Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Bud Gray]

Just thought of another.
I was using Baron Frost against my players. This was after several discussions about Dr. Destroyer and my unleashing of a Nazi mad scientist, Dr. Eisenfaust, on them. Before going into battle, they had a briefing with thier PRIMUS liason.

PRIMUS agent (me): Baron Frost was born in Germany...
Xander (Alien mentalist/energy projector) in complete emotionless monotone: "First Dr. Destroyer, then Dr. Eisenfaust, now Baron frost. Are all of your supervillians from Germany? Perhapse you should arrest the entire country."
Short pause
Me: "Shut up."

It will be a long time before I can use any NPCs from Germany.

[Darren Watts]

Well, after some debate, the winner of last night's Quote of the Week was actually me: "I don't know if this is going to be a deal breaker, but we *are* going to require that you wear pants." (Said to Jason's Mondabi character, who for various reasons had been running around naked for quite some time.)

This narrowly beat out Chris's entry: Upon being asked for an opinion on what we should name our spaceship, he replied, "Something historical. How about 'Bismarck?' " dw

[Klytus]

This quote comes from yet anothe rone of our Vampire games. We're all in a van, and some members of the group are getting ready to head out someplce, stealth being of the essence. My character, James, had to remain remain behind with the van, but said that he and his weapon would be ready should there be a need. To this, Sid, the party smart-@$$ replies:

"Oh, great way to not attract attention, James! People will be wandering by on the streets going 'Gee, who is that well-dressed stranger leaning against that van cleaning his gun?'"

It took 5 minutes for things in and out of game to settle down enough before I was able to explain that I would be waiting inside the van, and that I would not be waving my gun arround in either event...

[tmutant]

Player said he was invoking the "drop your butt and run" rule, adding a free 2 game inches of movement.

[Dave965]

Quote of the month from our game group was delivered in a 'Demon The Fallen' game....

"Thats A Smite You're City And Slay You're Enemy Angel....You're More Of A Christmas Tree Stuck Up You're Ass Angel...."

[Nuadha]

Some Amber game quotes:

Before I had my Champions character named Chango, I played the loa Chango/Shango in an one-shot Amber game based off of the Vodouan Loas. Shango's brother, Baron Samedi had gone missing years ago and Shango was looking for him. Shango found his brother, Samedi's corpse and he had been cut into many pieces. Shango put him back together and brought him back to the living, albeit, as a skeleton.

Samedi: How did you find me?
Shango: In pieces.

In another Amber one-shot, our characters had stolen a police van and were running from the cops. Trying to lose them the conversation in the van went like this:

Character 1: We could got to Scotland Yard. We'd blend in. There would be lot's of police vans there.
Character 2: Yeah....but they have cops in them.

Finally, there was a quote about one of my Amber characters, a character that could "feed" off the pain of others, that I will never forget:

"Alex isn't evil. He's just hungry."

[Nuadha]

One of the players in my monthly Changeling game loves writing down the funny quotes and later emailing them to everyone. Here are some highlights from one of the sessions:

"You're nice. Why are you (working) here?" -- Abigail to Maevren, Drusilla's groundskeeper

"I check to see if there's anything out of the ordinary." --Samuel Titus
"Other than the elf and the vampire, no." -- GM

"I'm not going to shoot you, you're my groundskeeper. I don't want to mow." -- Drusilla to Maevren

"Welcome to Undead Animal Farm." -- GM to the group, as Drusilla gleefully contemplates breeding an army of undead scarabs

[William Bushway]

Crosshair Collie wrote:

Me: "Yeah, like the Olympics."

Ah yes, reminds me of this one:

"Having a battle of wits with Foxbat is like competing in the Special Olympics: Even if you win, you're still retarded."

Substitute "with Foxbat" with "on the 'net" and it pretty accurately describes my feelings on USEnet

[JohnathanChance]

Ok here's one from my groups Warhammer FRP campaign. The group was just about to leave town on our great quest when the dwarf in the party pipes in with this line

Dwarf: "Before we leave town, I am going to find me a whore!"

