You know the GM has it in for you when...

[yamamura]

You're playing a fertility priest in a D&D game and the DM tells you that you have to daily try and get someone to procreate. You try once per day per PC, but when you get to the GM's wife's PC, he tells her that her (gnome or halfling) has a 35 year courting ritual before mating can commence (another male player is playing the same species).

He tells you you can't have Find Weakness for Martial Arts and Armor Piercing for your shooting knives because that's too powerful; only one or the other. Then you discover that his GMPC has Find Weakness with her HKA Claws and Martial Arts because that's "character concept."

He makes a big speech to the players about how our nemesis villain will no longer be used after this plot line and whatever happens, happens. If the villain dies, he dies. If he's captured, he'll be captured and put away forever, if he escapes, he'll go elsewhere. When the battle is over, the NPC is beat and captured. And shows up two plots later with higher defenses (though lower Speed and Strength).

He goes on and on about the virtues of playing an Indian game where there's no desire for money and that the Indians were skilled shots at hitting bison behind the third rib for one-shot kills. When you agree to play the game...

• You have to roll a natural 20 to hit the bison, regardless of your THAC0.
• Your reason for adventures are based on acquiring gold
• As Indians, you're hated by all the surrounding Elves, Dark Sun beasts, and other Indian tribes.
• Every time you hunt bison, they stampede in your direction even when you're hiding behind a boulder on hill.
• Every time you hunt bison, someone gets broken ribs, and it's not the bison
• The chiefs scorn you for never bringing back a bison and always getting ribs broken in the stampedes
• Every time you hunt bison, some stranger is found that leads to "an adventure"
• The ONE time you score a 20 and kill a bison, you're chided for not bringing back more than one

Your campaign takes place in central Texas but your latest adventure requires you to travel to save a city that's being attacked in southern South America. You know this because of a wounded man who traveled from there and you found him on your bison hunt. He promises to guide you safely.

Everyone you meet on your journey to the southern South American city either attacks you or tells you "you can't win; turn back now." No one is friendly.

You have to role play traveling through every country on your journey.

After three months of travel and being told "you can't win; turn back now," you decide to turn back. Suddenly everyone you met previously tells you "you're they're only hope." The stranger/guide whom you're carrying with you begs and pleads for you to help.

When you're one day away from his city, your *guide* asks "What? You're taking me where? I don't want to go there!"

The city you're sent to protect/save is on an island in the middle of a lake. The inhabitants don't like you. To prove you're worthy, you have to go kill a beholder on a neighboring island.

The city you're sent to protect has 50 people left alive. When the night raids come (from Drow), the citizens beg for your help. The priests of the city sacrifice other priests (those who have run out of spells) of the city to cast down flamestrikes on the boats of invading Drow.

The next day, with only a dozen or so city inhabitants left alive, the high priest demands you go attack the Drow hideout. To help you with this, he tells you where you can recruit 100-200 Amazon warriors (why they wouldn't help the city, we never were told).

The Amazon warriors are tougher than your PCs.

When investigating the Drow caverns, the Amazon women are abducted one at a time until it's just the PCs left, regardless of where the PCs are stationed amongst the Amazons and no matter what methods you use to try and prevent the abductions (which you never see happen and only "notice" when you do a body count and there are always less Amazons than before).

A Wish spell of "I wish all the Drow would explode into flames" is enough to kill off the enemy.

Wow, that is one campaign I am glad that I have never played in.

[Kirby]

Wow, that is one campaign I am glad that I have never played in.

I wish I could say the same. The first three paragraphs are about two different campaigns (two other GMs). The rest are about the same campaign. The guy didn't understand why we never wanted to play that game again.

