma'am? I'm afraid I can't tell.
Kobold : What? What difference does that make?
Al ( Bad Cop ) : It changes where we apply the knife
Murray, GM : Reptile, remember? One hole for everything

One Kobold folds almost immediately

Murray, GM : And thus, despite them both being reptiles, dragonshields are the ones with balls

Weird guy with blonde hair and black skin

Al : Clearly he is part of a race driven underground hundreds of years ago, where they established a culture based on personal strength and treachery. Happens all the time.

Tarmikos : Let's see what he makes of the goblin
Gae-el : Soup.

Weird guy : A were-rat? What's a were-rat?
Rumbaba : You know, lycanthropes. Werewolves, werebears,

were-sausages

.
Gae-el : Were-houses...

Me : Well, if I recall correctly, chlamydia can cause epidydimitus, but the symptoms are generally mild. Syphilis causes a wide range of horrible symptoms but I don't believe boiling balls are included. So that leaves gonorrhea.
Gae-el : Why are we talking about STIs?
Me : We want a pet name for Al's Fiery Orb spell.
Al : 'Rhea, then.
Me : Or the Clap.
Al : Only when it does well.
All : *polite applause*

Murray, GM : What do you do if a rottweiler humps your leg?
Al : Whaaat?
Murray, GM : Fake an orgasm.

Murray, GM : Well if you enchant more mops...
Al : *sternly* I don't do kitchen implements

Tarmikos : What about the Kobold hiding in the amphora?
Murray, GM : He's still there. Either drinking himself to death or being pickled.

Hope : We can always interrogate him tomorrow when he has a hangover.
Rumbaba : *banging a pot next to his ear* Tell us your troop movements! BANGBANGBANG Greeasssyyy Baaaaacoooon

Murray, GM : And the kobold is over here.
Me : Goblin.
Murray, GM : The goblin is over here... wait, it is a kobold!
Me : I know. This time I'm just messing with your mind

[Drhoz]

Another quote from the other week. Spoilers for Within You, Without You

Spoiler:

show spoiler

McGinty's player : Is there any way we could have come out ahead here?
Me : Well, you could have stopped the machine
McGinty's player : We did stop the machine!
Me : No, you blew it up. There's a difference between safely landing a passenger jet and breaking the wings off at 40,000 feet.

Rondale's player : *slightly irked* So we could either save the locals, or end up with everybody exploded.
Me : Believe me - those were the two best possibilities.

[hfergus]

Another set of quotes from last night. Both by the player of Disarray, the female mentalist/tk user.

Backgroud: Trying to get information from a lowlife self-styled ladies man when he went into a bar the group tracked him to. 2 female players with female characters each plan to go "all-slut exotic dancers riding a Harley" Heavy discriptions as to dress, hair, manerisms - one Npc was amused, another quiet and the last a bit surprised. During the interaction:
Disarray. OOC - "They're typical guys. They'd **** a table leg."

Later when I described how they changed on of my plans - which I did not care about and am used to - this was said: Disarray OOC: "I would have said 'I'll shove this cue stick up your a** and play pool with your tonsils."
Shes the new player, and I am so proud of her. And yes, I'm stealing the line.

[Drhoz]

In our last episode, the PCs had decided to camp out at the suspect's house for the night, since they were suddenly nervous about walking four miles back to town as it got dark. Especially since they had no idea what the 'new friends' he'd been working for were. Although somebody back in town had mentioned giant crawdads. There was one moment when Lancaster's player bounced upright off his seat because, I suspect, he was alarmed by the possibility they'd be running into Vitus again. But I wouldn't be that mean to my players. Usually.

They did have to subdue their captive a few times. But since it was Lancaster doing the subduing, and that gentlemen is infamously poor at fisticuffs (despite having somehow punched him out a short while previously ) ...

Me, GM : "How much damage?"
Col. Lancaster : "I don't know! I don't want to roll it!"

That was the same player who facepalmed and said "Oh god" when the first emissary turned up and started buzzing, because now half the players did know what they were up against, and were very unhappy about it.

The first arguments began after that whisperer in darkness was blown apart. Half the party immediately wanted to run for it, but the rest were too afraid they'd be picked off one by one in the forest. So they barricaded the place and hoped like hell the thing's friends wouldn't come to investigate. Unfortunately, after the second scout reported back, they returned en masse. At this point, as McGinty waved a Tommy-gun at the things through a crack in the door, and the things out beyond the ring of lamplight buzzed back claiming benign intentions, the players had an ace up their sleeve. As far as the things knew, there was only one human in the shack.

Unfortunately they blew this almost immediately. When the things flapped off to prove their good will, the party neglected to check whether they had all flapped off, and started arguing with each other again.

And pretty soon it was the group blazing away through windows and the roof hoping like hell they would actually hit something.

McGinty : Bat Country! I told you! Bat Country!

Amy, Lucy and the dog tried to crowd together under the bed hoping the things wouldn't notice them when they eventually stormed the building, McGinty sprayed machine gun fire into the night, and the rest of investigators emptied their guns at anything that might be a flapping or scrabbling noise. And they kept on arguing and barking and swearing about what to do next throughout it all.

Rondale : *to Lucy* "If you don't have a gun in your hand, your opinion doesn't count!"
Col. Lancaster : "As the person with the most guns, I have the swinging vote; so SHUT UP!"

During a pause, McGinty decides to pull out his other ace - a spell apparently called Call Spirit Of The Air that he picked up in one of the books he's been jealously hoarding. Understandably, the rest of the investigators were deeply suspicious, and I was highly amused by the way the players all moved a little further away from him without even realising they were doing it. So, after the chanting and waving... nothing happened.

