Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[cranialspasm]

Edit: Because apparently I had a seizure and missed that part of Jayne introducing Vera.

It's not the actual gun, it's a prototype created by a fan.

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o...jayne_vera.jpg

[Egyptoid]

the second string auto-bots go out to recover a fallen comrade:


some of the auto-bots are bitter that their
restraining bolts arent removed yet:
"dead bot must have had a mission chip"



in deep trouble, so Crow-bar prayed to:
st. cathode, patron saint of vision tubes



regretting having to blow some of their
stash to restock supplies:
"but right now we can afford fluorescent lighting"



the Navy and Blackwatch are trying to track
the autobots by their radio traffic, so the teams
set up fake messages and spoof signals
which if the bad guys ever decode will turn out to be:
old episodes of Spongebob with Cybertronian sub-titles



autobots got into an argument:
sorry that must have been the mission-chip talking



idle plan to allow easy infiltration of the one shrinker autbot into anywhere:
we could use our organizational ties to make mcdonalds put a version
of him until 50 million happy meals

Blog

[OMG1337BBQ]

hmm a good quote...

Once at my gaming club we were playing a nice campaign of champions and we were attacked by a giant monkey in a forest somewhere...yes the plot wasn't set very well... anyways, one of the newbies is using the premade ,Gravitron, who obviously controls gravity and decides that making the monkey weightless is best. So the monkey becomes weightless. As the monkey lifts higher into the airand is being pushed by the wind he suddenly increases the gravity right over top of my character thusly killing him. The GM asks why he did that and the newbie replies "the other day he told me that he'd give me 5 bucks if a giant monkey were to fall out of the sky and crush him. fork it over."

[BoloOfEarth]

Just a few from my Champions game two Sundays ago:

Best taken out of context:

Subliminal (about teammate Sentinel): We shove an isotope up her a**, we're good to go.

Serendipity: Do we have a team camera?
Subliminal: Yeah, we have a team camera. You didn't put any points in it, so you can't use it.

Styx: Hey! I may be dead, but I've got feelings in here!


And from last night's D&D 3.5 game:

Il'Marcum: You're gonna find your nipple pierced.
Ryan: Again? I only did that because the DM said it doesn't count as a ring slot.

Discussing teammates' recent marriages:

Il'Marcum: I'm not married.
Leila: You might as well be.
Il'Marcum: Well, it's kinda like "junior marriage."
Ryan: It's a starter marriage.
Yllek: Yeah, it's a fixer-upper.
Il'Marcum: Wait until she finds out you said that.
Yllek: I was talking about it from her point of view.

We're questioning some villagers about what threats are around.

Villager: There's rock lizards, giantkins...
Leila: What?!
DM (as villager): Giantkins.
Leila: Oh! I thought you said "giant chickens."
Il'Marcum (laughing): Ba-CAW!!

Il'Marcum (our sorcerer) to Ryan: I can tease you because... well, your Will roll sucks.

The village is very matriarchal; the men are unarmed and practically property of the women.

Aren: Great. A whole valley of "Mom."

Jill is talking to a villager in their language, since Ryan (son of a nobleman) doesn't speak the tongue. Il'Marcum is listening in.

Jill (excusing something stupid Ryan had said): He's going to be a father soon. (pause) It's sure to be a disaster.

Il'Marcum (imitating Ryan): I have servants to father my children! Wait a minute...

A female spellcaster is making romantic overtures to Aren.

Devlyn: I predict (Aren) is in trouble. She has a name.

DM describes a sword melting.

Il'Marcum (to Ryan): Does that remind you of anything? Your wedding night, perhaps?

After we reach a town and bed down in the inn, a thief breaks into Devlyn and Leila's room. Devlyn sneak attacks him, so he leaps out a window after throwing ground glass into her eyes. Leila leaps after him as a dire tiger, with her huge dog Sampson at her side. While Leila has the thief pinned, her dog bites down on the guy's head and...

DM: The guy's head comes off.
Leila: I didn't mean for that to happen!

After much chewing and Leila giving him repeated commands to "spit it out," Sampson finally spits out what's left of the guy's head. There's not much, and it's not a pretty sight.

Yllek: Now you're in trouble. You've defaced the body...
Teammates: GROAN!!!

While the city guard is showing up, Devlyn drops down from the room and runs to Leila.

Devlyn: My eyes!
Leila: (exasperated sigh, then dismissively) Oh, heal, heal heal...

