Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[BoloOfEarth]

Last night's D&D game. Il'Marcum got married last session, where we also played through the reception afterward. All of the player characters and their spouses/significant others got quite randy.

The next afternoon, Devlyn returns to her room to notice something... odd about her bed. When she grabs the sheet to look under it, the bed (actually a large mimic) attacks her.
DM: It wraps around your arm... and it's sticky.
Il'Marcum: The maids didn't even change the sheets?! Ewww.

Aren (OOC): That scream you heard? That was Il'Marcum just realizing he's actually married.
Yllek (OOC): Yeah. He must have forgotten and gave her money afterward...
Devlyn (OOC): Ouch!
Yllek (OOC): ... and then she gave him change.

DM (talking on the phone to one player who couldn't make it that night): They're complaining about the ream service... I mean,the room service.

Leila is trying to communicate the situation with an NPC (Tatiana) who can't speak any language we know. Apparently, our own Smut Field was on.
Leila (pointing at Il'Marcum): He gave me Tongues.
Il'Marcum: (has a big grin and high-fives Yllek)

Leila: I've been thinking of getting an item with Tongues...
Yllek (to Il'Marcum): She just keeps pitching 'em right across the plate for you, doesn't she?

Tatiana, a metal-mage who can sing metals into doing what she wishes, breaks into song and the hinges on the door to Devlyn's room disintegrate.
Il'Marcum (to Aren): Marry this girl. She's a great "ace-in-the-hole"!

After the mimic is killed, Yllek casts a Status spell on Devlyn and her husband Evan to monitor their current states. The party chases down a lead across town, and is returning with a captured thug when we run into Ryan's mother (a powerful magic user, not sure if wizard or sorcerer class).
Ryan's mom: ... but what I find most interesting is that, before coming downstairs just now, I saw YOU (points at Devlyn) going into your room, not 30 seconds ago.
Yllek (to DM): Where is Evan right now? And how is he feeling?
DM: In their room. And his heart rate just increased a bit.
Yllek (to Devlyn): He's in your room, and his monitor is moving to "Orgasmic." (to rest of party) I'm motivating her.

Anticipating the imposter will try to escape out the window into the courtyard below, Yllek goes into the room next door and to the window, drawing his bow and arrows. Leila turns into a dire bear to break down the door, and Devlyn tumbles around her to get into the room. Inside...
DM: You see a woman who looks exactly like you, with her top off and straddling your husband.
Yllek: I'm missing it?!?!
Aren: Can I get into the room?
DM: No, Leila's pretty much blocking the way.
Aren: I yell at her to move.
DM: (to Yllek) You hear someone yell, "Leila, your bear butt is in my face!"
Yllek: Awwww, MAN!!!

The imposter, a powerful magic user herself, erects a wall of force to keep the heroes at bay. She then disintegrates the outside wall and leaps down to make her escape, still half-naked. Yllek begins firing arrows at her.
Yllek: I aim for her cute little butt...

She turns invisible to make her escape.
Yllek: She looks like Devlyn, but topless?! NO WAY am I letting her escape!

[Susano]

Matrix has it right. He's a reptile, therefore his skin can make a nice pair of boots.

Uhm... ooookay.

[input.jack]

Some quotes from the Embria Pathfinder game

Rhiannon: Half Elf Fighter-Rogue (looks like Hayden Panetierre)
Chyra: Undead-Aspected Sorcoress (looks like Skye Sweetnam)
Metreon the Black: Wizard (looks like young Ian McKellen)
Varga Dragonwrestler: Magenta-haired Barbarian (looks like Phoenix from American Gladiators)
Tash: Half Orc Ranger (looks like Rosario Dawson)
Leigh Reighborn: Priest of the Sun God (looks like Christian Bale)

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Rhiannon: DONT LICK MY CAPE!

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Metreon (OOC): Are you going to ride ahead to meet Varga, or wait for her to come back?

