Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Enforcer84]

Our first encounter with Firewing's alien forces resulted in the utter destruction of a few blocks of town and our sound defeat.

"We should have asked them if they come in peace."

[CrosshairCollie]

This one happened a few years back, but I still laugh about it. In a 'duo' (rather than solo) adventure, myself and a teammate, Rad (kid, radiation powers, even made a solid-radiation skateboard) encountered Dr. Megaton. I was kind of tired that day and wasn't up to my usual standards of snappy patter.

Dr. Megaton: "You two idiots can't defeat me!"
Me: "I was thinking the same thing about you!"
Dr. Megaton: "You think I'm two idiots? You're even dumber than I thought. You fools, I'm not two idiots, I'm only one ... never mind."

[TheTemplar]

The quote that my last PC, The Templar, will NEVER live down (nor will I, for that matter) occured when we were infiltrating the fortress of Tyrannon - our campaign's Galactus. Some of our number had been captured by him and were being held in his dungeons. We snuck in and initiated a systematic check of each cell, looking for our lost friends. The mood the GM created was great. It was so dark and foreboding..very little light, eerie sounds, etc. Well, that's when I looked into one of the cells and saw our friends manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit. Overjoyed at the sight of my lost comrades, I turned down the hall to the others and shouted, "I Found Them!"

GM: "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha......."

A 30d6 fireball later.....

We all awoke to find ourselves manacled to the wall, hanging over what seemed to be a bottomless pit....

My GM said it's the first time he can remember a player screwing up what he had in mind where the players ended up suffering the consequences. Man. Getting out of that one was a b*tch.

This gag actually carried so far as to show up on our team website, which is down currently...if you click on the link to go to The Templar's character page, you hear the sound byte from The Empire Strikes Back, where Zev (I think that was his name..) radios in to Echo Base saying, " I found them, repeat, I found them!"

[Greywind]

We were playing a modern-day horror game. One of the players had a disadvantage of "Doesn't Believe in the Supernatural".

We had tracked a vampire to his lair. He was going around, taking us out, one at a time. He comes to this particular character, who dumps a whole clip from a MAC-10 into the vampire.

The vampire picks himself up, dusts himself off and says "I am NOT amused!"

The merc looks at the vampire. Looks at his trusty MAC-10 and then back at the vampire and says in a very whiny, almost crying voice, "Neither am I."

[Wyrm Ouroboros]

Happened a while ago, but...

Thor Clone winds up with his trusty mystic mace and brings the doomhammer down upon the villianous flying brick's head. First time we'd ever encountered these people, and as a consequence the TC didn't know exactly what his opponent (Taurus, one of 12 based off the houses of astrology) could do. *Wham!!*

TC: *rolls dice* "Okay, 16 Body, 52 STUN, and ..." *rolls 1d6 for Flying Knockback* "... 14 inches of Knockback."
GM: "He doesn't go anywhere. In fact, he only bobbles a little in the air, then sort of growls at you."
TC: *eyes widen, then pantomimes whipping out a comb, fixing the guy's hair, then grabbing the mace and waggling it* "Let me try that again..."

[Marchwarden]

After the Great Revenge Smackdown against the Crowns of Krim, we are back at the partially rebuilt Stronghold:

2018 DEFENDER: "You know, everyone...we've been through defeat and victory together, but today was different. For the first time, we were unified and cohesive from start to finish. It seems we've finally learned to think of ourselves, not as a group of individuals, but as..."

MARCHWARDEN: "...a fellowship."

2018 DEFENDER: "I was going to say 'a team'. Where did you say you were from?"

MARCHWARDEN: "I am...from New Zealand."

Everyone else exchanges a look.

[Rage]

Originally posted by Captain Obvious
Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it?

No, but it is a defensive move that you can abort to.
Hey no body wants to fight the guy who just shat himself.

[Klytus]

This was from a recent D&D campaign. 'Flekt' was, at the time, a 4th level dwarven wizard with 9 STR. Consequently, he couldn't hit the floor by falling on it in melee combat. Somebody was giving him a hard time about missing the monster for the 3rd time with his dagger when he lets fly...

"I'm a Wizard... I WIZ! No! Wait, that didn't come out right. D'oh! I mean, it comes out alright, just not all the time. Aaa! I didn’t mean it like that... I... er.. oh flaming diarrhea!"