[input.jack]

Embria rides again! To recap:

Chyra: Undead aspected Sorceress (Looks like Skye Sweetnam)
Varga: Big babely barbarian (Looks like Phoenix from American Gladiators)
Metrion: Scholarly Wizard (Looks like a young Ian McKellen)
Rhiannon: Half Elven fighter/rogue in Field Plate (Looks like Hayden Panetierre)
Tash: Hawt Half Orc ranger (Looks like Rosario Dawson)
Leigh: Dashing Priest of Pelor the Sun God (Looks like Christian Bale)

---------------

Chyra (OOC): That animated table doesnt seem to be much of a threat.

Rhiannon (OOC): Yeah. If this is the best if can do, I cant understand how the world was almost conquored by the Ottoman Empire.

All: *Facepalm*

-------------

GM: ...And finally among the effects, you find the old Wizard's spellbook.

Metrion (OOC): I rub myself against it.

------------

Rhiannon (OOC): *Hearing the above* USE A BOOKMARK! Jeez!

-----------

Metrion: Theyre JUST spiders! ....You dont know what it was LIKE in the old days! In order to cast Spider Climb we had to actually EAT one of those mother****ers!

Rhiannon:

---------

GM: The mummified corpse of the gigantic Orc warrior pulls the heavy, barbed sword free from the body of the dead Dwarf, and turns toward you as hellish green lights glow in its empty eyesockets. It raises a hand, with long claws grown in undeath, and growls "Rise...and DESTROY!" The dozen or so skeletons littering the floor of the chamber begin to stir, and get to their feet.

Rhiannon: *Pats Leigh on the shoulder a couple of times* Youre up!

-----------------

Chyra obtains an Undead servitor by controlling the massive dead Orc.

Metrion: To be clear; we didnt hire him just because hes Wight.

-----------------

Rhiannons plan backfires.

Rhiannon: Well...now I feel special. You know...."cork helmet" special.

-------------

Metrion: Rhi, I believe that your fighting prowess has risen to the point that you are definately the most powerful warrior in Brookehollow....and possibly even in the greater Sternhelm metropolitan statistical region!

[Drhoz]

No Champions again.

But I did get to intro Ian to Settlers of Catan. The Utter Bastard rules, naturally - that would seem to suit him, after all. In case you don't know them, that's Barbara vdB's version where not only are all the land hexes and production numbers assigned blindly ( that's merely the Bastard Rules ) but the water hexes get mixed in too. This can leave your settlement on a barren rocky island which for some reason has half the ports on the map.

Paul : I saw thirteen sheep get turned into a settlement once
Ian : ...and they called it New Zealand
Weldun ( our resident Kiwi) :

Matt has an extraordinary run of sheep production

Me: Good grief. Where are all these sheep coming from? The ewes must be going around like this! Holds arms out wide and waddles
Paul : It's that wheat hex next door - they just wander across the border and eat the lot. 'I'm sure I had a crop here yesterday'
Me: No wood, mud or stone on that island either... Nothing to make fences out of.

His streak of good fortune continues

Paul : No wonder that wheat hex is an 11 - it used to be an 8, and everything else got eaten by the sheep next door.
Me: What are they growing there - some kind of Ovine Viagra?

Ian : I've got wood for sheep - but not just one sheep.
Me : What, you'd prefer a threesome? Or some sort of daisy chain?

Cthulhu! Didn't run the intended adventure - Purrdence got sick again.

Me, GM : Duelling accents again - I've got three of you that don't stray from the Russian, Irish, and English, and then there's Purrdence's laryngitis. With her character's suspected Deep One ancestry the croak is totally in character too...

Me, GM : Given Purrdence's lack of voice, I suppose I could always run the silent movie adventure - just let me photocopy some subtitle cards

So I ran a back-up, and baffled the group with a Call of Cthulhu plot with no supernatural elements at all.

It overlapped the end of the last game, where the party bravely rescued two kidnapped infants from drowning. No mention need be made of the fact that they wouldn't have been drowning if Lancaster hadn't gunned down the unarmed nannies that had been rowing the boats out into the surf.

New PC Amy Wells, psychiatric nurse, wanted to know what the horrifying creatures under the beach-house were. I made the mistake of letting the Irish drunkard answer.

