Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Manic Typist]

....I'm curious about Tony the Puma. Exactly where did this story originate?

[Balabanto]

Here you go. It's from previous quotage.

http://www.herogames.com/forums/show...59#post1515059

Really, though, I just had to make up some bedtime stories (or the beginnings of them) to prevent lawsuits in the event my Champions world is ever published.

!@#$ you, Dennis Mallonee.

[Manic Typist]

I remembered the first mention of Tony, I was just wondering if there was a back story.

Future publication would explain it.

[Drhoz]

this week, in City On The Edge - Whilst pursuing the Black Paladin, our heroes have slipped sideways into a deeply unpleasant mirrorworld, with an alternate earth threatened by overt and covert demonic invasion on the far side of that.

Terminus about Black Paladin : "Any of us could take him down, if we got lucky"
Stentorian : "There are many other ways I'd prefer to get lucky."

Stentorian, carrying the unconscious Loretta : "She ain't heavy, she's my lover."

Terminus steps out of his armour and folds it up like cloth.
Trawler : "I've been wondering about that armour of yours..."
Zero : "It's heavily starched."

On the parallel world where all the soap operas have an occult bent.

Terminus : "Instead of 'All My Children' it's 'All My Children Of The Night'"

The locals scan us for demonic taint.

"There's something odd about them - it's like they're not in sync."
Zero : "I should hope not, they're a horrible band"
"Don't you dare badmouth those boys, they fight the good fight hard"
Zero :

Terminus : "Information is Power"
Zero : "What does that make Wikipedia?"

And in issue #101 of Skeleton Crew the party deals with the aftermath of the brutal Doctor Destroyer smack-down. (Issue #3 of spin-off title Gnoll & Void delayed till June)

The Spectre : "So, the apprentice ( Professor Muerte ) was sealed into his armour and drowned, the master ( Doctor Destroyer ) was sealed into his armour and swallowed by the ground... Who's next?"

Team bemoaning our history of sex scandals, murder charges, public disintegrations, that incident at the girl's school, etc.

Spectre : "Ah well - we can't all be the Avengers."
E Magister : "We can't all be Justice League Antarctica."

The Gunney : "For a start, Dr. Destroyer was a world-class brick"
Felicity : "Was that a B or a P?"

With 5 apartment blocks leveled, thousands of people homeless and injured by the initial blast, and PRIMUS not letting anybody back on site until they're sure the radiation after-effects won't make it another breeding-ground for capes, the party were naturally a bit nervous about a phone-call from the mayor's office.

The mayor wanted to hold a town-hall-steps press conference to thank us for ( apparently ) killing Dr. Destroyer, without any local deaths.

The Spectre : "wait, they're not blaming us for this?"
The Gunney : "yes, they are blaming us, for the successful defense of the city. It's as misplaced as the usual blame, but there you have it."

3 : "Do I have to wear clothes?"
The Spectre : "Yes, you have to wear clothes."
3 : "This is racial descrimination!"

E Magister was reachable despite not having a mobile.

E Magister : "I've got a magic talkie-stone!"
The Spectre : "And it only cost him one lawyer's soul!"
The Gunney : "Lawyers have souls?"
The Spectre :"Apparently they have high novelty value"

The Gunney : "So, you need 10 feet of turquoise silk to make an evening dress? Is this for 3?"
The Spectre, deadpan : "Oh, no, this is for Orca"
The Gunney : "Oh great - and every nut in the world will join the campaign to save the gay whale"

Despite the efforts his teammates have gone to ensure he never talks to the press again, Vitus was called on to make some sort of statement - after all he was right there ( admittedly about to have his neck snapped, although only the Spectre was actually near enough to see - which will make it easier to keep the story straight ) when a giant stone hand reached out of the ground and crushed Destroyer's armour - and the contents - like an old beer can.

One of the first questions was about Vitus, 3, and the Skeleton Crew Sex Tape Scandal. Clearly the journalist had a death wish.

Vitus : "You have been misinformed - I have no further interest in the concubine you mention. Indeed, I prefer your sister. Or perhaps it was your wife, I find it difficult to tell them apart."

The journalist frothed a bit, leading to a punch-up on the steps and wrestling for the mike. Vitus continued.

Vitus : "Oh, have I caused offense? Clearly it was your mother, and you are her pimp. *reaches for money pouch* What's the going rate?"

Vitus is still a bit sensitive about his separation from 3 and subsequent lack of bedroom entertainment. Also, he's increasingly aware of his lack of reproductive prospects, so he's come up with a solution to solve two problems at once.

"I'm almost 30 - I could have been a grandfather by now! And since you don't seem to have any gnolls in this universe, I'm going to make some. I got the idea from that Slug creature."

