Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Klytus]

The game: Champions

The Players - The Boston Protectorate
Inferno - Team leader. Human-torch style energy projector.
Nightengale - A telepath with Aid-powers to boost her allies.
Prism - Humanoid diamond. Strong & tough with some light-based powers.
Graviton - Brick with gravity control and density alteration.
Willowisp - Gypsy with magical will o' wisps that do her bidding.
Kitelea - Teen-age girl who can magically shape shift into a dragon or an anthro-dragon form.
Book - An apprentice mage working with the team on behalf of her House.

The Scenario
In our last session, Prism had been captured by a very powerful team of villains known as Powerstar. Finding the contents of Prism's mind to be mostly useless (insert your own joke here) the leader of the group, Mind Star, has him under mind control to hack into law enforcement databases. The team is trying to mount a rescue - and to stop Prism from doing too much damage with his hacking...

Nightengale: Book? Do you or any of your associates have magic that can affect technology?
Book: Look, I know a lot of folks think that technology is powered by "magic smoke"...

Book has a strong personal vendetta against Tigress (one of the Powerstar villains) as she almost killed her in the previous encounter. She also does not have a code against killing. Nor does the dragon. So, she's trying to convince Kitelea that super-villains make good eating...

Book: I know you’re in the mood for kitty meat right now…
OOC *stifled and un-stifled laughter*
Book (OOC): Not that kind of kitty-meat!

After Graviton had hit Mind Star with a forklift in their last battle, there has been a running-gag about forklifts and their usefulness as weapons ever since.

Nightengale: Graviton? Couldn't you take a forklift and compress it to the size of a softball and have a super-dense projectile?
Book: Why not just take a softball and make it as heavy as a forklift?

In the actual battle, the team is not doing as poorly as in their previous encounter, but they are still at a serious disadvantage. The tide was turned in their favor when Captain Champion (major Superhero NPC in my 'verse, sort of a cross between Superman and Captain America) flew in and took down The Ox (Powerstar's main brick) with a single blow (OK, it was a high-speed move-through, but it still made an impression). After the battle was over...

Graviton (in a perfect Blue Raja accent): I do think we must at least concede him the assist.

[Klytus]

After the battle above, Book is feeling very much like a Glass Cannon™. So, she decides to spend some of her XP on Armor and Regeneration (the in game justification being she has obtained a new magic item).

The Scenario: Book goes to Mac's Magic Shoppe. Imagine Mac to be Basil Fawlty, and you can see where this is going...

Book: So, Mac. Anything new since I was in last time?
Mac: Yes.
Book: *rolls eyes* Can you be more specific?
Mac: Only if you give me some clue as to what you're actually looking for.
Book: Books. Amulets. Talismans. Anything I'd be interested in.
Mac: Sorry. Still not very helpful.
Book: Fine. Any new books?
Mac: Yes.
Book: *snarls* Any I haven't read, yet?
Mac: *thinks* Doubtful.
Book: Why do you do this to me every time?
Mac: *sighs* You know the rules, dear. If you want something, you need to go find it. You'll find what you can use, and won't what you can't. It keeps all the riff-raff and apprentices from doing things like finding ancient tomes they've no business trying to use.
Book: Oh come on! How about giving me a straight answer? Please? Tell me, just this once?
Mac: *clears throat* Just this once.
Book: *facepalm*
Mac: Good shopping.
Book (OOC): Walked right into that one...

So Book digs through the shelves, and eventually finds an amulet. Curiously, it bears the crest of her magical order, House Phoenix (Leave me alone - I made up the name for this group years before Harry Potter). Even more curiously, it has a tag on it with a note from her Mentor.

"It's about time you came looking for this! What took you so long?" ~ Strange

Book: *swears loudly in numerous dead languages*
Mac: *calls out* Ah! Found it, have you?
Book: What makes you think I found anything?
Mac: Why else would you be swearing so eloquently?
Book: *mutters* Oh, yeah, he would understand me, wouldn't he? *out loud* So, do I owe you the usual price?
Mac: It's already paid for.
Book (OOC): Oh, he's [Strange] never going to let me live this down, is he?
GM: What do you think?
Book (OOC): That's what I thought...

[Rapier]

-----

"Ohmygawd, he's a RETROMANCER!"

-----

Asking of an Irish guy in the street: "So what's yer name, Duncan McDonut?"

-----

[Escafarc]

Heard this on a promo for Burn Notice:

"If it looks too good to be true. Then shoot it again and make sure."

A gamers motto if ever I heard one.

[Shadow Hawk]

Thursday night, 4th edition DnD. Our cast of characters...

