Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[teh bunneh]

Are you familiar with the Carrie Underwood song it's parodying?

Yep. It was still awful.

[Acme]

In my Champions game, the PC's are facing Anubis and a bunch of minions. Cavalier, the team leader and "True-Blue Hero" immediately squares off against the Big Guy himself. The dialogue goes as follows:

Anubis: "Foolish mortal, you face a GOD!"
Cavalier: "Foolish god, you face a HERO!"

[Major Tom]

Just a little set up...

Gayle encountered a cybernetic raven in the Rookeries -- and it threatened one of her closest friends if she didn't follow...



The die roller clearly agrees with Gayle -- the scene has moved on to the 'dramatic confrontation' and the raven is part of the combat. It's laser-eye proved pretty pathetic (though the fact it hit at all is pretty impressive). Gayle's return attack is another matter...


Subtract one die from the KB roll for a flying opponent, and one raven from the combat...

Quoth that raven, Nevermore.



Major Tom

[csyphrett]

The Kobold turns to his companion (An Air Elemental). "I guess we could start there. Brother, do any of the stone look like the one I have described?"


"How should I know, dude?" The tornado glared down at Lahknar. "I ain't got no eyes."

[input.jack]

The Kobold turns to his companion (An Air Elemental). "I guess we could start there. Brother, do any of the stone look like the one I have described?"


"How should I know, dude?" The tornado glared down at Lahknar. "I ain't got no eyes."

Then how did it glare?

[Enforcer84]

In my Champions game, the PC's are facing Anubis and a bunch of minions. Cavalier, the team leader and "True-Blue Hero" immediately squares off against the Big Guy himself. The dialogue goes as follows:

Anubis: "Foolish mortal, you face a GOD!"
Cavalier: "Foolish god, you face a HERO!"

How very Cavalier of our hero.

See? That was a funny, a play on words....I'll be over here then.

[csyphrett]

Then how did it glare?

With streaks of lightning.
CES

[Susano]

More cat silliness: http://www.videosift.com/video/The-B...Best-Cat-Clips

[teh bunneh]

Ooh, I forgot another one from our D&D4 game last week...

Ongoron: Why do I hang out with you people???
Kaliope: Where else could you go where you can murder guys and steal their stuff, and not get arrested?
Ongoron: OK.

[input.jack]

A few from a one-shot 4E campaign. The characters are:

Mendar the Colossus (Dragonborn Warlock)

Kaiya (Human Juggernaut; a heavy-armored, slow-moving Striker we are playtesting)

Shandrie (Elf Cleric)

Drake (Human light-armor Fighter)
-------------

GM: The Goblin Shaman shakes his rattle at you. He gnashes his teeth, stomps his feet, and jumps up and down screaming!

Mendar: ...I grab myself.

--------------

GM: *Rolls badly* He misses you.

Kaiya: Awww. Thats so sweet!

GM:

-------------

Kaiya: Anybody know how to pick a lock?

Shandrie: *points* THAT one!

-------------

GM: You see a large stone chamber, filled with cultists in black robes, with skull half-masks.

Mendar: *Shouts* Hey! The Cult of Dragon Lovers has this room booked from four to midnight! GET OUT!

Cult Leader: ???

-------------

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Greek!

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Aramayic!

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Why you married me, when Im such a huge d**k?

-------------

Shandrie: Are you ok?

Drake: Ive got this, for a little bit

Shandrie: ...Youve "got this furry little bit"?!?

-------------

Mendar: *fights his way back to the Evil Princess* Miss me?

Evil Princess: Sanctimonious popinjay! All of your efforts will avail you naught!

Mendar: ....You....know this isnt my first language, right?

-------------

Evil Princess: When I am done, I SHALL be the Lady of this Land! (muahaha)

Kaiya: *readying her greatsword* No. When youre done....youll just be done.

------------

GM: The Evil Princess turns to dark mist and shadows, and makes her escape

Shandrie: She just...farted away...

[NestorDRod]

GM: The Goblin Shaman shakes his rattle at you. He gnashes his teeth, stomps his feet, and jumps up and down screaming!

Mendar: ...I grab myself.

--------------

GM: *Rolls badly* He misses you.

Kaiya: Awww. Thats so sweet!

GM:

-------------

Kaiya: Anybody know how to pick a lock?

Shandrie: *points* THAT one!

