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As 2020 winds down...


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I have no real intention of celebrating, because it's still not time for that.  In about 30 hours (my TZ) we'll close the book on it.  It doesn't give me feelings of elation, but those of relief.

 

I've got dinner set up...chicken parm from scratch, prepped this afternoon and ready to go into the oven tomorrow.  Butternut squash was roasted Tuesday;  I'll puree it with a fair bit of almond milk...it takes quite a bit to thin it down...and just heat that with salt, pumpkin pie spice or garam masala, and a dollop of liquid stevia.  Yummm....  

 

And I got a Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA to go with it.  There's others I'd rather have, as this is (for me) a comfort foods dinner;  90 Minute isn't really the right beer but it's a very good one and it will go nicely, so...ok.  

 

And just try to relax and let everything bad from this year go quietly into the good night.

 

IF I'm still up at midnight...probable, but not certain...I got a miniature of Chambord.  Raspberry liqueur...not something I necessarily want regularly (in part because it's QUITE pricey nowadays) but it's more practical.  My Remy XO miniature is reserved for inauguration night.

And I've got the goodies for venison chili...anaheim and poblano chiles, onions, tomatoes, bacon, black beans (maybe cranberry), and a Marble Red ale.  And 4-5 hours simmering.  Great for National Football Day;  hopefully both games go off as scheduled.

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I wish I could feel some anticipation, but for me the year divisions are wholly artificial. All the complications we're living with don't magically disappear because a number on a calendar changes. But I do have hope that things will eventually get better -- just not all of a sudden on Jan. 1.

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2020 has been a hard year for me personally. 😕

 

Beginning of the year, our original producer of my dinner theatre troupe had been fired"encouraged to step down" after she called out toxic behavior in upper management.  Stayed on to give her replacements a chance because she asked us to "not leave them in the lurch".  Reluctantly, we did.  I'm getting a bad vibe off the new bosses, who seem to be Corporate cheerleaders in lockstep with their "vision".

 

Neil Peart died.

 

COVID hits full blast, with Cleveland dragging its heels into taking it seriously despite DeWine.  Even the dinner theatre has to longer run shows.  Mixed blessing as we lose the extra income, but none of us want to risk our damn lives here.  I start to notice that even before the shutdown, the new bosses aren't casting myself or my husband in the detective roles.  In fact, they're sticking with one particular guy only, never bothering to rotate out (something our old boss always did)...

 

...I'm paranoid I'm overthinking things as usual.

 

Loved ones get infected, husband works at home, restaurants I love close -- some for good.

 

Dinner theatre starts back up with new guidelines.  Only one detective is used, red herring role is dropped.  The new bosses keeps using the Same Guy Only (not a knock on him -- he's talented [trained him myself] and he knows this is hinky).  Audiences refuse to wear their masks during the show.  Husband politely asks the bosses about rotating the detective role as we've got 12 people on cast to have played the detective numerous times and the bosses' answer is pure BS, saying only Same Guy has the "experience" to solo detect~!

 

I show them the saved receipts of ME as solo detective with audiences of over 50 before they took over.  Hubby brings up COVID, asking about putting eggs in only one basket...

 

...and this is when the new bosses bluntly say they'll never see us as detectives -- ever.  We finish our obligations for the month and leave.  Four years of blood, sweat and tears we gave that company.  I was the original detective cast with the old boss -- I CARRIED this franchise.  It bloody HURTS to be treated this way by corporate suck-ups.

 

My depression rears its ugly head in full force, sending me into a tail-spin.  I get badgered by my "best friend" to go visit her down in Florida -- by myself. 

 

I have a really bad feeling about it.

 

Husband talks me into going, saying it'll do me some good.

 

I am alone down there.  During the course of that trip, my "friend" shows herself as the toxic, abusive danger all along.  It is torturous.  I'm gaslit and mocked every day there.  The last day I'm in fear for my life as she urges me to throw myself in traffic on the highway.  I'm in tears at the airport, tears in the flights back home.

 

I block her and unfriend her everywhere.

