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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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I have a PC in my game who has multiple personalities. Literally, there are two entities who share space and exist one at a time, like FIrestorm or Marvel's Captain Marvel. One is a werebear, the other is an animated teddy bear with the IQ of Einstein. Since he is now the Bear Totem, he gained a third shaman form.

 

With other playing commenting on the interaction on personalities, imagine a wise shaman bear-man shrugging his shoulders, saying,

 

"Yes, I suppose I am, in fact, Yoko Onno."

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From this week.

 

Neil: "Look, I don't have to Roleplay being Ignorant."

___

 

Later, we find a Magic Ring of Elemental Power. Massively powerful, and deep down we all knew that the GM was messing with our heads.

 

So, being good greedy little PCs, we diced for it. Neil won. So, Joe works out a trade to Neil for his ring of Clinging.

 

They capped the deal with Joe saying, "Ok, it's done. I just traded away my best magic item for the Cursed Ring of Doom."

 

D

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Originally posted by White Heat

Whaaat? Did people suddenly stop talking during games? How can this be?

Relax. I'm sure a good few quotes will pop up in tonight's game. After all, Burns will be there... :D

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From last night's game:

 

"You're not evil. You're vulgar and stupid, but you're not evil."

 

"This is a good Hot Pocket."

"Yeah. They're even better if you don't put your butt on them."

 

"You'll give me the file for $5000? Are they're any copies?"

"I have a disc in a safe place. You'll get the disc when I get the money."

"Where's the disc?"

"In my pocket."

"You're new to this, aren't you?"

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"Why are you asking me? You're the one in tights!"

-Normal NPC's response when questioned about what was going on.

 

While attempting to free an item from a web, I pulled, tugged and eventually began chewing my way through. My intrepid team-mate looks over at me and says, "Dude! You know that came from a spider's butt?!!"

 

 

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At our game yesterday.

 

GM: Would you guys rather roll hit locations yourself, or have me roll them for you?

 

ME; I'd rather roll my own, (beat) hit locations that is.

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I didn't write it down, so some of the details may be lost.

 

The time -- Yesterday afternoon.

 

The game -- D&D

 

The DM -- Klytus

 

The players -- Jehan, a wizard, and Ashe, a Tiefling fighter-rogue

 

Necessary things to know -- one of the players had been making comments about the cleric whose room was being searched offering sacrifices of goats to her god. There had been much reference to goat's blood; every time Ashe opened an item in the cleric's room, the first thing Eddie said was, "Is there any goat's blood?"

 

The situation -- on a previous visit Ashe had been interrupted while trying to open a mysterious locked case he found inside a trunk with an amazing lock. He returned later with Jehan, who was supposed to be a lookout. Ashe botched a couple of attempts to get the case open, so Jehan came in with scrolls of Knock to open the case. The case opens.

 

Jehan: What's in it? I bet it's a Basilisk's head...

 

Comment of the week #1:

G.O.D: Roll to save.

 

Jehan: ::blinks, mouth open, stunned look on his face::

 

Long pause, mostly filled with OOC comments from the players who are somewhere else in the keep.

 

G.O.D: Psyche!

 

Jehan: ::recovers his wits:: Ok, so what's really in the case?

 

G.O.D: You see a bundle wrapped in black satin.

 

Players in general: Ooh, black satin, not a good sign.

 

Ashe: Ok, so I lift the entire bundle out of the case and unwrap it. What's inside?

 

Jehan's player: Black satin? Or is it a portable hole?

 

Female player: Tampons! (it's a female cleric, after all!)

 

Eddie: Is there any goat's blood?

 

Comment of the week #2:

G.O.D: Okay! Okay! You win! It's a portable hole filled with 600 feet of tampons soaked with goat's blood! Are you happy now?!

 

We couldn't breathe for 20 minutes.

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i took my wife through a BS fantasy game the other night to introduce her to roleplaying a little. i gave her a generic fighter i had made, you know, 20 STR dumber than a box of rocks farmboy who knows how to use a sword. the PC is waiting in a tavern for a friend who lives in this new town. two guys see the greenhorn country boy and decide to pick on him. one walks over and grabs him by the shoulder and says "my friend over thre says you owe him a drink! " the pc replies "i don't think so." so the bad guy takes his best roundhouse to the PCs nose. after PD and all that is figured in his best roundhouse has absolutely no effect. the PC, still sitting down, just looks at him and says "i thnk maybe you should buy ME a drink." bad guy scampers away quickly

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Warning, long setup

 

A few years back, we had a Star Hero game with heavy Traveller influence, that ran for many years, in which my character developed a reputation for firing "mouth torpedos".

