Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Klytus]

Do that have that freaky looking old bald Six Flags dancer guy, too?

That's too cruel! Even for Orcs.

[Susano]

Session 7 of Qin: The Warring States

The cast:
Black Cloud, a retired wu xia turned baker
Bu Ya, a calligrapher and vagabond
Silent Mountain, a wu xia and doctor
Wandering Vine, a barbarian, horse trainer, and internal alchemist

Note: some quotes are paraphrased, as I'm not a tape recorder.

"Where's the Copper Cat discussion?"

Wandering Vine to the GM: "I want to take you into the bedroom... just the two of us."

"Fire of 2, Seduction of 3, libido of infinite."

Black Cloud renames his spear from "Bringer of Peace" to "The Blade That Brings Eternal Peace."
(If anyone can give me the Mandarin for that, I'd greatly appreciate it.)

Black Cloud (OOC) explains Wandering Vine's sexual antics: "He was in the same Category 2 movie as the rest of us, then made a Category 3 movie playing the same character and using the same sets. And now someone's spliced the two movies into one narrative."

Silent Mountain (OOC): "Uncultured barbarian for the win!"

Wandering Vine (OOC): "Social skills are not us."

Wandering Vine (OOC): "They both have topless what?"

Bu Ya on Wandering Vine (OOC): "He loves monologuing. That's the problem."

Wandering Vine (OOC): "We're having a lot of trouble with this alleged old lady."
Black Cloud (OOC): "That's their story and they're sticking to it."

Bu Ya on how to aid Wandering Vine (OOC): "We need hookers! Lots of them!"

Wandering Vine gets off an awesome in-character zinger: "You had the power to learn all of these skills, but not the courage to leave the things you hate?"

[Tim]

Pathfinder Society game yesterday. Module was Black Waters.
Characters:
Mytor - Wizard who wears armor
Sajan - Gebbite necromancer
Fuqcarn - Human rogue
Zeek - Ranger and Sorcerer.


Fuqcarn - Mytor can sing? (Mytor's player also plays a bard in higher level games.)
Mytor - Yes. Anyone can sing. It just won't do you a damn bit of good.

(After opening a hatch that was underwater. Anyone in the water had to make a check to not get pulled in.)
Sajan - And you hear a giant flushing sound.
Mytor - But the Turds refused to go down.

Fuqcarn - But I don't have a day job.
Sajan - YOu are either a Vampire or a Hooker.
Fuqcarn - What's the difference?
Zeek - Vampires suck blood. Hookers suck something else.

Fuqcarn - Rogues like flank, because rogues do it from behind.

[DocMan]

From tonight's D&D game.

The cast:
Grimvar, a Dwarven ranger.
Garl, a halfling Rogue/Swashbuckler.
Cyrandel, an elf Duskblade who has been wearing armor that makes his alignment tend toward evil.
Saraphina, a Tielfling Rogue.
Vanatu, a Human Cleric NPC.

In combat, an opposing Elf casts a spell on Cyrandel that reduces his Intelligence and Charisma to 1.

Garl tells him to stand *there* and hit *that* (pointing to a gnoll) with the thing in his hand.

Cyrandel (OOC): Hey, there's nothing like Retarded Evil! *stab stab stab*
GM: It goes down, what do you do next.
Cyr: Retarded Evil, remember. *stab stab stab*

Vanatu: Get up the stairs! Kill something.
Cyr runs up the stairs and stops next to Garl.
Vanatu: Not the halfling!

The enemy spellcaster has holed up in an interior room. Grim hacks a hole in the wall with his urgosh and finds that it is dark inside. He calls the tiefling up to cast her darkness inside the room so the enemy can't see either.

Sara: I cast darkness at the darkness.


Garl picks the lock on a door during combat to try and sneak up behind an enemy. Because this is in combat, he neglects to check for traps. He sets off a lightning bolt trap, makes his evasion roll, and unlocks the door.

Garl, to Vanatu: Don't touch that.


Big bad on the other side of a magic mirror to Cyr, still feebleminded: Your village called...

Big Bad: Do you have any idea what you have there?
Cyr: No.

Doc

[Deadborder]

From the third session of the Sunday Night Jokes, the Heroes (har har) are trying to stop a bunch of villains from releasing others from a prison van. The payer of Geigemeister, a Violin-Playing Mentallist, comes up with this gem:

"Can I use my poweras to make the prisoner think he's in his aparment, instead of in the van?"