GM: "Sorry there aren't any dwarven whores here."

Dwarf: "Damn! Then I go home and kiss my wife and child goodbye."

That was the start of our campaign...and we still have a very lecherous dwarf.

[oberon]

Playing Earthdawn, the party had just defeated the evil cult in the nick of time, preventing the nasty demon from fully entering reality. As it is struggling to make it through the portal, but being inevitably drawn back;

Dwarf (Me): You should taunt it. Go on, it's helpless.
Saurial (drops his pants): Hey! If you're REALLY nice to me, I'll let you suck on this before you're destroyed!

The GM then made a roll. The demon made a last effort, thrust itself forward and clamped its jaws together. Everyone except the saurials player thought the look on his face was priceless


oberon

[assault]

Hi Oberon,

You're from Toowoomba?

Alan

[JohnOSpencer]

Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."
Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."
War ClericIn think irish accent) "What are ye doing."
Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."
War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."
Me: (Blank Stare)
War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

John Spencer

[Karma]

QOTW (just this week):
GM: "They don't throw you out, they just politely ask you to leave and wait..."
Me (playing a polite 16 year old): well my character is a nice little poppet so I leave.
GM: You Poppet out as it were" (looks as the shocked faces of the rest of the players) "I did not say that, I did not say that"
Me: "No, I just leave it in and walk out the door"
Note: It takes very little to put the group consciousness in the gutter.

Still my all time favorate (the Gazzebo effect in action):
GM: You get off the boat. The island is covered in mangroves.
Mage: I fireball them before thay can attack me.
GM: Mangroves, as in swamps with trees. Forget it, your back in you happy place.
Note: There was no known monster in this world to anyone's knowledge (including the GMs) that had a name even vaguely like 'Mangrove'.

[Enforcer84]

Although its a dilber rip off, it worked wonders to lighten the table.

NPC:" I am Khulvan the Peerless. I have never been defeated."

Amator (PC): " How do you know you wouldn't like it?"

Khulvan: "I want to kill the elf first."

[Champsguy]

Originally posted by JohnOSpencer
Playing D&D, we just killed the annoying 6 month recurring thief who had laid my character(a half orc fighter) out for 3 sessions straight.

GM: "Tarm you wake up to see the corpse of your enemy."
Me: " I grab his body, grab my axe and drag it into the woods."
War ClericIn think irish accent) "What are ye doing."
Me: "I'm going to hack him to peices."
War Cleric: "Ye can't do that."
Me: (Blank Stare)
War Cleric: Ye have to urinate on him first!

John Spencer

Ah, now this reminds me of a story.

One of the players in the group was a real jerk. The group was playing Mechwarrior, and the player's character (for whatever reason) had decided to pick a fight with two other PCs. He hit one of them, and rolled 2D6 for damage. The other PCs were just going to beat him up, until somebody realized what it means to roll 2D6 in Mechwarrior (punches and kicks only do 1D6 plus your strength--to get more than one die, you've got to use a weapon). They confronted the player, who said "Yeah, I stabbed you with my vibro-knife".

The response of the other players? They pulled out their automatic rifles and shot him to pieces. They then looked at each other, smiled, and said:

"You know what it's time for?"
"Yep. Burial at sea!!!"
zzziiiiiippp

-------------------------------------------

Same players, same GM, different game. They were playing Star Wars, and each was a jedi from some sort of short race (I think one was a Yoda-creature, and another was something like an ewok). Anyway, they come across another jedi who has been injured, and they use their force powers to heal him up. Five minutes later, the previously-injured jedi appears in front of them, at the top of a flight of stairs. He laughs maniacally, powers up his light-saber, and says:

"Foolish jedi, now you will witness the power of the dark side. Turn to the dark side now or die!"
The dark jedi goes to swing his light-saber around in an impressive display, but the GM rolls a fumble, and the dark jedi accidentally cuts his own leg off and tumbles down the stairs.

The two players look at each other.
"Burial at sea!!!"