Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Glen Sprigg]

Finally, I can contribute! This is from an AD&D campaign (2nd edition; 3rd sucks). All four PCs are elves; the DM threw in a half-ogre for 'balance.' The campaign isn't too old; we're 2nd-3rd level characters.

We arrive on an island in search of some skeletons. After dealing with an ambush of kobolds and skeletons, the DM asks what we're doing. "We're going to the trees."

DM: Are you walking, running, what?

Dannelar (priest of Corellon, my character): Crawling.

Sylca (fighter/mage): Leapfrogging with Prysm! (the bladesinger)

Dalziel (mage/thief): I'm belly-dancing.

DM: Well, Ogg (half-ogre) is taking the boat. When you can swim, come talk to him.

Me: Well, what did you expect? We're all elves. We're frolicking.

[Logan D]

More quotes from last Saturday's session of the Final Fantasy 7 game --

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"That was the last thing I remember of that day. I woke up a few days later in a little town..."

"Did you have a traffic cone with you?"

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"Sephiroth wasn't mad. Just disappointed."

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"The summon didn't like me."
"... Didn't like you?"
"Yeah."
"... It's a rock with a monster in it."
"They have -feelings-."
"... ... It's a -rock-."

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"Talking to Sephiroth was like talking to a brick wall."
"Yeah, a brick wall that's an asshole."
"Well, he was nice to ME."

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"We got lots of help from a girl named 'Yuffie'!"
"... I'm gonna whip that girl's ass."

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"So why does Hojo keep Vincent around, anyway?"
"*cough*keptboy*cough*keptboy*cough*"

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"Jason's just got this theory that Vincent is this prototype that Hojo uses-"
"*snort*"
"-Not- like -that-! ... Well, that's not what I -meant-, but..."

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"Sooo many objects that could be stuck in the orifices of a snarky GM..."
GM's wife: "I have a few!" ^.^

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"Especially that part with Diamond Weapon stomping across the land."
"o/` Up from the depths, thirty stories high!"o/`
"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"

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"Do not poke the Weapon!"

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"Djinn wandered off to the side during this, and now returns, wearing a t-shirt that says 'I got boned at Bone Village'. Visited the souvenier shop."

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"From the looks on your faces... did he owe you money or something?"
"More like a pound of flesh. From somewhere vital."

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"I like to tell stories 'bout the barrier 'round North Crater!"
"That's gone now."
"Really!"
"Yeah."
"Guess I have a new story to tell!"

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"She came out with two little girls?"
"Yeah!"
"And was a strange woman?"
"Yeah!"
"Must run in the family."

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"Well, another day, another quest where all the other attempters have wound up dead. 'Bout typical for us."

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"No one ever said anyone DIED..."
"They went in the forest and didn't come out! I don't think they went in and said 'Oh my, what a lovely place for a cottage!'"

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"The fog itself is a magical effect..."
"Okay, who put on their Fog Hat?"
(GROAN)

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"It doesn't have anything that would make, like, a loud warning sound?"
"It has a machine gun..."

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"Save versus dropped anchors."

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"I'll go right."
"You're with Jason, then."
"Djinn's with Jason? That'll make some interesting-looking kids."

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"I need to edit my mental images. Someone hand me a fork."

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"TIME TO MAKE WITH THE KILLING!"

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"What's this all about, Sephiroth?!"
"Revenge."
"WHAT A COINCIDENCE!"

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"Who is Jenova?"
"Mother. Creator. God."
"Bitch."

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"Nina's limit break summons a huge sandworm to attack the lich!"
"YOU BROKE INTO THE WRONG DAMN REC ROOM, DIDN'CHA?!?!?!"

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"I'd appreciate never being mistaken for Sephiroth AGAIN."

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"It's the ominous ring of land!"

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"You've heard of crop circles? These are Weapon circles."
"M. Night Shyamalan's next movie. Mel Gibson plays Cloud Strife."
"With Danny Glover as Barret!"

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"You see a sword plunged into a stone."
"Anyone got a scraggly blonde would-be king handy?"

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"If you want me to serve you, you must trade with me."
"... I think he's propositioning you."
"My cost is quite high, little summoner!"
"... I REALLY think he's propositioning you!"

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"Question!"
"Yes?"
"What's a spirit need with gold?"
"What's a woman need with love?"
"I dunno. ... Misogynist!"

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"AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A! And he fades out."
"Such a cheerful fellow. I look forward to working with him."

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"Y'know... if I find out, when we go to the moon, that these warriors we have to fight are wearing miniskirts..."