Dayfyd, half elf wizard
Carreck, elf avenger
Giovanni, dragonborn warlord
Seere, drow seeker
Malice, drow cleric (only female, and married to Seere)
Alvyn, gnome psychic
Urr, human barbarian

Dayfyd has just joined the group.
Dayfyd(to Urr): So, what's your name?
Urr: Urr.
Dayfyd: Look, I know barbarians are stupid, but you should know your own name.
Alvyn: No, really, his name is Urr.

Fighting magma monsters under the city, one monster finds itself under attack by all of us.
Dayfyd: He's immobilized.
Seere: He's slowed.
Alvyn: He's dazed.
GM: He's dead.
Malice: Just not a good day for him.

Urr is attacked
GM: He spews on you.
Urr: What did he spew?
Giovanni: I don't want to know.
GM: It was lava.
Alvyn: The magma monster just puked on you.
A second magma monster attacks Urr
GM: He spews hot crit all over your face.
Seere (ooc): You're a sad little man.

Urr has personal hygiene issues...
Urr: Urr bathes once a week!
Dayfyd: In what?
Urr: Lye.
Alvyn: "You smell nice".

Dayfyd uses a area effect cold spell to drop the surviving magma monsters
Dayfyd: I'm sorry, did I kill all the targets?
Malice: We'll just find more.

After the battle
Urr: Assume fireball formation.

Alvyn spotted something during the battle
Alvyn: There's a dragon in the magma pool.
Urr: Lets attack it!
Dayfyd: Lets wait five minutes.
Urr: Lets attack it now!
Alvyn: You go ahead, we'll be there later.
Urr: When?
Alvyn, Dayfyd, Malice (together): About five minutes.

Some books about Malice.
Malice in Wonderland.
Go ask Malice.

[Mjolnir74]

Believe it or not, yes. At the very end of the fight, another hero (forgot his name) showed up. He had a deathly fear of the color green. So at the very end of the fight, the cultist opened the bathroom door and this wave of green spiders pours out right in front of the hero. It was amusing, to say the least. But it's not like the cultist planned it -- she was just in the bathroom, making spiders. That the superhero, who happened to be phobic, showed up right then was pure coincidence.

So let me get this straight. A hero with a fear of the color green shows up to join a fight involving Shamrock and The Incredible Bulk who are both green (as established by previous quotes). Did this chlorophobic hero hope to effectively contribute to the fight?

[input.jack]

And how does said hero pay for things? Isnt money green?

--------------------
-------------------

More quotes from the Embria Pathfinder game. To recap the PC's group:

Chyra: Adorable Undead-aspected Sorceress
Varga: Hot magenta-haired barbarian babe
Metreon: Distinguished archmage-in-training (just ask him)
Rhiannon: Cute blonde cheerleadery field plate commando
Leigh Reighborn: Hunky priest of Pelor the Sun God
Helda: Varga's sticky-fingered little sister
------------------

GM: The sun rises in the morning -

Chyra (OOC): I glare at it.

-----------------------

Metreon (OOC): That...that doesnt make any sense! All right, Im going to take off my Headband of Intellect. Does that help me to grasp what shes trying to say to me?

-----------------------

GM: As you move through the city, a flight of golden-armeored men on Hippogriffs passes overhead.

Metreon: Ah, always an impressive sight! Just dont stand under them as they go by....

-------------------

GM: And there, in his new office as High Marshal of the Silver Watch, is your father. He looks very happy to see you.

Rhiannon (OOC): I run in and give my Daddy a big hug and a kiss on the cheek! Mwah!

Chyra: *sotto voce*: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...

--------------

GM: And you see dancing Elven maidens outside the Veil of Flesh; a tattoo parlor and Elven body painting studio

Rhiannon (OOC): Oh, they may be Elven women, but they aint "maidens"!

Chyra (OOC): True dat.

Metreon (OOC - but still said in Metreon's "Ian McKellen" voice): Oh, snap, girlfriend! Snap!

------------------

Rhiannon: I know! we can take the FIFTY life-sized marble statues we got of Metreon's old master, Aganathzar, and build small shrines to them all over the woods. Then we can put the statues of the wrinkled old sourpuss in them, and see if we can start a new religion to "Forest Grump"!

The Entire Group: *Pelts Rhi with Cheetoes*

[Deadborder]

Here's one that needs no explanation:

"What a pterodactyl and a Zombie do in the honeymoon suite is their own buisness"

[Ian Mackinder]

Here's one that needs no explanation:

"What a pterodactyl and a Zombie do in the honeymoon suite is their own buisness"

E-yew.