Paddy McGinty : Oh, that? It's one o' them there fish-men from Innsmouth. We ran into one before. Lucy's Uncle Gregory. You haven't met Lucy yet - ask Alexei about her, she's his sweetheart.
Alexei Petrovich : *shrugs* I'm kind of going off her, actually...
Me, GM : Been there, done that?
Paddy McGinty : Shoot 'em a few times, they go down easy enough.
Amy Wells : You shot her uncle???
Paddy McGinty : Wellllll... I only shot him a few times. It was Alexei here that actually did him in, ya see.
Me, GM : It was a group effort...
Amy Wells : You killed her uncle and you're still lovers????
Me, GM : He does keep her supplied with booze...
Paddy McGinty : Yeah, these fishy folk - they start off just plain ugly, then they turn into them things. See? I kept the head.
Amy Wells :
Col. Lancaster : *sigh* I suspect I'll be making another donation to the mental hospital...
Paddy McGinty : So there you go. Uncle Gregory was a Fish-man. Or shaved bear, maybe.
Me, GM : Shaved what???
Paddy McGinty : Shaved bear. I mean, did you see the size of them there claws?
Me, GM : *headdesk*

The hook for this adventure gets planted between the aftermath of that debacle and the PC's names and addresses getting helpfully plastered all over the dailies. You can be sure the Innsmouth cult are keen newspaper readers.

Nonetheless, in this session the party is tracking down someone who happens to be Irish. So's his mother. Paddy is quite put out that he missed the oppurtunity for tea and scones with a fellow ex-patriate.

McGinty to Lancaster : I'm going to punch your teeth so far down your throat you get bite marks on your sphincter

Paddy McGinty : *hopefully* Protestant?
NPC : Catholic.
Paddy McGinty : You puir Papist bastard *hands over a bottle of hooch* Have some o' this, you need it.
Me, GM : Please, continue with the in-character religious arguments - religion is a marvelous insulation from the horrors of reality. Of course, as insulation it ranks right up there with asbestos fibre

Missing out on Tea & Scones ( Skonnes? Scunes? ) is just more emphasis on Rule One of Call of Cthulhu

McGinty's player : Rule One - Never split up the party. Never split up the party.
Rule Two - if you shoot it and it doesn't die, run away.

Lancaster's player : *watching me, arms crossed, with a curiously mixed expression of disgust, admiration, and anticipation*
Me, GM : Figured out what's going on, have you?
Lancaster's player : Maybe. If I'm right, you're a bastard. If I'm wrong I'm using the idea in my own game.

And more quotes to come...

[cranialspasm]

My First Time Telling in the HERO system was last night!

Cast
Captain Awesome - a jock with super strength and regenerative properties. Very cheesy. (also my brother)
the Corrosive Crusader - an acid wielder
the Invisible Flame - a manipulator of metal. her name was a case of mistaken identity
InkFury - a melee fighter who pulls weapons from the tattoos on her body
Mirage - a telepath who has illusion abilities


We're going over combat (which I made as an intro to the game, to teach them how to use their powers) in a training room.

the Invisbible Flame: "I turn on my magnetic field."
Captain Awesome (ooc but in the cheesy CA voice): "Luckily, my 'guns' are fleshy." *kisses his biceps*
GM (ooc): "Yeah dude. It would be weird that if every time we played, your arms fall off."
Captain Awesome (ooc): "How funny would that be?"
GM (ooc): "I'm not letting you buy robotic arms. The ones you have are fine enough."
Mirage (ooc): "This is seriously like watching their dad talk them out of new TVs."

[Duke Bushido]

Subliminal: Yeah, we have a team camera. You didn't put any points in it, so you can't use it.

[Balabanto]

So I'm running a Forgotten Realms game in Icewind Dale, and the characters are hiding as frost giants approach. The characters are hiding on a ledge, and the bard, right in the front of the group, is spotted by the giants.

Giant: You, up there! Tiny man! Come down and pay us tribute!

Tandilar, the Bard: After releasing a cloud of gas in terror, I crawl down the embankment. "Great Giants, I bring tribute for you! " I bring out six hundred gold. In addition, I will perform a song for the greatest warrior amongst you? If I do this, will you allow us to use his name as a pass?

Storlamm the Gnome Cleric: I wish he hadn't passed that! (Holding his nose)

Other PC's: Sssh!

I really have no idea why the PC decided he needed to directionally pass gas in the other PC's huddled faces before climbing down, but there it is.

[Drhoz]

More from Saturday's Cthulhu game. Much horror was endured, including Lancaster's recipe from kippers in a Brandy & Port caramelised sauce - for breakfast

And an example of what happens when the players ask me multiple questions at once

McGinty : Did he take anything with him when he left?
Me, GM : Yes, her appendix

Lancaster's Player : It was all fine until the nasal cavity was breached

Amy Wells, to suspect who hasn't been writing to his dear ol' Mother : I sympathise (with all the sincerity of someone who also doesn't write home to Mom)

Attempting to puzzle out why the client has sent them after his brother, when that 'brother' turns out to be totally unrelated.