-------------

GM: You see a large stone chamber, filled with cultists in black robes, with skull half-masks.

Mendar: *Shouts* Hey! The Cult of Dragon Lovers has this room booked from four to midnight! GET OUT!

Cult Leader: ???

-------------

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Greek!

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Aramayic!

Shandrie: You know what I dont understand?

Mendar (OOC): Why you married me, when Im such a huge d**k?

-------------

Shandrie: Are you ok?

Drake: Ive got this, for a little bit

Shandrie: ...Youve "got this furry little bit"?!?

-------------

Mendar: *fights his way back to the Evil Princess* Miss me?

Evil Princess: Sanctimonious popinjay! All of your efforts will avail you naught!

Mendar: ....You....know this isnt my first language, right?

-------------

Evil Princess: When I am done, I SHALL be the Lady of this Land! (muahaha)

Kaiya: *readying her greatsword* No. When youre done....youll just be done.

------------

GM: The Evil Princess turns to dark mist and shadows, and makes her escape

Shandrie: She just...farted away...

Oh God! Stop! It hurts!

Thanks, man. I really needed that.

Tell the players you got repped for the quotes.

I'm going to go lie down now...

"Pick a lock" "That one!" BWAHAHAHA!!!

[Tom]

Surely that was a critical?

Yes.

Gayle's Wind Blast catches the raven square on as it banks into a turn, a few floating feathers marking it's former location after the winged teen's attack shatters fragile bones and snaps wings before embedding the bird in the rusty mesh of the playground's fence. Just an odd assemblage of feathers, blood and wires...

[Drhoz]

In Skeleton Crew -

Another nuke has gone off, in Bangladesh - where we were headed to, and UNITY and especially Doctors White and Black were already working. Bugger - two more of Earth's greatest mages just got assassinated.

Vitus : "I'm not sure whether to be annoyed or relieved they haven't come after me yet."

Mr E Magister : "They've just done the non-magical equivalent of teleporting part of a solar primary to a planetary surface."
Vitus : *thoughtful pause* "What an interesting idea."

Ring tone for Magister's Magic Talkie-stone, powered by the screaming soul of a tortured lawyer

The Gunney OOC : "It torts! It torts!"
Mr E Magister OOC : "OJ is Broke!"

Party members hurried try to contact every other mage we know, including Talisman. She doesn't respond politely to the first call, so Magister calls her back.

Mr E Magister : "Are you a powerful mage, I mean stupidly, ridiculously Dr Wu powerful?"
Talisman : "...No. But I'm pretty good."
Mr E Magister : "Good. Stay where you are and wait for the nuke."

The Gunney : "There's been seven nuclear events in Bangladesh."
Mr E Magister : "It's not that big a country!"
The Gunney : "They probably wanted to make sure they got everybody."

One of Felicity's powers removes pollution, erases fallout, and restores native vegetation to ruined cities and countryside.

Vitus : "So... Your Cleanse Environment spell at each Ground Zero is going to result in twenty-kilometer wide patches of marijuana forest across Bangladesh."
Void : "The president is going to be delighted - it's in his job title."
Vitus : "What?"
Void : "President of the U.S.A."

The Gunney puts his own collection of thermonuclear devices into government hands, for the time being.

Vitus : "I take it the US military are unhappy that a private citizen has his own nuclear weapons. There are limits to what the NRA will support."

We also learn that Void has been gaing his new abilities by absorbing the DNA of people he teleports.

The Spectre : "Well, that explains why your IQ hasn't been rising - Vitus, The Gunney, Vitus, The Gunney - it all balances out."
The Gunney : "There is a certain irony in the mage being the dimmest member of the team..."

The GM is bribed with a rubber rugby ball to stop him fidgeting with everything else.

Felicity's player : "So, Kevin can play with his odd-shaped balls?"

Mr E Magister : "Do many of the Bangladeshi's convert to Hinduism?"
The Spectre :"After all we've got a flying woman with wings, a weird fish thing, and look at Vishnu - horns and batwings!"
Mr E Magister :"Hey look at me, I've got horns and freakin' batwings! 'I was saved by Vishnu!'"
The Spectre :"Do we have anybody with blue skin?"
Mr E Magister : "'Images'."

