Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Drhoz]

Pathfinder, Mummy's Mask, and an adorable rom-com about a gnoll and somebody of indeterminate species

 

Weldun: I’m picturing Jrska and Zenobia meeting and going “It’s my evil opposite!” “What do you mean, I’M evil?”

Asrian: Are you male or female?
Zenobia: Female, of course!
Asrian: You’ve got a penis. That’s not normal.
Zenobia: *splutters* Of course I do! What do you think I should have?!
Asrian: Oh right, you’re a gnoll. Is this a gnoll thing?
Zenobia OoC: …. Excuse me while I go invent the steam train, so my brain can derail.
Onka OoC: I missed the chance for a ‘check for traps’ joke.

And of course, Zenobia’s encounter with the flying heads left her as bald as a egg.

Asrian: I’ll help with the grooming.
GM: That’s one hell of a comb-over.

Onka does find some hair growth formula in the market - it’s usually used as an attack potion, but a small dose should suffice to restore Zenobia’s pelt.

Zenobia: It had better be a small dose - I don’t want to end up looking like a Pomeranian.
Asrian: Long silky hair is sexy.
Zenobia: … use more.

Asrian OoC: So, is Zenobia still flirting with Asrian?
Zenobia OoC: Crushing on, certainly. I’m not sure Zenobia knows how to flirt. Certainly not outside her species. And I’m pretty sure Asrian won’t appreciate the gnoll concept of flirtation - ‘Look who I killed! Let’s have them for dinner’.
Asrian OoC: And I’m pretty sure Zenobia is completely oblivious of the fact that Asrian is flirting with her XD
Nemat: We’ve noticed.

In fact, Nemat goes to Asrian to tell her to be more blatant in her flirtations with the clueless gnoll. In fact, he has the perfect gift - that haunted engagement ring that needs to be exorcised, by being given to somebody as a genuine token of affection.

Asrian: You know I’m stronger than most humans, right?
Zenobia: I know, you’re amazing!
Asrian: Yes, well I’m not human.
Zenobia: … OK?
Asrian: I’m Suli. I’m half-djinn.
Zenobia: …….. OK?
Nemat OoC: Just as well neither Onka or me are there, or we’d be listing all the uses for Suli blood.
Asrian: I just wanted you to know… I like you. And I wanted you to have this ring.
Zenobia: *blushing incandescent*
Onka OoC: Just don’t tell her it’s the haunted ring.
Nemat: Not haunted anymore.
Zenobia: I ….. need to go in the other room for a bit?
Asrian: *wilts*
Zenobia: *goes in the other room, leans against the wall, gnaws her paw and makes squeeing noises for a while*

Nemat’s also been preparing a set of rings for the entire party, after the whole engagement ring thing gave him the idea. Zenobia isn’t quite ready for a four-way marriage.

Zenobia: I, I mean, you’re a comrade, a buddy, but I don’t think about you that way!
Nemat: *sigh* the rings will consecrate the Covenant of Wati - we’ll know when the others take the ring off, or die.
Zenobia: OOOOOH right, THAT kind of ring ceremony, good idea.
Onka OoC: This is what we get when the GM is the buttmonkey.

Of the other adventuring groups, most of them have come back alive - but there’s no sign of Veldriana Hypaxes and her party, the Scorched Hand, that got so cranky about not getting to explore the Sanctum of the Eye, a temple once dedicated to the God-nee-Pharaoh Nethys. Hmm. Nemat thinks this should be investigated, the next time we go into the Necropolis. Especially since we got assigned that building today. Zenobia is too busy touching the ring Asrian gave her, and make squeeing noises, whenever she thinks no-one is looking.

Nemat: Hypaxes!
Bandit1: *whispered* Who’s Hypaxes?
Bandit 2: *hissed* Shut up you moron!
Asrian: Bandits.
Zenobia: What??
Nemat: I know you’re there - you may as well come out.
Bandit: OK, you know we’re here, but we’d rather you weren’t. Unless you want things to get dicey?
Nemat: We are here with the permission of the Pharaoh and the Cult of Pharasma. There is history here that belong to all the people of Osirion, not just the followers of Nethys. After all, Nethys was once a Pharaoh himself.
Bandit 1: *whispered* What’s Nethys got to do with this?
Bandit 2: *hissed* SHUT UP!
Asrian: They’re not Nethysian.
Nemat: Ah. People in need of.. enlightenment.
Bandit 2: OK, I don’t get paid enough for this kind of thing, we’re leaving.
Zenobia: One question - have you seen a party calling themselves the Scorched Hand around here?
Bandit 2: *visibly startled*
Zenobia: The gods will look favourably upon your honesty.
Asrian: And my bow unfavourably upon dishonesty.
Bandit 2: *visibly calculating* Nope. Haven’t seen a thing.
Zenobia: *sigh*
Nemat: And here I was hoping Sarenrae would smile on us today.

Turns out there were others hiding as well, but we shrug off the hail of crossbow fire without a scratch, and THEY get themselves entangled in their own nets.

Zenobia: This is just sad. I’m starting to think they aren’t bandits - they’re not very good at it.

Nemat throws his morning star up in the air, draws and throws his spear, and catches the mace again without even looking. The rest of our attacks are equally impressive.

Bandit: We yield, we yield, we’ll tell you everything!

Nemat retrieves his spear, and Zenobia patches up the wounded bandits.

Nemat: Right then. Veldriana Hypaxes. The Scorched Hand.
Bandit: Is that the girl with the purple hat?
Nemat: Yes.
Bandit: She paid to stop anybody going to the temple up the road!
Nemat: Of course she did.
Bandit: We should never have taken the money! We’re just trappers!
Nemat: Coming into the Necropolis without the permission of the Cult of Pharasma is bad for your health. I’ve found the bodies.
Bandit: Can we go now?
Zenobia: How long ago did you see them?
Bandit: This morning.
Zenobia: Thank you - you can go now. Get that dressing checked at the temple of Sarenrae tomorrow. You don’t want it getting infected.
Nemat: And don’t forget you have to thank the light of Sarenrae for this mercy. I’d also suggest a donation to the temple of Wadjet.
Bandit 1: Surprisingly nice for a band of professional killers.
Bandit 2: WILL YOU SHUT UP.
Nemat: I’ve always just thought of us as scholars with good survival skills.

The Sanctum of the Eye is a rather odd-looking building, with wings and extensions added without any evident symmetry, and decorated with images of Nethys and other celestial beings. There are, of course, armed statues either side of the entrance.

Zenobia: Maybe we should go in another entrance.

GM: I assume you’re approaching cautiously?
Nemat: Well d’uh. I’m also expecting giant bugs again. Something with too many legs anyway.

Some minor excitement later, we study the tracks in the dust. Four humanoids went in, and one barefoot humanoid came out.

Zenobia: It’s just as well one of the ones that went in was barefoot, or I’d be looking at that set coming out and saying ‘mummy’.

The atrium is pretty impressive, and includes something labelled the Pool of Protection. Of course we need to get close to read the hieroglyphs. The fact that every bit of wood in the suspiciously well-preserved building is radiating a very odd magical aura is equally worrying. Still, Zenobia is well-equipped to deal with the more likely poisons or plagues.

Zenobia: But if the wood starts glowing in an indescribable Colour I’m getting the hell out.

Zenobia: Does anybody think we should have told the Cult of Pharasma that the Scorched Hand have gone in here, and hired pseudo-bandits to stop anybody else going in?
Nemat: Wellllll, they might not have been very politic about it, but they didn’t kick up THAT much of a fuss.
Zenobia: And I suppose I should give them the benefit of the doubt. And they might need help - only one of them came out.
Nemat: Yeaaaah, that’s not a good sign.

And then a face emerges from the mosaic in the fountain.

Nemat: Uh, hello? (You never know, it might work)
Entire Temple: *in Ancient Osiriani* The Sanctum is currently closed. Please leave.

It’s actually an elemental spirit. Nemat suspects it was bound here when the Sanctum was built.

GM: Congratulations - you’ve found the receptionist.
Nemat: Yes, a receptionist that could squash us like bugs. Forgive us, Great One, we are here on the orders of the Pharaoh.
Onka: I might not know Ancient Osiriani but I recognise the cadence.
Zenobia: And the respectful bow. Unless he said something more alarming.
Nemat: ‘Welcome, Dark Lord’
Zenobia: ‘please accept these sacrifices’
Nemat: ‘I have brought a tender black cherry for you’
Onka: ‘I think he called me some kind of fruit’

The Guardian approaches in a flow of architecture. It’s trying to be very careful in its wording, as it asks us to leave, refusing to saying more than it’s for ‘protection’, and obliquely referencing somewhere else we can go for more information, and helpfully calling up a map of the Sanctum with an arrow pointing to the stairs to the other level of the Sanctum, which we didn’t even know existed.

GM: We still have to look at Zenobia’s equipment.
Onka: Ahemahem.
GM: PHRASING.

GM: The face of the Guardian appears again as you approach the stairway.
Zenobia: ‘This is not the way you should be going if you want to avoid trouble. TURN AROUND IF YOU WANT TO AVOID TROUBLE’
Nemat: I suspect the only reason we’re not fighting this thing is because I held up the paperwork and said ‘we’re meant to be here’.
GM: …. No comment.
Guardian: Please be aware that their are hostile entities in this area.
Zenobia: Thank you.
Nemat: ‘There are other guardians and I can’t do anything about them.’

It probably isn’t a guardian, per se, but there IS a zombie in the privy. And others coming out of the side rooms. They’re still dressed in the outfits of Acolytes of Nethys.

Zenobia: He was in there for a while.
Asrian: I take it that these aren’t the kind of bodies we’re supposed to treat respectfully?
Nemat: If they get up we’re allowed to put them down again.

One of the zombies has the effrontery to snack on Asrian, to Zenobia’s howling fury and violent retribution. Unfortunately, it being a rather rubbery undead, it is entirely unaffected. Nemat attempts to disrupt it, but instead draws the brief attention of some kind of extradimensional eye.

Nemat: Um. *everybody takes a step away*

These zombies prove distressingly effective, and Asrian is badly savaged. Possibly Zenobia’s wrath supercharges Nemat’s holy water, since the last zombie goes up in flames.

Zenobia: *patting Asrian all over* Are you OK?
Asrian: Don’t touch me!
Zenobia: *whimpers, puppy-dog eyes*
Asrian: *silver eyes glittering as if tearing up*
GM: And the corridor fills up with floating pink hearts.
Nemat: *swatting at the valentine swarm* We have a job to do.

We also find some more freshly-destroyed undead - the Scorched Hand have clearly been through here.