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"You just wanna work with a guy that has eight hands."
"It's four hands. That way it's four-play."

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"Does that mean that Gilgamesh is basically just the ultimate lawn gnome?"

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*to dice, after prior voice has been compared to the Joe Cartoon hamster* "Back to Saddam's ass with you!"

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More quotes next week? Maaybe...

[zakueins]

To understand this quote (in context), you have to understand the character I was playing at the time. Ghost Sniper, she's the professional's professional, gal you send you send out when you need someone killed and done right. Calm, polite, and deadly. Scares the hell out of Scorpia. That sort of gal.

During a game, the team was going through New York to find a kidnapped girl, and somehow we wound up in this really nasty bar that DEMON, VIPER, and everybody else that's a bad mook considers their watering hole. Due to events that would require you to drink at least HALF a pint-bottle of Jack Daniels to believe, Ghost Sniper had finally made it back to her team, just before the bar fight was going to start.

Note, she had been rolling AWFUL rolls the whole game.

Walks into the bar, with this terible scowl on my face, and I say, "I'm just going to let a burst off into the ceiling. Just to get everybody's attention."

GM:"Okay-do you want to roll to hit or do damage, or I can just give it to you."

ME:"With the way my luck has been today, I'd probably blow off my own foot. Just getting their attention."

GM:"Sure, not a problem. Nice little burst, makes everybody pay attention."

ME: (Deep Breath) "I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY! I HAVE BEEN SHOT AT! I HAVE HAD THREE CARS AND TWO MOTORCYCLES SHOT OUT FROM UNDER ME! I HAVE HAD A DRAG QUEEN TRY TO SEE JUST HOW GOOD I WAS IN BED, AND SOMEBODY BLEW UP MY LAST PAIR OF CLEAN PANTIES! NOW, ARE ALL OF YOU GOING TO BE NICE AND TELL US WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW, OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO HURT SOMEONE?"

GM: "One of the mooks, wearing a VIPER uniform stands up and says, 'I don't think you've got the guts...'"

ME: "I shoot him. Machine-rifle mode. Roll?"

GM (A Bit Shocked): "Sure, roll."

Natural 3. House rules were that a natural 3 meant you did full damage on an attack. On a 2D6 AP RKA, 5 shot autofire, with a character that has Accurate Autofire.

GM (Looks at His Map): "Well, all that's left of him is his boots. Most of his upper legs, too. And, the bar now has a nice back door. Right into the car dealership. Across the street. Everybody's look at you and wondering what's going on."

ME (Deep Breath): "Now! Does anybody else wanna give me trouble?"

Everybody was very, very helpful after that....

[Rhen]

In an old Gurps Supers campaign waaaay back in college, my character, Lioness had been cursed by a monkey, who magically appeared and tormented her anytime someone said the word "monkey". This was the conversation between her and the team's blaster, a cold projector named Frostbite.

Frostbite: "Mon...."
Lioness: "Finish that sentence and you'll lose your icecubes."

The GM rolled on the floor, crying for hours.


Rhen

[Brandi]

Great, now I'm going to have this stuck in my head today.

[Rhen]

Oh man, that is just SO wrong.

Speaking of laughing til I cried.....




Rhen

[devlin1]

What with one thing and another last night, a shrunken Hummingbird, unsuccessful in her attempts to Mind Control our energy projector, was knocked back 17" into the hull of a nearby ship, knocking her halfway into next week and leading to this exchange:

"Also, the authorities pick up Hummingbird."
"What, do they put her in a jar?"
"They put her in an ambulance."

[Hugh Neilson]

Today. D&D 3.5. Female spellcaster looking up a spell to find it has a range of "Touch" asks "Can I touch myself?"

[CrosshairCollie]

Well, we had the first game of a new campaign last night ... so here's a few highlights.

After my Temporal Variance Investigator gets pulled off-course (both spatially and temporally), and sees an identical model of Time Flyer, which promptly shoots him down:
"You know, if I'm the guy I'm here to investigate, I'm going to be really pissed at myself."

Due to a printer malfunction, we were unable to print out sheets up, but since it was a noncombat game, it wasn't much of an issue until I got prompted for a 'KS: History of the Future (2004-2090) roll' ...
"Great ... I can't remember what my skill was in that ..."
(Dice come up one-one-one.)
"Thank you, Dice. You just made my life much easier."

And our resident brain-addled tabloid reporter, after attempting to absorb the out-of-time Knight and Cyborg characters' existence:
"Okay, weird things happen to me all the time, I can handle this. I just need six or seven hours and beers."