"After all, your people pay hundreds of dollars for 'self-improvement' courses. And I'll be changing them into gnolls for *free*"

But back to the press conference. The press were persuaded not to head off after the seething gnoll.

The Spectre : "Yes, Doctor Destroyer came to Kingdom City, and was defeated thanks to your strong community spirit."

Flattering, and confusing, because the community spirit he's talking about is the city's increasingly active genius loci.

20/20 wanted an interview. Vitus was happy to oblige - after all if you can't exploit a situation with some carefully calculated lies, what's the point?

The rest of the party were winding down after a long day of re-housing the homeless and treating the injured to see this on the TV.

Vitus : "I knew Destroyer was coming here - indeed our initial correspondence was quite polite. Unfortunately the relationship deteriorated when he tried to assassinate me in the middle of an important ritual. I was prepared to forgive him that, even though he was so rude as to not apologise, but I was forced to retaliate when I learned he was about to try again. And when he destroyed my current residence and all my astrological notes... Well, I couldn't let him live after that, could I? That ruined months of work."

At this point the team rang him, gibbering, immediately.

The Gunney : "What are you doing???"
Vitus : "Having dinner. Mrs Rosenbaum and her family are here. *turns from phone* The Gunney says Hi"

The pre-recorded interview continues.

"Of course I couldn't have done it without the other members of the Skeleton Crew. They kept his muqtablu ( soldiers ) busy until Destroyer was close enough to kill."

"No, we couldn't warn the city in advance. I knew he monitors all your communications technology from his last attempt, and I wouldn't want him to know he was coming here to die, would I? Now, shut up, I'm still talking."

"I'm a Conjuror - I don't usually summon elementals, although positive and negative time elementals are useful... But I digress. I summon things, and stone atta'u are easy to summon. And if you go to the corner of Walnut and Main and listen to the ground, you may well be able to hear one still chewing on the bits."

And everything in that little speech is true. Apart from suggesting that it was an Elemental that ate Destroyer. And that Vitus summoned it. And that Vitus was actually confident of coming through the day alive.

But as Vitus sees it, if the world thinks he's dangerous enough to outsmart and kill Destroyer, they're less likely to keep interrupting him when he's busy. As a *player* I find this theory totally laughable and look forward to months of grief for the party. And anyway, Vitus is still paranoid that Dr. D is going to crawl out of the hole, any day now, and come after him.

Thus answering the phone as below, the day after all the urban renewal.

Vitus : ".... Doctor Destroyer?"
The Gunney : "Er, I think I have the wrong number."

Even if he isn't coming back, but there are pre-arranged revenge-from-beyond-the-grave contracts ( after all, Vitus would ) Vitus used the press-conference to claim that if Destroyer had simply tried to gut him with an ordinary steel knife, then Vitus would now be pushing up the daisies - the whole Iron vs. Magic thing. Of course, as he explained to the Gunney later,

"It's all an exercise in eugenics. Anybody stupid enough to *believe* me when I say I can't compensate for magnetic metals becomes a test subject for my new spell Detonate Scrotum."

Of course his teammates were less than happy about all this, but the post-interview comments by the interviewer reassure them, slightly.

The Spectre : Jackson Clarke just spun it for us. We owe him big.

The Spectre further realises that Vitus has deliberately jumped in the way of any gunslingers that'll come after the Skeleton Crew.

E Magister : "I hate having to admire that idiot"

GM : "The mansion stinks of vomit, acid, and burning carpet."
E Magister : "What, you let Vitus talk AND cook?"

It's less than a week before another crisis looms

Orca : "ah, could you have someone send a clean-up crew to the bottom of The river?"
The Gunney : "Oh dear, is the god leaking again?"
Orca : "I'm not sure, are fish supposed to have four eyes? And three breasts?"
GM : "It's Eccentrica Gallumfish"

Vitus : "So, are you going to tell the mayor how his city is alive and inclined to eat anybody that makes holes in it? Or shall I?"

"The city spirit did seem rather upset about that Ion Cannon. Unless it was how Orca ( party brick ) had to mash the Jerusalem Knight and Blackmoon together until they were runny enough to drip into the paving and wake it up."

Regarding the world-spanning magical gun ending in Kingdom City, and it's architect.

The Spectre : "He was going to use it to destroy the moon - he felt it inspired too many poets to wax uselessly."

[Rapier]

You see we're hampered.

The guy that usually posts our QoW (and is that irritating guy with the laptop at the table that keeps hitting space-bar and snickering so you SO know he's surfing porn during the slow points...just kidding Jav...have we discussed XP for the last couple sessions yet? Heehee! Aren't I cuuuute?) is now our GM.

