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Champions Begins, The writening


Christopher R Taylor
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All of the Player Characters have been designed and colored, you can see them all at my Pinterest page, but only some if you haven't signed up for an account.  I'll bundle them up and upload to somewhere else if people want.

 

Now its on to villain coloring.  Some of the villains look a little whacky but I'm okay with that, because they're bad guys and can look offbeat or lame (Power Crusher, anyone?).

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2 hours ago, Christopher R Taylor said:

All of the Player Characters have been designed and colored, you can see them all at my Pinterest page, but only some if you haven't signed up for an account.  I'll bundle them up and upload to somewhere else if people want.

 

Now its on to villain coloring.  Some of the villains look a little whacky but I'm okay with that, because they're bad guys and can look offbeat or lame (Power Crusher, anyone?).

Considering one of the villains IS basically Power Crusher pre Power, this is appropriate. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

OK all the villains are colored in, I've uploaded the latest version of the villain and character books to the Champions Begins rough draft. All I need to do now is work up the VIPER suit.  The current incarnation looks a bit too much like very slightly modified COBRA outfits, and I think that strays a bit from the original concept.  From supervillain team to high tech action adventure bad guys.

 

I ran down some old VIPER costumes and previous incarnations in this thread, and most people seem to like a blend between 4th and 5th, and I want to come up with something really iconic and new looking that gives the feel of the original costume.  I got excessively detailed with the Dr Destroyer agents in that module, it would drive a comic book artist bonkers trying to draw 22 pages of these guys.

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  • 1 month later...

OK, an update: I've begun working on the maps for the various adventures.  Mostly its an updated version of the existing maps from the original adventure with some small changes.  I'm trying to keep them fairly simple and uncluttered, with some color but not very much.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update again, I've uploaded a new version of the books to the downloads section.  New art, maps included, some editing and a few formatting changes.  Its getting very close to complete!

 

All I need to do is work up a cover.  I'm thinking of three different images.

 

The first is a view of Tanghal Towers, the heroes out side the safety barrier looking up at the top of the tower being demolished visible over the fence and the two supervillains of the chapter flying over head (one leaping).

 

The second is a take on the classic Days of Future Past X-Men cover with Lionheart and Spellbinder instead of Wolverine and Kitty, with the Wanted Posters being the other superheroes.  That might seem a bit dark and bleak, though.

 

The third is a montage of past Champions covers, laid out on a table like the Mission Impossible TV show beginning.  A manila folder open, character sheets in it, etc.

 

Anyone have any other ideas?

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I've placed some in the rough already :) From both you and Rory!  Anyone else who wants to donate a few pieces, please let me know I want to get this done very soon if possible.  The cover will takes me about a month finish do based on Dr Destroyer but other than that its 99% finished.

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OK so, I'm adding two pages of paper minis to the end of the GM Book.  Not that I think that many people will print out, cut, and use them (most people do online stuff using map programs these days) but there's a trick to publishing.  The page count has to be divisible by 4.  That way, when its printed, you get no added blank pages (yes, that happened to Western Hero because a new page was added for modern audiences about terminology and history).  And the only content I can think of to add that might be remotely useful is minis.

 

Ordinarily I'd stick in some charts and such for GMs, a character sheet, the Hero Combat helper pages I came up with, etc, but they don't really apply here.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I wasn't sure how to get edits to you, so I figured I'd post them here.  Sorry, only got up to page 6 in the Player book, too many things going on right now.  But I figured something is better than nothing.  Where I'm quoting text, I put it in curly brackets, and tried to denote words to be added or changed in red.   I also tried to differentiate between actual errors to be fixed and suggestions to maybe improve pieces.

 

Champions Begins – Player book

Page 1:     Intro, paragraph 2 – error {not have any, it’s all great fun.}

                   What is Champions, paragraph 4 – suggest {and how to get out there punching bad guys}

Page 2:     Play That Role, paragraph 1 – suggest {rules to make it work well with others.}

                   Same section, paragraph 4 – error {across the street.”  Ask the old fellow}

                   Same section, same paragraph – suggest {The Game Master (GM) is playing…} – It’s not hard to figure out in context, but it can’t hurt, and won’t mess too much with formatting.

                   Don’t Hate the Game…Master, paragraph 2 – error {you’ll get through it somehow, even}

Page 3:     Enough Already!, paragraph 1 – error {I agree, let’s get to the game.}

                   Enough Already!, paragraph 1 & 2, suggest: 

                               I agree, let’s get to the game.  This adventure is set up in several parts.  The first scenario has some basic concepts and a simple plot to get things rolling.  Later parts add more info and new things you can do, as the story unfolds.