Nemat: SON OF A MOTHERF**KING WHORE OF A GOAT!
Onka: I didn’t know you could say that in Ancient Osiriani.
Asrian: NOBODY could swear like the Ancient Osirians.

It’s becoming clear that Hypaxes and her friends have some kind of control over the Sanctum’s guardian - probably some kind of keystone - and likely some kind of influence over former acolytes of Nethys. We also find some old sanctum papyrus-work that’s disintegrated from age, but a few Mending spells later we have a high priest’s journal and plenty of useful context documents that the archeologists are going to love. But nothing actually relevant to the current problem - the Scorched Hand poaching our gig. We proceed down a short corridor, towards the stairs, cautiously. Warnings saying ‘High Priests only’ are not to be taken lightly.

Asrian: Because this is where I’d put the traps, if it was up to me.
Zenobia: There isn’t any bloodsplatter on the floor, walls, or ceiling is there?

Actually, there is. The Scorched Hand obviously didn’t spot the trap, and it looks like they looted the next room too.

Onka: That’s OUR loot!
Asrian: There are RULES, dammit!
Guardian: Please be aware that only followers of Nethys are allowed past this point.
Nemat: I’m expecting Graven Guardians, a Caryatid Column or two, maybe something more exotic.
Onka: What, like an enchanted zebra?

The black-and-white-faced statue of the Pharaoh-cum-god Nethys that swipes at us is not even a surprise.

Guardian: I DID warn you.
Zenobia: Maybe we should have painted our faces black and white.
Nemat: I don’t want this to be our last battlefield.

Zenobia: Nice workmanship on it.
Nemat: Pity we’re about to mess it up. Well, screw it - I’m an inquisitor. If my spells can’t hurt it, I can do Inquisitor stuff. YOU ARE OPPOSING THE WILL OF THE PHARAOH.

The Graven Guardian casts Haste on itself.

Nemat: Son of a motherless whore.

Happily it manages to drop its own weapon, and gets tripped over by Asrian. Unfortunately Onka manages to miscast his own spell and conjures up a handful of acid instead. His next idea, using an unusual spell that will create coins that might actually hurt the thing, is more successful. Especially since it gives three of us the equivalent of a point-blank pistol attack.

Nemat: *staring at the wreckage, the holes in the wall behind it, and his hand* The f**k? I’m beginning to see what those blackpowder mages are going on about.
GM: I’m just annoyed it fumbled the only attack it got off.

By the sound of it there’s combat somewhere else down here too - looks like the Scorched Hand have their own problems. We hurry along to ‘help’. There’s a fountain down here that’s currently blazing with blue fire - probably not a good sign - and the other team locked in combat with something that has a vertical mouth for a face - which is probably worse. On the other hand, all four of the Hand are here - those bare feet must have belonged to a guide.

Still, Asrian pins it to the ground with a cold-iron arrow, Nemat dazes it with a sonic attack, Hypaxes Enfeebles it, and then we all sit back to turn it into a colander with ranged attacks. The
creature explodes into a sandstorm, and Nemat accurately predicts the Scorched Hand will try to do a runner. Nemat and Zenobia beat them to the exit.

Zenobia: My goddess behooves me to give you a second chance. So, get lost, did you?
Nemat: I gave them their chance two weeks ago. I TOLD you people how to handle this, and you IGNORED me.

Nemat’s obvious irritation and extended rant certainly intimidates them - and the rest of the Scorched Hand finding out that Veldriana Hypaxes lied about them being assigned the Sanctum, and worse, hired those thugs to stop anybody following them in, does not go down well with her teammates either.

Nemat: Also, Where. Is. The Keystone.

Veldriana attempts something rash, and turns on her teammates.

Veldriana Hypaxes: The Mask is my birthright! If you don’t understand that, you’re no better than them! *attempts to cast Glitterdust*
Zenobia: Mask? What mask?
Nemat: I’d quite like to know that myself.

Of course Asrian and Nemat were prepared for her attempt, and throw a kukri and a sonic attack before she gets the spell off.

Asrian: You do not cast spells on my party members. *elaborate pose*
Onka OoC: Where did that ninja come from?
Nemat OoC: You didn’t realise? Wrapped head to toe, martial arts - she’s an Arabic ninja.

Asrian: So, where’s this mask?
Nemat: *consults the map* Well, it might be here, or here, or here.
Scorched Hand Member: You’ve got a map? Where did you get a map?
Nemat: The Guardian. Veldriana really pissed it off.

 

[Drhoz]

Champions - Return To Edge City - The Team Visits A Furry Brothel

Edge City’s Only Compet^h^^h Superhero Team, Quadrant, have just apprehended a bunch of human supremacists, who were making their way through the utility tunnels under Edge City towards the Moreau neighborhood, where they could have done a LOT of damage if they hadn’t been intercepted by a super-powered Moreau and his superfriends. And by ‘apprehended’ and ‘intercepted’ we mean ‘beaten unconscious’.

Even if we can’t prove they were on their way to to the Zoo to commit an atrocity, we can still get them on property damage and possessing illegal weapons.

GM: After you hand them over to the ECPD, do you want to follow this up?
Hero Shrew: Well, yes, they have plasma weaponry and powered exo-armour - that would be worth chasing up even if they weren’t racist pricks.

GM: You brought up Winnie the Pooh (and hence Taoism.)
Hero Shrew OoC: And then Monkey.
GM: So, trigger!
Fireflash: No no, that’s Will Rogers.

But first, off to Madam Lil’s brothel.

Hero Shrew: *bangs on the door* I promise I’m not here for a job!

Instead of Madam Lil, the door is opened by a younger otter in a short black dress, long sleeved shirt, and so on. Fortunately someone clamps a hand over Scooter’s mouth before he can say something like ‘Going for the Sexy Schoolgirl look, are you?’ because it’s Tammy, Madam Lil’s unofficially adopted daughter who was just a cub when the Moreaus broke out from the Genesys lab.

Hero Shrew: Hey Tammy, is your Mum in? We need to talk to her.
Tammy: She’s busy.
Hero Shrew: Oh? Well, we can wait.
Tammy: She’s BUSY.
Hero Shrew: Oh?.... OH. It’s not that springbok gangster is it, we can wait 30 seconds.
Flux: ‘How did Scooter get knocked into next week’ ‘ He opened his mouth.’
Fireflash: ‘How did Scooter get knocked into next week?’ ‘He deserved it.’

Fireflash: We can come back in an hour.
Tammy: Well…
Fireflash: Two hours?
Tammy: ….
Fireflash: Who is this guy and how do I find him?

Fireflash talks to Lil’s head of security, a snow leopard Moreau. The feline’s body language - ears and tail particularly - are quite easy for humans to read, and she gets QUITE twitchy when Fireflash explains that armoured heavily armed speciesists might know about certain individuals. We head over to one of the Zoo’s kurbside cafes for a meal, in case Madam Lil DOES get a free moment.

Hardlight: Good evening, citizens!
GM: Oh. OH. Open mouth, insert mouth. Because you just called them citizens, and what’s the one thing they can’t be? Within half hour you’ve got a riot on your hands.
Fireflash: I just wanted a souvlaki.

At least Hardlight’s reputation as a well-meaning idiot works in his favour this time.

Fireflash: We need to alter your costume to include a ball gag.
Flux: Well we are going back to Lil’s.

Flux: Well, at least everybody knows we’re here now.

Hardlight: I’m going to go somewhere else in the Qruiser. Flux, wanna come
Flux: Can you even drive the Qruiser?
Hardlight: That’s why I wanted you to come.

Flux finishes the police paperwork that will allow him to go over the powered armour for clues - the basic frame is heavy industrial exo-armour, but the weapons like the force manacles are from an old PRIMUS program that got dropped because it was so expensive. Either that means something’s gone missing from a warehouse somewhere, or confirms the Human Supremacy Front’s connections to a defunct terrorist organisation called Genocide, which had a LOT of high-level connections within the industrial-military complex. Possibly both. And one of the weapon systems is a cobbled together hybrid of two unrelated weapon types.

Flux: I’m going to kill those tinkerers.
GM: Actually, no-one in Dysprosium Dawn would do something like this.
Hero Shrew: It’s ugly.
GM: It’s a kludge.
Flux: And we still don’t have a kludge who’s making them.

Flux also discovers, to his total astonishment, that the ones in business suits were using some kind of room-temperature superconductor - superconductor of electricity AND heat - as a weave in the suit lining.

Madam Lil is ready to see us - reclining on a chaise-longue in a slit-sided dress.

Hero Shrew: 8P
GM: Scooter, you work in a titty bar.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, but I don’t see them everyday.
GM: You see this kind of thing every day, trust me.
Hero Shrew: That’s the girls at the Collie Club, I don’t see Madam Lil every day.
GM: … True. Well, ogle away - she’s doing this to see which ones of you react.
Hardlight: I ogle her with submillimeter radar.

As it turns out she has a hold-out laser pistol tucked into her garter.

Fireflash: Basically… we know about the Moreau kid.
Hero Shrew: That’s almost like I’d have said it!

Madam Lil is not pleased that the word is out. She goes over Hardlight’s holographic whiteboard of political ramifications the team hashed out, adds a column for co-belligerents, moves Guilt-rider from enemy to ally to our surprise, and adds STEINBECK to the threats. He’s the one Steiners are named after, and escaped the prosecutions of Genesys staff with the help of his favorite experiment.

Madam Lil: There’s been sightings of Labrat lurking around.

Of course, Madam Lil isn’t stupid enough to have the child on the premises.

Madam Lil: At least I had some of the things I needed for her, thanks for the tastes of some of my clients.
Fireflash: Oh. I see. Squicked to the gills, but I see.
Hero Shrew: What?
Hero Shrew OoC: Take it as read that unless someone explains kink gear to Scooter later, he’ll remain confused.

Fireflash: We need to regularise this - normalise the idea of the Moreaus having kids in the public awareness.
Hardlight: I’ll get right on that. Well, my media people, not me personally.
Fireflash: Yeah, definitely not you.
Hero Shrew: First thing first, re-runs of the Muppet Babies.

Madam Lil: One thing we have to do - the moment this child is born we get them on camera.
Fireflash: Of course - they’re bound to cuter than cute.

Fireflash and Madam Lil hammer out a plan to divert everybody away from rumours of the Moreau - leak the news of the formation of a Neighborhood Watch for the Zoo. Moreaus getting organised will be boring to most interest groups, and very distracting to the racists.

Fireflash: The ECPD already has a few Moreau officers.
Madam Lil: Morteau officers who have to be partnered with a human who gives them orders - but we’ll take what we can get.
Fireflash: You take what you can get and then take the next inch.
Flux: *chokes*
Fireflash: Sweetie… consider where you are.