McGinty : Er.....
Rondale : What was supposed to happen?
McGinty : A flappy thing was supposed to turn up.
Me, GM : And that's my cue for the monsters to drop the first log through the roof.

More gunplay ensues

Prof. Engeleins : Can we see any glowing heads flying about through the hole?
Me, GM : Not this time. It looks like they're going for silent running...

The things fall back to regroup, and McGinty tries again - and successfully summons a Worse Thing to deal with the Bad Things. And promptly going stark raving bonkers. Luckily for him, the result isn't catatonia or worse. It's megalomania. Possibly that IS worse.

The resulting gush of blazing overconfidence as he sics his invisible tittering beast on the other creatures includes the following, and much else.

McGinty : Get 'em! Get all the flappy things! Kill all the flappy things! Kill them all! Kill them all, my pretty!"

This does seem to disrupt the arrival of an even bigger log, at least. Which is McGinty's cue to launch into a rowing dance of victory, and song. Lancaster's player just encourages him.

Lancaster OOC : Who did it?
McGinty : I did it!
Lancaster OOC : Who did it?
McGinty : I did it!
Lancaster OOC : And hip-hop is invented 60 years early, by the wrong minority.
Me, GM : You've never heard of the Black Irish?

Unfortunately, McGinty's little episode shows no sign of abating, and he can't seem to making up his mind whether he's a sorcerer supreme, St Patrick, or God. Lancaster attempts to subdue him so everybody can get the hell out of there whilst the creatures are away regrouping for another assault. Instead, McGinty soon has Lancaster by the shirt and is punching him in the face.

McGinty : "I punched him because he said I was an idiot! No one says that to a god!"

Lancaster rebuts with a punch to the groin (not quite the Queensbury rules, there ). Despite having a constitution which would shame an asthmatic hamster, as Amy puts it, he manages an impale.

McGinty : Ha! Didn't feel a thing!
Lancaster : *rolls second lot of damage*
McGinty : GGHNN! ... felt... it.. that time!
Prof. Engeliens : And St Patrick descends, waving his Sword of Justice!
Me, GM : And St Patrick is on the floor, curled around his Sword of Justice
McGinty : *clutching groin* Ahg! Me lucky charms!
Lancaster OOC : Who's a god now, bitch?

Having put a temporary end to McGinty's rant, the party decide now is a good time to bug out. Sad to say, the bugs find it quite convenient too, and grab the colonel from the rear of the line as the party flees into the night.

McGinty's player : You mean my critter didn't get all the other critters?
Me, GM : Doesn't look like it
McGinty's player : Dammit
Me, GM : Well think about it. Is invisibility really going to be that helpful against creatures that don't have eyes?

Carried off into the sky by flying Mythos beasties, screaming what may be his last words:

Lancaster OOC : "I have a right to a phone call....I regret nothing!"

Which is where we left it for the night, apart from my aside to Lancaster's player

Me, GM : 'My legs! Why can't I feel my legs!'
Lancaster OOC : Oh god, they didn't....

HE knows what's happened... the rest of the newbies will have to find out... BWAHAHAHA

[Susano]

In our last episode, the PCs had decided to camp out at the suspect's house for the night, since they were suddenly nervous about walking four miles back to town as it got dark. Especially since they had no idea what the 'new friends' he'd been working for were. Although somebody back in town had mentioned giant crawdads. There was one moment when Lancaster's player bounced upright off his seat because, I suspect, he was alarmed by the possibility they'd be running into Vitus again. But I wouldn't be that mean to my players. Usually.

Okay, so I'm pretty sure they were fighting Mi-Go (which explains both the "giant crawdads" and why Lancaster can't feel his legs), but what did McGinty summon? Invisible and tittering sounds a little like a Flying Polyp.

[Drhoz]

Okay, so I'm pretty sure they were fighting Mi-Go (which explains both the "giant crawdads" and why Lancaster can't feel his legs), but what did McGinty summon? Invisible and tittering sounds a little like a Flying Polyp.

Star Vampire. He's incredibly lucky that going insane from the summoning didn't leave him incapable of giving it orders, since Star Vampires are even harder to kill than Mi-Go. Admittedly it probably would have flown off again after draining a few of the PCs...

[Susano]

Star Vampire. He's incredibly lucky that going insane from the summoning didn't leave him incapable of giving it orders, since Star Vampires are even harder to kill than Mi-Go. Admittedly it probably would have flown off again after draining a few of the PCs...

Argh... right. Flying Polyp don't take orders and would've not only killed the Mi-Go, but flattened the cabin and slaughtered the PCs.

PS: Have I told you I'm willing to move to Peth just to play in your games?

[Drhoz]

Argh... right. Flying Polyp don't take orders and would've not only killed the Mi-Go, but flattened the cabin and slaughtered the PCs.

PS: Have I told you I'm willing to move to Peth just to play in your games?

You'd be welcome to, and you're not the only one. 4 other people have told me the same thing. I'd have to split the group into two campaigns though, we're already up to eight players

[Susano]

Okay... first, I need to get to Australia... second... I need to be able to stay... third job....

Hmm... perhaps I should simply conquer the world and be done with it.

[Lucius]

Okay... first, I need to get to Australia... second... I need to be able to stay... third job....

Hmm... perhaps I should simply conquer the world and be done with it.

If you conquer the world, you can simply move him AND his players to YOU.

Lucius Alexander

The palindromedary notes that Lucius would rather conquer the world (and relocate Drhoz) himself, but there are far worse fates the world could suffer than conquest by Susano