There was this bit during the last session where I ran into the Gap and running into the Changing Room with 2 pair of pants, decided to use two pair of pants (only one of them belonged to the Gap, the other pair was my original pair. I was wearing the other Gap pair with every intent on stealing them) as some kind of Pant-chuku weapon. Pant-chuku? That SO needs to be a new martial art. I hit you with my "Boot Cut" chop!

What can I say, when you are cornered in a changing room in the Gap you use what weapons you have available. It turned out ok, but not because of my pants.

[Rapier]

Um, not to rain on your parade, but this post didn't seem very clear. Is there some reason you couldn't just put the car in reverse and drive away? Were you being chased?

Also, what was your decision? Did you ram the dumpster or do the two-wheel option? (Or something else?)

I can so see your point.

In my head, there was this prefact that "if you are driving down and alley, it's because you are being chased by psycho-kidnap-you-so-they-can-do-creepy-ass-nasty-medical-mutant-experiments-on-you kind of FBI agents."

Needless to say, I've realised that not everyone has the gene that makes them think like that. What can I say? I'm weird like that.

[Barbara vdB]

Felicity and Shyaree got to use the excuse" Dr. Destroyer killed all my notes and assignments." as a reason they haven't handed in all their midterm assignments. Of course, they then had to use all of spring break and all the spare time they have(yeh right) redoing all their notes and work.

[Ilari]

7th Sea:

Sydney LaVachet, once a pudgy scholar, realizes that after 3 months on the run he's no longer pudgy.
Sydney: "My toes! I can see my toes!"
Ailean: "Ah yes, the adventurer's diet. Lose 30 pounds a month, half of it shaved off by rapiers."

Same game. Juan Francisco Soldano de Aldana, a Castillian noble, is sent back in time and put in command of a bunch of kilt-wearing Highlanders. To his horror, he discovers he is also in a kilt.
Juan: "Charge! Those men have pants and I'm going to GET ME SOME!"

Same character, explaining the finer points of Castillian cuisine:
Juan: "Turtles are slow and lumpy. Tortillas are flat, and don't move unless you throw them."


Shadowrun:

Slug, a Troll Street samurai, and Delphi, a combat mage, show up for a meet, and are asked to check their weapons. Slug proceeds to turn over the arsenal she usually totes: sniper rifle, assault rifle, grenades, knives, partridge in pear tree, the whole deal. The weapons-check guy's eyes grow larger and larger. She's finally done. Delphi steps up to the counter, slides his Savalette Guardian across and says, deadpan "I'm her bodyguard."

Same game. Conversation in the middle of a plot that has spanned 5 scenarios and 3 real-time months.

DJ (Rigger) "I've forgotten - Why are we rescuing Laughing Water?"
Logos (Decker): "She knows where Yemaya's Earring is."
DJ "And We're getting that because ?"
Delphi: "To give to the Houngan (Voodoo Priestess) in return for help"
DJ: "And we need her help for ?"
Slug: "So we can go after Samedi (The *Villain*)"
DJ: [Pauses about 10 seconds]
"I sure hope this guy *appreciates* just how much we *hate* him."

(at which point me-the-GM made a silent note to create simpler plots)...

Dark Champions

The characters just finished a tense negotiation in which a minor thug rolled over on his employer. One of the characters stayed in the car, monitoring the situation via a parabolic mike.

The rest of the team is walking back to the car, when the listener hears the sound of a phone being dialed and the thug reporting to someone "They're on their way, sir." The team realizes they've been double-crossed, and tries to decide whether they're going to go through with the plan anyway, at which point one of them produces the following pearl:

Turntable: "Let's go! We have the advantage -- we know we're walking into a trap!"

Dead silence around the table for about 5 seconds, and then Turntable's player groans "I don't believe I just said that..."

[Susano]

A playtest scenario of Dark Heresy.

I didn't write down any of the PC's names, sorry.

Mike: "In the world of 40k, the movie Event Horizon is better known as 'Tuesday."

Grady: "I'm barely making these shots." (Promptly rolls an '02'. 01 is the best you can do.)

GM: "This [event] would cause the deaths of 9 billon people in the hive city."
The table: "Who all gave their life in the service of the Emperor!"
Mike: "The pity factor doesn't work in this universe!""

Grady: "I need to wash off the Emperor's justice. It's all over me."

Mike: "[Sgt. Mkreedi] is looking at her like dogs look at helicopters."

Grady: "Absolution is not my department. You can try her, but she's not in the mood."

GM: "The three magi have gifts for you but they're not frankincense and myrrh."

Nestor: "I'm going to do an experiment and make the green die the tens." (Promptly rolls '77')

[NestorDRod]

A playtest scenario of Dark Heresy.

I didn't write down any of the PC's names, sorry.

Mike: "In the world of 40k, the movies Event Horizon is better known as 'Tuesday."