Madam Lil also gives Fireflash some advice about not getting lewd selfies leaked to the public.

Fireflash: It’s not like I need to send anybody selfies, I’d just turn up at their door naked.

Madam Lil: It would appear you have a lot to discuss - and I have a lot to do that you don’t need to hear.

We leave, and immediately run into an alarming foxgirl with a sword. A foxgirl who is really, weirdly, hard to remember.

Hardlight: Uh, hello?
Kitsune: It seems you did a favour for me, early this evening.
Flux: It’s possible.
Kitsune: And I hate getting my sword dirty.
Flux: Oh, the racists. You’re welcome.
Kitsune: Keep it up. Because if you ever fail, you’ll have to come after me. *steps back into shadow, and three of us forget even meeting her*
Hardlight: …. Where did she go?
Flux: Wasn’t there a foxgirl here a second ago?

Flux pieces enough of his memory together to realise that if we fail to protect the Moreaus, there will be blood in the streets and the city will burn.

Hero Shrew: Was this a specific threat from somebody we can’t remember?

Fireflash calls her FBI contact.

Contact: It’s 10 at night, the city better be on fire.
Fireflash: It isn’t now, but it might be shortly.
Contact: …
Fireflash: I need a discrete cryptographer.
Hero Shrew: Why do you need a discrete photographer?
Fireflash: CRYPTOGRAPHER.
Hero Shrew: Ah, that makes more sense - I thought it was something to do with the lewd selfies from earlier.

The discrete cryptographer meets Fireflash for coffee, but is paranoid enough to think that the plan to leak inadequately encrypted emails about the Neighbourhood Watch scheme is too sketchy for him. He tells Hardlight not to call him again, leaves a ‘business card’, and Fireflash goes to the address that was actually on the card.

Sketchy Cryptographer: Who sent you?
Fireflash: Our mutual friend in the Federal Building.
Sketchy: *panics* prove it!
Fireflash: *shows the card* Here’s his handwriting
Sketchy: Shit, he did send you.

Fireflash: I need the Sanity Liberation Front to be able to decrypt this when they intercept it.
Sketchy: Whoa whoa whoa, the SLF figure out you’re messing with them, my digital fingerprints will be all over this. And you heard what they did to Waterbed Pete - they assassinated him just because his ads were loud and annoying.

And they’ll be able to track Fireflash here by using the security footage outside the building, and checking the records for the apartments.

Sketchy: *looks Fireflash up and down* But if I’m going to do this, you sit there. I may as well get a reputation while you’re here *leers*.
Fireflash: Want to know how I spent my summer break?
Sketchy: Will it ruin my fantasies about you?
Fireflash: I was at a nudist camp in France.
Sketchy: BSOD

Fireflash takes further delight in teasing her new associate, despite his attempts to maintain his persona of a lonely loser. Then she heads home for a late night of social media posts, ‘accidentally’ posts the inadequately encrypted file about the Moreau’s community building exercise to Flux’s blog ‘No Flux Given’ and follows up later with a request begging him not to download that file, and delete it if he has. The bait has been set.

Hero Shrew: Hey, I found out about the thing I’m not supposed to know about but I’m not going to tell anybody unless someone says I can.
Nick: This coffee must be really good or you’ve started making sense.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, we were around at Madam Lil’s for a few hours last night.
Nick: Dude, you just made a liar of yourself. And I hate you because I just used ‘Dude’ unironically.

Hardlight: I’m surprised nobody has tried to figure out my secret ID yet.
GM: Honestly, they probably all just assume you’ll blurt it out in public one day. Of course, it’s increasingly unlikely that you’re Gareth Lowell, successful and insightful businessman. No one will believe that you’re also Hardlight.
Fireflash: ‘The Man Without An Edit Button’

At least the baby is going be born in the next few days - but it’s just as well they’re not relying on Scooter for the information, or it could be any time in the next nine months.

GM: Your street-level investigator has poor communication skills.
Hero Shrew OoC: ‘She’s going to have a baby’ ‘What, now????’

Hero Shrew: So, what kind of motorbike should I get?
GM: Here you go *posts up a cobbled together monstrosity*
Fireflash: Off-road and six wheels - appropriate.
Hero Shrew: Something loud and annoying?

Hardlight: Have I mentioned that you should see a podiatrist?
Hero Shrew: It’s ok, I can sharpen my toenails with my teeth.

Flux: Thanks to Captain Foot-in-Mouth calling the Moreaus citizens, we nearly had a riot in the Zoo.
Hardlight: Hey, it wasn’t a riot.
Flux: They were throwing stuff.
Hero Shrew: The fact that most of them know you’re an idiot is the only reason you got out alive.

The powered exo-armour that the racists goons were using had non-sequential serial numbers - probably bought legally from a variety of sources.

Hero Shrew: So nobody is likely to panic if we suddenly turn up at their secondhand exo-armour yard.
Flux: Well, they might panic because they know us from the news.

Hero Shrew: Anything on the racist scumbag message boards anticipating the attack?
GM: Not really - they go on about the Moraeus breeding all the time. They think the flat population number is proof the Moreaus are raising their children in secret underground tunnel networks.
Hero Shrew: Ah, the real secret of Undersconsin.

We should probably start checking through the employee list at those secondhand places though, to see exactly how many had the skillset to upgrade them to military-spec. But first Scooter needs to tell his boss at the Collar Club that he’s going to be busy.

Colin: Yeah, it’s nice of you to show up - you need to clear out your locker.
Hero Shrew: .. what?
Colin: It’s starting to stink.
Hero Shrew: *walking innocently towards a possible girlfriend-in-refrigerator moment* That’s weird - there shouldn’t be anything in there that’d smell. *stares at the extremely elderly mealworm bar that he certainly didn’t leave in there, and a burlap sack* Is somebody playing silly buggers?

There’s 30 metal strips stamped with Ag 70C/14g. Colin has no idea what they are, or how they got into Scooter’s locker. Scooter sends a photo to Flux and Fireflash.

Flux: Did you find these in a bank vault?
GM: Somebody has done a not very nice thing to Scooter. Fireflash probably gets the reference.
Hero Shrew OoC: Oh. Thirty pieces of silver.
GM: Just as well the whole thing goes completely over Scooter’s head.
Hero Shrew: So do I need to chew on them to see if they’re real silver or something?

So something is annoyed with Scooter, and that person is anal enough to know the difference between the common shekel and the Tyrian shekel. It’s an expensive and highly pedantic insult.

Hero Shrew: I wonder if it’s because we got Thunder and Lightning arrested.

Flux: You don’t have that bloodhound girl as a Contact, do you?
Hero Shrew: No. Wish I did. I wish I had her number in my little black book, if you know what I mean.
Flux: *sigh* No, I don’t know what you mean. Please explain in excruciating detail.

Flux has an idea - the magical principle of synecdoche can be used to determine where the ingots were produced. That might not be relevant, but a technomage like Flux of course thinks that any information is worth knowing. It doesn’t work, anyway.

Hero Shrew: What should I do with these? I don’t want to sell them - somebody really twisted would send me this whole 30 pieces of silver thing, AND make sure I was done for handling stolen goods. Should we keep them in the secret base?
Flux: You do know synecdoche works both ways, right?

No point asking Sally the scenthound if she can smell anything on the silver ingots - the decaying mealworm bar trumps everything.

Flux: Well, what’s next Judas Iscariot?
Hero Shrew: My name’s not Judith.

Scooter goes to talk to his friend Nick, to see if anybody else thinks he’s a Judas. Nobody has seen Nick for a couple of days, which is REALLY weird.

Flux: Has his wife seen him?
Hero Shrew: I don’t think he’s married. Nick’s a playa.

And his tiny one-room crib is nearly bare.

Hero Shrew: I’ve seen cardboard boxes with more stuff in them than this.
Fireflash: I believe you.
Hero Shrew: I mean, everybody went to Nick if they wanted information - he was The Fox To Talk To.
Fireflash: That may have been the problem.

Hardlight’s submillimeter radar detects a hidden compartment in the back of Nick’s flatpack desk. It’s surrounded by silica packets, and appears to be an improvised biometric and DNA scanner used for secure access to information systems.

GM: You’re all crammed in the one tiny room?
Hero Shrew: We take turns.
GM: That has connotations.
Fireflash: Especially with me in here.
GM: ‘What are you all doing in Nick’s room?’ ‘We’re taking turns’ ’I’ve found something!’ ‘Is that Fireflash? You’re taking turn with-’

It’s also weird that there’s no fur in the apartment. At all. And Nick’s top-end vacuum cleaner has an incinerator attachment, and his cleaning chemicals are hospital grade. Nick scrupulously avoids any traces of his DNA being left around.

Fireflash: The only people that would want Nick’s DNA - Genesys - already have it. So he must be hiding his DNA from somebody else. What if he’s not a Moreau at all?
GM: DUNDUNDUN
Fireflash: What if he’s an uplifted fox made by the original Dr Moreau?
Hero Shrew: Or a spy from the Furry dimension?
Fireflash: Or a human in prosthetics?
Hero Shrew: A fur-suiter?
GM: Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for Hero Shrew to say he was hitting the streets again? Maybe it’s just because he has a gene-locked device and doesn’t want to leave the key lying around the house? Do you need the clue bat?

Flux does do his technomancy on the bioscanner, and determines that it last connected to an inactive router node, probably in Edge City. in fact, it’s a Freeweb Router, which shouldn’t be inactive at all. Hardlight checks with his infobusiness connections, and discovers it’s one of the early nodes, near the Hellgate Institute - and very close to where Genesys used to be.

Hero Shrew: You do have to wonder who thought Hellgate was a good name for the place, given the world we live in.
Fireflash: My surname is Hellstrom.

And since LowellTech has the contract for the Freeweb in that part of town, we can go investigate legally. Or at least Hardlight and Flux can, out of costume, since Fireflash and Hero Shrew are a bit conspicuous no matter what they’re wearing. The router has been configured to only rout data-packets when it receives a signal from certain authorised devices - such as that biometric scanner we found at Nicks. Fireflash somehow fails to notice a weird truck pull up, and four figures get out and head for the same maintenance door that Flux and Hardlight used. Four ugly-ass Moreaus.

Google-Mini: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
GM: Upstaged by Google Mini again. We’ll call it there.

[drunkonduty]

While discussing Marid and their habit of adopting grand titles for themselves.

 

Me (OOC). I just realised. Somewhere out there in the multiverse there's a marid who styles herself The Sultana of Currents.

[Dr. MID-Nite]

Discussing the possibility of one hero accidently hitting another one with their attack...

