Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[loki]

Originally posted by RevHooligan
Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

Ahh yes the quote from the fiance! lmao that is very funny

[RevHooligan]

She also asked if we needed a giant magnifying glass to torture the ant with.

[Klytus]

In our Saturday D&D game, one of our players is a wizard who has fallen in love with the spell Phantasmal Killer. For those of you who don't know, this spell can kill you instantly if you fail 2 saving throws: one WILL save to deisbelieve the illusion, the second a FORTitude save to avoid dying of a heart attack. Anyway, I could never figure out why he loves this spell so much, because it had never worked, not even once. The last straw came when they were fighting a band of 3rd level orcs. He couldn't even get the spell to work on an orc under the effects of Confusion. I made a crack about his repeated casting's of Phantasmal Failure.

Wizard: Did you just call it Phantasmal "Failure"?
DM: Yep.
Wizard: I want to be angry, but that's so damn funny...

The spell has now picked up all sort of permutations on that theme, Phandismal Failure being the most recent. It's now a grudge for him: he will continue to memorize it and use it until it works at least one - even if it has to be against a paraplegic kobold with typhoid.

[Klytus]

(Whoops. Double post. Please delete)

[Klytus]

I can't believe I'm the only one with a group that can kick out good quotes here lately...

This is from a Vampire game we play in. The main character in question is Chance (i.e. Lucky) LeBlanc, a gambler. He has a girlfrend named Franchesca.

Player 1: "So, Chance, are you feeling lucky?"
Chance: "No. That's Francesca's job"
Player 2: "Wait a minit -- you named your ::ahem:: 'Lucky'?"
Player 3: "Wll it sure beats Mr. Happy!"
Chance: "No... that's Francesca's job!"

[Klytus]

And then there was this conversation about evil D&D clerics.

Player 1: "Evil clerics have it made. They can command the undead to do their bidding."
Player 2: "Yo! Go to the river and do my laundry!"
Player 3: "Eww! Who wants bits of dead flesh on your clothes?"
Player 4: "That's why you use skeletons."
Player 2: "Exactly! And then when the skeletons are done with the washing, they can double as a drying rack."

I have some wierd friends...

[Stephen Mann]

From an old AD&D game:

We're fighting a group reputed to be much more powerful than we are. After a few rounds, the other group tries to intimidate us with their massive reputation. Our fighter/mage is dueling the other team's weaponmaster, who's supposed to be practically unbeatable. The F/M responds to the weaponmaster's taunts with: "My weapons are bloody, are yours?"

Later, we were facing waves of undead. My cleric had turned the first few groups, then botched his turn rolls on the next couple. When the others accused him of incompetence: "My holy symbol gets tired after a while!"

We'd been fighting hobgoblins for a while, and were really getting sick and tired of them. The fighter/mage declares: "I see a hobgoblin, I kill the man wearing it."

In an underground city, we needed some prisoners to interrogate. While fighting a bunch of derro, our mage fireballs a group of richly dressed temple leaders who used some kind of Horn magical item to attack us. They would have been good sources of information, so we were a bit peeved at the mage. His reply was: "They blew a horn right at me, what was I supposed to do?"

To the (new) unscrupulous fighter in the group who had problems hitting in his first few fights: "They're unconscious, Oridio, we'll let you kill them."

The mage insulting the ranger: "The only inanimate object I talk to is Jimmy."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In the very temporary Aberrant game, the energy blaster is facing a foe who is immune to energy blasts. Desperate, he tries to impress his opponent with his martial arts battle cry: "Hong Kong Phooey! General Tsoa! Kung Fu!"

Our group split up to case the grounds of a public ceremony we were supposed to protect later in the day. Our telekinetic didn't return until after the ceremony started: "I was getting my mustache darkened."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

During a Rifts game, the group is watching a gladiator prize fight. In this particular fight was our blond, blue-eyed ex-military team leader versus the new guy on the team who was playing the chaotic stupid jerk. Everyone bet their money on the team leader (and won). The jerk asked later why we had done that. The most polite answer was: “Always bet on the blonde.�

Assorted lines I don't remember the circumstances for:
“You really are an idiot, aren't you?�
“The time for subtlety is gone.�
“Now that it’s been explained to me, it makes sense!�

[Klytus]

From last week's Vampire game.

Chance: Why Burns, can't you see she's just trying to expand your horizons?

Burns: Well, Chance, the thing is, is that I don't consider mental illness to be a redeeming trait.

Chance: But Burns, your problem is that you don't know how ill you already are.

Burns: ...

[Anodyne]

D&D can conjure up some truly great moments.

This happened years and years ago, in the first D&D game I ever played. We're in a dungeon, of course, and we've found a room with various magical items on display, most of them divine in nature. Our dwarven fighter/cleric--who is a notorious lech, referring all too frequently to "Captain Happy"--finds a hammer with the emblem of his god Moradin on it, prays suitably for some time, then reverently reaches for it.