Rhiannon (OOC): Im going to wait for her. SHES the one with the Survival skill!

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GM: Meanwhile, back in the Temple, Father Whitemane is all *grumpily, while miming using a push-broom* KIDS these days!...Its all about sex, sex, SEX! No one respects the old traditions....And I just KNOW theyre all on DOPE!...

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Followed by some quotes from the Runepeaks campaign:

Anuskha: Gothy Fighter-rogue with a bladed chain (looks like Milla Jovovitch from 5th Element in black leather)
Xasha: Gothy Priestess of the Raven Queen (looks like Jennifer Connelly from Rocketeer)
Azyrabetta: Deer-centaur Ranger (looks like Mina Suvari with antlers)
Davor: Half Orc Wizard (looks like green Michael Chiklis)
Razael: 8' Giant Paladin (looks like tall Justin Hartley from Smallville)

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GM: Looking along the peg-board, you notice that Pok's "go-bag" is missing.

Xasha (OOC): *Gasp!* Pernicious plunderers pilfered Pok's pack!

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Azryabetta (OOC): Can I find a guard? I mean, if I scroll my cursor over them, do I see a scroll?

Xasha (OOC): ...Too much World of Warcraft for you!

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GM: If my body is a temple, then clearly the priests have all been killed by Vikings!

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GM: Its like the Cliff's Notes for Honor Harrington

Xasha (OOC): "Its Gravity, b*tches!"

Azyrabetta (OOC): "With a jaunty hat!" *


*(This is hysterical if you have read Honor Harrington)

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Azyrabetta (OOC): I havent rolled a die all night....wait...no....I did. Just once. And it was a natural 20, so Im going to shut up now...

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GM: If the green slime was a hamburger, you definately wouldnt want to eat it.

All:

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The GM describes a VERY oggie special effect, involving leather-stretched skeletons, stitched eyes, and lots of internal ourgans on the external surfaces of the room

Azyrabetta (OOC): That....was disturbing...

GM: Good!

Azyrabetta (OOC): *grabs up the spray bottle we use for the battle mat and starts spritzing the GM like a naughty housecat* NO! BAD! BAD GM! BAD!

GM:

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Xasha (OOC): You dont want to miss a Fortitude save this early in the day, do you?

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[Davor is a major NPC, controlled by the GM]

GM: Ok, Davor moves to here...which provokes an attack of opportunity. *Rolls dice* Which misses.....no, wait...Davor doesnt have any of his defensive spells up! Davor...dude!....Of course, Davor's looking up at me saying "IM not the one playing me, ***hole!"

[Manic Typist]

Been a while since I've contributed, but here are some good ones from my first session of my "Christmas Campaign!"

-"What is happening in my mouth? It feels like magic. Is it magic?"

-"Why did you tell her the story about the sultan's daughter? You didn't even do that. I did that!"
-"It's a good story, and YOU weren't going to use it!"
-"I should have let you rot in that prison."
(Can you tell these two characters are brothers and adventurers?)

-"Let me see your mouth, please."
-"Uh, no!"
-"Why not?!?"

One of our heroes, who is a sucker for a pretty face, has just been told by the girl who he thought was seducing him that people are after her and that they're coming for her right now and that he must help her! She looks a lot like Jessica Alba. He's a sucker for a pretty face. As he's prying open the window of rented bedroom of the tavern they are in, he asks:
-"So, why are they after you anyway?"
-"I work for the Crown, and am on a mission vital to our kingdom's interests!"
-"Damn, political stuff!"

As they're fleeing the scene of a large bar fight...and the dead girl upstairs (someone shot a crossbow bolt through the open window. It was perfect, since I'd intended for something like that to happen. I love it when the players play right into my plot...), the elder brother asks the younger
-"What did you DO?"
-"Nothing! Something political! I was just trying to get laid!"