 

Solaria: " In this darkness, you have a better than average chance of being hit by my solar blast. "

 

Sidestep: " If you hit me, that's okay. If you don't hit me, that's fine too. "

 

Surgical Steel:  " And in this corner….we have Captain Obvious. "

[Cancer]

Playtesting one scene in a convention event (part of this year's Blue Dragons two-session event at Dragonflight); it's Feng Shui 2, so over-the top action movie type stuff.

 

PCs begin kind of in shackles in the torture chamber of a bad guy's magical fortress; their gear sits in a heap on a table to one side.  ("Kind of" means there's some rolls to see how thoroughly the minions got them bound.)  Boss does a monologue and then hands the proceedings over to his torturemaster henchman and leaves.  The torturemaster's working name is "Lenny the Leper": he is diseased beyond the point of even zombielike decay, really revolting in appearance, but still functional in mind and body.

 

Lenny: There are five of you, and I only need one of you alive to tell me what I want to know.  So we will start one at a time, and if you do not answer my question, I will simply slit your throat.  (Pauses, then points to one character, a Full Metal Nutball archetype character.)  You first.  What were you doing in the castle's below-ground levels?

 

FNB: Well, we heard that there's a bunch of treasure down there, so we were looking to steal a good chunk of it and get away, because if we do that, then I retire and move to Puerto Rico, drink a quart of rum every day for sixteen years and turn my liver to a glutinous mass of goo, my skin turns yellow with disgusting brown and black spots, my teeth break off to cracked stubs, my hair falls out in bloody tufts, and I still wouldn't be as ugly as you.

 

Lenny: (Pause, then holds out one cadaverous hand to a minion.) Knife.

[Lucius]

On ‎7‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 10:47 PM, drunkonduty said:

While discussing Marid and their habit of adopting grand titles for themselves.

 

Me (OOC). I just realised. Somewhere out there in the multiverse there's a marid who styles herself The Sultana of Currents.

 

If you meet her, I suggest not raisin the issue.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary says she'd be plum likely to prune your tongue

[Cancer]

((despairing wail))  WHERE'D THE ROAD GO?!??????????

[Drhoz]

The Rick & Morty Christmas in July Betrayal on the House on the Hill Special
(slightly delayed because I've been busy)

Rick: It’s a special episode, Morty! It’s a sequel! We do these now! The Simpsons have been doing them for decades!

Rick: A puzzle box? Like that’s going to be a problem. Lament Configuration my ass. *fails to unlock it, looks annoyed, keeps trying*

Aramis: Fred Jones was a prepper.
Weldun: Prepper or preppie? Those are too very different things.

Morty falls through the floor into a basement surgery, where a smiling goth woman stabs him in the eye with a hypodermic needle.

Morty: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hey, I got a neuro-mod.

Meanwhile Rick is plowing through rooms filled with cockroaches and choking dust.

Rick: I’m dying Morty! Morty, dying! *losing any patience he had with the puzzle box and going at it with a hammer*

The haunt is a small boy that enjoys a good game of Murderball, unless we can distract him with other weapons.

Rick: This ghost doesn’t have any imagination, Morty! You could use half the things in this house as a weapon!
Morty: Maybe you shouldn’t say that, Rick, you’ll give the-
Rick: *bounces the puzzlebox off Morty’s skull*
Morty: Owwww!
Rick: See what I mean, Morty? See what I mean?

Morty: Of course Jerry’s the only one stupid enough to play a game with a creepy ghost kid.
Summer: Dammit, dad!

The little bastard ghost keeps jumping from body to body, and uses a bloodstone slingshot as a weapon. Predictably, Rick proves the most dangerous, and corners Summer in one of the hidden rooms.

Summer: Ah, Grandpa Rick? You’re looking a bit scary… *screams*
Creepy Ghost Kid: Hey! I didn’t say you could quit! *resurrects Summer and throws her back into the game*

Morty parries Rick’s slingshot attack with a chainsaw, and the ghost swaps into this suddenly much more interesting playmate. Rick immediately realises how much trouble he’s in and is pursued across the mansion by a homicidal grandson.

Rick OoC: Not sure I can blame that on the ghost.

Rick: This is your fault, Jerry!

Eventually Jerry, of all people, tricks the ghost brat into abandoning the bloodstone for a more interesting weapon. The moment it does, it gets drags down to a long overdue Eternal Punishment.

Jerry: I beat the ghost! I beat the ghost!
Rick: You condemned a kid to Hell, Jerry! I hope you’re proud of yourself! Eternal Torment! Fire and Brimstone! And I don’t even believe in God!

[Drhoz]

Champions - Return To Edge City - Fur Suit Riot
Pre-game conversations meandered from why we don’t have rhinos in Australia, through Ramses the Great (famous military moron), to how Weldun and Sundog’s respective ancestors ended up owning most of Scotland.

Anyway - Flux and Hardlight are investigating why one of Edge City’s Freeweb servers is offline. While in their civilian identities. And four ugly Moreaus have pulled up and are heading in after them. Just as well Hero Shrew and Fireflash were nearby, monitoring things, just in case something like this happened.

Hero Shrew: So we’ve got a crocogater, a badger, and cybernetic wolf …. Whatever that is.
GM: It’s not a very flattering picture of her.
Hero Shrew: But she’s running around in a bra?
GM: … Wha… that’s a backlaced shirt - it’s just a dark image, OK?

Although we don’t know it, the Moreaus are Convel (the Cyborg Wolf), Geert (a rather Mouthy - hur-hur -'Gator), Lilith (Electrokinetic Black Jaguar), and Magne ( a Speedster Badger).

Fireflash: Hello gentlemen! Bit late for a maintenance visit, isn’t it?
GM: … well, that makes it easy. The cybernetic wolf attacks you.

With wrist-mounted blasters, no less. And the badger starts tunneling into the ground.

Hero Shrew: What? Things are happening? Well, better get involved. I’ll run and punch... hmm.
GM: Which one? Convel the wolf?
Hero Shrew: Sure, he looks like he could take it.

At least Flux and Hardlight can get into costume fast.

GM: Flux has the Morphing Suit and you’ve got ‘HERO ON!’

Of course, there are also cameras all over Edge City.

Hardlight: … I’m running off to the loo. No cameras in there.
Flux: You’re invisible to cameras when you’re near me!
Hardlight: Good point.

Flux: *looks at the Crocogator* Hmm, I remember you. You beat me up that time
GM: Actually that was a different anthropomorphic crocodile.
Flux: Ah, sorry - I was being inadvertently racist.

The Crocogater: Oh look, the fuzzball has come out to play.
Hero Shrew: Yep, that’s me.
The Crocogater: What’s the matter? Didn’t you want to mess with the hard one? *narrowly misses Scooter with a superstrength trick*
Hero Shrew: Well, I’ll take your word for it. I’ll start hitting you instead.

Fireflash is exchanging fire with an increasingly berserk Convel.

Convel: BITCH!!!!
Hero Shrew: You’re a wolf, wouldn’t calling someone a bitch be a compliment? Also, does anybody where that badger was digging to?

Flux does. And blasts the area with lightning.

GM: Poor Magne.

Apparently the mystery bra-wearer is an electrokinetic jaguar Moreau, named Lilith, and she’s having major difficulty getting the wolf to calm down and act rationally.

Hero Shrew: I’m not surprised. Since when would a dog listen to a cat?

The crocogator has trouble getting back on his feet, too, after Scooter’s first haymaker.

Hero Shrew: Hi again *punch*

Lilith evidently decides that hanging around will be counterproductive, what with the four of us variously stunning, blinding, sucker-punching and variously taking the rest of her team down and making sure they stay down. Flux and Hardlight return to the building, so they can change back into their civilian Ids and pretend they missed the whole fight. It’s not like Edge City’s cameras caught their involvement. Although if the superhero forums take an interest...

GM: By the way, the reason Convel went berserk was because he HATES superhero banter.

Scooter eventually recognises the crocogator as the drummer that lives the hall from his apartment.

Hero Shrew: Hey! I know this guy!.... Should his eyes be pointing in different directions like that?

Flux, using Mr Lowell’s credentials, gets to work on the dodgy router. And discovers that whoever is using it as an electronic dead drop has links to Genesys, the company that created the Moreaus. Which is a little worrying, since everybody from the company did serious jail time - everybody that got caught, anyway. And Nick the fox was certainly sending data to this router. Still, Flux’s manipulations of the noosphere does uncover an entire network of secret routers, but he’s going to have to go through the Genesys evidence to get a better idea of what all this means. And there’s the problem of what the Edge City Police Department can do about a trio of superpowered Moreaus. Just throwing them back into the Zoo doesn’t seem like a good solution, when superpowers are involved.

GM: Wait, these are Enhanced Abilities Moreaus! PRIMUS’ problem! So the ECPD can just hand them off to PRIMUS. Which is bad news for Geert’s band, since his drumming was the only good thing in it.

And when Scooter tries to call Simon, the Zoo’s legal advisor, it goes straight to voicemail. So does his call to Judy, the Zoo’s liaison officer with the ECPD. Ditto his call to Colin the Collie.

Hero Shrew: Ah, guys, I’m starting to freak out a bit here - everybody I’m trying to call in the Zoo isn’t answering.
Flux: Gimme a minute *dials random zoo numbers*
GM: They all go to voicemail.
Flux: F***.
Hardlight: What’s happening on the Freeweb?
GM: People have noticed - nobody can get a signal in or out of the Zoo. There’s a couple of feeds from Chinatown, which say that the Moreaus are excited about SOMETHING, but nothing’s on fire.

Flux, Fireflash, and Hardlight hurry off to the Zoo, leaving a very antsy Scooter to guard the captives.

Flux: Well he’s the only one that can punch them back out if they wake up.

When they get to the Zoo, the telecom blackout has spread to neighbouring suburbs. Someone has locked down the Freeweb infrastructure completely - the kind of hack that only the Sanity Liberation Front could manage. And then a miniature blimp descends into the Agora and projects a video onto a blank wall, in front of hundreds of the residents. It’s Nick - he’s clearly been badly beaten.

Electronically Disguised Voice: Tell them.
Nick: …. My name is Nick…. For the last fifteen years I’ve been passing on information about my fellow Moreaus to one of our creators. Information, observations, rumours. .. I have been an agent of Doctor Steinbeck.

To say that the Moreaus react badly is a gigantic understatement. ‘Howling Riot’ would be more accurate.

GM: Thirty thousand Moreaus and most of them are on the streets right now because they don’t have their internet!

So it’s lucky for Nick that Hardlight, Fireflash and Flux spot the unconscious Nick hanging from a parachute, descending into the square, and rescue him before he can land. They rush him off to Edge City's medical district. Fireflash collects the blimp drone so Flux can interrogate its software. Hardlight calls Hero Shrew, to arrange a rendezvous.