The GM okay this, so she then adds "And can I makeh im think that the guards are Bob Marley and Jimmi Hendrix?"

Which yelds a "Sure, why not".

And so, a little later, the GM gives this description. "Inside the van is a man in a prison jumpsuit. He looks very relaxed and happy. As you poke your head in, he smiles and waves. 'hey dude, me, Bob and Jimmi are chilling. Want in?'"

[Susano]

The Well of the Worlds, session 1

The Cast
Billy Jo Earl Brown -- construction worker from the state of Georgia.
Calvin Murdoch -- frustrated artist.
Cyan Chartreuse -- ex-Army medic, now an EMT.
Donovan Knight -- ex-Air Force, now an airline pilot.
Edward Aldrich -- ex-Army, now a computer tech.
Marcus Dreamseed Anderson -- 17 year-old whiz kid and technical prodigy.


Billy Jo Earl Brown: “It's not the first time I've woken up strapped into a seat upside down.”

Calvin Murdoch gives his OOC response to Marcus Dreamseed Anderson’s explanations: “I failed my EGO Roll to pay attention.”

Calvin Murdoch: "In all that science babble, any idea where we might be?"
Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "I have many ideas where we are not."

Marcus tries to convince himself that a mammoth is really just an elephant.
Calvin Murdoch: "I think that's a toupee."

The PCs want to avoid the wooly mammoths on the other side of the brook, leading to this bit of advice: "Don't cross the streams."
*
Marcus Dreamseed Anderson convinces Billy Jo Earl Brown to go into the unknown jungle and hunt for dinner: "Right—that's got rid of him."

Donovan Knight: "Where's the plane?"
Calvin Murdoch: "Which part?"

Marcus Dreamseed Anderson: "If dinosaurs start to eat you, scream real loud."

Cyan Chartreuse and Edward Aldrich decide who gets first watch via 'Rock, Paper, Scissors.'

GM: "Everyone make a PER roll."
Marcus Dreamseed Anderson (currently walking behind the pretty woman) (OOC): "I know what I see."

Billy Jo Earl Brown: “We’re not going to get rescued, are we?”

[Ockham's Spoon]

Fuqcarn - But I don't have a day job.
Sajan - YOu are either a Vampire or a Hooker.
Fuqcarn - What's the difference?
Zeek - Vampires suck blood. Hookers suck something else.

Fuqcarn - Rogues like flank, because rogues do it from behind.

Okay these quotes beg the question, just how is "Fuqcarn" pronounced?

[Tim]

Okay these quotes beg the question, just how is "Fuqcarn" pronounced?

Fook-carn

[Balabanto]

From my Forgotten Realms game, now in Pathfinder (Yippee)

The heroes are in Mulholrand, and most of them are from the area. They are trying to convince the Paladin, Lihosifet, a knightly sort, to use her feminine wiles on a shopkeeper in order to determine the location of a jug of artistic value. The other PC's are a Wu Jen (Don't ask me how we converted this, we're still working on it), a Fighter from Waterdeep, a Tiefling Rogue, and a Cleric of Horus-Re.

Lihosifet: This is an outrage. I don't see how trying to seduce this Kasif would make a bit of difference. My feminine wiles are hardly sufficent to ply this man, anyway. Besides, what if it doesn't work?

Wu Jen: If it doesn't work, he would have to be a (Insert the Shou word for Eunuch here)

Luthius, the Fighter: (Thinking he means gay, turning to the Wu Jen, who looks like a fairly effeminate and exotic looking asian with flaming red hair) Then we'll send YOU in.

[Susano]

Session 8 of Qin: The Warring States

The cast:
Black Cloud, a retired wu xia turned baker
Bu Ya, a calligrapher and vagabond
Silent Mountain, a wu xia and doctor
Wandering Vine, a barbarian, horse trainer, and internal alchemist

Assorted random comments:
"Emo swordsman of death."
"The Blade That Gets You A Piece."
"Doctor Mountain"
"The Tao Of Get Your Ass Whupped Like A Chump."
"Nanny-nanny boo-boo is a free action."

Bu Ya (OOC) comments on another PC's precarious position: "No Black Could, I expect you to die!"

