Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Kirby]

Later, Player 2 was controlling American Eagle [SPD 5; DEX 14] (who was flying about 17 hexes up up) and was going to attack the villain they dubbed 'Swamp Thing' which was about 8 hexes tall, and had a DCV of 1.

Player 2: Okay, I'm going to fly down and do a move-through on it.

GM: Okay, your OCV is 5, your velocity is 17" divided by five, gives you a minus three, making it an effective OCV of 2. Versus a DCV of 1, you need a 12- to hit. Do you want to still do this?

Urgh. I just looked at American Eagle's character sheet tonight and discovered that he has 2 Overall levels he could have added towards the move-through and +2 for OCV in HTH combat. So he could have needed a 16- potentially.

Oh well, time to train the players. Again.

[Tanda]

I wrote this for my FH PBEM game recently and didn't even consider it to be odd...that is until I got a whole bunch of "classic" responses from my players.

___________
Looking at the back set of doors you see nothing different in them
from the first set of doors you had entered through. The workmanship
was exquisite, and once again opening both sides of the doors was
more than a one person job. So far other than being in a secret layer
for evil everything appeared to be calm and peaceful...no reason not
to proceed. However, caution was still called for you had no doubt,
so using the same strategy as opening the first door you carefully
proceed, warhammer in one hand at the ready.
___________

Another one of my all time favs happened many years ago while playing a Star Wars game. The GM had us trapped in a hanger bay, doing his best to keep us on the planet to better continue his 'planned' storyline. However, we were rocking and rolling and were almost to our ship. So the GM had no choice but to say that a door opened right across from the ship and inside were dozens of Storm Troopers ready to take us prisoner. What happened next was a thing of beauty.

GM - "OK the blast doors open and you see roughly 30 battle ready Storm Troopers."

Masa Chono (PC - Bounty Hunter) - "Thermal Detonator"

GM - "What?"

Masa Chono - "I still have my Thermal Detonator. Set it and toss it at um."

The group roars it's approval, while the poor GM appears about to cry. Needless to say we were soon on our ship looking for a new adventure.

Tanda

[shadowcat1313]

years ago during a D&D campaign we were exploring an island
and we find this blasted lifeless circle with a sword buried to the hilt in the middle. our hobbit thief decided to pull the sword out

poof, a type I demon appears and grabs the thief, and then takes off with him
the thief is pounding on the demons chest, finally somewhere around a thousand feet up the thief is yelling "Let me go... Let me Go" the demon says "Sure"
and does...

the player characters had no way to stop the fall, so the mage cast a sleep spell
the rest of us held up scorecards

[Kirby]

I thought I had posted this was before on this thread, but I could only find it on another, so here it goes:

We were playing Star Wars and had been caught by an Imperial officer. We were almost bluffing our way through when the I.O. asked one player (who was caught with explosives on him) where he was at during this time. His response:

"Well, Sir, if you must know, I was masturbating."

We busted out laughing and couldn't play for at least 30 minutes.

[Funksaw]

*There's a warning plaque on the closed coffin lid. It says: "DANGER: Do not expose contents to sunlight. Do not expose contents to flame. Do not open unless accompanied by an expert. Fragile.*

On the coffin lid seems to be a series of pictograms designed to be read by a civilization thousands of years in the future depicting a person opening the coffin and pulling out the stake. The first one shows a happy spaceman from the future opening the lid. You know he's happy because he's got a smiley face. The second shows him pulling the stake. The third shows the stick-figure in the coffin sitting up. He's got a frowny face with fangs. The fourth shows the stick-vampire eating the spaceman. Now the spaceman is frowning, and the stick-vampire is smiling. The fifth shows the stick-vampire frowning, hunched over the dead body of the spaceman.

[Samuraiko]

At last night's 7th Sea game...

*on the Vodacce courtesan Gabrielle pulling an NPC Avalon lady aside to give her romantic advice*
"Hey, it's "Dear Gabby!"

*our Inish PC on a Montaigne NPC asking our Montaigne PC for some Montaigne wine*
"Why? Does he need to get grass-stains out of the knees of his pants?"

*a more gutter-minded PC on the crew of the Black Dawn having additional spare cash lying around because of their Captain's prodigious luck*
"Yeah, I'm sure that they've picked up lots of booty."

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko

[Funksaw]

Caleb: My current problem isn't mental.

Fury: Did I miss 'let's randomly beat the hell out of somebody' night again?

Caleb notices a woman's zombielike state... "You're not interested in me for my brains, are you?"

Caleb: Why do all the women interested in me have to be psycho or zombies!
Suicide: Maybe it's your aftershave...

(Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.

Fury: This is just sport. It's like bobbing for apples.
Suit: If bobbing for apples involved guns and killing people, yeah.
Fury: You've obviously never played it my way.

Suit wipes away an invisible tear. "I didn't know you cared, Fury." Like a little teddy bear...a little, sarcastic, murderous teddybear."

Fury: "Is there a cult I should know about, because if I'm missing virgin sarcifices. I'm going to be pissed. I always miss out on the fun shit. Drawing first blood, devirginizing virgins, the ice cold beer, jacking the new shipments of mercedes, alternating tuesday fright night fights."

[CrosshairCollie]

(Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.

I *so* have to steal that sometime. That's priceless.

[Dr. Anomaly]

"Oh, sure, like a giant cat-demon made out of nanites is 'the norm'!!"

"I don't care how powerful a wizard he is, he'll find it tough to gesture with his arms stuck to his sides, and I've got a goop grenade right here with his name on it!"

[Tech]

Gotta do a little explaining before this means anything.

Okay, I intro'd a friend, Robert, to Champions. He's smart and he said he liked reading comic books (to my surprise) and with my 2 brothers' help, we were able to create a character and discuss the combat system.

The villain group attacks a corporation and the heroes defend the corporate building. Robert's character is attacked, of course, by the villains. After some time, combat as well as the game is almost over. Now for the quotes by Robert one after another:

Robert: "Now, what's going on?"
GM: "The bad guys are attacking you. Y'know, the bad guys."
Robert: "Why are they attacking me?"
Everyone: "Because they're trying to take over this business!"
Robert: "Why are they doing that?"
Player 1: "Cause they're bad guys!"
Robert: "The player characters are attacking me?"

A brief, stunned silence followed by..
GM: "No, the bad guys are attacking you. The martial artists who have been attacking you for the last 2 turns."
Robert: "So who are they?"
Player 2: "They're the guys the GM is running."
Robert (points at GM) "He plays multiple characters? Isn't that confusing?"

I mean, this is mindboggling!

[SCUBA Hero]

During the first battle of the new campaign, one PC commenting on another PC's actions:

"She's ranting. She's ranting. People are trying to KILL us, and she's RANTING!!!"

[CrosshairCollie]

During a fantasy game (it's not D&D, but has many trappings thereof), GM trying to work out, with a player, how her half-elf met a halfling in the party.

DM: "Well, the halfling lands are between the elves and humans ... you could just hang out there. The halflings aren't judgemental; they don't care if you're impure."
Me: "They don't care about your genetics, either."

After my character, a monk/mystic warrior type, uses one of those 'wagon-wheels-with-candles-style-hanging-chandeliers' to do the classing swinging-kick move.
Me: "I learned how to fight from Jackie Chan."
Next round, I flub my acrobatics check to perform a stunt, and slam shoulder-first into a support beam, taking damage.
Other Player: "Yep, you definitely learned how to fight from Jackie Chan ... mostly his outtakes reels."

[CrosshairCollie]

From the same game ...

One of the party's halflings got a knock on his door.
Halfling Player: "I look through the little hole in the door to see who it is."
Me: "You realize you're looking at his crotch, right?"
HP: "Yeah, I know. I recognize him anyway."
(Awkward Pause)
GM: "Yes, it's your friend Dick Johnson."
(pause for giggles)
DM describes the messenger, who is leaving a parcel for the halfling. Unfortunately, his specific phrasing was 'he thrusts his package at you' and that's when I lost it completely.

[Funksaw]

Stokely: All that I've seen is people being mean to me and to eachother. I've always known that because I've always been picked on and hurt! So is that how it's always going to be for me? I'll never be happy, just miserable?

(Long Pause.)

Caleb: I'm sorry. Did you want me to disagree?

------------

Caleb: People aren't making fun of you half as much as you think they are. And if they are, it wouldn't hurt to hit back once in a while. Unless, of course, they're bigger or stronger than you.

Stokely: I'm not going to hit people. It would make me no better than the bullies that they are.

Caleb: And if this were an after-school special, I would agree with you.

-------------

Stokely (a fledgling vampire): I really know how to screw things up and all I'm trying to do is make sense of it all. I just want these bad feelings to go away and never return, or at least not return for a very, very, very long time.

Caleb (an experienced vampire): Oh, that's simple. You just have to get numb to the pain. Eventually, you'll stop feeling bad. You'll stop feeling anything right around the time you start to get competent.

Caleb: It's kinda like working an entry level job at a corporation.

[Dr. Anomaly]

"Never let anyone drive who has more lives than you do."