Hardlight: Scooter, you finished yet?
Hero Shrew: No.
GM: The only reason Scooter is still there is because the ECPD are refusing to take custody of Convel, Geert, and Magne. They’ve called PRIMUS, and they’ll keep the looky-loos away, but otherwise they’re treating it as Not Our Problem.

Flux calls Madam Lil on her mobile phone. The call goes through.

Flux: Ah, I suppose you’ve already heard about Nick?
Madam Lil: What about Nick?
Flux: Ah. Um. Well, full disclosure. We’ve got a video that says Nick was an agent of Steinbeck. For the last 15 years.
Madam Lil: HE WHAT????? *long string of Spanish invective including many references to fox cojones*

Of course, that means Dr Steinbeck almost certainly knows about the gravid Moreau. Not good. Flux calls his contact at PRIMUS to try and get them to respond faster - we can’t keep the team split up!

Silver Avenger: What do you want?
Flux: Um.
Silver Avenger: You never call me unless you want something.

She’s pretty upset to hear that not only is Steinbeck active, he also has Moreau agents.

Silver Avenger: Alberto Steinbeck could reliably create genetically engineered organisms with Enhanced Abilities. Like your friend the shrew. Ordinary Hero Shrews are strong and tough, sure, but his strength goes way beyond anything natural.
Flux: Yeah, I’ve seen him stop a car, I can believe that.
Silver Avenger: He chews on rebar.
Flux: Nobody can prove that.

Flux: Dog Moreaus are rare - or they all left with Steinbeck.
GM: What is one of the dog’s more famous genetic traits?
Hardlight: Loyalty.
Flux: Bad Breath.

And then Nick goes into convulsions - alarming, given what happened last time we caught one of Steinbeck's minions.

Hardlight: This isn’t going to be another Melty Dog moment, is it? Nurse button! Hit the Nurse button!!!!

The crash team get his seizure under control, despite his non-human anatomy.

Human Doctor: Does he have family we can to? People who know them?
Hero Shrew OoC: Everybody who knows him wants to tear him to pieces right now.

Hardlight: Do you want me to an MRI on him?
Human Doctor: Well, yes, I mean we’d have to book him into the machine, he might get bumped down the list - wait, what do you mean, ‘want ME to?’
Hardlight: You might want to stand behind that screen *calls up his millimeter wave scanning powers*

GM: The doctors are debating - ‘Is this legal?’ ‘He’s not human, he’s a Moreau, we can pretty much do what we like to him’
Hero Shrew OoC: Don’t say that within earshot of any conscious Moreaus.

And the Sanity Liberation Front still have the Freeweb in the Zoo shut down (and that movie projector drone was mostly off-the-shelf tech).

Hero Shrew OoC: I wonder why? I wonder if they’re going to start feeding fake news to the mob, so they can direct it somewhere?
GM: So the SLF becomes Fox News?

Hardlight gets Hero Shrew onto the group channel.

Hardlight: Hey Scooter, have PRIMUS showed up yet?
Hero Shrew: Nope. (A couple of unconscious Moreaus aren’t exactly a priority) What’s happening in the Zoo? Is everybody OK? Who do I need to punch?
Hardlight: Welllll - we found your friend.
Hero Shrew: Great! How is he?
Hardlight: Ah… he’s been working for Doctor Steinbeck for years.
Hero Shrew: ……….
Hardlight: Hello? *tap tap* Is this still working?
Hero Shrew: OK, two things. Where’s Nick, and where’s Steinbeck?
Hardlight: Well, Nick’s here at the hospital, but we don’t know about Steinbeck
Hero Shrew: …….. OK, f*** this guys, I’m coming there.
GM: You haven’t even asked the important question yet!

Flux: I think I’ve figured out why we split the party - we only need one idiot in an area at a time
Fireflash: Scooter, stay there until I can get there. The doctors need your HELP keeping Nick ALIVE.

Scooter thinks Nick is insufficiently caffeinated - he’s never seen the fox without coffee before. But he DOES know who the Moreaus go to for medical care, given their distrust of the profession. Not that he’s ever needed one himself - he’s never been ill a day in his life. Anyway, the person who runs the Zoo Clinic goes by the name of Doctor Soma.

GM: OK, here's a picture of Dr Soma - but keep in mind my choice of picture does NOT reflect the personality of Dr Soma
Hero Shrew's player: *sees picture, swears violently*
GM: NO REFLECTION OF PERSONALITY



Just as well, really - if Dr Soma really was like Lunevka we'd all be in trouble.

Flux: Female?
GM: Definitely.
Flux: Stacked?
Hero Shrew: .. sort of?
GM: Well-built, certainly.
Hardlight: What species is she?
Hero Shrew: I don’t think she has a species.
Flux: Well, what does she look like?
Hero Shrew: Well, you know that thing they make kids go to? The .. ballet thing. With the soldiers.
Hardlight: … Nutcracker Suite?
Hero Shrew: That’s it. Well, she looks like one of them.
Hardlight: A tin soldier?
Hero Shrew: Yeah, but without the hat.
Hardlight: … I keep forgetting it’s not just Moreaus in the zoo.

GM: You’re also aware that Soma has a connection to Guilt-rider.
Hero Shrew: I think they’re cousins.
GM: Stop making shit up!
Hero Shrew: They were roommates in college?
Flux: This is what happens when information is filtered through Scooter.

Hardlight heads to one of the clinic locations, in the hope that Soma is actually in tonight.

Flux: I’m going with him - because I can guess what will happen the moment he opens his mouth.

It doesn’t help - they can’t find her anyway.

Flux: I think I understand why there aren’t many doctors that work on Moreaus - most of them would go mental just trying to get them to eat a healthy diet.
GM: And you can guess how the Moreaus would react if someone told them to go see a vet.

In fact, we have so little luck finding any medical aid for Nick that we get a bit desperate.

Hardlight: By this point I’m desperate enough to project a ‘Has Anybody Seen Guilt-Rider?’ sign on the clouds.
Flux: The Rat-signal.

Scooter goes to talk to his boss at the collar club, but it soon becomes obvious that Scooter is looking for medical aid for the traitor.

Hero Shrew: Send them to the big human hospital, they’re expecting help.
Colin the Collie: They must be in a bad way.
Hero Shrew: Yep.
Colin: … it’s not Nick, is it?
Hero Shrew: Would it matter if it was?
Colin: YES!
Hero Shrew: Hey, we DO need him alive to find Steinbeck. And whoever tried to drop him into the middle of the mob wants him dead.
Colin the Collie: ….. FINE, I’ll ask around. We probably want to drag him back here and put him before a tribunal anyway.
Hero Shrew: Hey, I understand! Fireflash had to talk me down too.

Flux: I think I know why Lil isn’t at the brothel and Dr Soma isn’t at the clinic. Who would need to attend the birth, when your entire community has NO experience with pregnant Moreaus?
GM: FINALLY



Still, finding out which building Madam Lil, Dr Soma, and the mother and child are probably at is easier than expected - the tin-soldier medic probably arrived in the steam-powered clockwork horse and carriage parked out the front of an house in the Zoo, although it DOES have a pretty potent Somebody Else’s Problem field.

Hardlight: Steampunk! My only weakness!

The door is answered by Lil’s head of security, the well-endowed snow leopard.

Hero Shrew: Nice to see you both.
Autumn: Eyes up here, Scooter. How’d you find us?
Hero Shrew: The clockwork pony show was a clue.
Autumn: Oh - you’re looking for the doctor.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, is she here?
Autumn: ……….. Yes.
Hero Shrew: Great, we need to get her help with a Moreau patient who’s probably going to die without it. Whether or not he gets it, honestly.
Autumn: Are we talking about Nick?
Hero Shrew: Got it in one.
Autumn: …. Don’t tell Lil about this. Last I heard she was going to grind up his cojones and use them as fertilizer, then changed her mind because she didn’t want anything growing from it.

Doctor Soma diagnoses Nick’s condition as a critical shortage of the synthetic neurotransmitter PKN-1-Z, which regulates enhanced reflexes - which Scooter guesses is what kept Nick working for Steinbeck. And worse, even if Soma can install a suppressor, Nick is unlikely to survive the week unless he can get another supply, or put him into cryosleep.

Dr Soma: I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anybody about how PKN-1-Z can be used as a leash. Now if you don’t mind, I have a patient here that needs my actual presence. And next time you need a consultation, try to find someone else.

Hardlight: Steinbeck must have been using the supply of PNK-1-Z to control the superpowered Moreaus - but how does that explain Scooter?
Flux: He made normal Moreaus too
Hero Shrew: I’m Normal! Hooray!

Fireflash goes through her little black book of contacts, but the only one that answers is her old high school counselor - who nonetheless points out that hot sleep tech is strictly regulated (especially after Genesys used so much of it), and that Edge City’s biotech companies might be able to help with the neurotransmitter.

Hardlight: I suggest we get some sleep and work on the problem in the morning.
Hero Shrew: YOU can, I have to find out what a good gift for a baby is.
GM: And you don’t even know what species it is.

Hero Shrew: Basically PNK-1-Z is Ketracel-White.
GM: Yes! Finally! I’m not afraid to steal ideas!
Hero Shrew: So if we can get our own supply of it, we can put the word out, and anybody that’s only working for Steinbeck because they need this stuff can come to us.
GM: And the Biotech companies will be overjoyed to have access to the Moreau market.

Hero Shrew: The patient is unconscious, he can’t tell us where he was getting it from, and if we don’t find some soon he’s going to die.

GM: You’re lucky that of the four Moreaus you were fighting earlier, only Lilith actually needed PNK-1-Z, and she got away. Three Moreaus dying in PRIMUS custody would look bad.

Biotech Rep: If the Moreaus have this deficiency, where have they been getting their supply before now?
Hardlight: … extra-legally?
Biotech Rep: I’m sure I don’t want to know any more - at least until I’ve talked to our legal department.

Still, the biotech guy does do some digging - the neuropeptide in question is related to ones that Genesys and other companies in partnership were working on, long before they started making the Moreaus. PNK-28-N might be a workable stop-gap treatment, and they have some in town.

Flux: For some reason I can’t stop thinking about Dr Soma and her porcelain face, and the woman ‘enhanced’ by the guy that made the base we’re in now - the guy that made the mechanical owl.
Hero Shrew: Galatea.
Flux: Yeah, her.

Edited September 27, 2018 by Hermit
the admins ask folks not to use the F word

[Tech]

A winged superheroine sees a gang of supervillains that looks like it's her father's old teammates, but aren't.