[Logan D]

This week's Final Fantasy 7 gaming quotes.

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"We have a CPS... a Chocobo Positioning System."

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Djinn's player: *to laid-out dice, skill dice all ones, damage dice all sixes* "Now... every time I roll you tonight, I wanna see these -same damn faces-."

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Scar: "Sector Three's po'. They're so poor, they can't afford the 'or'."

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Scar: "Sector Three's so poor, they think gil is the guy that lives next door!"

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Jason: "And who, pray tell, are you?"
"Me? I'm Gil."
Djinn: "YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR!"

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Scar: "Lemme tell ya where I'm from... I'm from straight offa Rufus' ass, and I'm feelin' homesick!"
Jason: "So... you're a polyp?"
Scar: "That's right, baby, I'm CANCER!"

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Gil: "I'm sure Rufus would -love- to see you!"
Djinn: "Yeh, he misses his li'l polyp..."

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"'Yay! Daddy! Let's strip him!'? This game has gone into interesting territory."

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Barret: "When you're black, that's a skill you've got to pay double points for, 'Summon Cab'."

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Red XIII: "I may be naked, but I'm not happy to see you. Trust me, none of you assholes got -nothin'- on me."

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GM: "'There is an elevator here."
Jason: "We take the elevator"'
GM: "You can't take that!'"
(rest of party lynches GM for making a bad Zork reference)

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Jason: "I know one way this elevator could get us down quickly... gravity!"
Djinn: "AND HERE'S WHERE WE START SPINNING!"

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"FINE! But if we die........ we'll be dead!"

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"Blew my perception roll."
"Well, you know where Dexter's laboratory is, but not Hojo's."

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Jason: "He's cloning a Gilgamesh."
Djinn: "I suggest we support a woman's right to choose and hit the 'Abort' button!"

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"Hey, Pharah?"
"What?"
"Sephiroth's made a harem out of your clones."
"WHAT?!?!!"

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GM: "You open the box and there's Guns. Lots of guns. Neo would be proud."
"And all of you hear Scar say 'OH YEAH!'"

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"Can we get to the killing and the bloodletting!"

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"Anyone got a convenient motorcycle and cinematic...?"

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Jason: "Oh! The helicopters! That's our way out of here! ... DON'T SAY A WORD, DJINN!"
"And from over Gil's shoulder, comes this little whimper..."
"Gil looks back at Djinn. 'Something I should know?'"
"... It involves spinning..."

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Gil: "Oop. There you go. Sorry."
Djinn: "Are you sorry about the buttsqueezes?"
Gil: "........ Not especially."
Djinn: "... That's okay, I don't especially begrudge 'em to ya."

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[altamaros]

Recently : "Legends of Five Rings" :

The PCs, in the Shadowlands. The Kuni shungenja just meets a horrible death from an Oni :

PC-Kuni - I think i'm dead now ...
PC-2 to the GM : OH, MY GOD, YOU KILLED KUNI !!!!!
all the other PCs : BASTARDS !!!

[Arandmoor_Keet]

We didn't roleplay this weekend, but this line was funny none the less.

"My Chaolic Schoolgirl can beat up your Catholic Schoolgirl!"

Arandmoor

[RDU Neil]

"I've got 1 stun and a black chit! BRING IT!"

Joe... right before his character was "killed" by horde of shadow demons.

[Mayday]

After a beloved NPC was given a mild concussion and robbed, two characters got into an arguement.

Turn The Other Cheek: "But hurting him does not make Tamrin well. It does not bring back the money that was lost. It does not correct anything."

Vengeance Is Mine: "It prevents him from hurting others, as he's hurt her."

Turn the Other Cheek: "But it does not correct anything."

Vengeance Is Mine: "Bah! *turns away* go pet a sheep Father. Tell them that when the wolves come, it'll be alright, they'll go to heaven."

[Ben Seeman]

Quotes from last night's bizarre Silver Age Champions adventure where the Legion Mystery went up against Trophy Hunter and a group of hunting goons known as the Caliber Society... Secret Master ran it and it was nothing but hilarity...

"I've blown and been blown by sailors..." - Secret Master (don't ask)

"I'm a man of nothing but opinions, each on more ignorant than the last." - Secret Master

"I just pulled it out of Gadgets And Gear... blame Steve Long." - Secret Master

"But it's RIPPED drool." - Ben

"Two are from England and one is from Argentina." - Secret Master "Which are both in Asia..." - Ben

Thanks for a great game Secret Master!