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WWYCD: The Vending Machine (have a d20 handy)


Marcus Impudite

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(Yes, I kinda stole this idea from the SCP Foundation.)

 

Your character and associates come across a strange-looking vending machine that just seems to have appeared in Campaign City Park overnight. A sticker on the side of the machine reads "Pandimensional Vending Company." Purely out of curiosity, a member of the party puts in some money or swipes a credit card and presses some random alphanumeric keys. The machine makes a whirring sound and then dispenses (roll a d20 and consult below):

 

  1. A can of Coca-Cola. The soda in the can is entirely normal. The only thing unusual is the can design, which appears to have text in both English and another language no one seems to recognize.
  2. A  packet of "Pharaoh's Pyramids: Pyramid-Shaped Snacks." The art work on the packaging consists of a cartoon Pharaoh, a desert background, and some palm trees and pyramids. The contents of the packet are indeed small pyramid shapes and have a taste and texture similar to Sour Cream And Onion Pringles. Both English text and Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics are printed on the packet.
  3. A pack of "Icy Cool Mint" gum. The person who chews a piece temporarily gains an icy-cold breath attack that can instantly freeze anything they blow on at close range.
  4. A bottle of "Mountain Dew: Supernova." The soda inside is yellow and has kind of a starfruit taste to it. Other than that, nothing particularly unusual about the item.
  5. A packet of "General Custer's Buffalo Jerky." The taste is similar to Jack Links, though a bit heavier on the spice.
  6. A bottle of "Tentacle Grape" soda.
  7. A pack of "Red Hot Cinnamon" gum. The person who chews a piece temporarily gains the ability to breathe fire!
  8. A red orb roughly the size of a golf ball, wrapped in transparent plastic. If taken out of the wrapper and licked or sucked on, it tastes like Cherries Jubilee. If the person continues to lick or suck on it for more than a few minutes, the orb will start to glow and then suddenly burst into a colorful fireworks display (and may do EB 4d6 Explosion to the person holding it if they don't immediately toss it away). .
  9. A small, transparent cube containing a small amount of dirt and some kind of worms. The labeling on the the cube is in a language no one in your party knows how to read.
  10. A bottle of Romulan Ale. Actual Romulan Ale. Naturally, the person who drinks it becomes intoxicated.
  11. A packet of "Chocolate Bob-ombs." Inside are little chocolates shaped like the Bob-omb enemies from the Super Mario Bros games. Printed on the packet is text that reads: "In Celebration Of The Mario Franchise's 10,000th Anniversary." The candies are otherwise entirely normal.
  12. A small, silver canister, roughly the size and shape of a CO2 cartridge like those used in air rifles. If someone removes the cap and taps on the bottom of the canister, a cone of pink, watermelon-scented mist sprays out of the nozzle.
  13. A bottle of Crystal Pepsi. According to a date on the label, it was bottled recently, just a month ago!
  14. A box of Animal Crackers. Most of the crackers are shaped like normal, recognizable animals, a few are shaped like Eldrich Abominations!
  15. A frozen "Waffle And Bacon Breakfast Sandwich" Instructions on the wrapper say to heat it for 3-5 minutes in the microwave. Text on the packaging is half in English and half in Japanese. The sandwich is delicious, and has a hint of maple syrup flavor to it.
  16. A can of "Protoculture Cola." The can design features an Invid Scout Trooper being shot at by a Veritech fighter (Robotech franchise). The soda inside tastes pretty much like any other generic cola.
  17. A bottle of "Captain Picard's Hard Earl Grey." It's Earl Grey tea mixed with synthohol.
  18. A packet of "Gummy Shogoths." They come in assorted fruit flavors.
  19. A pack of "Beelze-Bubble" bubblegum. The packaging features a cartoon demon blowing a pink bubble. A tag line beneath the product name reads: "The Long-Lasting Bubblegum Flavor You'll Sell Your Soul For." The person who chews a piece will spontaneously grow two little horns on their forehead and a barbed tail roughly 1 meter long.
  20. A can of "Zip Cola." The person who drinks it temporarily gains 30 DEX, 10 SPD and 50" Running!

 

WWYCD?

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Pathogen would play it cool; this is what vending machines are like, right? Normal human stuff, which he - being a 100% normal human and not a world-ending alien supervirus currently experiencing existential confusion - is totally comfortable with. 

 

He/she/it would proceed to be extremely suspicious of any vending machines deviating from this, the established norm. 

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I know what my players would do with it - destroy it.  They have already dealt with one crazy alien race that was 'testing them'.  So they would just destroy it.

They fail the test!

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Failed by feeding the machine to a palindromedary

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No. The mage wanted a drink, and I decided to play around and I was like "You're out of coke."

 

Player: I summon a vending machine.

 

Me: Okay...are you sure?

 

Player: Yes! (Picks up the dice. Rolls an 18)

 

Me: A vending machine appears.

 

Player: I get out some coins and put them in the slot.

 

Vending Machine: Don't touch me, you pervert! You really don't want that! You want a drink from me, you dirty !@#$!!!!!!

 

Player: Uhm...

 

Me: Dude, you rolled an 18.

 

Player: Can I send it back?

 

Me: This will require a complicated ritual. You rolled an 18.

 

Another PC comes into the room

 

PC 2: Can I have a drink?

 

Vending Machine: Shut up! That's all you want from me! Drink, drink drink! I'm not giving you anything, losers! Ha!

 

This went on for at least four hours until they figured out a way to unsummon it. One of the finest moments of my GMing career.

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Aquatic would put an 'out of order' sign on it and go looking to the team experts in mysticism and tech respectively

 

Mole would probably be the one who tried it, and kept trying it until he was told by someone to cut it out. He'd totally want it back at the team base

 

Dr. Sanguine would likely remove it so it could be studied

 

Wolfhound would use his super senses for clues

 

The Gaze would see if there was a psychic component to it if he could, but otherwise defer to his team mates.

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So.. no treasure, and no XP?

 

This is a case where he rolled the 18 first. So no. You do not get extra experience for critical failures, especially in a selfish act of summoning a vending machine using magic when he could have just teleported to a nearby convenience store and gotten a six pack.

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