 

Winged: "but, er, but, err, umm..."

(GM has villains talking)

Winged: "vuh, ooh, we, you, err..."

(GM villains address her) "Hey, you look like us. Join us!"

Winged: "but, um, err, daa, doh, errr."

(OOC: Me to other player) "Can you say anything else?"

Winged: "Err, duh, gah!."

(OOC: Me) "I guess not."

[Tech]

I GM'ed last Friday's episode where a group of talkative villains from different GMs met the group of heroes.

 

One of the villains calls out: "I have the biggest ego!"

another yells: "No! I do, you fool!"

a different one yells, "No! I do!"

yet a fourth, "I have the largest ego of all!"

 

One of the heroes comments to no one in particular, "I don't know if that's something you should be bragging about."

[Tech]

From a game a long time ago, a villain decides to insult the team brick:

 

Villain: "You can't possibly stop me, you incompetent worm!"

(Player slips up in hero response): "Hey, no one calls me an incontinent word!"

 

...everybody is laughing after that.

[RDU Neil]

From a yearly game that takes place in a 31 year old campaign.

 

Me: "So you probably don't remember this, but these guys in the crystal armor and swords... they showed up in 1994, sent back in time to take out Capt. Hero. (A PC back then.)"

 

Player: "Holy crap. We've played so long we are now IN the dystopian future that they came from!"

 

Me: "I don't know whether that is cool or very sad."

[archer]

5 hours ago, RDU Neil said:

From a yearly game that takes place in a 31 year old campaign.

 

Me: "So you probably don't remember this, but these guys in the crystal armor and swords... they showed up in 1994, sent back in time to take out Capt. Hero. (A PC back then.)"

 

Player: "Holy crap. We've played so long we are now IN the dystopian future that they came from!"

 

Me: "I don't know whether that is cool or very sad."

 

Maybe it would help if the heroes traveled back in time to stop Sarah Connors.

[Dr. MID-Nite]

The Justice Defenders(hero team of my long running campaign) suspect they may be in some sort of dreamscape....

 

Sidestep: " So...whose mind are we in...or is it all of ours? "

 

Solaria: " I still have my clothes on....so not yours. "

[Cancer]

"Preventative vengeance.  Hm.  That's a concept I have to remember."

[Cancer]

(Character, orating publicly): "Do you wanna save the world?  Do you wanna save the world?!?"

 

(Same character, mumbling to himself shortly afterward): "Don't **** it up this time, idiot."

[Tech]

From our last Saturday game:

 

An npc asks our hero team, "What kind of tea would you like?"

My hero makes a joke, "Do you have liver tea?"

Two other players simultaneously say, "Give me liver tea, or give me death!"

(groan)

[Drhoz]

 

 

 

We’re looking at two more players joining the campaign.

 

Hardlight: So we’re not Quadrant anymore, and now we’re Sextant?

GM: That could be unfortunately apropos, depending how Matt’s character works out.

Flux: Oh dear.

GM: At least it means your team vehicle won’t be the Quadraphibious Qruiser anymore.

Hero Shrew: So now it’ll be the Sex Wagon?

Flux: Can I put a veto on that right now? That’s not marketable.

 

[Drhoz]

Pathfinder : The Mummy's Mask : Tomb-robbing For Fun And Profit
GM: Hmm. The first illustration for the land of Katapesh appears to be a gnollish murder orgy.
Nemat: The gnolls down that way have a certain reputation, for a reason.
Zenobia: As much as the gnolls of Katapesh NEED a good long talk from a missionary, Zenobia is a bit reluctant to actually meet her family again, any time soon.
Nemat: Perfectly understandable.

What to do with Veldriana Hypaxes, who, unbeknownest to her own party, brought them all to a building they weren’t authorised for, and hired thugs to stop anybody interfering.

Onka: Technically, the Pharaoh has first dibs, for breaking the conditions of entering the Necropolis.
Nemat: Actually, the Cult of Pharasma has first dibs.
Onka: True. But I’ll expect they’ll hand her over for trial.
Zenobia: I suppose I can put in a good word for her, if she tells us what this ‘Mummy’s Mask’ is.
Asrian: Problem there. She’s unconscious. And has a hole through her chest.

Nemat wants a look at that room under the Sanctum, that has the pool of fire.

Zenobia OoC: Just as well there aren’t any alien tripods down here.

The inscription on the pool is a prayer to Nethys, and says ‘drink this and your soul will be refreshed’.

Nemat: Nethys isn’t as bad as Boccob, but I still wonder whether this is a case of ‘drink this and flip a coin’.

Nemat was right about the keystone controlling the temple guardian too. And as a sentient creature, the guardian probably has plenty of institutional knowledge that the archeologists will love.

Zenobia: After we’ve killed all the monsters, the actual archeologists can come in.
Nemat: AHEM.

Of course, an actual cleric of Nethys would have even more institutional knowledge, but given he’s a spear-wielding skeleton it’s doubtful he’ll have a lot to say. Some kind of sign language may be necessary.

Boney: It has been a very long time since I’ve had visitors. I take it you are explorers?
Nemat: Actually, we’re more historians.
Boney: *Looking down at its hands* A VERY long time. Well then - tell me your history and I’ll tell you some of mine.
Nemat: Well then. I am Nemat Merituzat, also known as Nemat of Valat.
Boney: I know that family.
Nemat: My family tends a shrine to Wadjet, and I am pledged to their service. But I’m afraid that your language is rarely spoken in these latter days. My friend the gnoll-
Zenobia: Hello
Nemat: - knows a little, but Onka the spellsage does not, and I’m afraid my cloth-wrapped other companion isn’t very forthcoming about her history.
Zenobia: I am Zenobia, servant of the Dawnflower, and I bear my sword in Sarenrae’s name, bringing her light to dark places, and justice to the needy.

Onka: Everyone knows orcs taste terrible.

Senenmerek the skeletal champion is actually quite desperate for news of the outside world, since he’s been stuck down here in a forgotten temple for a couple of thousand years. And he has first-hand knowledge of the Plague of Madness. The historians are going to love this guy. Senenmerek also says that we’re not the first group to come into the temple, recently, although we are the least combative. In fact, we’re the third. Apparently it’s not only Veldriana Hypaxes that wanted to get into the Sanctum, and this first group walked right past the temple guardian without it noticing, and somehow made Senenmerek black out. Quite a trick, with a skeleton. He has no idea what that first group did while they were here - but that sand-demon Div creature that Asrian nailed to the floor wasn’t here before either.

Of course, the Cult of Pharasma really don’t like undead, or anybody else that removes themself from the cycle of life and death.

Zenobia: Maybe we can find one of the historians that are a little more open-minded?
Nemat: I’m sure it can be argued that this is an internal affair for the church of Nethys.
Senenmerek: I’ll have to clean.

At least Senenmerek is fine with us collecting a few minor items, as long as we leave the important ones behind. And we have that helpful map the elemental gave us too. The zombie waiting behind the next door is less helpful. Zenobia inspects the subsequent remains, because she thinks it’s a little odd it’s a zombie rather than skeletal. She’s right to be suspicious too - the body is only a few decades old at most.

Nemat: Previous failed tomb-raid?
Asrian: Could be.

And the apparently-defeated zombie grabs Zenobia by the throat.

Zenobia: What?!
Nemat: What?!?!?
Asrian: What??!??!??!
Onka: It was playing dead?!!?????!!!!

Zenobia and Onka panic, best described as the All The Nopes condition.



Zenobia’s friends bludgeon the creature to permadeath, and go find Zenobia wherever she ran off to.

Zenobia: Zombies don’t do that!!!!
Nemat: It wasn’t a zombie, it was a coffer corpse - it’s what you can get when a corpse is improperly disposed of. Like some poor fluttershyer being shoved into an airtight room.

And then we find the OTHER surprise lurking around the sanctum - one that wouldn’t even show up on a Detect Undead spell, even assuming we’d had that particular spell ready. It swings down on us from the ceiling. Maybe we were distracted by the unusually florid hieroglyphs in this room.

“Woe to you who would plunder the Reliquary of the Thrice-Divided Soul. Turn away, lest the harsh judgment of the Forgotten One fall upon you and your descendants for a thousand generations. Turn away, for his ka cannot be appeased and it shall call forth legions of the dead and the damned. Turn away, and may the All-Seeing Eye and the Lady of Graves take pity on you, for if not, the Forgotten Pharaoh shall consume you, body and soul!”

Nemat: *starts and points up at the statue in the room* that’s where the Mask WAS!

Until recently, the room contained a source of Necromantic energy of OVERWHELMING strength - even the remnant energy is alarming. This is worrying, to say the least, because we have no idea who that first group that came through are. And the Forgotten Pharaoh is probably Hakotep the First, best-known as the Sky Pharaoh, because his flying pyramid is apparently still flying around out there. Bit strange that his mask would be down here on the ground. Especially in a temple of Nethys.

 

Zenobia OoC: All in all, pretty alarming. We live in the kind of genre where you take that kind of warning seriously.
Onka OoC: It’s almost like it’s the name of the adventure. So, who’s got a flying carpet?
Nemat OoC: I’m not going NEAR that thing.

It also becomes obvious, that whoever that first group were, they looted the majority of the really interesting stuff from the other rooms, but left the merely material treasures (much of it Nethesian temple regalia by the looks of it), and minor scrolls, potions, etc. Alternatively, it might just be stuff the Div had on it when it stuck around down here.

There’s also the tomb of one Djedihepet, which going by the inscriptions is really, really old, back in the age of other essentially legendary empires, and apparently the year Wati was founded. A nice find.

Nemat: Remember, no disturbing the dead unless they disturb themselves first.
Zenobia: So no raising the dead to ask them about the founding of the city?
Nemat: *looks thoughtful*

As it turns out we disturb the tomb anyway, since it was concealing a secret passage. A magically defended secret passage. Still, nothing immediately fatal. There’s a Pearl of Power hidden down here, among other things.

Zenobia OoC: I’m just thinking a pearl would look nice on Asrian - it matches her colour scheme.

Senenmerek is bit surprised to find out the the Mask of the Forgotten Pharaoh was hidden down here.

GM: You get that skeleton jaw drop again.

Nemat: I’m starting to think the real reason the Pharaoh approved these expeditions into the Necropolis, is because he intends to reclaim the Necropolis for the living.

Of course searching the sanctum for any documents that the previous two teams of looters left behind raises its own issues, even if we do use Mend to repair any scrolls that have crumbled over the centuries. Who knew there such things as Guardian Scrolls? On the other hand, it WAS hidden with some very interesting stuff, including stone tablets.

Asrian: ‘I bring you these tablets bearing Ten Commandments!’
Zenobia: Fifteen Commandments.