Bu Ya (OOC) comments on the fate of Silent Mountain's foe: "He so much doesn't die as explodes."

Wandering Vine (OOC) comments on the fate of his foe: "I gave him plenty of chances to not be killed by me."

Wandering Vine (OOC) comments on spending a slew of chi to temporarily up his combat stats: "It's fun to kill people the way you guys do."

Silent Mountain (OOC) comments on the result of his story arc: "I didn't get a magic ex-girlfriend weapon."

Bu Ya (OOC) comments on life: "With great Tao comes great responsibility."

[Drhoz]

Al the wizard : The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected

Improvised miniatures to represent party transport

Murray, GM : It's made out of cork and a bit of plywood. Therefore it's a hobbyhorse

Adrie the Druid : I turn into a wolf.
Murray, GM : What kind of wolf?
Rumbaba : Airwolf. A helicopter would really surprise them.

Hope the Paladin : You just called the goblin a gnome.
Murray, GM : I did? Well, they're all the same to me - Short.
Rumbaba : You know, a goblin could really develop a complex from all this

Murray, GM : So you might be accosted by horny goats
Al OOC : Well, then we Dodge Ram

Murray, GM : You charge in to attack the wolf. Which is when you discover that some of the Kobolds in the pile are still alive. They groan and cry out underfoot
Rumbaba : Ooops. Sorry, sorry! Stab.

Murray, GM : What's Insight of an Elf?
Al : Guts.

Tarmikos : Vicious Mockery on the non-blinded elf
Rumbaba OOC : 'Ah, your momma wears army boots'
Tarmikos : *rolls 1*
Rumbaba OOC : 'Ah, your momma wears.... things'

Rumbaba OOC : I use the knife to pole-vault over the dog.
Murray, GM : That'ld look good in the movie
Rumbaba OOC : Nah, it wouldn't get past the ASPCA. "No riding dogs were harmed in the production of this film"

[Tim]

I ran one Pathfinder Society Senario and Played another. Only had a few good quotes
First senario:
Syrus (Alchemist): The Hut was already on fire when I got here!


Elven Ranger: Des anyone else speak Gnomish?
Cyrus (Cavalier): gNOme. (yes 2 people with close to the same name.)

(can't remember who when ambushed by snakes while trying to cross a rivver on a wooden bridge): Snakes on a Plank!
followed by all the derivative Snakes on a Plane jokes.


Second Session:
The GM was placing minis out to represent dead bodies. He pulled out two flaming skeleton minis.
ME: Kevin (alchemist's player), YOu've already been here!

Random: She's not supposed to have a dex. If she did, she'd be a hermaphrodite.

[Black Ops]

Al the wizard : The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected

Improvised miniatures to represent party transport

Murray, GM : It's made out of cork and a bit of plywood. Therefore it's a hobbyhorse

Adrie the Druid : I turn into a wolf.
Murray, GM : What kind of wolf?
Rumbaba : Airwolf. A helicopter would really surprise them.

Hah ! I would love to see that!
(I would rep you; but......)

[Balabanto]

More Kasif silliness.

As the PC's enact their plan to deal with Kasif's shop, Luthius, the fighter, waits outside the back door, pretending to relieve himself. At this time, two of Kasif's bodyguards come strolling down the alley.

Bodyguard 1: You there! Who are you that dares to relieve yourself on the shop of my good friend, Kasif!

Luthius: I apologize, my good friend. I was not trying to relieve myself on the shop of your good friend, Kasif. I was going to relieve myself on the pavement nearby.

Bodyguard 2: You should leave. We have no time for such foolishness.

Luthius: Very well, I shall relieve myself on the shop next door, which is not the shop of your good friend Kasif.

[BoloOfEarth]

A few weeks ago, I finally finished up my Champions S-Squad story arc that started with the players running NPC teen hereos, and then switched back to their normal characters. But I forgot to post the quotes from that session. Recap under the Spoiler tag if you need it.

Spoiler:

show spoiler

A group of teens with superpowers found a long-abandoned (1950s) superhero base, which held a supervillain (Black Oak) in stasis. They also discovered that their high school janitor, Jason, is actually a robot and worked at the hidden base before he accidentally got locked out. Shortly after they explored the base, two imps (Mischief and Mayhem) popped in to release Black Oak from stasis. The teens fought Oak's summoned earth elementals, but the villain managed to escape. The teens called in S-Squad, who are somewhat taking the teen heroes under their wing but for now the adult heroes are looking to stop Black Oak and the imps from re-forming the Alliance of Evil, a 1950s-era supervillain team.