 

One of the major antagonists during the campaign was Duke Isstvan Von Losch, who had a side business of creating artificial people, primarily for the elaborate theatre acts aboard his ship (where many of these AP's were actually killed during the performances), but also creating AP assassins and duplicates of people in positions of authority (okay, one that we're sure of -- sort of -- who was killed publicly by a PC who was either unknowingly an AP, or the person later AP's were modelled on).

 

One of the NPC's in the ship's crew was an AP who had escaped. Despite her extensive skill at all things combative, and the fact that she joined the crew under an assumed identity, she was eventually accepted by the rest of the crew. She did, at least, have a passionate hatred of Isstvan (or pretended to), and an enemy of our enemy was good enough for us.

 

At one point the group was attacked by a couple of competent bounty hunters who had stowed away aboard their ship, and after defeating them, stashed them in an airlock. A long argument (20+ minutes of roleplay) over their fate ensued, with my character wanting to put them off at the next port, and the NPC arguing that the only thing that would stop them from coming after us again would be to kill them.

 

The more unrelentingly she argued for their death, the angrier my character got with her, and when she finally issued an ultimatum that if he didn't order them killed, she'd do it herself. He hissed at her, "Isstvan made you well", and stomped off to the bridge.

 

She went back to her quarters, grabbed her 20mm Light Assault Gun, and put a hole in the head of the first "person" she saw (which happened to be one of the ship's security 'bots, much to the chagrin of the Android PC who was trying to uplift it to sentience).

 

To this day, anytime someone in that group says the worst possible thing in a situation, it gets a response of "Isstvan made you well."

 

In my mind, though, a good runner up was him telling The Emperor, "In the game of chess, the King and the Pawn both go back in the same box when the game is over." Luckily, The Emperor conisdered the group in a friendly manner at the time, but that strained things a bit. :rolleyes:

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Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

 

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

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Originally posted by RevHooligan

Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

 

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

 

We had a bug and on the battlemat in the middle of a pitched battle - "Look out for the Giant Fly!"

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Dice on the Mat

 

When I ran games at College we always used a battle mat. Well, one of the rules was that you were suposed to roll on a non-mat surface because when you rolled on the mat three things usually happened: 1) your dice kept rolling for somewhere around 20-30 seconds (I kid you not), 2) the dice ALWAYS ended up rolling low, 3) and since we never had enough miniatures, half of the bad guys were dice so when you "went bowling", so to speak, it usually screwed something up on the mat.

 

Well we had this one player who simply never listened or learned, and every time his d20 knocked over his mini on the mat:

 

"Oh and Steve just got hit by a boulder for 2d20 damage!"

 

He got hit by no less than 2 mysterous boulders per session for two whole years of play.

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Demon: The Fallen game. We were in a Siege Tower orginally built to breach the Walls of Heaven during the War, but now would act as a gateway to Hell if the door were opened. We had gotten our hands on some Artifacts, were standing in front of the Door deciding what to do, and the Big Bad Guy of the campaign was standing behind us, all menacy.

 

Our planning consisted of me turning to one of the other characters and saying:

 

"On the count of two-- we're going to get killed."

 

Strangely enough, we all knew what that meant, and the plan went without a hitch :)and we got killed.:D

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Originally posted by RevHooligan

Tonight we we playing and were interupted by an ant that wandered onto the table. I scooped it up with an empty Chessex dice cube and we were staring at it when my fiance came in and said:

 

"Aren't you guys geeking out enough? Now you have an ant farm?"

 

Ahh yes the quote from the fiance! lmao that is very funny :D

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In our Saturday D&D game, one of our players is a wizard who has fallen in love with the spell Phantasmal Killer. For those of you who don't know, this spell can kill you instantly if you fail 2 saving throws: one WILL save to deisbelieve the illusion, the second a FORTitude save to avoid dying of a heart attack. Anyway, I could never figure out why he loves this spell so much, because it had never worked, not even once. The last straw came when they were fighting a band of 3rd level orcs. He couldn't even get the spell to work on an orc under the effects of Confusion. I made a crack about his repeated casting's of Phantasmal Failure.

 

Wizard: Did you just call it Phantasmal "Failure"?

DM: Yep.

Wizard: I want to be angry, but that's so damn funny...

 

The spell has now picked up all sort of permutations on that theme, Phandismal Failure being the most recent. It's now a grudge for him: he will continue to memorize it and use it until it works at least one - even if it has to be against a paraplegic kobold with typhoid.

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I can't believe I'm the only one with a group that can kick out good quotes here lately...

