Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[input.jack]

Some quotes from the Rune Peaks:

Azyrabetta: Deer-centaur ranger
Xasha: Luscious priestss of the Raven Queen (a Death Goddess)
Anushka: Lithe fighter-rogue
Raezel: Half-giant Paladin of the Death Goddess
Davor: Half Orc Wizard.

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Xasha (OOC): Wait a minute...Theres a "Dwarf Mafia" here?

Anushka (OOC): "D-Mob"

Azyrabetta (OOC): Where do you think Santa gets all those toys?

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GM: I WILL whip cheese at you!

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GM: Darnit!...Normally I can pick up a piece of trash with my toes without making a Dwarf Lord look like a total idiot!

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GM: There are pacifists in the world....Not many, and they dont last long....

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GM: I was trying for something clever to say, but I failed my SAN check...

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Anushka (OOC): So I detect the assassin? Cool. Im going to jump to here and skewer him.

GM: So Anushka leaps forward and attacks the INVISIBLE ASSASSIN that was lurking in wait for her?

Anushka (OOC): Yes. *Looks smug*

GM: *clearly wondering how his evil plan got derailed* ........Ok

Azyrabetta (OOC): Too smexy. For this dungeon.

------------------

GM: Ok, does anyone else want to do anything in the 2 rounds remaining of this Silence spell?

Azyrabetta (OOC): Yes. Im going to fart. Ive been holding it in for months!

GM: *Measures distances* Hmm....too bad youre not IN the area of effect. Everyone else is, except Davor. He looks at you, then says casually," Eight. Maybe an eight and a half".

Azyrabetta: *dies of embarassment*

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Davor: I need about 10 minutes.

Azyrabetta: How come?

Davor: Im playing with the fundamental forces of reality that can BLOW APART YOUR BRAIN!

Azyrabetta: You dont want to DO that! :O

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GM: Their clubs are carefully made, and iron binded.

Anushka (OOC): You mean "bound".

Azyrabetta (OOC): So theyre masterwork clubs?

GM: No, they arent masterwork.

Anushka (OOC): Cause then they would have been "bound"

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Azyrabetta (OOC): I should have started knitting this a while ago.

Anushka (OOC): Why? When did you want it to be finished?

Azyrabetta (OOC): NOW!

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Azyrabetta (OOC): Did that turkey just say "bukkake"?

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GM: He rolls a natural "20" to hit.....and he rolls a "1" to confirm the crit.

Xasha (OOC): So, he decided to roll average, the hard way?

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GM: You see three stirges...

Xasha (OOC): Larry, Moe, and Curly?

Anushka (OOC): No love for Shemp?

GM: One of them says "Im not allowed to take peoples' Constitution Stats any more...I got arrested, and Im on proboscis".

The Group: *Throws stones at the GM*

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Anushka (OOC): *Comes in buttering a biscuit* This is how I roll.

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GM: Inside you find eight large, oblong shapes. They look like some kind of eggs. They are each about the size of a watermelon, and are black and leathery. They pulse from within with an inner light...

Anushka: ...Funky.

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Xasha (OOC): Its like World of Warcraft armor....big cathedrals on your shoulders... a drawbridge on your head...

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GM: Remember way back in high school, when Anushka was running that one time, and rolled up that "random encounter"? And so a small keep with 500 men in it came falling out of the sky? Well, this is nothing at all like that.

[DocMan]

I thought the Dwarf Mafia went Underground. *rimshot*

Doc

[Lonewalker]

A handful more quotes from Teh Bunneh's D&D 4th campaign - Bloodmäter.

---

The Party

Brontus Rexx: Human Barbarian
Clio: Tiefling Paladin of the Reven Queen
Rody Falcos: Elf Rogue
Hakkoz Stoneshanks: Dwarf Cleric of Kord
Alix Twilight: Shifter Druid
Paxton Lux: Human Fighter
Justine: Human Warlock
Aester: Dragonborn Warlord
Berrian Wildheart (NPC): Gnome Wizard

---

Random...
GM: Don't throw your flaming Cheetos at my cat!

