With Polonius facing a face worse than death - liaison officer to Orks - Guilderstern & Aleks the Astropath hatch - they're going to have him assassinated. By gretchin. Armed with tranq-rounds disguised as real autogun bullets. During a live press conference. They call in every favour they can with the various ecclesiastical, Inquisitorial, and Elder intelligence groups that they can. Most seem willing to play along, providing, variously, fake ambulances, tranq rounds/paint pellets, and pressure on the Tau for access to Polonius, but are highly suspicious about everything they're not being told regarding the plan, and dubious about the chances of success.Guildenstern : We have nothing to fear but fear itself
Polonius OOC : ...and xenos and witches and heretics.
Although, to be sure, there's more than enough people that want Polonius dead, such as the fungus plantation-owners slightly aggrieved about all the torch-waving mobs, and that Mekaniak they annoyed on the moon. Indeed the latter is annoyed enough to do a pirate broadcast.Gretchin with sign : Dis broadcast is bein' inneruptd 4 a speshul message
Mekaniak : OI! You might fink yuze a tuff fighta cause you put a hole in me powerpack but yuze was just a lucky git, and I dares ya ta come up ' ere an' 'ave anuvva go, if ya fink ya ' ard enuff
Their choice of assassin is alarming enough - a captive gretchin who more than anything else is baffled that he's being given a shoota and being told to go shoot somebody, something he was inclined to do anyway. Polonius, when informed by his Tau captors that the Elder journalism corps are insisting on another press conference before he's sent off to Orky doom, suspects a political move.Polonius : I'm certainly not expecting assassination by my friends - not even Guildenstern could be that stupid.
Journalist 1 : Brother Polonius! In the interview you recorded before the festival, you stated that you expected to be killed within minutes of your sermon. Do you still think that was likely, or do you have an over-inflated sense of your own importance?
Polonius : Not at all - after all, the U Tharan ambassador attempted to use psychic powers on me, on the very steps of the cathedral. Who knows what would have happened if my brave fellow humans hadn't stepped in to intervene?
Journalist 2 : And yet here you are about to be shipped off to liaise with the very species you demanded be exterminated. Are you surprised by this development?
Polonius : I admit that it only goes to prove that the Emperor moves in mysterious ways, and that for me to anticipate what will happen next is blasphemy. I can only rest comforted by the knowledge that whatever happens next is all for the long-term good of my species.
Which is when the gretchin assassin drops from the roof vents, and blazes away before the Tau security empty their pulse carbines back in it's direction. Which is the cue for all the other intelligence factions in play on Myen Fio to hijack Guildenstern's plan for their own ends. For one thing, an Eldar operative in the audience throws himself into the line of fire, evidently to save Polonius' life and make the Eldar look good. He looks briefly surprised that the rounds are actually tranquillising paint pellets and not actual bullets, but not as surprised as Polonius, who looks down at the spreading red stain on his chest, and collapsing, manages to gasp out some final words.Polonius : Funny.... I always... thought.. being martyred... would hurt more.
Then further chaos ensues, as a Rhino tank crashes through the wall and Space Marines leap out, loudly demanding that the 'mortally wounded Polonius' be handed over to them since only their medical science will be enough to save him. Guildenstern and Aleks, who have circling the building in their fake ambulance, are stunned by this development as anybody else, but have a good idea of who is behind this, and are slightly aggrieved that the Archbishop has hijacked their fake assassination.GM : Gee, it's almost like you can't trust the people you hire to commit crimes for you, without them reporting to their superiors.
They eventually make their way to the hospice, where the Polonius is being put a suspension tank for the duration, and the Archbishop interrogates Guildenstern and Aleks as to what they thought they were doing when they set up the plan. All this human med-tech gives the human intelligence factions a chance to peer inside Guildenstern's head and try and find out why nobody from Kringle can remember him, and why Guildenstern can't remember a thing about his life before the POW ship.Guildenstern : We were trying to preserve the crusade..
Polonius OOC : ... and keep the Ork fires burning?
Archbishop : And did you do all this purely to punish the knob.. I mean the noble... Polonius?
GM : They spend all day scanning your neural connections and examining the brain surgery...
Polonius OOC : ... and find a big section of your brain where all outgoing nerves have been severed. And when they look at that through a blue filter, they see somebody has signed it Z.B.
Guildenstern OOC : 'El Barto Was Here'
Aleks OOC : 'To Be Completed'
Polonius meanwhile, has been experiencing what he thinks is his soul being carried by Space Marines, into, he hopes, the presence of the Emperor himself, to be blessed for his efforts on behalf of Humanity. Instead, he wakes up in the next medtank along from Guildenstern, not a sight anybody deserves first thing in the morning.Polonius : Oh god, I'm in Hell!
Polonius is not happy with Guildenstern when he learns what has happened.Polonius : You know, back home we used to make servitors out of people like you.
Aleks : Nevermind. It's better to be assassinated by your friends than by your enemies.
Guildenstern : ... and that's where I picked up these prosthetic hands.
Archbishop : *appalled* The Tau cut off your hands?
Guildenstern : Well, they kind of had to. I kept carving the Twelve Precepts into my skin with my fingernails, and the wounds got infected.
Polonius : Which shows an admirable piety, but perhaps a lack of sterile technique.
GM : You should be able to get Zealotry as an insanity.
Polonius : I think it's the default.
Children's Television in the 40th MillenniumPresenter : And shall will look through the 8-pointed Star Window today children?
Children : *Screams*
Presenter : Or the Gothic Arch window?
Children : *more screams*
Meanwhile, Polonius has been getting mail. The Tau are making increasingly pointed requests to interview him about the assassination attempt, and the hospice continues to fob them off for the time being. They also send him the Tau guide to negotiating with Orks, and he even gets a letter from the Ork Boss he'll be working with.Guide : ... when talking to the Orkoid it is advisable to wear a Crisis Battlesuit. That way, you will be bigger than they are and they may listen to you. n.b. Do not try this with Ork Nobbs in Mega-Armour.
Ork Boss : We wuz worried you wernt tuff enuff to work wiv da Boyz, but den we saw ya take all dem shots and yuze iz still kickin' so we kno yuze iz One Tuff Humie. Lookin' forward ta workin' wiv ya, KAPTIN BUCKTOOF
They was more, but I wasn't feeling well and had to go lie down. I doubt Polonius was feeling very well either...
. o (When did I lose control of this game?)
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Originally Posted by Lucius
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