MarkusDark Posted June 29, 2003 Report Share Posted June 29, 2003 Do not name an NPC Johnson So the heroes are chatting with the local "military" about a Captain who has turned traitor and is trying to illegally capture a super by the name of Poltergeist. "So, what is his name, Major?" **Referee quickly pulls out a name from the air** "It is Captain Johnson." At this point, I saw the expression on my players faces and realized I made a mistake. "So, you are telling us you have a rogue Johnson on your hands?" "He sure is, and apparently he has a hard-on for Poltergeist..." And it just went down hill from there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loki Posted June 30, 2003 Report Share Posted June 30, 2003 Re: Do not name an NPC Johnson Originally posted by MarkusDark So the heroes are chatting with the local "military" about a Captain who has turned traitor and is trying to illegally capture a super by the name of Poltergeist. "So, what is his name, Major?" **Referee quickly pulls out a name from the air** "It is Captain Johnson." At this point, I saw the expression on my players faces and realized I made a mistake. "So, you are telling us you have a rogue Johnson on your hands?" "He sure is, and apparently he has a hard-on for Poltergeist..." And it just went down hill from there.... Markus... i beat you by like 12 hours! Funny to see we both posted on the same story though! I still smile when i think of all the low brow jokes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkusDark Posted June 30, 2003 Report Share Posted June 30, 2003 Eh, I was half asleep when I wrote it so I didn't read the past ones, figurin' you were too busy gettin' ready for Hawaii... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Killer Shrike Posted June 30, 2003 Report Share Posted June 30, 2003 Originally posted by Susano About a bunch of orcs who become US Marines. Yeah; I think I served with those guys. They are hella good with the Mark 19. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Killer Shrike Posted June 30, 2003 Report Share Posted June 30, 2003 This weekend in our CU game the PCs were finishing up a struggle with a pocket of zombies at the requisite rural farmhouse in pursuit of the shadowy Papa Zombie and his enforcer, Ogun. The previous week 2 of the PCs of our group the Millennial Men were captured by Ogun and some lesser vodoun serving Papa Z, and the two heros were entrapped in a warding circle, further surrounded by a barn full of Zombies. Major Savage, a Terran Marine from the far future crashlands nearby after falling thru a dimensional rift while doing battle against the invasion fleet of Istvatha V'han in his timeline. Picking up on a homing beacon implanted in one of the two captured PCs, he thinks its a signal from another stranded Marine and tracks it down. He kicks in the door and is quite surprised to see a small horde of 20 odd zombies standing around 2 strange looking individuals that seem to be trapped in some kind of stasis field. Chaos breaks out, and eventually he manages to free the other 2 PCs, who are unknown to him. During the fight, the player realizes he's buring through the charges on his gun at a good rate and decides its time to conserve ammo. The GM suggests he butt-strokes the Zombies instead of shooting them. The player looks at the GM strangely out of the corner of his eye and says "Uh...no, I think Ill just keep shooting". A few Phases later his ammo situation concerns him again and again the GM suggests butt-stroking the zombie. This goes on twice more, with the player looking at the GM stranger and stranger each time. Finally he breaks down and says "OK, I give up; what good would it do to stroke the zombies butts?" Myself, the other 2 players at the session, and the GM are all prior military, so we all busted up. It never occured to any of us that someone might not know what butt-stroke meant in context with a rifle and in the middle of close combat. * For those of you who dont know, in military parlance to "butt-stroke" someone means to strike them with the butt end of a rifle, preferably in the mouth or across the bridge of the nose or jaw, or at the temple. In the gut will do to, but the general idea is to mess someone up without wasting a bullet. When done in conjunction with a bayonet affixed, this is usually called "hooking and jabbing". BoneDaddy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 In my Bab 5 Hero game, where the Pcs are helping to solve the Drakh plague, one of my PCs is seriously addicted to coffee. When discussing the high price of coffee now that Earth is quarintined. a pc comented, "Let me get this straight. We are jeprodizing the Planet Earth for Coffee." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 Originally posted by Killer Shrike "OK, I give up; what good would it do to stroke the zombies butts?" So glad this wasn't a LARP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balok Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 We were chasing an enemy who was escaping on a motorcycle. We managed to stake his spokes, bring the bike to a quick stop. Apparently, the poor man's luck ran out; the GM ruled that he'd sailed over the handlebars, landed face down, and skidded to a stop. Another player commented "He must be unhappy, now!" Knowing this guy, I knew I didn't want the rest of it, but morbid curiosity won out, and I asked why. "Just look at that long face." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDU Neil Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 Several good quotes from this weekends big game... "I just pushed a man out of a 40 story window. I didn't do it just to get rid of you!" Speedball to his lady love, who he is warning to leave New York because of a terrorist threat. "Do you realize just how far in the $hitter you are when 'Eric's' character is the Good Cop!" (Rick, while the heroes are questioning a villain, and Eric, who normally plays the "grim servant o' death" type characters is the only voice of reason.) "No... really... who's the mook?" Speedball, upon meeting Nunzio for the first time. "You don't know what's going to happen when it hits you." Me (GM) "Nothing good! It's not a healing spell!" Geoff Great games create great quotes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Sarcastic Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 Years ago I ran a D&D game. As usual all the PC's were in the local watering hole. A dwarf (I think) comes up to them. Dwarf NPC: Excuse me gents, would you care to go on an adventure? (Ok, so I wasn't too inventive) PC's in unison: NO!! Dwarf NPC: Aw c'mon guys...please?!? Another amusing moment... GM (me): Ok so you do (dice roll) 8pts of damage * 6 (head shot)...hey...what's 8*6? Pete: Lots!! During a superhero game... GM(me): Ok, so he falls to the floor with a resounding thud...uh, Chris what are you doing this round? Chris: He's fallen to the ground? I get out and beat 'im in da' head!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deacon Blues Posted July 1, 2003 Report Share Posted July 1, 2003 Re: Quote all you want, we'll say more. Originally posted by Christougher Two normal muggers jump him. One pulls a pistol and says, "Give me your money and you don't get hurt." After he looks down at Moondrake's feet, he adds, "And give me them nice kicks, too." Oh, that's just beautiful. My first genuine laugh reading these. From a 7th Sea game (I'm actually responsible for this one), in which our notoriously reckless group had to figure out a way to collapse a castle on top of some giants: "Every time we go into a house looking for a prisoner or an incriminating letter, we end up burning it to the ground. But all of a sudden ..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J4y Posted July 3, 2003 Report Share Posted July 3, 2003 GM: "Dr. Destroyer's armor was somewhat unyeilding but you manage to scuff the paint work. He'll have to buff that out but it may be a while before he notices since it's on the back and his minions aren't eager to point it out to him." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Anomaly Posted July 4, 2003 Report Share Posted July 4, 2003 Okay, I admit it, these next two are from a D&D game. Hey, guys, I'm the GM 95%+ of the time, and when given a chance of play, I LEAP at it! In any case, this particular game is run by the owner of my FLGS. Said GM inists that "the dice never lie" so he made us roll our characters 3d6 in order *and* roll twice each on his patented "Good Things / Bad Things" tables (sigh). My characters stats ranged from average (9 STR) to really good (17 WIS) except for one (6 INT). He expected me to play a cleric with that wisdom, so I decided to play a druid 'just because.' I decided the reason for the druid's low INT score isn't that he's stupid, he's just very literal-minded and direct. His favorite quote: "Act first, think later. Stoping to think in the wild will get you killed." So...this druid (a halfling named 'Wren', by the way) has the usual menagerie of small animals around him at all times, even in the city. The scene: the party is trying to find the missing wife of the local brewing magnate. Following her usual routine for the day she disappeared, we've reached the shop of an artist sculptor with whom she had a weekly appointment. My animals are running around and getting into everything while the artist is busy denying he knows anything about the wife's disappearance. While this is going on, his next appointment of the afternoon walks in. She's a good-looking but snotty human woman. She seats herself on a divan, only to shriek when she sees my weasle 'Bloodspiller' perched on the arm staring at her. She leaps to her feet and swings a backhand blow at Bloodspiller while continuing to shriek. I (in character) yell "Hey! Don't touch my weasle!" ...which, as it turns out, is said just as a customer enters the store and sees/hears me yelling this at the owner... Later that same night, same game: for the 2nd time that evening, a player playing a dwarf has to bow out unexpectedly early due to family obligations coming up. The second time I look at the only other remaining player (playing an elf mage) and say "We lose more dwarves that way." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDU Neil Posted July 11, 2003 Report Share Posted July 11, 2003 ooops dual post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RDU Neil Posted July 11, 2003 Report Share Posted July 11, 2003 >>>Dear Vice President Cheney, Thank you for letting me leave alive. Yours truly, Dr. Lucas Warren<<< The scary part is, this quote is actually game relevent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nechevo Posted July 14, 2003 Report Share Posted July 14, 2003 Originally posted by Captain Obvious Crapping yourself is a 0-phase action, isn't it? Not if you are middle aged Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arandmoor_Keet Posted July 14, 2003 Report Share Posted July 14, 2003 This one was just uttered a few minutes ago during a game of Mechwarrior: Dark Age (not champions...but hey!) by my brother: "!%...if only I was shooting my own guys!" Arandmoor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gewing Posted July 14, 2003 Report Share Posted July 14, 2003 That reminds me of one! we were playing a very strange campaign where our characters were mostly from the real world (more or less) and were shifted over to one where magic worked, etc. (Mine was actually kidnapped from the back of an ambulance by Morganna Le Fey ) 2 characters, played by good friends, made mercenaries who had been working in Africa. The turned into anthropomorphic bulldogs- the "dogs of War" fairly soon we were in a situation where a heavily armored hell knight or some such was holding his sword at the throat of a little girl in front of him. CHaracter- Can you kill him? Dog of war #1: sure, no problem. ME: WIthout killing the girl? DOg of war #2 Make it difficult why don't you? They used their small gadget pool to put laser sights on their AK 47s and shoot him in the head. Originally posted by Champsguy Ah, now this reminds me of a story. One of the players in the group was a real jerk. The group was playing Mechwarrior, and the player's character (for whatever reason) had decided to pick a fight with two other PCs. He hit one of them, and rolled 2D6 for damage. The other PCs were just going to beat him up, until somebody realized what it means to roll 2D6 in Mechwarrior (punches and kicks only do 1D6 plus your strength--to get more than one die, you've got to use a weapon). They confronted the player, who said "Yeah, I stabbed you with my vibro-knife". The response of the other players? They pulled out their automatic rifles and shot him to pieces. They then looked at each other, smiled, and said: "You know what it's time for?" "Yep. Burial at sea!!!" zzziiiiiippp ------------------------------------------- Same players, same GM, different game. They were playing Star Wars, and each was a jedi from some sort of short race (I think one was a Yoda-creature, and another was something like an ewok). Anyway, they come across another jedi who has been injured, and they use their force powers to heal him up. Five minutes later, the previously-injured jedi appears in front of them, at the top of a flight of stairs. He laughs maniacally, powers up his light-saber, and says: "Foolish jedi, now you will witness the power of the dark side. Turn to the dark side now or die!" The dark jedi goes to swing his light-saber around in an impressive display, but the GM rolls a fumble, and the dark jedi accidentally cuts his own leg off and tumbles down the stairs. The two players look at each other. "Burial at sea!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 14, 2003 Report Share Posted July 14, 2003 I finally have a quote from a Champions game! Said to our mentalist who was about to attack the enemy (female) brick. "Bitch-slap her grey matter!