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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Played in a D&D game last night. We've been playing this campaign for just under 2 years now. Its a Kalamar version of "Against the Giants" Started out with two concurrent groups of 1st level characters then when we were all about 7th level the GM threw the two groups together and found a day when the majority of players could show regularly.

We're now about 11th level with one new guy at 8th and one NPC turned PC at 14th. We have been fighting the Frost Giants and its been. Interesting.

 

Last night we 8 characters found evidence that there was a few living prisoners held by the giants. So we raided a small section of the fortress.

Opponents: 6 Hill Giants (remnants from the hill giant stedding we all but demolished) and 7 Frost Giants.

 

Our plan: Amator (my Wizard/Fighter/weirdo) and Sobryn (Wizard/Fighter) stocked up on FIreball, I have a few odd Fire based abilties due to naked exposure to the Elemental plane of fire) and we polymorphed into FireGiants and went to "Talk" to the Frost Giants.

The other 6 characters went to lberate the prisoners from the Hill Giants.

It was a route. The wall of fire/Enhanced Fireball/My Fireball combo practically killed all seven Frost Giants in round one. The Hill Giants were slaughtered by our Double Sword weilding weapons master, Two Theives, and Dwarven Ranger with Giant as his primary favored enemy.

 

Anyway. The Quote. (From the Dwarf who was now barganing for the surrender of the remaining three Hill Giants.

 

"I need three things: Information, the Hostages, and your word you will leave and never return"

 

Giant: "Okay"

"I only need one of you for this, so if you try anything I will kill you and negotiate with the others."

 

Giant (to his comrades): "I must go with dwarf. You guys stay here and fight to death."

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Top Secret

 

We were playing TOP SECRET (espionage role playing). In this particular scenario we were trying to catch a foreign super-spy. We see this guy take off in his souped-up Porsche 911 that could, without straining the engine, break the sound barrier. So, we all pile into our vehicle to chase him. Our vehicle was an armored limousine (max speed 120 mph). Somehow, my character ended up driving. So, we're chasing this guy at our maximum speed and he is like just a dot on the horizon, when, suddenly the GM says, "OK you come up on a tight curve. There's no time to stop. What do you do?"

 

I say, totally calm, "I'll take the turn, max speed." Some of the other players started screaming, "Seat Belts!" The rest were just screaming.

 

The GM asks, "OK, by the way, do you have Combat Driving Skill?"

 

Me: "Uhhh ... No"

 

GM: "OK, let's see, 120 mph, your probability of making the turn is ... ummm ... 1%"

 

Other Players: "AAIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

 

Believe it or not, I actually made the roll. The GM's eyes are as big as saucers. The other players are fainting with relief. I turn, still totally calm, and say, "Relax, Guys. It's a company car."

 

That became our stock response whenever someone suggested doing something ridiculously dangerous and highly unlikely.

 

(The bad guy, by the way, had completely vanished by the time we rounded the curve. So, the awesome roll was wasted except for the fact that no one died.)

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Quote of the week from our game's teleporter, Daniel "Warp" Stone -- who has Tesseract as a Hunted.

 

Only in his case, 'Hunted' means 'She's romantically fixated upon him and keeps stalking him -- at the most inconvenient-to-his-Secret-ID times she can possibly think of'.

 

Quote after her latest (unsuccessful) attempt to talk him out of his pants -- "Why can't I attract a sane teleporting supermodel?"

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My quote comes from my Sunday D&D group... made by me acutally. Hell, I even got applause for it because it fit.

 

Note: You would have needed to have seen episodes from the second series of Coupling... the British version, not the American attempt.

 

Situation: Epic level characters, running about this dungeon, sort of, trying to get items to defeat the big bad guy at the end of it.

Well, we're trying to make a deal to get these to tribes of shapechangers to allow us to draw down their moon, which will have the item we need.

One of the conditions was that one of the werewolves wanted to eat the leg of a half-elf while the victim was still alive. Well, the only half-elf in the party was our wizard-rogue. We figured out a way we could do this so he wouldn't feel any pain, but he was still very apprehensive about it. So, jokester that I am in real life, I adopted the proper accent, and said:

 

"We have the key to getting the item... but you have too many legs!"

(Quoted from an episode of Coupling, as stated earlier. Good show, mind you.)

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A character who can detect "spirit power" (ie, magic) notices a wall radiating it. He walks up to it, and a ninja jumps out from behind the (illusionary) wall and attacks.

 

"Oh, it's a ninja disguised as a wall."

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The quotes were crawling out of the woodwork in last Saturday's D&D game.

 

First, the party rogue (Ashe) gets turned to stone by a beholder. This prompts a few jokes about Ashe being "scared stiff". When the party realizes no one has Stone to Flesh, the wizard (Jehan) quipped "Did you ever get that not-so-flesh feeling...?"

 

Later, the party wizard (Jehan) gets hit with a spell that ties him up in flaming chains. The party dwarf (Serilde) offers. "I'll help ya, mage. I spit on ya!"

 

Still later, Ashe (now feeling much better) flanked an enemy monk and, from behind, delivered a sneak-attack with a Bastard Sword of the Sun. Somebody remarked. "Wow! I guess the sun really does shine there after all!" Which drew the remark, "Cruel, but funny." Which is what drew the follow-up remark. "Butt funny, indeed!"

 

And finally, in that same fight, Ashe declares he is using a spring attack. The party cleric (Des) asked (out of character) "What's a spring attack?" So Ashes player starts to explain, "Well, I start here, and then I...." at which point, the sorceress' (Hanna) player interrupted and said "... wait until the Spring!"