Eventually Vitus manages to convince anybody that the death of millions is a distraction from investigating the Chinese nuclear repository from which the fusion bombs were stolen. It only takes 24 hours. *head desk*

Sundog GM : "The entire Tiger Squad is here!"
Jasmine/3 OOC :"Were any of them replaced at the last minute for not being pretty enough?"

The Chinese have determined that DEMON is holed up in North Korea - and have 27 more nukes. The Skeleton Crew will not be permitted to assist in the Chinese intervention.

Vitus : "****ing politics. Always with the politics. You can't go in and just fireball a country anymore - Politics!"

Mr E Magister : "We hover just south of the DMZ. With seven Rambos and one Rocky. ADRIAAAAN!!!!!!"

Mr E Magister and old team member Shadowfire have old connections with DEMON. Indeed both got the memo from the Descending Heirarchy "You are not to associate with them. You are to kill them on sight." This, despite Magister being created to assist in a Qlippothic plot, and Shadowfire to thwart it.

Shadowfire : "And what did we do? We teamed up."

More plot threads and ancient history start coming together. For example, the geomantic cannon was designed by an associate of one Lamont Cranston. Two PCs have met Cranston, back in the day.

Mr E Magister ( demonic entity ) : "Yes, I walked into his office one days with two thumbtacks and a small series of questions. He said "I know what evil lurks in the hearts... of... Hooooly.... Crap."

Cranston agrees to meet up with the team, and brings along another resident of the retirement home for immortal supers - one 'Mr King'

Mr E Magister : "So, what did you do?
King : "I was in the entertainment industry. Thankyuverramuch."

Sundog GM : "10 points of experience each for unexpected heroism."
The Spectre's Player : "You expected us not to help the Bangladeshi victims?
Sundog GM : "No, I expected you all to head off after the Chinese end of the problem! I had a whole battleplan for the North Korea scene!
The Spectre's Player : "And even more incredibly it was Vitus that insisted we go to China"
Sundog GM : "Going there was pretty heroic too."
Me : "I wouldn't call it heroism - it leads to unrealistic expectations of my future behavior. Forward-looking perhaps."
The Spectre's Player : "And Vitus was right! Go to China to stop it happening again!"
Mr E Magister's Player : ""We're actually getting wisdom. From Vitus."

[Drhoz]

About one of my creations in Spore, Great Cthulhu doing Saturday Night Fever with a trio of younglings.

Stentorian's player : "Dancing With The Star-Spawn"

Last session, Talisman mesmerized Terminus into shooting Trawler repeatedly in the head.

Trawler : "It just goes to prove that the only things we have to fear is other team members."
Zero : "I'm not scary! I'm not threatening in any way..."
Avatar : "You are waving that big sword around."
Weldun GM : "And you mind-control Terminus just as easily and do it better..."
Zero : "But that would be rude. And people would yell at me."

On the G.I. Joe : Rise of COBRA movie

Weldun GM : "G.I. Joe was awesome - and this way we get a live-action Baroness."

Weldun GM : "You recognise one word the prostrate Egyptian gnolls keep chanting to you, Avatar of the Sun - 'Ra'."
Zero : "What are they cheering you for?"

Hyena-woman psionicist, the translation of her prophetic visions being slightly off.

Her : "It is you, the man of my dreams, who will take me away from all this and brings the mighty weapon of bliss!"
Zero :

Weldun GM : "How long has this campaign been running? Three years, and finally the mentalist just rips the info out of someone's mind."

Stentorian yells at two snake-monsters, who explode in a spray of blood and bodyparts.

Zero OOC : "I start looking around for Alanis Morrisette."

Weldun GM to Avatar : "You'd rather be hit by an attack that might completely discorporate you, than one that might mess up the library's index system?!"
Miss Chaos : "Either way the crocodile monsters won't be chewing on his arms any more "

Weldun GM : "The books of the Great Library of Alexandria are now mildly radioactive."
Trawler OOC : "That's really going to mess up the radio-carbon dating."
Zero OOC : "Only mildly? Good - more would give new meaning to 'critical lit'."

Discussing fun with gelatinous cubes - such a pit trap, lined with hallowed ground, and a cube at the bottom.

Wizard, quite impresed by the trap's evil genius : "At least you've been defeated by your intellectual superior."
Victim's ghost shouting up from the bottom. : "I've been killed by a gelatinous cube!!!"
Wizard : "Well, you said it, not me..."