                          So let’s open this comic book and get started!

                   In Character, paragraph 4 – error {Your GM will have character cards}

                   Getting Personal, paragraph 1 – suggest {so you can see what you can do in each chapter.

                   The Character Sheet, graphic of character sheet – suggest you use a shot of the first one (with only STR, DEX, INT, OCV, DCV, PD, ED, SPEED, and STUN).  The reader is likely to refer to it while reading the next page.

Page 4:     Characteristics, paragraph 2 – suggest not hyphenate “baby”

                   Same section – suggest moving paragraph 3 {Strength…} above 2 {How Good Is My Stat?}.  I think that might flow better, since paragraph 1 mentions three “primary” characteristics.

                   Characteristics, paragraph 10 – the first character card (in the Character Book) also lists SPEED in the characteristics.  You may want to mention it among the other Combat characteristics.  Also suggest putting STUN in all caps, throughout the doc, when referring to the characteristic.

                   Movin’ On Up – suggest reword first sentence, maybe something like {The PURPLE section of the character sheet shows how the character can move around.}  If so, perhaps have the next sentence start {Some characters have}

                   Combat – suggest {and the base OCV roll (explained below) you have with each.}  A newbie is likely to see an OCV of 5 in the Characteristics, and the OCV of 16- in the Combat section, and get confused, since both are labeled OCV.

Page 5:     Fighting Words – error {It’s not a Superhero story}

                   Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 1 – error {When it’s your chance}

                   Punching Bad Guys, paragraph 4 – suggest {you hit that DCV (or less).}  Also suggest {then you hit a 6 DCV or less.}

                   Punching Bad Guys, Example – suggest {Apex hit any DCV up to 7.}

                   You Look Stunning, paragraph 2 – error {grouping the dice in tens}

Page 6:     SPEED – you refer to SPD (both in here and in the Character Book) in the text, though the character sheets have it spelled out SPEED.  I’d suggest you keep it SPEED here as well, or note it as {First on the block is SPEED (or SPD),}

 

Sorry I didn't get through more, but hope this helps.

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Had a little time this evening to go over a few more pages:

 

Page 6:     SPEED – I’m unsure about whether you want to add this, but you might mention that a Segment is one second long. 

                   Also, suggest either capitalizing Segment throughout the text, or putting it in lower-case in the HAYMAKER paragraph on page 13.  Personally, I prefer it being capitalized when referring to a game element, but YMMV.  Either way, it should be consistent.

                   You may also consider capitalizing Turn here.  (It’s capitalized in How to Recover on page 9.)  Actually, suggest in paragraph 1 changing to {how often you move and act in a 12-Segment period, called a Turn.}

                   DEXTERITY – suggest you capitalize Phase throughout the text when referring to the Segment you get to act, or else put it in lower-case in the SPEED 2nd paragraph above and the How To Recover on page 9.   Again, personally I prefer it being capitalized when referring to the game element of time, by YMMV here as well.

 

Page 7:     No correction needed on this first part, I just really loved the “Eric the Half-a-Phase” heading.  :) 

 

                   EVERYTHING!, paragraph 4 – suggest {but do have fun and contribute; don’t feel limited}.  Also suggest adding to end something like {This is role playing, after all.}

                   UNTIL, paragraphs 1 and 2 – suggest change “unit” to “agency”. 

                   Suggest adding a very brief paragraph at the bottom of the page to get the players ready for the intro adventure.  Something like:

                   {MEMORIES

                   Now that you’re familiar with your friends and foes, it’s time for your GM to give you your first taste of Champions with an introductory adventure called Memories.}

 

Page 8:     Chapter Two, paragraph 3 – the second half reads a bit clunky, and the “might already know” vs. “until the adventure is over” feels discouraging.  Suggest something like:

                   {Some of it you might already know from the initial adventure; other parts you can discover now and in later chapters.  A few things you may not find out about until the adventure is over.}

                   Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 1 – error {role playing, have your character}

                   Same paragraph, suggest adding {don’t just tell the GM}

                   Skills to Pay the Bills, paragraph 2 – suggest change to {various skills your character can use}

 

Page 9       BONK!, paragraph 1 – capitalization and punctuation errors {Someone who is Stunned is dazed, unable to act}  (Capitalize Stunned and add comma)

                   How To Recover, paragraph 2 – suggest {But, you also get a free}

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