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyDan Posted July 15, 2003 Report Share Posted July 15, 2003 Okay…I guess Ben and Darren are too busy running the company to post this week’s Quote of the Week from our gaming group…go figure! Anyways it gives me a chance to finally chime my $.02 in. And without further ado, this week’s Quote of the Week (from our game last week) goes to none other than, Darren Watts… The setup: Chris’ character, an android Fex named Krikakik is gambling away his hard-earned money (in a casino run by the local Venwordien IV mobster, Daeno…I’m sure it’s not a crooked operation at all [i say as I roll my eyes]…) from the party’s first mission to Omeglan Prime. Chris: “So I tried Plan A and it didn’t work…†Darren: “Yes, but then you tried Plan B…which was really just a retry of Plan A.†Chris (slowly): “Yeah…†Darren: “How many letters of the alphabet do you think you’re going to have to go through before ‘Plan A’ works?†Much laughter ensued. Then in typical Chris fashion, he followed up with: Chris: “Well, hopefully ‘A’.†More laughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrakazog Posted July 15, 2003 Report Share Posted July 15, 2003 D&D party is following a lead in an big city investigation. The lead takes them to an underground tavern/fight club. There is a very large half-ogre bouncer at the door. After discussing for several minutes how to gain entry, the dwarven prince (13th in line to the throne of Drozac, or Prozac as we would taunt him) walks right up to the bouncer and declares himself. "Dwarven health inspector. I need to see your kitchen." After watching the dwarf get thrown a beating in the alley, the rest of the party pays the cover and walks right in. Same party, later that very early morning: Everyone had a good time following that lead, and the party is mostly drunk. The same dwarf, having found the garbage chute and used it to gain entrance, is totally intoxicated. He passes out on the steps of the city foudner's building in the main square. Party kenku samurai decides now is great time for practical joke. Dwarf wakes up in the morning with a small human child on his back, kicking his flanks. He's on all fours. A large sign next to him on the steps reads "Free dwarf rides". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loki Posted July 15, 2003 Report Share Posted July 15, 2003 Originally posted by Thrakazog Dwarf wakes up in the morning with a small human child on his back, kicking his flanks. He's on all fours. A large sign next to him on the steps reads "Free dwarf rides". Now damn that is funny ha-ha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted July 15, 2003 Report Share Posted July 15, 2003 OK, this isn;t an in-game quote per-se, but I saw someon on the WoTC boards with this quote in his sig line, nearly busted a gut because it was so wrong, so I decided I simply MUST share: from Fool of a Took (the handle being used on the board in question) "Dad, what's the blowhole for?"-Chris *pointing to a whale* "I'll tell you what it's not for son. And then you'll understand why I can never go back to SeaWorld."-Peter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrakazog Posted July 15, 2003 Report Share Posted July 15, 2003 Same D&D group and party, different adventure: In the climactic battle, the group ambushes a convoy led by evil warlord who they've been hired to eliminate. They fight his unit and decide not to kill him in a fit of heroism. Instead they tie him up. So, as the DM, I role play the NPC. "Now what, you going to kill me?" The party confers. And confers. "Well?" The party looks about with 'what now' looks. "You don't have a plan, do you?" More intra-party looks. "You really don't have a plan! Morons! I've been captured by morons!" PC: "Um, we're taking you back to town and putting you in prison." Note: the NPC runs the town, has standing troops in town, and the prison is inside the small fort adjacent to town where his forces are stationed. NPC: "Fine. Take me back to town. Let's go." Party realizes this won't work. More 'what now' looks. NPC: "Idiots! What kind of mercenaries are you?" More looks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Posted July 16, 2003 Report Share Posted July 16, 2003 The quote that got the biggest laugh this week would not make you laugh at all in print (you had to be there). So instead I substitute the second best laugh, which is still funny in writing (and pat myself on the back in the process). GM (Me): "The surveillance tapes of the loading bay show that they put the artifacts into the back of a panel truck." Mercury: "Is there anything an emblem on the side of the truck?" GM: (Thinking about how there would be, but struggling to come up with one) "...Uh yes. It'll be... a Little Debbie Snack Cakes truck." Rift: "I pull out my handheld database of future crimes and check to see if this crime is recorded in the future events." GM: "It turns out that Little Debbie is the secret mastermind behind all crime! She's the top of the pyramid." [Laughter ensues] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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