Although it’s more of a Rosetta Stone, and a nice historical relic with a Comprehend Language enchantment. Still, we should probably go tell somebody about the whole ‘stolen item of vast necromantic power’ thing.

Mending is such a very useful basic cantrip, especially for archeologists.

Onka OoC: ‘You’ve entered a room that was once full of parchments, but they’ve long since crumbled to dust.’ 'Not for long! Close the door and grab a broom.'
GM: I’ve had to make so many changes to this campaign because of that spell.

We’re talking about nation-building.

Google Mini: I’m sorry, I can’t help with that. Yet.

GM: It’s only your testimony that gets the rest of the Scorched Hand off with only a ban from the Necropolis, and not execution.
Onka: ‘Sent into Pharasma’s embrace, prematurely’

Still, it’s a bit worrying that there was a major necromantic artefact in the temple of Nethys, that the Cult of Pharasma don’t know about. And the temple guardian didn’t know about. But somebody knew enough about to get in and steal it. And Veldriana knew about but somebody beat her to it. Zenobia thinks that Veldriana might help with the investigation into this Mask, if she’s told that it’s already gone. Nemat can think of a dozen ways that could backfire horribly, and points out that she’s already been given one chance to do things the right way.

Zenobia: It’s entirely likely the Cult of Pharasma are going to want to kick this one upstairs anyway.
Onka: *snort*
Nemat: Yes, the Cult of the Goddess of Death are going to kick this one upstairs - *stab*

The Cult have also organised an auction of some of the artefacts, including items we’re putting up for auction ourselves,, with the refreshments including 2000 year old honey that was found in one of the tombs. It’ll be a good opportunity to mingle with some of the more wealthy inhabitants of Wati, too.

Onka: I think we’ve been spending far too much time in tombs.
Nemat: … I understand the words but the sentence makes no sense.

There’s also a group of adventurers we haven’t met before - the Four Lanterns. They’re also the luckiest adventurers we’ve ever seen, since they came out of the Necropolis with a huge pile of loot.

GM: They’re also the most cocksure adventurers you’ve ever met.
Onka: Dead by next week.

The other attendees include somebody who’s spending most of the evening talking to himself.

All: …
Nemat: Nobody biting on that?
Zenobia: He IS just talking to himself, and not waiting for answers, is he?

Nemat: I’m torn between three options - My people! (the other academics); Ladies!; and making sure nobody is being mean to Zenobia.

Granddaughter Meshhoten: I’ve heard that mumia is a cure for Mummy Rot
Nemat: … I’d be extremely wary about that. If anything, consuming mumia is a great way to contract ghoulism. In fact, anybody that sells you mumia as a cure for Mummy Rot is probably trying to kill you.

The rumours have been getting things a bit backwards - claiming that the Scorched Hand were ambushed by low-lifes as they left the Necropolis, for example.

Coffee Merchant: I think it’s absolutely terrible the way the Cult is opening up the looting of our heritage. I hear Haty-a Oshep Kahmed is going to increase taxes on travellers from beyond the sister cities, to recoup the cultural damage.

Nemat and Asrian are particularly insulted - Asrian was born in Wati for one thing. Nemat’s counterarguments leave something to be desired though.

Nemat: On one hand, is it not better that foreigners die in the recovery of our heritage, than brave Osirii?

Nemat: If you were paying attention, that actually means ‘people are dying to get this stuff, so shut up you ignorant shit’.

Zenobia is extremely excited when clerical garb and a holy book of her faith comes up at the auction, and is so excited about her purchases she doesn’t really notice when Ptemenib, the representative of the Necropolis, leaves the auction early. No doubt we’ll find out what kind of shit just went down, later.

On the other hand, we DO benefit from a bidding war on some of the items we put up. Handy, especially given how much Zenobia just spent on some old robes and an illuminated manuscript.

Zenobia: Clearly it was all part of Sarenrae’s plan.

Something odd DOES happen when that Rosetta Stone we found is unveiled - a magical aura, definitely necromantic, sweeps across the room.

Zenobia: *hackles rising* Did anybody else feel that?
Asrian: Yessssss.

But it doesn’t seem to be the tablet itself - the cold breeze swept across the entire room, and quite possibly the town as well.

Nemat: Something is happening. Still, I don’t want to disrupt the auction *launches into a detailed impromptu lecture about the tablet, its historical importance and its enchantments*

Nemat: Because we went through all that rigmarole, we came out 800gp ahead.
Zenobia: And got to enjoy some nice goat cheese and old honey.
Onka: Goat cheese? I thought that was figs.
Nemat: Cheese-stuffed figs.
Onka: I avoided the honey.
Nemat: Why? It was perfectly preserved.
Onka: I try not to eat stuff that is thousands of years old.

GM: There’s a knock at the door.
Nemat: … do we have our weapons?
GM: No. They had you check them in or peacebind them.
Asrian: I smuggled my scimitar in.
GM: A knock followed by the door splintering as a horde of zombies shambles into the room, hungry for the flesh of the living.
Onka: So that’s what that aura was.
Nemat: Well, this is a thing that is happening. Zenobia, you’re up!
Zenobia: *turn Undead, with Sarenrae’s blessing* Return from whence you came, creatures of evil!
Nemat: Zenobia, two clerics of Nethys...
Asrian: This is not the smartest thing a zombie has ever done.

The zombies do have SOME kind of extra enhancement, but whatever necromantic aura is empowering them burns away when Zenobia calls down Sarenrae’s blessing. Following it up with a healing burst is certainly appreciated by all the civilians and adventurers that got themselves mauled by the hungry dead. Still, as we might have predicted, Wati is being overrun by more of the bastards. From the looks of it, most are from the Necropolis. Onka gets a bonk on the head as the awning outside the building gets knocked down.

Onka: OW, fluttershy, this is like being back home… I was raised by a bastard of a shaman.

The pillar in the town square that the severed hands of thieves are hung from - the “Pillar of Second Thoughts” - is looking a bit lively too. Some of the hands have broken off and are running around on the ground.

Zenobia: ...Ugh. *blasts the square with purifying fire*

After the excitement of mass zombie combat in the town square, we pause to regroup and listen for the next lot of screaming - it’s back inside the auction house. We run back inside to discover that one of the items, an elaborate sarcophagus, isn’t as empty as it was when it the Four Lanterns brought it in.

Nemat: I hate teleport technology!

The mummy smashing its way out of the sarcophagus already has the civilians paralysed with terror. It also seems disinclined to chat.

Mummy: TOMB-ROBBERS!
Zenobia: RETURN TO YOUR REPOSE, ANCIENT ONE!
Mummy: *cursing us out in Ancient Osiriani*
Onka: Do you kiss your mummy with that mouth?

 

Zenobia: THE POWER OF SARENRAE COMPELS YOU!
Nemat: Compels her to do what?
Zenobia: Lose 11 HP for a start.

The bard from the Four Lanterns runs up to try and slap some holy water on the undead, and fails horribly.

Zenobia: Well, he tried - of course ‘He tried’ is the kind of thing that gets written on tombstones.

And then the Four Lanterns wizard gets his spell off.

Nemat’s Player: It better not be fireball. Is he playing one of my wizards? “You should know better than getting into melee before the wizard gets his go.” Because another thing that gets written on tombstones is “Thou Shalt Not Fireball Your Own Party’.

Asrian finishes the mummy off with a Cure Moderate Wounds, and we run back outside - to see a pillar of utter blackness boiling up into the midnight sky over the Necropolis.

 

[Scott Ruggels2]

On 9/27/2018 at 6:00 AM, Drhoz said:

Pathfinder : The Mummy's Mask : Tomb-robbing For Fun And Profit
 

 

It's a quite entertaining read. I am towards the end of The Mummy's Mask, with 3 other players (there was a fourth, but he dropped out and one of the players took over his character). It's interesting to read how different some of your decisions were. (For instance we turned over  Veldriana Hypaxes, bound and trussed up to the Temple, where upon they executed her. But all the traps and tricks in the necropolis, as well as the wash of Necromantic energy were all familiar.   Trust me, this Module" goes on for a lot longer, and gets much wilder. I expect another 6-9 months of entertaining write ups from you guys. (We started at 1st level with brand new characters, and now we are around 12th, or so? Lots of stuff.)

 

Scott

[Duke Bushido]

The team brick is pinned, unconscious, under a van filled with unconscious villains.  The rest of the team combine isn't strong enough to move the van. Kinetica has opted. To very carefully attempt to use her AOE: Line Kinetic Pulse attack to attempt to rip away part of the van while carefully avoiding Magnificent.  After two successful blasts, she has nearly torn the van in half; one more careful blast should do it. 

 

"Okay, just like before: I focus, kind of do a wind-up a couple of times, pay attention to the torn edges of the strike zone, try to--- AH, CRAP!!  Should we have gotten the bad guys out of the van first?!" 

 

 

 

I admit, I wasn't thrilled about running a youth group when I was first pressured into it, but the last six weeks have been a real hoot! 

 

 

[Tech]

14 hours ago, Duke Bushido said:

The team brick is pinned, unconscious, under a van filled with unconscious villains.  The rest of the team combine isn't strong enough to move the van. Kinetica has opted. To very carefully attempt to use her AOE: Line Kinetic Pulse attack to attempt to rip away part of the van while carefully avoiding Magnificent.  After two successful blasts, she has nearly torn the van in half; one more careful blast should do it. 

 

"Okay, just like before: I focus, kind of do a wind-up a couple of times, pay attention to the torn edges of the strike zone, try to--- AH, CRAP!!  Should we have gotten the bad guys out of the van first?!" 

 

 

 

I admit, I wasn't thrilled about running a youth group when I was first pressured into it, but the last six weeks have been a real hoot! 

 

 

 

Nah, you don't have to get them out... they'll just be bruised or with minor cuts if they're lucky. If they weren't lucky, hospital or worse...

[Duke Bushido]

As this was an armored Chevy P30 disguised as a food truck, I ruled that when Magnificent attempted his PRE Attack by lifting it over his head and attempting to shake them out the side window that they had "fortunately" fallen behind some of the appliances and slid to one end of the truck.   First time role-players, age average 14.  They couldn't be expected to go through motions they hadn't learned yet.

 

 

[Drhoz]

Champions - Return to Edge City : The Clue Bat
Quadrant! Soon to be renamed!

Flux: Human technomancer, somewhat paranoid.
Hardlight: Green-lantern wannabe and walking faux pas
Fireflash: Brilliant teen who also happens to be a superheroine
Scooter ‘Hero Shrew’ Sorex: Strip-club splatter (like a bouncer, but with more force).