[teh bunneh]

From tonight's D&D4 game...

Cast:
Ongoron: Dragonborn fighter (my buddy Ben)
Kaliope: Tiefling warlock (me)
Aurora: Half-elf paladin (my lovely bunneh wife)
Cletus: Human cleric (my buddy ron)
Kiplokee: Halfling rogue (our new friend Josh)
Aleric: Eladrin wizard (GMPC)

Talking about the lifecycle of the Kobalt...
Ongoron: They're reptiles! They don't have families, they just lay their eggs and leave.
Kaliope: That explains much about you, Dragon-boy...

It's the cleric's turn...
GM: What are you going to do, Cletus?
Cletus: <long pause as he studies the game map>
Ongoron (OOC): Apparently, he's consulting with his god...

A evil wild mage hits Ongoron with a Wild Surge spell.
Ongoron: What's it do?
GM: It's a random effect.
Kaliope (ooc): <poof!> You get a kitten!
Ongoron: *Makes "eating the kitten" motion.*
Kaliope: Ongoron! Put the kitten down!

A wizard is pelting our rogue with spells...
GM: You get hit by another ice ball. It does 10 points.
Kip: I think he's putting rocks in those snowballs...

The wizard and the warlock are comparing how well they did in the battle.
Aleric: I killed the main guy! What'd you do?
Kaliope: I killed the summabich that stole my potion.
Aleric: That's bound to go down in the annals of adventurer history.
Kaliope: Yeah. "Don't steal s**t from from the tiefling."

Ongoron: Hey look, I'm the second smartest person in this group!
Kaliope: That doesn't speak well for our collective IQ, does it?

Our dragonborn is getting clobbered:
Ongoron: Cleric! Get over here and heal me!
Cletus: I'm busy fighting this guy.
Ongoron: OK, you and me need to have a little talk about the function of the team's cleric.

An evil kobalt wizard is giving us trouble. We can't get to him because he's hiding behind a wall of bodyguards.
Kobalts: Stay behind us, boss, we'll protect you!
Kaliope: I use my power to slide him three squares, out from behind his guards.
Ongoron: Ha! See? Your cleric doesn't listen to you, either!

Our paladin gets hit, but doesn't take much damage:
Aurora: Foul beast! We don't go down easy!
Ongoron: Are you kidding? We're like a Thai hooker with ADD.

Kaliope is attacked by a horde of zombies, who grab her and pummel her.
Ongoron (OOC): Please show us on the doll where the zombie touched you...

Kaliope is still dealing with zombies...
Ongoron: Those zombies really like Kaliope, huh?
Kiplokee: Reverse necrophilia!
Ongoron: "Vivophilia"!

Kaliope is still dealing with zombies...
Kiplokee: Why are they going after you?
Kaliope: Well, I am the hottest member of the party. Also, I have the biggest brain.

Aurora the paladin runs over to help Kiplokee (whose dump-stat is INT)...
Aurora: Zombie! You will fight me! Eat my brains!
Zombie: Oh thank god. I've got nothin' to work with here!

Kiplokee (OOC): Kip is so dumb, ya gotta love him.
Kaliope (OOC): He's like a basset hound!

The evil dragon is about to use its breath weapon on the heroes:
Dragon: Watch me kill all your friends now!
Ongoron: ...Friends...?
Kiplokee: I think he means "accessories."

Kaliope gets attacked:
GM: Does a 21 hit?
Kaliope: ... ... ... ...
Cletus: Your dramatic pause is getting too long.
Kaliope: That wasn't a dramatic pause. That was just me hoping the GM would forget about me and move on.

The dragon uses its icy breath weapon against Kaliope, but barely -barely- misses:
Kaliope: My trousers are wet. I'm going to assume that's just melted ice.

Cletus, our cleric, finally gets a decent damage roll against the dragon:
Ongoron: Nice of your god to finally show up here in the fourth quarter.

After the battle is over:
Cletus (OOC): The paladin and I performed an important function in this fight: We sucked up most of the bad dice karma.

Ongoron: I can't believe Aleric (the GMPC wizard) ninja'd our kill.
Kaliope: As soon as we're out of the dungeon, I kill Aleric and take his XPs.

GM: There's a silver tiara in the treasure.
Kaliope: Dibs!
Cletus: Oh gods! Don't give her a crown -- she's insufferable enough already!