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A visit from the safety department


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#1 Nothere

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Posted 01 June 2016 - 09:33 PM

"Soon only a few more days, and my preperations will be complete. Then I will prove that my theories are correct. Then all those who dared to mock me will learn the true meaning of terror!"

 

Throwing back his head he laughed as lighting flashed.

 

"Master Master it's terrible." Shouted his twisted assistant as he entered the lab.

 

"What is it? A torch bearing mob?" He asked.

 

"Worse the mad scientist union safety department."

 

"The what now?" He asked.

 

A few minute later he sat as his lab was examined by two men and a woman all in nice suits with glasses and clipboards. An hour later the man who seemed to be in charge came over. He made some notations on his clipboard, and addressed the scientist.

 

"I'm afraid you are in several violations of the safety code. Let's start with the walkway over the pit."

 

"But it's perfectly safe. The railing completely covers it."

 

"Exactly how if anyone supposed to fall in with a railing there?" The man said.

 

"Why would I want anyone to fall in? I'm here the most, it would probably be me."

 

"And?" The man said.

 

The twisted assistant shook his head, and the scientist fell silent. The man wrote on the clipboard.

 

"There are a lot of surge protectors on the equipment," The man said.

 

"Yes when I do the experiment. I'll be using an amount of power that could cause several overloads."

 

"And you think that's a bad thing." The man made another note on his clipboard. "Further all your chemicals are clearly marked, and the dangerous ones are locked up."

 

"Uhm yes that way I know what I'm doing, and their is no risk of a dangerous accident."

 

"So your unaware of the advances in mad science brought about by dangerous accidents, or just mixing random chemicals together." The man wrote on the clipboard. " And we didn't find the destruct switch. Where is it?" The man asked.

 

"Destruct switch?"

 

"Well it doesn't have to be a switch. Lever, dial, or button is acceptable. You know the unmarked unguarded control that when turned causes the lab to blow up within a few minutes."

 

"wait. You thought there was a destruct switch, and you were just ramdomly pressing the controls..."

 

The scientist noticed the assistant shaking his head no vigorously, and fell silent.

 

"So no destruct switch." The man made a note on his clipboard and closed it. "We're going to have to rate this lab as 4n and say experiments here are authorized."

 

"Oh good. For a moment I thought I was in trouble." The scientist said.

 

"You are this lab is closed." The man said.

 

"But you said it was authorized."

 

"We are mad scientists. We don't do authorized experiments. Until you pay the million dollar fine and bring this lab down to code you are closed."

 

"A million? Where am I supposed to get that?"

 

"Well you can always take it up with the complaint department. They get so bored of mutilating random strangers. Good day."

 

 

 


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#2 Hadmar von Wieser

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Posted 28 October 2016 - 07:16 PM

:thumbup:
I especially like the "unaware of the advances in mad science" bit.

You might add a passage about how the computer is neatly covered and built-in and not visible and how it cannot be hit by a random projectile or thrown weapon to go haywire and make the vats boil over, the reactor melt down, or the self-destruct mechanism activate by itself.


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#3 Badger

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Posted 29 October 2016 - 11:40 PM

Unions get in the way of everything. :winkgrin:


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#4 Cancer

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 02:17 PM

As a dues=paying member of MSU Local 42, all he needs to do is add some unshielded radioactives in the corner and he's good to go. And a certificate of merit if he puts them in the giant robot standing next to the main entrance.

You just gotta know the regs and stay in compliance, that's all.
... abnormal, non-Euclidean, and loathsomely redolent of spheres and dimensions apart from ours.

#5 Kesedrith

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Posted 07 November 2016 - 07:26 PM

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A visit from the ethics committee and immediate revocation of your funding.


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#6 Cancer

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Posted 15 November 2016 - 02:13 PM

... which you can make up quickly with a PPV internet video site.
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... abnormal, non-Euclidean, and loathsomely redolent of spheres and dimensions apart from ours.

#7 Kesedrith

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Posted 03 January 2017 - 10:30 AM

... which you can make up quickly with a PPV internet video site.

Spoken like a true...uh...eccentric scientist.  :eg:



#8 Cancer

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Posted 04 January 2017 - 04:18 PM

In today's funding environment ... one must be creative.
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... abnormal, non-Euclidean, and loathsomely redolent of spheres and dimensions apart from ours.

#9 xXxSpaceGhostxXx

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Posted 17 February 2017 - 11:14 AM

This is why you have an army of the undead. Or robots. Or, the best of both worlds, cyborgs composed of dead people mixed with cybernetics!



#10 PsiJudge McCabe

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Posted 17 February 2017 - 11:33 AM

.



#11 gewing

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Posted 30 August 2017 - 02:33 PM

The people who thought that my Guardians were skeletons were quite surprised that I had stolen the idea of shock Bones from arduin

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#12 gewing

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Posted 30 August 2017 - 02:36 PM

The Expressions on their faces when their holy water and religious icons had no effect was wonderful. It was even funnier when they engage them in melee combat and ruptured the power conduits! The video has gotten many hits online

 "Life is too short for weak coffee or cheap beer"


#13 Tech priest support

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Posted 05 September 2017 - 09:55 PM

Yeah the MSU can be a pain. But you have to look at the bright side. Members get guaranteed legal assistance from the MSU crack team of replicant lawyers. Who else will hook you up with a construction firm willing to build a base inside an active volcano? Plus you get access to minionmart, the world's premire source for reasonably priced hordes of semi skilled minions. Who else can give you access to the illuminati library? And you should see the dental plan!
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"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be very uncomfortable if you're one of the facts that needs altering." The Doctor.