 

And then I get COVID.  And give it to my husband.

 

Even when I'm out of quarantine, my new therapist insists on rescheduling.  When I finally do see her and pour what has passed for me in the recent months, I can't shake the feeling she's victim-blaming me.

 

And looking for another therapist right now is like pulling teeth, with promises of "we'll call you the next day" being as empty as the wind.

 

ETA:  OH YEAH!  And beginning of the year, I get sexually harassed at my acting school and the head of the school LETS HIM BACK IN, disregarding my genuine concerns and concrete evidence THAT HE IS VIOLENT.

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38 minutes ago, Cygnia said:

2020 has been a hard year for me personally. 😕

 

 

You ain't kidding.  Any one of the things you just wrote about could prove overwhelming.  You faced all of them and still have the strength to write about it, which makes you one tough gal in my book.  I do hope that 2021 is better to you, and if I come up with any better words, maybe I'll put 'em here too.

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I had a better year than some. The virus meant we could not travel. However I saw friends in Reading in February and this was the first time in over a year as one of them is getting treatment for cancer. We played Pandemic and I have used that as a gag for the rest of the year. 'I played Pandemic and lockdown occurred thereafter. Lucky I did not play Nuclear War'.

Mum has spent the year recovering from the bowel burst operation in late October 2019 and the cancer treatment. And I have been keeping on hand and keeping watch.

That is it.

The year ends with one of my cousins in hospital with the virus and her husband has it as well. But they are hanging on in there.

I am a pessimist by nature but I have hope as the family are stubborn. 

17 hours ago, unclevlad said:

SNIP

I got a miniature of Chambord.  Raspberry liqueur...not something I necessarily want regularly (in part because it's QUITE pricey nowadays) but it's more practical. 

Chambord is great with champagne or prosecco. I have had it for years. In Britain it is not as expensive probably because we are closer to France.

Don't put it in a very expensive champagne/prosecco though as that would be a waste.

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Adding anything to a high-end champagne is a total waste.  Like cooking prime-grade tenderloin or (heaven forbid) wagyu beef to well done.  

 

I do like a good bottle of quality bubbly, not necessarily Champagne.  California makes very good ones too...just not the usual junk you see.  J, Iron Horse, Schramsberg;  Roederer's former president found an area he liked for sparkling.  Finding them down here...tough.  (New Mexico has a very restrictive policy on liquor licenses, with a fixed number per county.  That has made standalone liquor stores all but economically infeasible...the owners are fools NOT to sell those licenses for *several* hundred thousand dollars, to the big grocery chains, Wal Marts, and gas stations.  There is *1* independent liquor store left.)  But what's all but impossible to find, is a decent half bottle...still or sparkling.  I live alone;  a half bottle is all I want any more.  Half bottles are snapped up by restaurants...well, hmm, maybe I could get more this year, huh.  Oh well, too late for that.

 

 

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The only disappointment I had to this year was that I had made plans to go to GEN CON back in January, so I'd make sure to get all the events I wanted.  As everyone here knows, of course, that didn't happen.

 

Here's a New Year's wish that GEN CON 2021 will happen.

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16 hours ago, Starlord said:

I honestly didn't think this year was too bad.  I didn't get to go to certain places we wanted, but overall 'eh'.

 

Some of my family and friends had a better year this year than they did in the years before, and I was in a better place mental health wise than I was a few years ago...which is I know the opposite of most folks. And I feel a bit guilty about that, and worried for a return to some bad things. So I'm hoping 2021 is better for MORE people, my friends, family, and self included.

 

And, I really want certain political things to move on but that's for another thread

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23 hours ago, Starlord said:

I honestly didn't think this year was too bad.  I didn't get to go to certain places we wanted, but overall 'eh'.

 

Sometimes it's hard to make a mental separation between how this year affected some of us, versus how it affected all of us collectively. If we and those we love escaped serious suffering we should be grateful for that, but not forget to empathize for those who didn't, yet not let that empathy drag us down. It can be a tricky line to walk.

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