BoloOfEarth Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 Q: How do you milk a sheep? A: Offer a slightly upgraded version of the same phone and charge $700 for it. Rails, bigbywolfe, Tjack and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 1, 2017 Report Share Posted October 1, 2017 A man found himself standing at the pearly gates before St. Peter. He gave his name, his address, and a few details of his life. Saint Peter then said, "I have located your information, and it looks like we have you listed for provisional acceptance into Heaven. It doesn't look like you've committed any particularly serious sins, however you haven't really done anything to distinguish yourself for the side of Right, either. If you could tell us about something you've done that was particularly courageous or heroic, it would really make the issue a lot easier to resolve." "Well," the man said, "I was walking home from the pub when I looked down a dark alley and saw a young girl on the ground, surrounded by five or six tough-looking bikers. They had her trapped, and I could tell their intentions weren't honorable. I don't know why, but it made me really angry. I knew I had to do something. "So I turned and walked right down that alley, right towards the biggest, toughest-looking one. He turned around when he saw me coming, and before he could do anything, I kicked him right in the family jewels, if you take my meaning. He dropped like a rag doll, and the others started to close in on me. Well, I picked up a piece of metal pipe and brought it down right on the next guy's head. He dropped, too. "By then they'd hesitated for a minute. So I shouted at them. I said, 'All right, you scum, that's enough! I've never seen a more disgusting collection of human filth in all my life! You're all animals! You leave this poor girl alone, you freaks! Now get lost, before I give the rest of you a serious lesson in pain!' " "Wow," St. Peter said, "that's quite remarkable. That would certainly qualify you for entry into Heaven. When did this happen?" The man replied sheepishly, "About two minutes ago." Tjack, Rails, death tribble and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badger Posted October 1, 2017 Report Share Posted October 1, 2017 What did the cannibal say after it ate the clown? He tasted funny. WHat? tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted October 1, 2017 Report Share Posted October 1, 2017 tkdguy, Tjack and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 2, 2017 Report Share Posted October 2, 2017 If you are ever attacked by a group of taxidermists, for heaven's sake, don't 'play dead'. wcw43921 and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 3, 2017 Report Share Posted October 3, 2017 A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Utah courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being physically beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, citing child custody law and statute requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they had also beaten him on numerous occasions. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Utah Division of Child Welfare, the judge granted temporary custody to the BYU football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted October 4, 2017 Report Share Posted October 4, 2017 I heard that joke several years ago--the punchline was the Chicago Cubs. Nobody's telling that joke now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 4, 2017 Report Share Posted October 4, 2017 I remember the season (1988) when the Baltimore Orioles started their season 0-21, and a variation of that was told then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tech priest support Posted October 4, 2017 Report Share Posted October 4, 2017 A joke and a dose of cute. A twofer. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted October 11, 2017 Report Share Posted October 11, 2017 A woman takes her husband to see a psychiatrist. "He thinks he's a chicken," she said. "All the clucking is driving me up the wall!" "How long has this been going on," asked the psychiatrist. "About four months," replied the woman. The psychiatrist frowned. "Four months?! Why didn't you bring him in before?""Well," said the woman, "we needed the eggs." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence. Burrito Boy and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept confusing his Limericks and haikus wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Well, there are capitals there, so you know it wasn't e e cummings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence. We conspiracy theorists are allowed to drink, you know. It's not like the government is poisoning our beer. Although they're probably considering it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 It's not the conspiracy theorists who are the ones to worry about. It's those conspiracy experimentalists. Orbital Mind Control Lasers plus Robot Sea Monsters plus International Cocaine Cartels controlling Pro Sports, poisoning the minds of the electorate and getting their boy into office! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 That's more timely than funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Yeah, I need to get out my old Illuminati game and play it. On the up side, my kids found my old Evil Geniuses For A Better Tomorrow license plate holder, so that is now on my car. I think I am now safe from robot sea monsters. Meanwhile, I can work on this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted October 13, 2017 Report Share Posted October 13, 2017 Yeah, I need to get out my old Illuminati game and play it. On the up side, my kids found my old Evil Geniuses For A Better Tomorrow license plate holder, so that is now on my car. I think I am now safe from robot sea monsters. Meanwhile, I can work on this Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted October 14, 2017 Report Share Posted October 14, 2017 Yeah, I need to get out my old Illuminati game and play it. On the up side, my kids found my old Evil Geniuses For A Better Tomorrow license plate holder, so that is now on my car. I think I am now safe from robot sea monsters. Meanwhile, I can work on this All I can think of with that is the original Futurians comic and the quote" It became painfully obvious they missed their target". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted October 14, 2017 Report Share Posted October 14, 2017 It not the conspiracy theorists you need to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 14, 2017 Report Share Posted October 14, 2017 Today's biggest joke: The NCAA's credibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted October 14, 2017 Report Share Posted October 14, 2017 I'm at the emergency room. Today was not a good day. I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven't done in a few years. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slow, but then we went a little faster before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop. Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine. archer and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 21, 2017 Report Share Posted October 21, 2017 Q: What did the ceiling fan say to the vacuum cleaner? A: "You suck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted October 23, 2017 Report Share Posted October 23, 2017 All your favourite administrators are back in Human Resources 2: This Time it's Personnel Christougher, Cancer, Logan D. Hurricanes and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.