Grady: "I'm barely making this shots." (Promptly rolls an '02'. 01 is the best you can do.)

GM: "This [event] would cause the deaths of 9 billon people in the hive city."
The table: "Who all gave their life in the service of the Emperor!"
Mike: "The pity factor doesn't work in this universe!""

Grady: "I need to was off the Emperor's justice. It's all over me."

Mike: "[Sgt. Mkreedi] is looking at her like dogs look at helicopters."

Grady: "Absolution is not my department. You can try her, but she's not in the mood."

GM: "The three magi have gifts for you but they're not frankincense and myrrh."

Nestor: "I'm going to do an experiment and make the green die the tens." (Promptly rolls '77')

Poor Mike. Ladies and gentlemen, witness what happens when one posts late at night after very few hours of sleep.

For the record, I'll edit the quotes in the hopes things will be a bit clearer.

Mkreedi: "In the world of 40k, the movie Event Horizon is better known as 'Tuesday'."
Zane: "Well, it does make a handy training film."

Strahd: "I'm barely making these shots." (Promptly rolls an '02'. 01 is the best you can do.)

GM: "This [event] would cause the deaths of 9 billon people in the hive city."
The table: "Who all gave their life in the service of the Emperor!"
Mkreedi: "The pity factor doesn't work in this universe!""

Strahd: "I need to wash off the Emperor's justice. It's all over me."

Mkreedi: "I'm looking at her like dogs look at helicopters."

Strahd: "Absolution is not my department. You can try her," pointing to the Tech-Priest, "but she's not in the mood."

GM: "The three magi have gifts for you but they're not frankincense and myrrh."

Zane: "I'm going to do an experiment and make the green die the tens." (Promptly rolls '55')
Zane (pointing to the dice): "I swear, I can see them snickering at me."

We now return you to your regularly scheduled mayhem. Mike, please don't hurt me.

[Susano]

I swear you rolled a "77."

[input.jack]

Originally posted by input.jack:

Black Bat: You did an Immelmann....in a CAR!! @_@


Are you sure that this is actually a '30s campaign? This looks like something
you'd see in one of the Matrix films.


Major Tom

Well, she WAS talking to Captain Lightning.

Captain Lightning looks like Crichton from Farscape. Only he seems to be able to bend the laws of physics when in a vehicle MUCH more easily

[MilkmanDan]

From Friday's campaign. Most of the quotes I wrote down were either from Flatblack (my shapechanging stretcher) or Afterburn (speedster):

PC1: "Another train? Why do all the supervillains have trains?"
PC2: "Are all our supervillains European or something?"

The villains' base features a five-floor sub-basement, accessible by a long sloping ramp that curves around an elevator shaft.

Flatblack: "Nice to see an ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) compliant villain base."

We're repeatedly getting attacked by a villain who can do a "sensory deprivation" flash, shutting off all senses.

Afterburn: "Call me Tommy!"

Flatblack, flashed shortly thereafter: "Drool Buddy!" <high five>

Afterburn is flashed and has no sense data whatsoever, yet keeps attacking with his AOE One Hex NND. Flatblack, mocking him: "Yeah, when he comes to, it'll be, 'Look at this wall! What kind of an idiot kept attacking the wall!'"

Ghost, a (not surprisingly) ghost, heals Flatblack.

PC: "Thanks, Cleric"!
Afterburn: "Question--can you turn yourself?"

Several PCs get attacked by Slither (IIRC), who has a rather unpleasant Does Body NND where the mechanic is he grabs you, then shoves a mechanical tentacle down your throat.

Flatblack: "Oh great, it's Hentai Hero."

Flatblack: "I shapechange into a form with no mouth." Pause. "On second thought, I shapechange into a form with absolutely no bodily orifices whatsoever."

Afterburn: "I hope his defenses aren't hardened, if you know what I mean."

After another series of tentacles-testicles jokes:
Flatblack: "Can we fight people with tentacles every week? It never stops being funny."

At the end, after a less-than-spectacular effort by the heroes, we manage to stop the train, and a supervillain surrenders to us rather than keep fighting.

Afterburn: "He surrenders? To us? This guy pretty much just surrendered to the CNN news crew."

[Weldun]

"There's something odd about them - it's like they're not in sync."

Zero : "I should hope not, they're a horrible band"
"Don't you dare badmouth those boys, they fight the good fight hard"

Zero :

Of course. you realize that James Lance Bass, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Justin Timberlake are all going to make an appearance, fighting the good fight against the supernatural tyranny of the Ba'al-ze-neckt.

[freakboy6117]

input.jack Ok now I've looked up Immelmann I'm really impressed by that one still trying to work out the mechanics of that in a car would look awesome though