The warlock is not known for her diplomatic nature...
Justine: I have a feeling that if I said something, it would go badly.

A group of orcs might be willing to parlay, though some of the party are still considering a fight...
Rody: Speaking as the guy with no healing surges left...I say we talk.

The warlock is suffering a penalty to all die rolls due to drinking too much orcish brew...
Aester: Is that a minus one to the angry, sarcastic bitch rolls too?

During a tactical discussion, the nature of Kord's priests comes to the forefront...
Hakkoz: If the plan doesn't involve lighting pitch-covered logs on fire and rolling 'em at the enemy, I'm not interested.

The barbarian recently changed alignments. There has been some adjustments...
Brontus: You guys made me Good aligned. You deal with the consequences.

There's no love for the rogue...
Justine: Standard Rody tactics: Run to the front. Stab someone really hard. Die.

The druid's ethereal spirit companion appears next to the dragonborn, catching him by surprise...
Aester: I mean no offense, Alix, but I just stepped in your cat.

Imagine the barbarian being lit on fire. Now imagine him with the brains of a golden retriever...
Justine: Uh, Brontus, you've got a fire burning on you...
Brontus: (Sprinning around) Where?
Justine: Right there!
Brontus: (Spinning around faster) WHERE?!

---

Lonewalker

[Manic Typist]

From my Christmas campaign:

Character is descended the exterior of a magetower via an improvised rope... and barely manages to get a grip on the nearest window when the giant island table to which the rope was tied is ripped up and thrown down AT him by a golem (possessed by the wife of a man who he murdered in said man's sleep).

He scrambles inside the tower... to find five guards in a pitched battle with horrible monsters who were once men themselves but had their flesh shaped and melded with weapons by an insane healing mage. He trots out between the melees, and as he escapes:

"Evening, gentlemen."

[Dr. Hercules]

Some more from last night Defender's Congregate game:

Trolls are meaner than cyclops because they have depth perception

Powersuited Mastermind: Stick to the plan Cyber-Mind
Knighthawk: You brought Black Harlequin and Cyber-Mind, You obviously don't have a plan!

Warforge: are we going to phase 12? I need to know before I do something stupid.

[Querysphinx]

From Teh Bunneh's Bloodmater Game:
Brontus Rexx: Human Barbarian
Clio: Tiefling Paladin of the Reven Queen
Rody Falcos: Elf Rogue
Hakkoz Stoneshanks: Dwarf Cleric of Kord
Alix Twilight: Shifter Druid
Paxton Lux: Human Fighter
Justine: Human Warlock
Aester: Dragonborn Warlord
Berrian Wildheart (NPC): Gnome Wizard

Comments spread out over a couple of weeks.

On timing:

Justine: Do we roll initiative?
Brontus: Wait, we got block text

Trying to bluff our way into a building:

Alix: Avon calling.
Justine: Amway!
Hakkoz: See, she is evil

Better without context:

Brontus (to Justine): You really should not be in charge of the magnets.

After we run out of red markers:

Paxton: On the upside, nobody else can be bloodied.

Better without context:

Alix: The state of Colorado does not count dog years for the age of consent.

After the party is attacked by teleporting wolves, one of which is painted white.

Hakkoz: I use my Gaze of Defiance
Justine: You realize you have made an emo attack against the white wolf.

On trying to pull aggro in DnD:

Justine: What makes the bad guys come?
Alix: Overstimulation

On the naming of villains:

Alix: Drudge, Grime, Sludge, we don't need magic; we need WD-40

[BoloOfEarth]

Last night's Champions game:

S-Squad is planning to board an alien ship that launched nuclear missiles at Earth, which also picked up the escape pod containing the captain who self-destructed his ship, killling almost all of an NPC hero team and blinding the PC heroes' friend, Cobalt Kid.

Synergy: I need to take the engines off-line so they can't self-destruct.
Subliminal: How are you planning to take the engines off-line?
Synergy: (grins evilly) Physically.

Discussing why the control room for the landing bay is shielded against radiation...