DM: You pick up the hammer. Immediately, your entire body turns grey and gritty--
Ranger: Hell, he's been turned to stone??
Mage: Nobody panic! I think I've got a scroll of Stone to Flesh--
DM: Living stone. He can walk, talk, and take actions in a perfectly normal way. He's just made of solid stone. Clothes and all.
Me: Do I get to use my "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" line now?
Ranger: No.
DM: You now have a CON bonus of--
Dwarf: Wait. Wait. Where's Captain Happy?!
DM: Captain Happy is *gone*, okay?
Dwarf: NOOOOO! CAPTAIN HAAAAPPPYYYYY!! I drop the hammer!
DM: You can't. It's become part of your hand. This is clearly a blessing of your god and should be viewed as a great honor . . . are you listening to me at all?
Dwarf: NOOOOOO!! CAPTAIN HAPPY, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

[misterdeath]

Amanda, talking about the Villianess.

"Oh, there's a scared little girl inside her. And it's giving her indigestion."

D

[Stray Cat]

Last night's game was a hoot!

Set-up: The heroes, the Guardians, are located in Miami where an extradimensional invasion has just begun. One of the characters, played by our very own Agent X, is named Argus. He's a brick with a questonite chain. He looks very menacing (and he is very menacing). He drops down and slams the ground, creating mayhem for some XD troops. All but one outside the municipal building are whacked. The last XD soldier is looking right at Argus who says, "Look, you've got two choices. Get out of my way or get the beating of your life. You decide." The XD hesitates long enough for Argus' team-mate Blue Tiger to put him down.

Same battle, Argus and Blue Tiger are fighting the remaining XDs inside the municipal building. Argus swings his chain at an XD who is reaching for his belt and yanks the belt off him. He asks, "What were you going to do with this?" And Argus presses the button on the belt. He is instantly teleported to the staging point the the rest of the XD army. Hundreds of XD soldiers, along with their beast/vehicles are surrounding him, pointing guns at him, and speaking in some alien language.

Deadpan, Argus says, "Look, you've got two choices..."

Cat

[Tim]

From my High School Hero game...

the characters where fighting beetle-like robots that could spray nanotech disassemblers on matter and break it down to its component molecules.

One Players: "I'm not messing with it. It took out a Gazebo."

[Mr. Negative]

This is an old one, rather than a current one, but still one of my favorites.

I'm playing in a friend's superheroic game, but my character has two decidedly unsuperheroic powers. He can "duplicate" himself, projecting the duplicate somewhere else, and then recombine. He can also store objects behind his back (in a timeless zone), so he can project himself home, pick up a tire iron, store it behind his back, and then recombine, and pull the tire iron out. So far, he has used his powers to be on vacation while being at work, and clean up his apartment.

We are fighting an tremendously powerful superhuman, apparently from the future, who is trying to travel backwards into time to prevent humans from ever evolving, and thus preventing us from ruining the ecosphere. The other PCs, who are much more combat oriented than I, down the guy. I insist on binding his wounds and transporting him to the mainland to receive care at a hospital. He returns days later to thank me for saving his life, and then reveals that he still intends to travel into the past to prevent humanity's existence.

My character loses it. I yell at him, "So I saved your life just for you to wipe humanity off the face of the earth. You are such a jerk!" I proceed to completely lose it at him for being such a selfish, arrogant bastard.

The entire party nervously cracks up, as this guy nearly wiped the floor with us before, and now the non-combatant geek is mouthing off to him.

The greatest thing was that the GM actually took it in stride, and the villian actually broke down and got all emotional. My little tirade punctured his egotism and made him realize how selfish his goals were.

Preston, one of the other players, ends this with something like:

"Wait a minute. I can't believe you just defeated him with a lecture!"

[BlackSword]

We had captured a person we were supposed to assasinate. None of the characters use sharp weapons (all empty hand or blunt weapons), but the person we were supposed to assasinate did have a sword. The doctor of the group was a bit sickened by the act of violence so he wanted to do the dee quickly and painlessly, he volunteered with, "I will kill him as quickly as I can with my staff." The GM just looked at him and said, "You're a doctor, why don't you just nick an artery instead of using blunt trauma to painlessly kill him?"

[Stray Cat]

The Regulators are fighting Mechanon(s). Electro, the team leader is the first on the scene of an orphanage where strange radio signals that have been controlling crack-dealing robotic snipers (long story) have originated. The rest of the team arrives and begins evacuating orphans from the the top floor while Electro is in the basement battling an unknown foe. He calls on the radio something to the effect that he's alone in the basement with Mechanon. My character, Colossus, radios back, "Stall!"

Later that fight...

After the kids have all been safely removed, the team has split up. One group heads downstairs to back up Electro against Mechanon. The others are dealing with another (?!?) Mechanon on the front lawn. Colossus is a larger-than-life-size bronze-skinned brick. Mechanon blasts at him, but only minimal damage is dealt. Colossus says, "Way wrong move, buddy." Mechanon is much faster than Colossus, and he gets another shot. Again, some damage, but nothing Colossus can't deal with. "That was your second mistake," says the bronze giant. "Really?" replies Mechanon, "What will be my next?" "STANDING STILL!" Colossus begins his haymaker attack. It's phase 6 after all. And Colossus' haymaker will land at the end of 7. Surely Mechanon will be squished before he can act on 8.. right? Right? ... Oops... Ummm, Mechanon is speed 7. He flies into the air on 7 and blasts Colossus with much RKAness. The Brass Bastion is out for the night!

Last night's rumble was awesome! I bow before Superskrull for making a butt-kicking not only tolerable, but freakin awesome!

Cat

PS Champsguy, we saved a Mechanon for you!