[Narf the Mouse]

Here's one that needs no explanation:

"What a pterodactyl and a Zombie do in the honeymoon suite is their own buisness"

...True. But that doesn't mean we can't dislike necrophilia.

[IndianaJoe3]

Some books about Malice.
Malice in Wonderland.
Go ask Malice.

Malice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

[Drhoz]

More Champions. But no Cthulhu game, AGAIN Purrdence was the only player that showed up

Zero : I don't understand it. The Beatles aren't even my favourite era of music, but every time I finish talking to Mother I have Maxwell's Silver Hammer stuck in my head.

Zero : Would that be the swordsman who was running around Freaktown showing off his Great Cleavage?

Lots of other opportunity for lewd jokes about swords, too...

Zero : Yes, my chopper has a mind of its own.

Weldun, GM : Back then there were the Elysians, the Thulians, etc..

Stentorian : How about Thetans?
Weldun, GM : No, we're keeping it to things that are halfway believable

Weldun, GM : And over here we have the Knights of Purity. They're new. And totally, completely, unaffiliated with Humanity First.
Terminus : And if you believe that we've got a Brooklyn Bridge over here to sell you...
Weldun, GM : And we'll thrown in this land in Florida.
Zero : One previous owner, who only ever used it on Sundays

Somebody has been coming into Freaktown and attacking random animal mutates. It's probably related to the current political debate about expanding the definition of human to include mutates, etc.

Purrdence : Cow-tipping

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : We know what all this about! It's because we're about to get the franchise!
Zero : Animan-cipation

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : *points to his bear-man compatriot* Barry here wants to join the Marines...
Mystique : I suppose marine mammals would qualify to join the Navy SEALs...
Weldun, GM : You wake up in hospital, on a drip
Zero : We warned you about that sort of joke around here

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : Thank you for avoiding the obvious joke about our Right to Bear Arms.

Freaktown Citizen Patrolman : I keep telling Barry that if he joins the Marines they'll just send him to Afghanistan. It's hot there, he'll sweat like a pi.... Very sweaty thing

We also get tax advice from a humanoid cuttlefish with bat wings and a pinstripe suit. The Cthulhu plushie on the table reminded Weldun of this NPC

Sheldon : *to Avatar* It doesn't matter that you're not human, native to this planet, or even biological. You don't get any of the benefits or the rights, but you still have to pay taxes. Any entity that makes a profit has to pay taxes. US tax law is quite specific.
Zero : That's what I call forward-thinking legislation!

Conversation gets around to whether animorphs, mermaids, and chimeras would be kosher

Weldun, GM : Would Gakh be okay?
Stentorian : Hmm...
Me : Are we saying there could be Jewish Klingons?
Weldun : He could have converted!

Weldun : Coca-cola have done it again. Last time it was 'Coke will bring your ancestors back from the dead'. This time 'Real Taste, Uplifting Refreshment' is translated as 'Coke will get you high'
Purrdence : Well, coke does get you high...
Weldun & Stentorian : Wrong kind of coke.

I'd wanted to use the sound files I got as part of the DriveThruRPG Haiti Appeal, in my Cthulhu game

Purrdence : We won't get in trouble with the other tables?
Me : No. It's background music, not a Michael Bay soundtrack

[Tim]

From today's PFS* game.

"Moving at the Speed of Cleric"

OOC: I'm Italian, I get confused. Do I off a guy, do I whack a guy, do I whack off a guy..."


*Pathfinder Society

[Shadow Hawk]

Saturday DnD session. Once comment stands out...

A barbarian attacks with an axe.
A wizard attacks with lightning.
A warlord attacks with a barbarian.

I hope I haven't said this before...

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist
Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator

***

Danny: We dangle Julian out as sacrificial Voodoo bait.


***

GM: Kidnapping the daughter of a vengeful ghost... what could possibly go wrong?


***


GM: You have to kidnap the little girl for your own good.

***


Julian: What does short have to do with length?

***


GM: Time to call in the Catholic Bucket Brigade.


***


Kayla: Consecrated? As in burned?


Mike: Not cremated! Consecrated!


***


Zeke: That doesn't mean he doesn't have his son following him around helping kill people as a father-son bonding thing.


***


Julian: The last time we went grave robbing...


Danny: That's a phrase you don't hear very often.


***


Zeke: Just because you died, it doesn't mean you stopped being human.

***

Zeke [speaking of certain complications that have come about due to the Mike/Molly body switch]: It has to do with their being switched and certain needs that he hasn't been able to satisfy... wait, that came out wrong.

***


Zeke: You're the only one of us with experience in stealing state vehicles.


***


Mike: Because Zeke said it would open a portal to the underworld.


Julian: That's okay. At least no one would see it.