[Killer Shrike]

This happened in yesterday's champions session.

One of the players is the Silver Avenger of Millenium City, John Wrath (Agent of PRIMUS!!!!).

The player was up all night trying to get several projects wrapped up, making last minute changes to an emulator due on Monday (he's a UCSD Computer Science student), and his car disintegrated the day before as well. He's frazzled and off his game, and had to show up a couple of hours late because he was getting his car taken care of (but hey, he showed, which is more than some players would have done ), so he's joined the game in progress and hasn't quite gotten his brain fully engaged yet.


Now keep in mind, this is our 4th session of play. His authority has been well established heretofore. He's been to PRIMUS HQ on several occasions and the generals of that backdrop have been fleshed out, though not all the specifics have been ironed out as yet. The motor pool, R&D, and the Station Chief have all had some work, and some of the necessary facilities such as holding cells and questioning rooms, and private rooms from which to enter ones personal information in the process of getting sanctioned by PRIMUS have been covered, and other facilities alluded to. However, so far its been a place to stop in on in the pursuit of the story, rather than an ends unto itself. So, basically, as something comes up where it would make sense and serve the story, PRIMUS HQ turns out to have something suitable to support it.

In this particular session, the party met up at PRIMUS HQ. ALL of the PCs other than John Wrath have a jealously guarded Secret ID and have no way of getting in touch with each other, and several of the members had initially refused to sanction in fits of paranoia. This has hampered the forward progress of the storyline considerably. To make a long story short, in game events lead to the group meeting at PRIMUS HQ, and the remainder of the PCs went through the sanctioning process. Then the group finally rallied together and moved forward in one direction, assisting the Silver Avenger in the investigation of the supercrime which had initially drawn them all out to combat in the 1st session.

So they follow up a lead regarding a suspicious security guard who was fired from the plant that was struck in the 1st session, after one of the security guards at that location said it was kind of suspicious that the criminals seemed to know where all the cameras and security devices were located -- he suspected an inside job.

The PCs find this guy, a total story-serving mook criminal, and after some questioning John Wrath takes him into custody.

John Wrath gets a call from PRIMUS Dispatch notifying him that a superhuman wanted for questioning with a general APB out on him has been spotted overflying the city.

John Wrath is harried from riding herd on the PCs and this is clearly one too many straws on his back. He says through his mike:

"Uh....Why are you telling me? Dont you know I'm busy? Why dont you call somebody in charge?"

Out of character we all laugh at him, one of the other players says Out of Character something the effect of "You are in charge, you idiot--You are the gawd damn SILVER FRICKING AVENGER! You are THE person in charge of handling crap like this for the entire CITY"

So the player of John Wrath says, "What? Im obviously too incompetent for that kind of responsiblity! Besides, if Im in charge, why does the Station Chief keep yelling at me?"

The group laughs at him

The other players says "Because he keeps having to pick up your slack, thats why!"

The the player of John Wrath says, "Well if Im in charge, I should have an office or something!"

To which I reply, "You DO have an office -- the Office of the SIlver Avenger, Millenium City."

The player is suprised and says, "Really? Where's that at? Do I have a secretary?"

Pretty much the whole table bursts out at once with variations of, "ITS AT PRIMUS HEADQUARTERS YOU IDIOT"; where the entire party had just met up and left together from before all of this transpired.

And I respond with something along the lines of, "Your office is at PRIMUS Headquarters on the top floor, and yes you have a secretary, but they cant keep the position filled because you are too much of a hard ass on the help, so they keep rotating admin personnel in and out. You are never actually in your office because you are too crusty and hard charging to do office work--thats for pencil pushers and sissys after all. You are JOHN WRATH, leader of the Growling RECONDOs in Vietnam, who followed that up with 10 years of teaching uneducated natives of pisshole countries how to overthrow thier oppresive governments for the benefit of the CIA, who's been a Silver Avenger for 18 frickin years; you're a FIELD OPERATIVE, a WORLD FAMOUS "SECRET" AGENT, with a liscence to kill and cigar. You live for this crap! Now are you going to respond to the APB or not?" (ie, I reminded him of his own character concept )

Once he got his head in the game, things took off, but we all laughed ourselves silly over his initial confusion...