Lancaster : You're sure you were born in Ireland? What part?
NPC : Yes, of course I am. Puckoon.
Lancaster : I've an acquaintance who insists he was born in downtown Ireland...
Petrovich : His mother was pretty sure too. After all, she was probably there when he was born

I did challenge kyu_kage, Lancaster's player, to come up with a song at one point (after his success with Battle Hymn , and Rule Brittania in previous sessions ). To my delight he immediately improvised a little ditty about being run over by a Chevrolet. Unfortunately nobody wrote it down

He did come up with an appropriate soundtrack when the party 'encouraged' the client's family doctor not to to flee the scene.

Me, GM : He falls unconscious from the pain after about the third kick. And what would an appropriate song be here, do you think?
Lancaster : The Nutcracker Suite?

I also got to traumatise Amy Wells some more, after she climbs over the ruins of the French window to find Paddy McGinty up to the following

Me, GM : The car is wrecked, the engine roaring - the old man and his wheelchair has been concertinaed flat against the fireplace - the drapes are alight, the son is lying twisted on the floor with his intestines spilling out a wound the size of your head, and Paddy McGinty is standing, illumined by the flickering flames, his shadow a monstrous silhouette against the wall, and repeatedly beating a cancerous looking thing with the butt of his shotgun, snarling like an animal with each blow. RRAGGH!! THUNK! RAAAGGHHH! THUNK!
Amy Wells :

Wells & McGinty manage to drag the son and the old man's nurse out of the building before the whole place goes up, and sit back to watch it burn

McGinty : Wait.. where's that doctor?
Me sweetly : Still in the house, where you left him unconscious from repeated blows to the progenerative organs.
McGinty : ..... crap.

[input.jack]

My DC campaign, based on the DCAU, has been re-started, with Nightwing, Batgirl, and Catwoman as the PCs. Let's watch!
----------------------------

Nightwing (OOC): Im going to take Barbara out to dinner at the Iceberg Lounge.

Catwoman (OOC): It is one of the hotter spots.

Batgirl (OOC): So to speak

--------------------

Nightwing: So, what are you studying at Gotham U?

Batgirl: Criminology and Library Science.

Nightwing: So youre going after your father's job?

Batgirl: Basically! Dont worry, Im going to put him in a realy nice home first

Nightwing: I can just see him and Bruce terrorizing the nurses together.

Batgirl: With Selina as the "Crazy Cat Lady" down the hall!

--------------------

Batgirl: So, what did you get your degree in?

Nightwing: Business management....minoring in Criminology.

Batgirl: We should really start looking into the best homes...Maybe we can get a grant from the Wayne Foundation to pay for it! ;D

--------------

Nightwing: Good night, Barbara. See you tomorrow?

Batgirl: Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!

---------------

Batgirl (OOC): Its after midnight. Is Daddy home?

Catwoman (OOC): .....I went to a bad place. Its not really "like that" in the Gordon Household is it?

Everyone: NO!

---------------

Robin: There was a robbery last night at the Phoenix Chemical plant.

Catwoman: Hmm...I wonder which of Gotham's villains wants to use chemicals....oh wait, they ALL do!

---------------

Batgirl: First rule of driving the Batmobile; you have to scoot the seat forward, then lean it way back, and drive like this *mimes driving leaned back with arms straight out, looking baddazz*

-------------

Catwoman: *looking around the Batmobile cockpit* How do you keep all these buttons straight?

Batgirl: He blindfolds us....and makes us drive.

Catwoman: *Sigh* That sounds just like him. Never doing it for the right reasons.

Batgirl: Huh?

Catwoman: Youll find out, when you meet the right guy....Or girl...I dont want to make assumptions

-------------

Catwoman: Who knew her bat-line swung that way?

-----------

Catwoman (OOC): Oh, Im always nice to Alfred

GM: And he is unfailingly polite to you. He just always quietly checks the silverware after youve gone

[SSgt Baloo]

My DC campaign, based on the DCAU, has been re-started, with Nightwing, Batgirl, and Catwoman as the PCs. Let's watch!

So many excellent quotes and I'm still out after my reppage spree yesterday.

[Narf the Mouse]

Someone get input.jack for me. I'm all out.

[Black Ops]

Done

[Ian Mackinder]

And done again.