Jump to content
Hermit

NGD Scenes from a Hat

Recommended Posts

23 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: How they celebrate Super Bowl Sunday in the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan.

 

Ideally, they have LIVE editions of the mascots, who fight a mock battle during the game.  The losing mascot is cooked and eaten, accompanied by semi-infinite amounts of Zhukov's Bellywarmer.

 

Mind you, they don't have the best grasp of what the mascots are.  This year, for example, there's a chunky guy in a poorly-fitting suit, portraying an old Krushchev-era Communist Party chief, versus a guy in old Soviet fatigues carrying a PPSh-43, representing a member of the heroic if tactically dim  Gatchistani 4949th Tank Rider Battalion, all of whom were wiped out in fifteen minutes at the Battle of Kursk ... I mean, what else could a "49er" be in this context?

 

Out in the remote villages, they settle for meatloaves shaped as the team logos.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That is their smash-and-grab day. Note that they do not truly understand this concept. As a result, when they use the term, it is taken literally and entire neighborhoods (and worse) have been destroyed in the precess.

 

NT: Unusual sports played in Gatchastan.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Asperion said:

NT: Unusual sports played in Gatchastan.

The Running of the Leaders. In which unpopular Gatchastani politicians are physically chased down by their enraged constituents.

 

Thing is, almost all Gatchastani politicians are unpopular. And since this is a year-long sport, turnover in the avenues of power is extremely high. The average term of a Prime Minister is about nineteen days.

 

Strangely enough, the President of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan has been in office for thirty-one years as of last Friday. Officially, of course, he is a ceremonial figure who holds no power whatsoever...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Asperion said:

NT: Unusual sports played in Gatchastan.

 

Calvinball. They're petitioning the IOC to get it designated an Olympic sport for the 2028 Summer Games.

 

New Topic: Slobonowitzcburg, the capital city of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan, has just announced its candidacy to host the 2032 Olympic Summer Games! What other fantastic cities will bid against it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Pariah said:

New Topic: Slobonowitzcburg, the capital city of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan, has just announced its candidacy to host the 2032 Olympic Summer Games! What other fantastic cities will bid against it?

 

Añal, New Mexico

 

The literally lost city of Akkad

 

R'lyeh

 

All of these bids are considered to be more likely to win than Slobonowitzcburg.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/5/2020 at 7:40 AM, Pariah said:

New Topic: Slobonowitzcburg, the capital city of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan, has just announced its candidacy to host the 2032 Olympic Summer Games! What other fantastic cities will bid against it?

New York.

 

Hey, it was fantastic when I went there, Mind you, I was only fourteen at the time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/5/2020 at 7:40 AM, Pariah said:

New Topic: Slobonowitzcburg, the capital city of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan, has just announced its candidacy to host the 2032 Olympic Summer Games! What other fantastic cities will bid against it?

They say Minas Tirith is the favorite to win the competition.

 

NT: The President of the Fictional Central Asian Re[public of Gatchastan has been in office for thirty-one years as of last Friday. The rest of the government is pure revolving door. What's his secret?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

The President of the Fictional Central Asian Republic of Gatchastan has been in office for thirty-one years as of last Friday. The rest of the government is pure revolving door. What's his secret?

 

He made a Faustian bargain with the same demon as Bill Belichick and Tom Brady.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On February 7, 2020 at 6:24 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

NT: The President of the Fictional Central Asian Re[public of Gatchastan has been in office for thirty-one years as of last Friday. The rest of the government is pure revolving door. What's his secret?

 

He is confined to a padded cell in Slobonowitzcburg Prison's lowest dungeon, until he divulges the secret of where the Great Seal of Gatchastan is hidden, along with the 1,328,000 liters of 100-proof presidential vodka which is the actual specie reserve of the Gatchastani federal currency (which is, appropriately enough, called the Szhott).  No one can believe he actually drank it all.

 

NT:  Things a ten-Szhott Gatchastani bill can buy today in Slobonowitzcburg.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Cancer said:

NT:  Things a ten-Szhott Gatchastani bill can buy today in Slobonowitzcburg.

 

One vote on any piece of pending legislation from any one member of the Gatchastani Parliament. Cash or 100-proof presidential vodka only; credit cards, cheques, and e-currency leave too much evidence.

 

New Topic: How the fictional central Asian Republic of Gatchastan has chosen to honor the memory of Kobe Bryant. (Difficulty: Playing basketball is forbidden by government decree in Gatchastan.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/25/2020 at 4:32 PM, Pariah said:

 

The Royals get tossed out of Rochester and are forced to relocate to Cincinnati.

 

OFF TOPIC:

 

Shouldn't that have been, "Tossed out of Kansas City and are forced to relocate to New Orleans"?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2/16/2020 at 4:09 AM, Pariah said:

New Topic: How the fictional central Asian Republic of Gatchastan has chosen to honor the memory of Kobe Bryant. (Difficulty: Playing basketball is forbidden by government decree in Gatchastan.)

By burning down the Nike factory in Slobonowitzcburg where Gatchastani children were making Nike shoes for one quarter Szchot an hour twelve hours a day. The kicker was that the entire facility had no restrooms outside the executive, no-workers-allowed=-on-pain-of-fine areas.

 

NT: Subtle signs your favorite major league baseball team is cheating right and left.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...