GM: It only makes sense, as this area is frequently open to vacuum and exposed to cosmic radiation.
Subliminal: And the occasional Radioactive Space Monster (tm).

Subliminal sets off an area-effect Flash attack on their side of the control room window, blinding the alien officer and the trooper inside. He then uses Mind Control to convince the alien officer to order the trooper to open the control room door to attack the heroes boarding their ship. He sees the officer give the order (though Subliminal can't hear, since the landing bay where the heroes are standing is currently in vacuum).

Subliminal: The Flash affects sight, hearing, and mental.
GM: Well, since you set off the flash on *your* side of the window, I'm only giving you the sight and mental effects.
Subliminal: But... that Flash is kinda a mental attack, so why wouldn't his hearing be affected as well?
GM: If the trooper was deafened, he wouldn't have heard the officer order him to open the door. This kinda works in your favor, y'know?

The trooper goes into the landing bay and takes aim at Sentinel.

Sentinel: So you had the officer order him to attack me?!
Subliminal: No, I ordered him to open the door so we could get in there. The attack thing... is kinda collateral. (Grins sheepishly)
Sentinel: You realize that if I go down, so does everybody else's life support? And we're in vacuum?
Subliminal: ... oooh. Good point.

I roll the trooper's to-hit and damage rolls, and he wins the STUN lottery.

Sentinel: Wait! Can't I pull my action and dive for cover?
GM: Sure. Where do you dive?
Sentinel: (moves her miniature one hex and lays it down) I dive forward and hit the ground.
GM: Oooookay. When you hear "Dive For Cover," which is the most important word there? "Dive"? "For"? "Cover"?

The heroes finally capture the landing bay. Having practiced on their own captured alien ship, Subliminal mentally connects with the computer on the ship they boarded to learn the ship's layout and crew complement. He then gets access to the escape pods...

Subliminal: Is there any way I can launch all the escape pods? That should make them think twice before self-destructing the ship.

He also accesses the internal cameras to see what the crew is doing.

GM: You see a bunch of heavily-armed troopers heading your way.
Subliminal: That's okay. We're going to be teleporting to the bridge.

While the heroes are attacking the bridge, the captain is invisible to all sight and trying to type in the self-destruct code.

GM: Sentinel and Synergy, make a sight PER roll at -2. You're the only ones positioned to see something.
Synergy: I just made my normal PER roll. (pause) Would radar help?
GM: Crap. Um, yeah, radar would help. A lot. (puts figures for captain and first officer onto the map)

Subliminal tries to mind-read the alien captain for control codes, but rolls a critical failure.

Subliminal: It's worse than that. He's dumb, Jim.

The heroes capture the bridge and lock down all doors on the ship, knowing they can teleport anywhere except engineering. They then begin using the captured ship to attack other alien ships. Meanwhile, Serendipity is monitoring internal cameras and sees an officer and some crew in engineering doing something. She calls Synergy, resident engineer, over.

Synergy: Can I tell what they're doing?
GM: It looks like they're trying to activate the hyperdrive.
Synergy: Can they do that from there?
GM: They can activate it, but they can't set a destination. (pause) Going into hyperspace without a destination would be "BAD".
Synergy: Yah. We might want to do something about that.

The heroes shut down the hyperdrive and continue redirecting missiles and shooting alien fighters. I give Serendipity periodic updates on what the alien crewmen are doing.

Serendipity: (pointing to a room on the map) The crew is trying to get into this room. Is it anything important?
Synergy: Oh. Yeah. That's where the spare nuclear missiles are stored. We might want do do something about that, too, before they blow us up.

After they return to Earth:

GM: And no, the government won't let you keep the newly captured ship. I'm not going to let you be your own nuclear power.

And finally, the words every GM loves to hear:

Subliminal: You're EVIL.

[Klytus]

From our fist Champions game in months...

Pre-game, we are calling to one of the other players that we are about to start...

"It's Hero time!"

This started a musical interlude...

"Can't touch this!"
"Desolid! Can't touch this."
"Invisible! Can't see this.."

