Cancer Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 That's too much of a restatement of reality to be funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Sounds kinda Freudian to me. Of course, that's the problem with Freud. If it isn't one thing, it's your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Unless it's The Graduate, in which case it's someone else's mother. Or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted January 13, 2018 Report Share Posted January 13, 2018 death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 15, 2018 Report Share Posted January 15, 2018 Last night, I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me. wcw43921 and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 15, 2018 Report Share Posted January 15, 2018 Last night, I was attacked by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me. #Me^2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Physics final exam question: A 5 gram fig falls from the tree. Calculate the force with it hits the ground to the nearest fig-newton. Pariah, Rails and wcw43921 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 21, 2018 Report Share Posted January 21, 2018 Assume you keep your fig-newtons in the pantry when that nearest one is called for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 When she told me that I was only average, she was just being mean. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 What you really wanted was the deviance anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 Sounds like a fairly standard reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 I assume you got a kurtosis answer when you asked a skewed question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 22, 2018 Report Share Posted January 22, 2018 She was a real co median. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragitsu Posted January 26, 2018 Report Share Posted January 26, 2018 Q: What does a paladin eat for breakfast? A: Oathmeal. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 26, 2018 Report Share Posted January 26, 2018 Why is language manly? All the letters get sent through the mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted January 26, 2018 Report Share Posted January 26, 2018 Your karate is a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 27, 2018 Report Share Posted January 27, 2018 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 27, 2018 Report Share Posted January 27, 2018 Where's the "groan" button...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 30, 2018 Report Share Posted January 30, 2018 The other day I was talking to my wife about an article. It claimed that men used about 10,000 words each day on average, while women used about 20,000 words a day. She said, "That's because we always have to say everything twice, because you knuckleheads are never listening the first time." To which I said, "What?" aylwin13, Lucius, tomd1969 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 30, 2018 Report Share Posted January 30, 2018 And guys, if you are being picked on, this is something I either stole or made up about the time I got married: When a man and a woman start sharing living quarters, a new game begins. The woman wins the game when her clothes occupy all the closet space. The man has no victory conditions. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 True that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sociotard Posted February 10, 2018 Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 Over here, David Brin had a flash fiction contest, to say what happens next to the Tesla Roadster launched past Mars. This was my favorite entry: "But Elon, I don't understand why you put your car on the rocket and sent it to Mars? We could have put a scientific payload that would have given some valuable data but each time someone offered one you refused. Why?" "David, it was a question of honor. Back in 1999 I was at Jeff Bezos house and we were having a few drinks and some great weed. Well you know how it goes. We started bragging about what we were going to do to make our mark on the World. After a couple of hours I said that I was going to build a big f***ing rocket, put my car on top and send it to Mars. We both were pretty wasted you see so we made a bet. I just fulfilled my side of the bet." "Elon, what was Jeff Bezos' side of the bet then? What does he have to do now?" "Why David, after I said I was going to build the big f***ing rocket and send my car to Mars, he said he would do one better. He would build a bigger f***ing rocket, send it to Mars, get my car, bring it back and park it in my driveway." BoloOfEarth, death tribble, archer and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 13, 2018 Report Share Posted February 13, 2018 One day at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted a man who had arrived, curiously enough, with a briefcase. "Welcome to Heaven," Peter said. Then, less certainly, "Umm, what is that you have with you?" The man smiled widely. "I've done it, Saint Peter! I've really done it!" "What have you done, my son?" "Well," the man said, "they always say, 'You can't take it with you.' Well, I've done it. I figured out how to do it, and here it is!" "Interesting," Peter said dubiously. "May I see what you have there?" "Of course!" the man declared. He opened the briefcase, to reveal that it was full of gold. "Okay," Peter said, "that's interesting. But why have you brought pavement?" Sociotard, slikmar, Hermit and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 Light travels much faster than sound. This is why some people appear to be intelligent--until they speak. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 20, 2018 Report Share Posted February 20, 2018 An explosion last week killed a wild-living navy boiler man and he found himself in Hell. Being used to stoking fires and extremely hot temperatures, he found hell actually quite comfortable. When Satan went to check out the new arrival, he found him sitting in his room smiling. “You like this?” Satan asked. “Yes, sir,” said the sailor, “this feels like a spring day to me.” Not wanting the new guy to be too comfortable, Satan turned up the heat a bit. When he went back the next day to see how his new arrival was doing, the sailor was still happy; he hadn’t even broken a sweat. “I like this kind of weather,” he told Satan. For the next few days, Satan turned up the heat more and more, but each day the Sailor looked as comfortable as ever. By Sunday, Satan decided to try something different. Rather than turn up the heat even more, he turned it off and turned on the air conditioning. Icicles formed in the sailor’s room! When he checked on the guy, the room was icy and he was shivering, but he had a grin from ear to ear, bigger than ever. Satan was exasperated! “Why are YOU so happy?” he demanded from the sailor. “It’s FREEZING in here!” “Well, I’m from Cleveland," said the sailor, “and evidently the Browns just won the Super Bowl!” aylwin13, BoloOfEarth, wcw43921 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.