[Stone]

From our Scion Game:

We had a rather large tussle in a west Texas oil field with an oil titanspawn critter. Yes, it was made of oil. One of our female team members was knocked out and pretty much covered in oil...as we all were to some degree, just not as much as her. We put her in the back of the our mini suv and head back to town. We all need to clean up.

GM - Are you heading back to the motel covered in oil?

Player 1 - No, I pull into a carwash. I then pull her out of the back of the suv and wash her off.

(laughter)

Player 2 - Yeah, but why did you use the wax?

Player 1 - Did you see her legs?

(Laughter from everyone...including the player of the unconscious PC)

[Blue]

We encountered a lot of undead last game, and there were some questions about how they died, prompting us to make some CSI: Grayhawk jokes. Which naturally inspired this, which I included in my writeup. (The art is not mne, it's stolen; I just doctored the text)
csi_grayhawk.jpg

[timfnj]

The Honorverse lines went by me in spider drive,cause I don't get it.

[Tim]

From tonight's Pathfinder game:

GM: He said something about 'Walking corpses' attacking him.
cleric: YOu mean Undead?
GM: That's usually what they mean by walking corpses.
Druid: Either that or Absalom Hookers.

[Vulcan]

Yeah, I hate to say it, but the passed me up too... which is strange, because I've read most of the Honorverse stuff.

[input.jack]

One of our heroes, who is a sucker for a pretty face, has just been told by the girl who he thought was seducing him that people are after her and that they're coming for her right now and that he must help her! She looks a lot like Jessica Alba. ....

As they're fleeing the scene of a large bar fight...and the dead girl upstairs

Is the dead girl upstairs the one who asked for help?

Cause if so Id be kind of PO'ed as a player...

[Manic Typist]

Is the dead girl upstairs the one who asked for help?

Cause if so Id be kind of PO'ed as a player...

Yes, but I'd hope not on the second part... she was the classic "ask for help but then die before she can be too useful" sort of plot hook. She kissed the guy as she died, and ended up seeding him with mysterious magical tattoos that crawl down his throat and into his body. So far they've been giving him unpredictable visions that seem related to her mission. The concern, of course, is that magic tends to drive people insane... so now his brother can't really risk just dragging him off instead of getting involved.

[Greywind]

That's why I never kiss'm on the mouth.

[input.jack]

The Honorverse quote is based on the fact that the technology in the Hoinorverse is -very- "hard sci fi", with the exception of the existence of FTL travel. A lot of the tactical and strategic decisions are made based on who can maneuver to where when, and the ships both utilize and are restricted by the bounds of gravity A LOT. Gravity factors into almost everything they do.

And the uniforms of the Manticorans include the Captain having a white beret, rather than black like everyone else's.

[Manic Typist]

One of the PCs breaks into the hold of a slaver ship, where there are a bunch of galley slaves chained to their oars. He's been sent to rescue someone, but he doesn't know what this person looks like... so he yells:

"I'm looking for the one who's been taken!"

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist
Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter


******


Kayla [OOC]: I work with children. It's not very rewarding.


******


Sonia: How do you find a land mine? Well, first you need several small children...


******


Sonia: It's funny because the park ranger gets dead.


******


Mike: When you break the ward on his apartment, it will summon a demon that kills you. Then I'll have to kill it... and eat it.


******


Julian: Hi. We're about to do something stupid and dangerous. Want to come along?


******


Mike: I'm telling you, when she opens the window and the demon comes out and bites her head off, I'm going to laugh.


******


Sonia: You're the one who eats “mud bugs” from the same swamp you raise zombies from.


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Julian [to Mike]: Sound off like you've got a pair.


GM: Well, technically she doesn't at the moment.


Sonia: Well, no, but she does have a pair of something else.


******


Sonia: Fine, we can go to his house and gank his mirror.


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Julian: Yeah, work an 8 hour shift with a fish in your bra.


Sonia: Well, that is what we wear them for.