At the end of last session, Sentinel and Serendipity had flown to Europe but were too late to stop the imps from recruiting Gypsy back into the team. Subliminal questioned an incarcerated hero from the 50s team and learned that the only other live member of the Alliance, Mister Magnificent, is being held in stasis in a secret facility a mile or so from the South pole. Synergy and Styx went to Antarctica and discovered the facility also holds a mega-powerful mentalist, Mentallus. Knowing that the Alliance would eventually head there, they decided to move Mentallus (in his stasis tube) to their base so the imps wouldn’t free him in the middle of the battle.

A side note: The teens have a mystery mentor named The Shepherd, who apparently controls animals. Shepherd is actually Sarah Wells, the 14 year-old daughter of PC heroine Sentinel, though the players were initially unaware of this. Another side note: one of Shepherd's past actions was saving a classmate from getting kidnapped by siccing a pack of squirrels on the kidnappers. A new would-be hero, the Squirrel King, took credit for this, and Shepherd never came forward to refute his claim.

Part One

The heroes return to Chicago and investigate a local park where witnesses saw a light-and-sound show, followed by a huge flock of pigeons flying away. They discover the park now has two new statues – one of a cop, the other of local NPC mage Rubicon. Nearby are wagon tracks arriving from the east, then turning and departing to the south.

Styx (patting the statue of Rubicon on the shoulder): Lucky for you the pigeons all left.

They also find Rex, the dog adopted by Sentinel’s daughter Sarah. They’re considering whether he might actually be Black Oak the druid.

Subliminal: If he licks his balls and smiles, he might be a man.

Subliminal mentally contacts Rubicon to see if he knows how to reverse the magic.

Rubicon: You’ll have to go to my place and consult Tom [Rubicon’s intelligent magical tome]. I’ll walk you through getting past the wards, and then how to get Tom to answer your questions. (sigh) He’s never going to let me hear the end of this.

Rubicon also fills them in on what he saw before he was petrified.

Rubicon: I arrived invisible and saw Black Oak grab a squirrel. He said, “Well, it looks like we have a Borrower! You’ll come with me,” and cast a spell on the squirrel. Then Gypsy’s wagon arrived, and she and the imps got out. The imps detected me somehow and trashed my veil spell…
Subliminal: And that’s when you got stoned.

They call in PRIMUS to stand watch while they figure out how to reverse the petrification.

SSgt. “Mac” MacTaggart: You called us out here… for a couple of statues?! Usually, when you call it’s something big, like Gravitar, or Eurostar…
Serendipity: Well, we think the Squirrel King is involved.
“Mac”: Lass, you folks are really slipping. You need to get a better class of foes.

The heroes consult Tom the Tome, whom they discover doesn’t appear to like his owner/master.

Subliminal: Rubicon got himself turned into a statue…
Tom: (after a minute or so of gleeful laughter) …and you’re looking for a good pigeon summoning spell?

Tom: Ah, a druidic spell. There are several possible ways to reverse this. The first thing I’d suggest is dripping water on his head for the next hour.
Styx: Like Chinese water torture?
Tom: Exactly.

While they’re investigating this, a frantic Frank (Sentinel’s husband) calls to say that he can’t get their adopted 14 year-old daughter Sarah to wake up; she appears to be in some kind of coma.

Sentinel (to Subliminal): I’d better take you with me so you can get into her… mentally.
Subliminal: I’m glad you added that last word.

Going into Sarah’s head, Subliminal finds himself in Sarah’s room but with lots of cages with mice, rabbits, pigeons, etc. along with an insubstantial Sarah sitting on her bed, looking out the window. He also spots a thin thread leading from her hand, out the window, and far out of sight. From this, he surmises that Sarah is astral projecting. Seeing this through Subliminal’s Mind Link, Styx notes that the thread appears to be leading to the south, and they surmise that Sarah is linked to the squirrel that Black Oak took with him.

GM thought bubble: Has Sentinel guessed that her daughter is actually the Shepherd?
Sentinel: She must have just manifested powers and doesn’t know how to get back.
GM thought bubble: Nope! Not yet!