There was eventually an epic battle. Well, epic in terms of failure, anyway. One moment of success was when Graviton hit the the enemy leader (Mind Star) with a forklift and Stunned her. It would have been a TPK had not Graviton been flying at the time the enemy brick stomped the ground, sending out a shockwave that KO'ed the rest of the party... and started to bring the building down around them.

Graviton: (OOC) Hm... should I stay to help the party out? Or make a tactical retreat?

Kitelea: (OOC) Look at the bones!!!

The group lost it for 5 minutes.

Graviton: (OOC) Retreat it is.

Later, I was showing them all pictures of the enemy team members. When we got to Mind Star...

Graviton: (OOC) Oh yeah. I'd hit that... with a forklift!

[Netzilla]

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.
Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.
Julian a Vodun park ranger
Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist
Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter
Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator.

******

Danny: We've got to figure out how to integrate Nigel back into society.

Sonia: The first thing you've got to do is build a giant terrarium.

***

GM: The less urine on my battle mat, the better.

***

Sonia [describing Danny's new special attack]: Spirit curb stomp

***

Sonia: We don't want to have to keep you in a box.

[Enforcer84]

Vahne: You know it's hard to burgle in broad daylight when you're the town's local celebrities.



Vahne: Ok, it looks like Tsudo took one of the boats and fled. Let's follow him.
Arakpo: How?
Vahne: With one of the other (looks to see that the two boats that had been moored have been sunk) ... boats. What did you just do?
Zarendrakan: They can't use these boats to attack the city now!
Vahne: *silence*
Zerendrakan: What was that about following Tsudo?
Arakpo: We can explore those caves! *points to the caves in the smuggler's cove*
Vahen: *sigh* Sure, we have nothing better to do


Zerendraken found Tsudo's journal. The half-elven monk is in league with the goblins that have been attacking the city and apparently in love with the Asimar (but wants to be infernal) main villainess. His journal consists of a few random notes of interest and pining for his "love" and a bunch of sketches of a naked woman.

Zerendrakan: Well this information should prove useful
Vahne: It also proves Tsudo is an idiot.
Arakpo: And should teach art.
Vahne: Hush you.

[Da Hooligan]

Rolemaster campaign:

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

[Stone]

Rolemaster campaign:

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

LOL!!! I love Rolemaster.

[Nevenall]

Rolemaster campaign:

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

Rolemaster is a harsh mistress.

[Klytus]

I almost forgot about this gem from last session...

Just before the big battle (the one in which the party suffered a TPK) Nightengale used her Aid to buff everyone's EGO because they knew they were going up against a powerful mentalist. One of the teammates, Prism (aka Dash in his secret ID) has a tendency to be a bit overconfident. Ergo...

Nightengale: (OOC) Everyone, please accept my apologies in advance for actually increasing Dash's ego!

[StormK]

From a long ago campaign where thirteen of history's most evil villains were attempting to take over the world. Characters were investigating events and trying to uncover the identity of the "Evil Thirteen".

Characters:
Agent Fox; an FBI agent modeled after Mulder on X-Files
Vladimir; a former Spetsnaz soldier and mercenary type

Scene: Fox and Vlad are hot on the heels of a shadowy stalker who has been caught spying on the PCs. They have chased the bad guy into a nearby church where they see him hiding in the rafters.

Shouting in rage, Vlad draws both of his Desert Eagle .50cal pistols and shoots continuously at the bad guy while running forward. The ninja drops to the floor and Vlad continues to empty his pistols into the body until he is standing over the body with his pistols clicking empty. As he reloads his pistols, he looks to Fox who has been standing at the entrance dumbfounded by what he has just witnessed.

Vlad (triumphantly): "That is how we do things in Russia!"

Just then an Uzi wielding bad guy appears near the alter and starts firing at them. Fox pulls out a pistol and fires a single shot which hits the goon in the head and drops the guy instantly. Fox blows on the end of his pistol and puts it away turning to Vlad he says:

"That is how we do things in America!"

To this day it is a moment we all remember.