Asperion Posted February 14, 2021 Report Share Posted February 14, 2021 On 2/12/2021 at 11:35 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: Invasion of the Crab People NT: World's Worst TV Infomercial product Dr. Destroyer's Solar Tour NT: Magneto's newest team members and what their goals are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 14, 2021 Report Share Posted February 14, 2021 15 minutes ago, Asperion said: NT: Magneto's newest team members and what their goals are. The League of Karens from White Suburbia. They want to speak to your manager. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 21 hours ago, Asperion said: Dr. Destroyer's Solar Tour NT: Magneto's newest team members and what their goals are. The Brotherhood of Whippers. They wish to clean your buildings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 Magneto's Men They used magnetos to transfer power from one party to another. NT: You are no longer allowed to 'Unleash the Kraken !'. What do you use instead ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 5 hours ago, death tribble said: NT: You are no longer allowed to 'Unleash the Kraken !'. What do you use instead ? "Unleash the rabid wiener-dogs!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 16, 2021 Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 "Pour stinky chum in the water and see who gets hungry!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 17, 2021 Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 Mind the tarrasque !!! NT: You are required to volunteer for Trump's new organization. How do you respond? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 17, 2021 Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 By doing exactly the same thing he did: taking the job, undermining everything the organization is trying to accomplish, and angrily blaming everyone but myself for the fact that the whole endeavor has turned into a $#!+show. aylwin13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 17, 2021 Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 Demand to be paid up front, in cash. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 19, 2021 Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 By having something "disappear " during my shift and blame the other guys. NT: You have discovered a new pet. What is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 19, 2021 Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Asperion said: NT: You have discovered a new pet. What is it? It's an asteroid. Kissing it is permitted, but difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 19, 2021 Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Asperion said: NT: You have discovered a new pet. What is it? "Pterodactyl! Now that would be a pet! But untill I build another room, I cannot have one yet!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 19, 2021 Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Asperion said: NT: You have discovered a new pet. What is it? Yersinia pestis. I'm not thrilled with it. New Topic: So Texas has frozen over. What's the next sign of the American Apocalypse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 19, 2021 Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 Pauly Shore makes another movie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted February 20, 2021 Report Share Posted February 20, 2021 21 hours ago, death tribble said: Pauly Shore makes another movie And it's funny, something he's hard a hard time with. 23 hours ago, Pariah said: New Topic: So Texas has frozen over. What's the next sign of the American Apocalypse? NASCAR goes 100% electric. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 On 2/19/2021 at 1:02 PM, Pariah said: Yersinia pestis. I'm not thrilled with it. New Topic: So Texas has frozen over. What's the next sign of the American Apocalypse? Congress actually makes an honest statement. NT: You get to name the newest planet discovered. What is that name? (Crazier the better) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 Ooh, baby, baby, baby, baby, ooh, baby, baby, baby, baby (get up on this) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 33 minutes ago, Asperion said: NT: You get to name the newest planet discovered. What is that name? (Crazier the better) Planet Donald. It's a gas