[Killer Shrike]

Also, same game, same player:

After the 3rd device from his VPP: R&D Experimental Field Test Equipment Gadget Pool (which he has no control over as part of the Control Cost, and all gadgets in the pool have to have a Jam Activation -- basically the R&D department gives him toys and takes others away as they come up with new crap) fails a 14- Activation, while in combat, John Wrath says:
<h2>
"Im beginning to suspect that my R&D department is trying to KILL ME!".
</h2>

[MechaGM]

Well, back in high school, my D&D group would regularly write down quotes that we found amusing. (Something that my current group doesn't do... sadly... most of our good quotes get lost)

The two best exchanges that I can remember are:

The party is in a tough fight, and one of the Wizards, who is operating under a polymorph self spell, decides he needs to "tactically withdraw"

Matt: okay, I can polymorph myself into any monster I have seen, right?
Sam (DM): Right...
Matt: Alright, I'll turn into an invisible stalker and slink away.
Me: Matt... have you ever *seen* an invisible stalker?
Matt: Err....

The other exchange came from a situation where we badly needed a city-wide distraction so that we could bust someone out of prision... someone suggested inciting a riot of some sort...

Me: Okay, so if we want to incite a riot, we could bribe a large portion of the citizens into revolting.
Peter S: You realize this is a huge city... We'd have to deliver a bribe to over a thousand people, in just one night, and get them to rise up...
Me: You're right... we'd need Santa Claus to pull that off.
Sam (DM): "Ho ho ho! Revolt against your leaders! Ho ho ho! Revolt against your leaders!"

[Acroyear II]

Back in the early 90's I was involved in a high level AD&D game. During one session, our band of adventurers witnessed a huge army of the Undead marching towards the city we had vowed to protect. As we dicussed what sort of action to take against the undead, we noticed a lone figure riding a nightmare at the back of the army, who appeared to be a skeleton in heavy armor. Immeditately the party freaked out and declared the mysterious being to be a death knight. I immediately squashed that idea.

"What!?! It couldn't possibly be a death knight! There are only, like what, 10 in existance, or something like that. What the hell would one of them be doing here?"

The party continued to doubt my ranger's line of thinking. So, I continued.

"Look, if he was a death knight, why is he way back here, far behind the main army? Why isn't up front, leading the undead into the city? I'm telling you, it can't be a death knight!"

Well, that convinced them. On our first round of attack against the mysterious being, it let lose a 20d6 fireball, the trademark attack of a death knight. The party's barbarian failed his saving throw, and nearly all his magic items missed their saving throws too and were destroyed. The rest of the party was nearly dead from the firery blast.

My character's only response to the hatred in the eyes of my fellow party members was, "Well, what the hell do I know about the Undead? I'm just a ranger, after all!"

Acroyear II

[RDU Neil]

Another quote that a friend reminded me of this weekend.

"Boy... these bouncers are TOUGH!"

Member of Road Kill after he failed to do more than piss off my friend's PC with an electrical zap. The PC, Onyx, was in his civies, on a date, at the bar Road Kill tried to rob.

[Nuadha]

I'm shocked you didn't mention this one, Neil:

Quantum Ghost (trying to break up a fight between two teammates): "How much C-4 can I safely use on them?"

[DocMan]

Here's a bit from an old Vampire the Masquerade game. Our cast consists of Drake, the childe of the Ventrue Prince of the city and de-facto Sherrif, Malthus, a recently embraced Toreador who has been placed in Drake's care, and Geoffrey, a recently revived Malkavian who spent 15 years in torpor immediately after his embrace, and is also in Drake's care.

For those who aren't familiar with Vampire, just think of Drake as a somewhat pompus business man, Malthus as a wealthy bookworm, and Geoffrey as an English mental patient (read "Raving Lunatic") with a military fixation.

The setting is Michigan in early November (VERY COLD!), and Drake is in a parking lot with a large sewer grate trying to get some information from the Nosferatu who live in the sewers. He's trying to keep warm while waiting for the particular Nosferatu with the information he needs to get there. Geoffrey is waiting in the car.

Malthus calls Drake's car phone with some information (I dont' even remember what it was anymore!).

G: "Drake's car"
M: "Geoffrey?"
G: "Yes."
M: "Where's Drake?"
G: "He's standing outside."
M: "What's he doing."
G: "He appears to be flapping his arms up and down like a chicken."
M: (to himself) "My god, it's contagous!"

Doc