Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Netzilla]

From our last bi-weekly session:

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Ghost Hunter: The thing that worries me is that he had an astral woody inside your head.

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[Scene: Front yard of a PC's (Secret ID) home. After a minor altercation with a disguised villain, the front wall has been blown out and the police and fire department have arrived. Solar is the only one there in costume; everyone else is still in their civilian IDs].

Solar [to police officer]: I was invited to a party here, had a little too much cola and I uh… I burped.

******

[Scene: PC's husband is driving home toward the above disaster. One of the characters, Spirit Master, heads off to intercept him. He flies over the husband's car, waits for him to reach a stop light and lands next to him.]

Spirit Master: Vehicle inspection… new thing in Missouri… I'm moonlighting… Can we talk?

******

[Spirit Master & Solar discussing how to distract the police away from the above disaster so that the husband does not come home to find cops everywhere (of course, the front wall of his house would still be blown out, but at least they're trying).]

Spirit Master: I know. Accident on the highway nearby.

Solor: Really?

Spirit Master: Yeah. I'm going to cause one right now. Call it in.

[SCUBA Hero]

I gotta stop missing those sessions!

[hooligan x]

The PCs have been coerced by an alien robot to join him on his spaceship. Wharf, our drunken cyborg sailor, asked for whiskey. The robot told him there were no intoxicants onboard.

Lillith: "Oh my God! We're in Hell!"

Wharf: "No. I brought whiskey when we went to Hell."

[CrosshairCollie]

During a Buck Rogers game ...

GM: "The alarm sounds ... it's not the 'red alert, the $*@('s hit the fan alarm, it's the incoming message alarm."

Me: "It sounds like this: Brrrrrrrrrring. Brrrrrrrrrrrrring."

Later on ...

GM: "The alarm's going off, and this time it IS the %$*$'s hit the fan alarm."
Me: "It sounds like this:" *squishing noises*

[Kirby]

Me: You need to roll a 12- to hit him.

Player: Eleven, I hit.

Me: No, you missed. Look at the dice.

Player: They say eleven.

Me: (Looking at the dice, again.) No they don't. Count them up.

Player: These two make six, plus five is eleven.

Me: Um, count them slower.

Player: 4+4=6; 6+5=11.

Me: While I do agree with you that 6+5=11, I'm afraid 4+4=8.

Player: (Scrutinizes her dice.) Shut up! I've only had 45 minutes of sleep!

[SCUBA Hero]

From the last bi-weekly game session:

Daughter: Last week, Dad and Steve were much stupider than I was!

Dad: Only in hindsight.

[Fireg0lem]

"Let's just level a small village and then play it by ear" - Wallace the Red

[DocMan]

Spoken by the daughter of two of the players at a game planning session last Saturday:

Let go of my danglies, right now.

Doc

[Jeghis]

a long time ago in DnD, there was a druid visiting the city. he didn't want to stay INSIDE, so he stayed with horses. in the morning, he did his duty with the horses, and the stableboy came in:

Stableboy: {looking at the mess} Hey! You! I'm not going to clean up that mess.

Druid: {Walking away smiling contendly} Didn't expect you to.

GM: He's stunned.

[CrosshairCollie]

In the new OGL Steampunk game, after discovering that the vampiress my wife is playing can rage and become stronger than the Bear and Elk hybrids ...

"She puts the DAAAAAMN in Damsel In Distress!"

[Blue]

Monster campaign (in D&D). A player character has been effected by Silence Spell, blinded, and was hit by a confusion spell (random results of which are to stand and do nothing for 1 round).

"Great: A deaf, dumb and blind ogre"
"Yeh, but I bet he sure plays a mean pinball."

[Kirby]

Before the game started:

Player 1: My cat has an obsession with my genitals.

(It's much funnier when the rest of it isn't explained.)

and...

Player 1: If it is one thing I've learned about [Player 2], it's two things....

Me: The one thing you've learned is two things?

During the game, Player 1 discovered that his Hunted is in town under a peaceful exhibition disguise. He is a college student and there have been fliers at his college.

Player 1: I'm going to call and see if my roommate is there.

Player 3: Would your roommate be in class right now?

Player 1: I don't know; I just made him up.

Later, the team was going up against the Asesinos. The three players were each playing thier own PC and an NPC or two (for a total of eight heroes versus eight villains). [Keep in mind, my this adventure is based on 250 point game, as are all the NPCs. The PCs are on 350 points.]

Me: [Player 1], what does [so-and-so] do?

Player 2: Remember, they're expendable.

Me: They are not expendable; they're your teammates.

Player 2: They're fodder. Use 'em like it.

Me: (though, it was kinda funny)

Later, Player 2 was controlling American Eagle [SPD 5; DEX 14] (who was flying about 17 hexes up up) and was going to attack the villain they dubbed 'Swamp Thing' which was about 8 hexes tall, and had a DCV of 1.

Player 2: Okay, I'm going to fly down and do a move-through on it.

GM: Okay, your OCV is 5, your velocity is 17" divided by five, gives you a minus three, making it an effective OCV of 2. Versus a DCV of 1, you need a 12- to hit. Do you want to still do this?

Player 2: Yes.

GM: Okay, don't roll high.

Player 2: [Rolls dice.] I rolled very high.

GM: Well, the good news is, you still get to roll your move-through damage. The bad news is, it's on you.

Player 1: [To Player 2] Whose side are you on?!

[SCUBA Hero]

New campaign starting up:

Player: (Creating a priest of the god of knowledge) "You keep suggesting that I take weapon skills. That makes me nervous."

Different player,playing a barbarian, so he's chosen to speak with a Scottish accent. He's a crack shot with a bow, and has been convicted of striking a noble [true, the noble was forcing himself on a commoner, and the player broke the noble's nose].

Judge: "You have been convicted of Breach of Rank. You may either lose the offending limb, or take service with the Earl of Balim for a period of time of his choosing."

Player: "Tis difficult to draw a bow with one arm. I'll serve the Earl."

[AmadanNaBriona]

have had a number of good ones over the years, but right off the top of my head, I'd have to say my all time favorites came from an old Runequest campaign.

First quote was from an Elven character (elves are plants in Glorantha) after being soundly torched by a dream dragon.

"Mind if I smoke?"

The other occured after our resident Storm-god following semi berserker barbarian duck found himself, yet again, lying on the ground missing a limb

"Looks like Steve's not playing with a full duck again"

[AmadanNaBriona]

Reading some of the older posts on this thread reminded me of another quote concerning the same PC duck. The player was a bit distracted, looking up a spell effect or somesuch, and so when my character, sensing an ambush, yelled "Duck!", he looked up and said
"And proud of it!"
And was promptly cut down by a hail of arrows.