[Kirby]

Your Cherokee group is trying to save a bunch of Navajos from Minotaurs, but every time you try to attack, a Minotaur (without die rolls) blocks your attack, disarms you, or wraps up your weapon, telling you that you have to leave. When you leave, a Navajo woman a hundred feet below the cliff you're on comes out of her home and yells "Heartless bastards" at you. Only when another player (who was absent on the previous game day) is back is it discovered that we can now attack them because Minotaurs can only be hurt with silver (which everyone in the party has). Why? Because the GM wanted all players there for the battle.

You're playing a Dark Alliance (WW Werewolves, Mummies, Vampires, Mages, etc.) game and your group has finally figured out what needs to be done and where to stop the evil people from doing what they want. However, every time you head into the direction you need to go (driving on the highway) helicopters start chasing/following your vehicle and don't pull away unless you head back the way you came. This goes on for an hour (real time) until the players decide to call it quits for the night since they can't figure out a way past the helicopters. The next gaming session, you try the same thing (showing the absent player what was going on) and there are no hinderances. The GM stated he wanted all players there for the big battle.

You want your WW Werewolf to leap from point A to B and are given a target number. You score so many successes and critical successes that the GM says you overshot your mark and fell down the chasm you were trying to avoid.

He goes on and on about the virtues of playing an Indian game where there's no desire for money and that the Indians were skilled shots at hitting bison behind the third rib for one-shot kills. When you agree to play the game...

• You have to roll a natural 20 to hit the bison, regardless of your THAC0.
• Your reason for adventures are based on acquiring gold
• As Indians, you're hated by all the surrounding Elves, Dark Sun beasts, and other Indian tribes.
• Every time you hunt bison, they stampede in your direction even when you're hiding behind a boulder on hill.
• Every time you hunt bison, someone gets broken ribs, and it's not the bison
• The chiefs scorn you for never bringing back a bison and always getting ribs broken in the stampedes
• Every time you hunt bison, some stranger is found that leads to "an adventure"
• The ONE time you score a 20 and kill a bison, you're chided for not bringing back more than one

Your campaign takes place in central Texas but your latest adventure requires you to travel to save a city that's being attacked in southern South America. You know this because of a wounded man who traveled from there and you found him on your bison hunt. He promises to guide you safely.

Everyone you meet on your journey to the southern South American city either attacks you or tells you "you can't win; turn back now." No one is friendly.

You have to role play traveling through every country on your journey.

After three months of travel and being told "you can't win; turn back now," you decide to turn back. Suddenly everyone you met previously tells you "you're they're only hope." The stranger/guide whom you're carrying with you begs and pleads for you to help.

When you're one day away from his city, your *guide* asks "What? You're taking me where? I don't want to go there!"

The city you're sent to protect/save is on an island in the middle of a lake. The inhabitants don't like you. To prove you're worthy, you have to go kill a beholder on a neighboring island.

The city you're sent to protect has 50 people left alive. When the night raids come (from Drow), the citizens beg for your help. The priests of the city sacrifice other priests (those who have run out of spells) of the city to cast down flamestrikes on the boats of invading Drow.

The next day, with only a dozen or so city inhabitants left alive, the high priest demands you go attack the Drow hideout. To help you with this, he tells you where you can recruit 100-200 Amazon warriors (why they wouldn't help the city, we never were told).

The Amazon warriors are tougher than your PCs.

When investigating the Drow caverns, the Amazon women are abducted one at a time until it's just the PCs left, regardless of where the PCs are stationed amongst the Amazons and no matter what methods you use to try and prevent the abductions (which you never see happen and only "notice" when you do a body count and there are always less Amazons than before).

A Wish spell of "I wish all the Drow would explode into flames" is enough to kill off the enemy.

In case anyone is curious, these are all the same GM. Good friend, cruddy GM.

[lemming]

Wow, that is one campaign I am glad that I have never played in.

At least he's not bitter.

[Kirby]

He asks you to play Paranoia.

[Kirby]

At least he's not bitter.

Scarred, not bitter.

[NestorDRod]

he has the elf female your character is fighting spend a Half-Phase leaping back and forth over him before attacking... just because she can.

True story.