Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Lord Zod]

From Fantasy Hero

"Lets just level a small village, and then we'll play it by ear."

Get-rich-quick scheme #1
"Okay, so we'll teleport to another part of the world, kill a crocodile, cut off it's head, come back, present it to the king, tell him it's a dragon, and collect the reward money."

Get-rich-quick scheme #2
"As long as we're assassinating a public official, lets do it openly. That way we can get a price put on our heads, and as people come to collect it, we can keep killing them and taking their stuff. If we get tired of that, we can transform the corpses to look like us, and turn ourselves in"

The rest of the party didn't like these plans.

From Star Hero

"The doctor said I have a special power called 'brain damage' that keeps psychics from hurting me."

These last two were mostly funny because the character is 100 year old dragon
"I've been rollin' with my homies"
"Hey chica, you want to go steppin'?"

[Roy_The_Ruthles]

From Fantasy Hero

"Lets just level a small village, and then we'll play it by ear."

Get-rich-quick scheme #1
"Okay, so we'll teleport to another part of the world, kill a crocodile, cut off it's head, come back, present it to the king, tell him it's a dragon, and collect the reward money."

Get-rich-quick scheme #2
"As long as we're assassinating a public official, lets do it openly. That way we can get a price put on our heads, and as people come to collect it, we can keep killing them and taking their stuff. If we get tired of that, we can transform the corpses to look like us, and turn ourselves in"

The rest of the party didn't like these plans.

From Star Hero

"The doctor said I have a special power called 'brain damage' that keeps psychics from hurting me."

These last two were mostly funny because the character is 100 year old dragon
"I've been rollin' with my homies"
"Hey chica, you want to go steppin'?"

zod, you forgot...

<unnamed player>: Can i use TK through the force bubble?
GM: yes
<UP>: ok i put up a force bubble
GM: the ghost telekentically grabs you and slams you into the force bubble.

[Enforcer84]

zod, you forgot...

<unnamed player>: Can i use TK through the force bubble?
GM: yes
<UP>: ok i put up a force bubble
GM: the ghost telekentically grabs you and slams you into the force bubble.

That's just mean!

But I like it

[teh bunneh]

From my UNITY 2010 (Champs) game: Penny Dreadful is a psychotic villainess who has falling desperately in love (much to his chagrin) with the straight-laced do-gooder, Straight Arrow.

Penny Dreadful: We'll make a great crime-fighting duo, just like Bonny and Clyde!
Straight Arrow: Bonnie and Clyde weren’t crime fighters, they were bank robbers.
Penny Dreadful: Hey, what a great idea! Let’s do that instead!



Bill.

[Celtic Cowboy]

From our Shadowrun campaign, setting is the Chicago Containment Zone during Bug City. The area where the characters have been staying has been harrassed lately by vampires and ghouls. Tracking them they find an abandoned bar that at least some of the ghouls have been using as a den.

When making a sweep of the gound floor the encounter the restrooms. The description is that it appears some of the ghouls with limited mentallity still use the facilities as they did before they where infected, but many seem to have forgotten such subtleties as flushing, aiming, etc.

GM (me): "These bathrooms are in pretty nasty condition, the stench is beyond belief."

player1: "Ghoul diarrhea?"

player2: "I guess someone ate Mexican..."

[Kirby]

player1: "Ghoul diarrhea?"

player2: "I guess someone ate Mexican..."

Here's one I forgot about from a long time ago. We were playing a Golden Age campaign and my character was actually a Greek entity (from The Olympians), but was posing as a boxer (he at least understood that, but not the reason for the gloves). His trainer (GM) was basically the old guy from the Rocky movie. My character's "civilian" ID was Jack White and was nicknamed the White Tornado. (Okay, most of this is useless info, but I wanted to let you know anyway. )

Trainer: Do you know why this country is going through a depression?
Jack White: Because we have to listen to you talk?

[CrosshairCollie]

From a one-shot game that featured lots of really goofy villains, including an homage to Vincent Price's classic Egghead from the Batman live-action series:
GM: "Egghead throws an egg (what else) at you ... going to abort to Dodge?"
PC: "An egg? Pfft. No."
GM: "The fragmentation egg-splosive goes off, dealing" (clatter of dice) "Holy $*@(*. 22 Body Killing and 44 Stun." (on 4d6 KA, for the record).
PC: "Crap, I've only got 10 Resistant defenses."
Me: "That'll leave a Mork."

(If you don't get it, you're too young.)

[Corven_Ren]

From a one-shot game that featured lots of really goofy villains, including an homage to Vincent Price's classic Egghead from the Batman live-action series:
GM: "Egghead throws an egg (what else) at you ... going to abort to Dodge?"
PC: "An egg? Pfft. No."
GM: "The fragmentation egg-splosive goes off, dealing" (clatter of dice) "Holy $*@(*. 22 Body Killing and 44 Stun." (on 4d6 KA, for the record).
PC: "Crap, I've only got 10 Resistant defenses."
Me: "That'll leave a Mork."

(If you don't get it, you're too young.)

and rep to you for sharing

[concord]

Old, old, old, old, old one... from when I was playing D&D... very long time ago...

Big battle... Drow High Priestess and Elven Cleric with Half Elven Ranger/Cleric husband in party... the Ranger/Cleric has delivered a very damaging blow to the Priestess... Priestess pulls out explosive gem, Druidess tackles her before she can throw gem at the Ranger/Cleric... gem explodes killing Priestess and Elven Cleric... battle ends soon after... Orc henchmen in the party poking around after combat is over... looking for a snack... finds piece of one of the dead... picks it up...

Orc: Is it white meat or dark meat?


__________________
Bill Beane
Wardens Chronicles - Champions Campaign - http://wardens.angeva.com
Foundation Chronicles - The World of the Wardens - http://foundation.angeva.com

[Beetle]

Here's a horrible joke that one player shared a couple of sessions ago.

Person 1: "Knock, knock"

Person 2: "Who's there?"

P1: "Interrupting cow."

P2: "Interrupting c-"

P1: "Mooooo!"

[Kirby]

It's supposed to be "Interrupting cow who says 'moo'."


'Cause, I love telling that joke.

[Egyptoid]

Elasti-Man is grappling a large six-legged monstrosity.

he uses his extra limbs to make 4 extra arms.

he then touches said alien in between each of
its multiple crotches,

and tell it to cough six times.

[SCUBA Hero]

From the last session of the Harn game I'm running (boo! hiss! not Hero!! Burn the heretic!!!):

Situation - Think Paladin on a holy quest to save the good priestess from the evil priest of the evil god.

GM: You see the priest savagely whipping a woman clad in skimpy, torn, but definately PG-13 remnants of robes like the ones your guide is wearing.

[James Gillen]

Second session of our Champions game: Matt has us investigate what appears to be a "new player" muscling in on Asian organized crime in the city. This requires busting a smuggling operation and interrogating people. Aaron is playing this earth-elemental type who decides to enter the fray by Tunneling under earth and popping up right in the midst of the thugs for a Presence Attack.
Which is a good idea. But Matt asks Aaron, "What's your PRE?"

"10."

Matt goes, "OK, so Mickey Mouse is making a Batman entrance on the crooks here."

JG

[Kirby]

From today's e-mail:

"Well [we] have some good news and bad news.

Good news:

[We] have purchased a house. It is our first house and we are
really excited about it.

Bad news:

This is going to eat up every weekend in the forseeable future."

So now, out of a gaming group of four, three of them are out for at least the rest of July. And in our current game we have this one last session to wrap things up.