 

This is from a Vampire game we play in. The main character in question is Chance (i.e. Lucky) LeBlanc, a gambler. He has a girlfrend named Franchesca.

 

Player 1: "So, Chance, are you feeling lucky?"

Chance: "No. That's Francesca's job"

Player 2: "Wait a minit -- you named your ::ahem:: 'Lucky'?"

Player 3: "Wll it sure beats Mr. Happy!"

Chance: "No... that's Francesca's job!"

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And then there was this conversation about evil D&D clerics.

 

Player 1: "Evil clerics have it made. They can command the undead to do their bidding."

Player 2: "Yo! Go to the river and do my laundry!"

Player 3: "Eww! Who wants bits of dead flesh on your clothes?"

Player 4: "That's why you use skeletons."

Player 2: "Exactly! And then when the skeletons are done with the washing, they can double as a drying rack."

 

I have some wierd friends...

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It helps to be the scribe

 

From an old AD&D game:

 

We're fighting a group reputed to be much more powerful than we are. After a few rounds, the other group tries to intimidate us with their massive reputation. Our fighter/mage is dueling the other team's weaponmaster, who's supposed to be practically unbeatable. The F/M responds to the weaponmaster's taunts with: "My weapons are bloody, are yours?"

 

Later, we were facing waves of undead. My cleric had turned the first few groups, then botched his turn rolls on the next couple. When the others accused him of incompetence: "My holy symbol gets tired after a while!"

 

We'd been fighting hobgoblins for a while, and were really getting sick and tired of them. The fighter/mage declares: "I see a hobgoblin, I kill the man wearing it."

 

In an underground city, we needed some prisoners to interrogate. While fighting a bunch of derro, our mage fireballs a group of richly dressed temple leaders who used some kind of Horn magical item to attack us. They would have been good sources of information, so we were a bit peeved at the mage. His reply was: "They blew a horn right at me, what was I supposed to do?"

 

To the (new) unscrupulous fighter in the group who had problems hitting in his first few fights: "They're unconscious, Oridio, we'll let you kill them."

 

The mage insulting the ranger: "The only inanimate object I talk to is Jimmy."

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

In the very temporary Aberrant game, the energy blaster is facing a foe who is immune to energy blasts. Desperate, he tries to impress his opponent with his martial arts battle cry: "Hong Kong Phooey! General Tsoa! Kung Fu!"

 

Our group split up to case the grounds of a public ceremony we were supposed to protect later in the day. Our telekinetic didn't return until after the ceremony started: "I was getting my mustache darkened."

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

During a Rifts game, the group is watching a gladiator prize fight. In this particular fight was our blond, blue-eyed ex-military team leader versus the new guy on the team who was playing the chaotic stupid jerk. Everyone bet their money on the team leader (and won). The jerk asked later why we had done that. The most polite answer was: “Always bet on the blonde.â€

 

Assorted lines I don't remember the circumstances for:

“You really are an idiot, aren't you?â€

“The time for subtlety is gone.â€

“Now that it’s been explained to me, it makes sense!â€

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From last week's Vampire game.

 

Chance: Why Burns, can't you see she's just trying to expand your horizons?

 

Burns: Well, Chance, the thing is, is that I don't consider mental illness to be a redeeming trait.

 

Chance: But Burns, your problem is that you don't know how ill you already are.

 

Burns: ...

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D&D = Dang Dwarves

 

D&D can conjure up some truly great moments.

 

This happened years and years ago, in the first D&D game I ever played. We're in a dungeon, of course, and we've found a room with various magical items on display, most of them divine in nature. Our dwarven fighter/cleric--who is a notorious lech, referring all too frequently to "Captain Happy"--finds a hammer with the emblem of his god Moradin on it, prays suitably for some time, then reverently reaches for it.

 

DM: You pick up the hammer. Immediately, your entire body turns grey and gritty--

Ranger: Hell, he's been turned to stone??

Mage: Nobody panic! I think I've got a scroll of Stone to Flesh--

DM: Living stone. He can walk, talk, and take actions in a perfectly normal way. He's just made of solid stone. Clothes and all.

Me: Do I get to use my "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" line now?

Ranger: No.

DM: You now have a CON bonus of--

Dwarf: Wait. Wait. Where's Captain Happy?!

DM: Captain Happy is *gone*, okay?

Dwarf: NOOOOO! CAPTAIN HAAAAPPPYYYYY!! I drop the hammer!

DM: You can't. It's become part of your hand. This is clearly a blessing of your god and should be viewed as a great honor . . . are you listening to me at all?

Dwarf: NOOOOOO!! CAPTAIN HAPPY, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

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