giant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Asperion said: Congress actually makes an honest statement. NT: You get to name the newest planet discovered. What is that name? (Crazier the better) Usually called "The Monolog", it's full name is ThissongiscalledAlice'sRestaurant,andit'saboutAlice,andtherestaurant,butAlice'sRestaurantisnotthenameoftherestaurant,that'sjustthenameofthesong,andthat'swhyIcalledthesongAlice'sRestaurant.YoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice'sRestaurantYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice'sRestaurantWalkrightinit'saroundthebackJustahalfamilefromtherailroadtrackYoucangetanythingyouwantatAlice'sRestaurantNowitallstartedtwoThanksgivingsago,wason-twoyearsagoonThanksgiving,whenmyfriendandIwentuptovisitAliceattherestaurant,butAlicedoesn'tliveintherestaurant,shelivesinthechurchnearbytherestaurant,inthebell-tower,withherhusbandRayandFashathedog.Andlivin'inthebelltowerlikethat,theygotalotofroomdownstairswherethepewsusedtobein.Havin'allthatroom,seein'ashowtheytookoutallthepews,theydecidedthattheydidn'thavetotakeouttheirgarbageforalongtime.Wegotupthere,wefoundallthegarbageinthere,andwedecidedit'dbeafriendlygestureforustotakethegarbagedowntothecitydump.Sowetookthehalfatonofgarbage,putitinthebackofaredVWmicrobus,tookshovelsandrakesandimplementsofdestructionandheadedontowardthecitydump.Wellwegotthereandtherewasabigsignandachainacrossacrossthedumpsaying,"ClosedonThanksgiving."AndwehadneverheardofadumpclosedonThanksgivingbefore,andwithtearsinoureyeswedroveoffintothesunsetlookingforanotherplacetoputthegarbage.Wedidn'tfindone.Untilwecametoasideroad,andoffthesideofthesideroadtherewasanotherfifteenfootcliffandatthebottomoftheclifftherewasanotherpileofgarbage.Andwedecidedthatonebigpileisbetterthantwolittlepiles,andratherthanbringthatoneupwedecidedtothrowour'sdown.That'swhatwedid,anddrovebacktothechurch,hadathanksgivingdinnerthatcouldn'tbebeat,wenttosleepanddidn'tgetupuntilthenextmorning,whenwegotaphonecallfromofficerObie.Hesaid,"Kid,wefoundyournameonanenvelopeatthebottomofahalfatonofgarbage,andjustwantedtoknowifyouhadanyinformationaboutit."AndIsaid,"Yes,sir,OfficerObie,Icannottellalie,Iputthatenvelopeunderthatgarbage."AfterspeakingtoObieforaboutfourty-fiveminutesonthetelephonewefinallyarrivedatthetruthofthematterandsaidthatwehadtogodownandpickupthegarbage,andalsohadtogodownandspeaktohimatthepoliceofficer'sstation.SowegotintheredVWmicrobuswiththeshovelsandrakesandimplementsofdestructionandheadedontowardthepoliceofficer'sstation.Nowfriends,therewasonlyoneortwothingsthatObiecouldadoneatthepolicestation,andthefirstwashecouldhavegivenusamedalforbeingsobraveandhonestonthetelephone,whichwasn'tverylikely,andwedidn'texpectit,andtheotherthingwashecouldhavebawledusoutandtoldusnevertobeseedrivinggarbagearoundthevicinityagain,whichiswhatweexpected,butwhenwegottothepoliceofficer'sstationtherewasathirdpossibilitythatwehadn'tevencountedupon,andwewasbothimmediatelyarrested.Handcuffed.AndIsaid"Obie,Idon'tthinkIcanpickupthegarbagewiththesehandcuffson."Hesaid,"Shutup,kid.Getinthebackofthepatrolcar."Andthat'swhatwedid,satinthebackofthepatrolcaranddrovetothequoteSceneoftheCrimeunquote.IwanttellyouaboutthetownofStockbridge,Massachusets,wherethishappenedhere,theygotthreestopsigns,twopoliceofficers,andonepolicecar,butwhenwegottotheSceneoftheCrimetherewasfivepoliceofficersandthreepolicecars,beingthebiggestcrimeofthelastfiftyyears,andeverybodywantedtogetinthenewspaperstoryaboutit.Andtheywasusingupallkindsofcopequipmentthattheyhadhangingaroundthepoliceofficer'sstation.Theywastakingplastertiretracks,footprints,dogsmellingprints,andtheytooktwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossyphotographswithcirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneexplainingwhateachonewastobeusedasevidenceagainstus.Tookpicturesoftheapproach,thegetaway,thenorthwestcornerthesouthwestcornerandthat'snottomentiontheaerialphotography.Aftertheordeal,wewentbacktothejail.Obiesaidhewasgoingtoputusinthecell.Said,"Kid,I'mgoingtoputyouinthecell,Iwantyourwalletandyourbelt."AndIsaid,"Obie,IcanunderstandyouwantingmywalletsoIdon'thaveanymoneytospendinthecell,butwhatdoyouwantmybeltfor?"Andhesaid,"Kid,wedon'twantanyhangings."Isaid,"Obie,didyouthinkIwasgoingtohangmyselfforlittering?"Obiesaidhewasmakingsure,andfriendsObiewas,causehetookoutthetoiletseatsoIcouldn'thitmyselfovertheheadanddrown,andhetookoutthetoiletpapersoIcouldn'tbendthebarsrolloutthe-rollthetoiletpaperoutthewindow,slidedowntherollandhaveanescape.Obiewasmakingsure,anditwasaboutfourorfivehourslaterthatAlice(rememberAlice?It'sasongaboutAlice),AlicecamebyandwithafewnastywordstoObieontheside,bailedusoutofjail,andwewentbacktothechurch,hadaanotherthanksgivingdinnerthatcouldn'tbebeat,anddidn'tgetupuntilthenextmorning,whenweallhadtogotocourt.Wewalkedin,satdown,Obiecameinwiththetwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictureswithcirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachone,satdown.Mancameinsaid,"Allrise."Weallstoodup,andObiestoodupwiththetwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictures,andthejudgewalkedinsatdownwithaseeingeyedog,andhesatdown,wesatdown.Obielookedattheseeingeyedog,andthenatthetwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictureswithcirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachone,andlookedattheseeingeyedog.Andthenattwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictureswithcirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneandbegantocry,'causeObiecametotherealizationthatitwasatypicalcaseofAmericanblindjustice,andtherewasn'tnothinghecoulddoaboutit,andthejudgewasn'tgoingtolookatthetwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandaparagraphonthebackofeachoneexplainingwhateachonewastobeusedasevidenceagainstus.Andwewasfined$50andhadtopickupthegarbageinthesnow,butthatsnotwhatIcametotellyouabout.Cametotalkaboutthedraft.TheygotabuildingdownNewYorkCity,it'scalledWhitehallStreet,whereyouwalkin,yougetinjected,inspected,detected,infected,neglectedandselected.Iwentdowntogetmyphysicalexaminationoneday,andIwalkedin,Isatdown,gotgoodanddrunkthenightbefore,soIlookedandfeltmybestwhenIwentinthatmorning.'CauseIwantedtolookliketheall-AmericankidfromNewYorkCity,manIwanted,Iwantedtofeelliketheall-,IwantedtobetheallAmericankidfromNewYork,andIwalkedin,satdown,Iwashungdown,brungdown,hungup,andallkindso'meannastyuglythings.AndIwakedinandsatdownandtheygavemeapieceofpaper,said,"Kid,seethephsychiatrist,room604."AndIwentupthere,Isaid,"Shrink,Iwanttokill.Imean,Iwanna,Iwannakill.Kill.Iwanna,Iwannasee,Iwannaseebloodandgoreandgutsandveinsinmyteeth.Eatdeadburntbodies.Imeankill,Kill,KILL,KILL."AndIstartedjumpinupanddownyelling,"KILL,KILL,"andhestartedjumpinupanddownwithmeandwewasbothjumpingupanddownyelling,"KILL,KILL."Andthesargentcameover,pinnedamedalonme,sentmedownthehall,said,"You'reourboy."Didn'tfeeltoogoodaboutit.Proceededondownthehallgettinmoreinjections,inspections,detections,neglectionsandallkindsofstuffthattheywasdoin'tomeatthethingthere,andIwastherefortwohours,threehours,fourhours,IwasthereforalongtimegoingthroughallkindsofmeannastyuglythingsandIwasjusthavingatoughtimethere,andtheywasinspecting,injectingeverysinglepartofme,andtheywasleavingnopartuntouched.Proceededthrough,andwhenIfinallycametotheseethelastman,Iwalkedin,walkedinsatdownafterawholebigthingthere,andIwalkedupandsaid,"Whatdoyouwant?"Hesaid,"Kid,weonlygotonequestion.Haveyoueverbeenarrested?"AndIproceededtotellhimthestoryoftheAlice'sRestaurantMassacre,withfullorchestrationandfivepartharmonyandstufflikethatandallthephenome...-andhestoppedmerightthereandsaid,"Kid,didyouevergotocourt?"AndIproceededtotellhimthestoryofthetwentyseveneight-by-tencolourglossypictureswiththecirclesandarrowsandtheparagraphonthebackofeachone,andhestoppedmerightthereandsaid,"Kid,IwantyoutogoandsitdownonthatbenchthatsaysGroupW...NOWkid!!"AndI,Iwalkedovertothe,tothebenchthere,andthereis,GroupW'swheretheyputyouifyoumaynotbemoralenoughtojointhearmyaftercommittingyourspecialcrime,andtherewasallkindsofmeannastyuglylookingpeopleonthebenchthere.Motherrapers.Fatherstabbers.Fatherrapers!Fatherraperssittingrightthereonthebenchnexttome!Andtheywasmeanandnastyanduglyandhorriblecrime-typeguyssittingonthebenchnexttome.Andthemeanest,ugliest,nastiestone,themeanestfatherraperofthemall,wascomingovertomeandhewasmean'n'ugly'n'nasty'n'horribleandallkindofthingsandhesatdownnexttomeandsaid,"Kid,whad'yaget?"Isaid,"Ididn'tgetnothing,Ihadtopay$50andpickupthegarbage."Hesaid,"Whatwereyouarrestedfor,kid?"AndIsaid,"Littering."Andtheyallmovedawayfrommeonthebenchthere,andthehairyeyeballandallkindsofmeannastythings,tillIsaid,"Andcreatinganuisance."Andtheyallcameback,shookmyhand,andwehadagreattimeonthebench,talkinaboutcrime,motherstabbing,fatherraping,allkindsofgroovythingsthatwewastalkingaboutonthebench.Andeverythingwasfine,wewassmokingcigarettesandallkindsofthings,untiltheSargeantcameover,hadsomepaperinhishand,helditupandsaid."Kids,this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say",andtalkedforforty-fiveminutesandnobodyunderstoodawordthathesaid,butwehadfunfillingouttheformsandplayingwiththepencilsonthebenchthere,andIfilledoutthemassacrewiththefourpartharmony,andwroteitdownthere,justlikeitwas,andeverythingwasfineandIputdownthepencil,andIturnedoverthepieceofpaper,andthere,thereontheotherside,inthemiddleoftheotherside,awayfromeverythingelseontheotherside,inparentheses,capitalletters,quotated,readthefollowingwords:("KID,HAVEYOUREHABILITATEDYOURSELF?")Iwentovertothesargent,said,"Sargeant,yougotalotadamngalltoaskmeifI'verehabilitatedmyself,Imean,Imean,Imeanthatjust,I'msittin'hereonthebench,ImeanI'msittinhereontheGroupWbench'causeyouwanttoknowifI'mmoralenoughjointhearmy,burnwomen,kids,housesandvillagesafterbein'alitterbug."Helookedatmeandsaid,"Kid,wedon'tlikeyourkind,andwe'regonnasendyoufingerprintsofftoWashington."Andfriends,somewhereinWashingtonenshrinedinsomelittlefolder,isastudyinblackandwhiteofmyfingerprints.AndtheonlyreasonI'msingingyouthissongnowiscauseyoumayknowsomebodyinasimilarsituation,oryoumaybeinasimilarsituation,andifyourinasituationlikethatthere'sonlyonethingyoucandoandthat'swalkintotheshrinkwhereveryouare,justwalkinsay"Shrink,Youcangetanythingyouwant,atAlice'srestaurant.".Andwalkout.Youknow,ifoneperson,justonepersondoesittheymaythinkhe'sreallysickandtheywon'ttakehim.Andiftwopeople,twopeopledoit,inharmony,theymaythinkthey'rebothfaggotsandtheywon'ttakeeitherofthem.Andthreepeopledoit,three,canyouimagine,threepeoplewalkinginsinginabarofAlice'sRestaurantandwalkingout.Theymaythinkit'sanorganization.Andcanyou,canyouimaginefiftypeopleaday,IsaidfiftypeopleadaywalkinginsinginabarofAlice'sRestaurantandwalkingout.Andfriendstheymaythinksit'samovement.Andthat'swhatitis,theAlice'sRestaurantAnti-MassacreMovement,andallyougottodotojoinissingitthenexttimeitcome'saroundontheguitar.Withfeeling.Sowe'llwaitforittocomearoundontheguitar,hereandsingitwhenitdoes.Hereitcomes.Youcangetanythingyouwant,atAlice'sRestaurantYoucangetanythingyouwant,atAlice'sRestaurantWalkrightinit'saroundthebackJustahalfamilefromtherailroadtrackYoucangetanythingyouwant,atAlice'sRestaurantThatwashorrible.Ifyouwanttoendwarandstuffyougottosingloud.I'vebeensingingthissongnowfortwentyfiveminutes.Icouldsingitforanothertwentyfiveminutes.I'mnotproud...ortired.Sowe'llwaittillitcomesaroundagain,andthistimewithfourpartharmonyandfeeling.We'rejustwaitin'forittocomearoundiswhatwe'redoing.Allrightnow." NT: Things at the menu at Alice's Restaurant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 The Red Queen's Head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted February 24, 2021 Report Share Posted February 24, 2021 39 minutes ago, Cancer said: NT: Things at the menu at Alice's Restaurant Donald's Ego: it is so sour and rotten that none can stand eating it, or having it any where around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 25, 2021 Report Share Posted February 25, 2021 Mel's grits--so good, you could kiss 'em. New Topic: It's been almost two weeks, and stories are starting to come out. What did your favorite superhero/villain get caught doing over Valentine's Day weekend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 25, 2021 Report Share Posted February 25, 2021 Catwoman was responsible for a stock manipulation scandal by massively short-selling Victoria's Secret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 25, 2021 Report Share Posted February 25, 2021 People no longer wonder about Wonder Woman's sexuality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 3, 2021 Report Share Posted March 3, 2021 On 2/24/2021 at 4:38 PM, Pariah said: New Topic: It's been almost two weeks, and stories are starting to come out. What did your favorite superhero/villain get caught doing over Valentine's Day weekend? A Junior High School girl waits for Billy Batson to meet her at the multiplex for a data and Captain Marvel Shazam shows up. NT: Subtle signs your military has been buying their equipment from Foxbat Enterprises (Providers of Fine Comedic Weaponry since Last Tuesday!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.