NPCs:

‘Nick’ : Fox-Moreau grifter recently exposed as a spy for the criminal genetic engineer Dr Steiner
Doctor Soma: Apparently a steampunk automaton, who provides medical aid for the Moreau community.
Simon: Tiger-Moreau and advocate for the Edge City anthropomorphs.
Madam Lil: Another pillar of the Moreau community. Runs a brothel.

GM: If you ever find out who Doctor Soma actually is you’re going to be surprised.
Hero Shrew OoC: It’s Mechanon, they had a sex change.

Scooter is at the hospital waiting to talk to “Nick’, when there’s a pop and a young woman appears out of thin air.

Hero Shrew: I thought this hospital had anti-apparation wards. No wait, that’s Hogwarts.

It’s one Ms. Alicia Coronado, a teleporting courier, delivering those artificial neuropeptides we need. She wisely decided that she’d make more money as a courier than as a superhero.

Hero Shrew: And probably save more lives, transporting live organs.
Fireflash: And short-lived radioisotopes.

‘Nick’ doesn’t wake up, but at least he isn’t getting worse.

Hero Shrew: Doesn’t the internet have some kind of back-up in case bits of it get taken down?
Flux: ….. Yessss.
Hero Shrew: So wouldn’t they need to take down a bunch of the server things at once?
Flux: This is the most intelligent thing I’ve ever heard Scooter say.
GM: Simple, not stupid.
Hero Shrew: Would the server-thingies write down what they’d been told to do?
Flux: … we need to acquire some logs.
Fireflash: Wouldn’t we need beaver-Moreaus for that?
Hero Shrew: Am I going to have to beat up a crocodile drummer again?

GM: YES! Thankyou!!
Hero Shrew’s Player: What did I just miss?
Flux’s Player: He rolled Unluck for you and Hardlight and now he’s grinning.

When Hardlight and the others reach the first comms tower, there’s five wolf-Moreaus sitting around the only access door.

Wolf-Moreau: What do you need to get in there for?
Hero Shrew: Well, somebody took down the entire Freeweb in the Zoo a few hours ago, and we’d like to know who. And Why. Although we have a pretty good idea who. Anyway, we need to see the … twigs? Logs.
Hardlight: We have a permit from the ECPD to look at the logs.
GM: No you don’t.
Hardlight OoC: I’m lying!
Hero Shrew: Permit? When did we get that?

Apparently this fast-talking works, despite Scooter. Or they were hoping we’d show up. They call out to a very attractive black wolf-Moreau who was working inside.

Wolf-Moreau: Oh, it’s all four of you, good. Come in.
Hero Shrew: Hey, hot female Moreau, I’m following her right in.
Wolf-Moreau: Before we get started, there’s something I need to tell you. And Scooter, you’re not allowed to tell anybody. Not every Moreau you meet is a Moreau. *all her fur vanishes and she turns into a human* Hi. Jenna Sterns, Steelstrider Clan.
Hero Shrew: Aw. You were hotter with the fur.

Apparently Edge City’s werewolf clan have been living undisguised in the Zoo. Jenna has also found the hack used to kill the Freeweb in the area. It was installed months ago, but Hardlight can easily remove it, and does so within seconds.

Hardlight: OK, fixed.
GM: Oh really?
Hardlight: Um, yes?
GM: OK then.
Hardlight: Uhhhh…
GM: Too late.
Hero Shrew: What did you do?
Hardlight: Fixed the Freeweb in Studio City. … wait. Oh dear.
GM: Too late! Everybody’s smartphones etc are working again. Within minutes the trending topic coming out of the Zoo is somebody’s recording of Nick’s confession. Well done.

At least Simon, the Moreau advocate, is doing a really good job addressing the larger mob, and keeping the general mood calm.

Hero Shrew: Should we go over there or would that actually kick off the riot?
Hardlight: … I’m getting a really bad assassination vibe here. We need to get there.
Flux: That WOULD be the best way to ensure a riot.
Peanut Gallery: There’s one thing you have to do first - switch off your external speakers.

Hardlight is right too - there’s a human with a pistol in the crowd, and Hardlight gets his force bubble around Simon just in time. Benny, the head of security at the Collar Club, grabs the gunman by the throat and disarms him.

Hero Shrew: Disarms or disARMS? Because that’s something I’d do.

The crowd, understandably, wants to lynch the gunman. Simon tries to calm everybody down.

Hero Shrew: Somebody is TRYING to start a riot!
Simon: *using his unnaturally powerful charisma* He’s right! If we harm that man, Moreaus EVERYWHERE will suffer!

The ECPD are a bit reluctant to send any units into the Zoo right now, too. Can’t imagine why. But they do send somebody - the Cheetah-Moreau and the Tiger-Moreau sniper that recently joined the Edge City PD training program.

GM: Guess whos training just got accelerated.
Peanut Gallery: Ah, Run and Gun.
GM: You fucker, now I have to call them that.

And then there’s a volley of loud pops all around the upper stories surrounding the square.

Hero Shrew: Gunfire!
GM: Nope - somebody set charges on all the awnings over the Agora. They’re coming down. And above that - you love them, you hate them - one of the media blimps filming the whole thing. At least this will make you look good - humans and Moreau Militia you helped establish working together.
Flux: Hardlight! Catch them with your forcefield! Scooter! Get underneath that! Brace hard!
GM: Fireflash, you must be delighted - somebody else is taking charge for once.

Hardlight: We did it! High five!
Hero Shrew: *slap!*
Flux: Aren’t you holding that awning over your head right now?
Hero Shrew: err….

Still, nobody was hurt - and the media blimp broadcast it all.

Hero Shrew: Yay, good publicity for once!

GM: The gunman has been arrested now, and has the right to an attorney. You DO NOT mess with the Miranda Rights.
Flux: Good name for a super-lawyer though - ‘Hello, I’m Miranda Wright’ ‘Really?’
Peanut Gallery: Sister of Phoenix Wright.

GM: I expected mistakes, but you actually built on your previous successes. This is unprecedented. You STAYED FOCUSED. This is unprecedented.
Hardlight: Meanwhile the real Hardlight wakes up in an Undersconsin jail cell.
GM: ‘What do you mean, the evil clone we sent is doing a better job than the real Hardlight?’
Peanut Gallery: No, the clone Hardlight is just as incompetent at being a supervillain.

GM: Who do you want to to interrogate first?
Flux: The badger?
Hero Shrew: The one you fried?
Flux: er….

Hero Shrew: Aren’t you in a band?
Geert the Gator: uh, no?
Hero Shrew: Pretty sure you’re the drummer.
Geert the Gator: No I’m not.
Hero Shrew: In fact I’m pretty sure we live in the same building.
Geert the Gator: All us Moreaus look alike.
Flux: That’s racist

Geert eventually gives up trying to lie, and confesses that he and his affiliates do work for Dr Steiner, but Lilith got all the job details and he doesn’t know where she or Steiner actually are now. Also, he’d quite like to be in a Faraday Cage right now before the bomb in his cybernetic heart gets detonated. As it turns out, Steiner was lying about the bomb. Geert just isn’t very smart. But ever since Ted the Bear passed away, there hasn’t really been anybody dedicated to teaching younger Moreaus.

GM: After Ted died the level of Moreau education went down
Fireflash: No more Ted talks.

GM: Geert just wants to hang around and bang his drum all day
Hardlight: He doesn’t have a girlfriend named Drum, has he?
Flux: And that he beats her?
Hero Shrew: I think he said bangs her all day.

Madam Lil: Scooter, are you with that fox right now?
Hero Shrew: No?
Madam Lil: Tell him he he’s got a reprieve.
Hero Shrew: I’m sure he’ll be pleased to hear that, when he wakes up. If.
Madam Lil: Now get over here.
Hero Shrew: Should I bring the others?
Madam Lil: Yes. The newest addition to our community needs an honour guard.
Hero Shrew: Who gets to be the godparents?
Madam Lil: COME HERE NOW.

It turns out that the fox spy got a reprieve because he has other responsibilities now - the newborn infant is an adorable baby fox.

Time Skip! The Zoo has been partying for weeks! ( “We can have babies now! Let’s try!”) They actually like Quadrant! Although the team might be expanding shortly...

Madam Lil has opened a clinic with a Moreau as head medic - a 9ft tall Bat-Moreau. She’s female. Extremely female. A build best described as pneumatic but not aerodynamic. Her shirt is a miracle of fabric engineering.

Hero Shrew OoC: Well, I just lost 20 IQ points.
GM: God help us all.

Hardlight: Hello, I’m Gareth Lowell.
GM: And once again, Hardlight gives away his secret identity within 60 seconds of meeting a new team member.
Hero Shrew: I heard bats give blow jobs for hours before mating.
Hardlight: *slaps a gag over Scooter’s muzzle before the fifth word*
Allana the Bat: Some bats. Not all.

Her hearing is very good, which makes gagging Scooter, and whispering to each other kind of pointless.

Hardlight: So, how do we get her to join the knitting club?
Allana: Your reputation has improved recently. I was considering asking to join.
Flux: What, really???

Flux: So, does anybody have any objections to Allana joining the team?
Hero Shrew: *Still looking up, enthralled, shaking his head*
Flux: Scooter, stop shaking your head.
Hero Shrew: But they’re in stereo!
Flux: *sigh* Allana, please understand, this isn’t sexual harassment. But if you kill him, we’ll understand.

Hardlight: I’ll need to change the team name - we can’t call ourselves Quadrant anymore.
Hero Shrew: But the Edge City werewolves might complain if we call ourselves Pentex.
Allana: Quintet. Then you can rename your team vehicle the Quinjet.
GM: That’s copyrighted.
Allana: Not in this universe.
GM: Besides, next week they’ll get another new member and have to change the name again.
Allana: I know - I just think it’s funny to make them rename themselves twice.

Flux: We’ll need to get a blood sample.
Allana: You’ll need a bigger needle.
Hardlight: What?
Allana: Superhumanly tough skin.
Flux: What, everywhere?
Allana: *sigh* Yes, they’re tough too.

Hardlight: To the Danger Room!.... Did we build that yet?
Flux: No.

We held out to the hills to test her abilities instead. She’s actually stronger than Hero Shrew, as a wrestling match proves.

Hero Shrew: Hey, not all my blood supply is going to my muscles.

And her claws make short work of Hardlight’s force walls.

Allana: They are unreasonably sharp for a biological material. I’ve never had to use them in anger before, however.
Fireflash: Spend half an hour around Scooter, that’ll change.

Hero Shrew: Well, I’m happy to have them both on the tea- Them! Them!
Flux: I’d like to apologise to both you and your breasts on behalf of Hero Shrew.