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Originally posted by Klytus

Later, the party wizard (Jehan) gets hit with a spell that ties him up in flaming chains. The party dwarf (Serilde) offers. "I'll help ya, mage. I spit on ya!"

 

You've reminded me of an AD&D game from my college days roughly 20 years ago. We were in a dungeon and had found a wand. Nobody had an easy way of identifying it's function (magic), so the GM said we'd have to use the old trial and error method.

 

Two hours later (Real Time), we're all disgusted because we can't figure what the damned thing did. We've tried all reasonable guesses, and many unreasonable guesses. The one that broke the group up, though, was this:

 

The dwarf fighter has just been handed the wand for his try.

 

Dwarf: "I spit on the ground and step on the spit."

DM: "What for?"

Dwarf: "To see if I can walk on water. Does it work?"

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In a campaign I'm playing, these street gangs were given designer drugs that could duplicate super powers; however the drug would destroy your body after a few uses. Anyway, after catching one of the gang members and interrogating him, he just stated that a man in a trenchcoat just walked up to them and offered them super powers. My character's response to this was "You mean like Mojojojo from Power Puff Girls??" I was then banned from interrogating him.

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Originally posted by Stephen Mann

You've reminded me of an AD&D game from my college days roughly 20 years ago. We were in a dungeon and had found a wand. Nobody had an easy way of identifying it's function (magic), so the GM said we'd have to use the old trial and error method.

 

So what DID it do?

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Originally posted by Mayday

So what DID it do?

 

After 20 years, I don't remember. All that I do remember about it was that we didn't discover what it did in that session. We actually held on to it for a while before we either lost it or used it.

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From Champions, even

 

So the heroes have been lured to a trap set by the Black Harlequin (yes, from Champions Battlegrounds). They haven't faced the Harlequin before, so they're not 100% sure of his MO. Some of the traps have had holographic lures, others real people.

 

A woman hangs over a train track. A killer teddy bear with a knife is sawing at the ropes to drop her to her death. 6 more toys are swarming towards her. Snake, the martial artist, begins battering and breaking toys, but asks, "Do they feel mechanical, or are there, like, little men inside ?". Reassured that they seem robotic, he smashes all of them (aided by the delaying tactics of Dark Matter Lad, master of force walls).

 

But the woman falls onto the tracks, and a train approaches. Snake leaps over, scoops her up, and leaps to safety (anime superleaping). And Dark Matter Lad asks, "Does she feel mechanical, or is there a little man inside her ?"

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That sounds really familiar, was it John Kelly's campaign at the UW?

 

Originally posted by Stephen Mann

You've reminded me of an AD&D game from my college days roughly 20 years ago. We were in a dungeon and had found a wand. Nobody had an easy way of identifying it's function (magic), so the GM said we'd have to use the old trial and error method.

 

Two hours later (Real Time), we're all disgusted because we can't figure what the damned thing did. We've tried all reasonable guesses, and many unreasonable guesses. The one that broke the group up, though, was this:

 

The dwarf fighter has just been handed the wand for his try.

 

Dwarf: "I spit on the ground and step on the spit."

DM: "What for?"

Dwarf: "To see if I can walk on water. Does it work?"

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Brian: See, your powers are only similar to Cheshire Cat's, whereas mine are pretty much an exact duplicate.

Adam: Well, yeah, except Cheshire Cat doesn't have any indirect attacks.

Ian: Teleportation + Stealth = Indirect.

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So, the players (pulp heroes) are in a very busy Chinatown speakeasy, and they've found that a man at the bar seems to know more than he should about their current predicament. Try as they might, they can't get him to actually say anything useful. By this time, around 20 other customers have gathered around them. They are at an impasse, but reluctant to leave, afraid they'll never find the man again if they lose him.

 

Then, then, one of the melee types exclaims - "Wait! I know what to do! I haven't used my Impulsive [disad] yet! I kick him in the head!" The other players (mostly somewhat low on combat abilities) were horrified. I, the GM, was delighted. Chaos ensued.

 

Lamrok

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Originally posted by gewing

That sounds really familiar, was it John Kelly's campaign at the UW?

 

Nope, it was (I think) Gary Ritzenthaler's at SUNY Geneseo. The problem is that I was in a couple of different campaigns all at the same time, and after 20 years, I have problems remember what happened in which group.

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During a D&D game at a Hexacon a few years back, our group had to get past a group of six armed guards surroungind a wicker dragon. The guards were posted evenly around, and with the whole think and the end of an alley, there was no way we could sneak some of around back while other distracted the guards. On top of this, we only had 4 1st level characters with us.

 

Our brilliant plan: Our elven theif charges one of the guards and attacks. Three other guards rush to aid their comrade. My sorcerer then casts Sleep, successfully knocking out three of the guards, leaving our theif to dispatch the last. Now the odds are 2:1 in our favor.

 

Our GM simply remarks: "That gotta be the most ceative use of an elf I've ever seen."

 

----------------------------------------------

 

For my Champions game, there are too many quotes, but each of them are posted to my web site here (the rest of the site isn't done yet, no peeking!).

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Started a 200 point Champions game. During a press conference viper attacks to quickly beat and discredit the heros. Durring the combat, team mage Strangefate casts a aoe entangles, isual of horned demons erupting from hellfire to grab the agents and hold them off the ground.

 

Sunbeam, the devote follower of Allah, looks at me and says in a flat voice. " I attack the demons with my 4d6 rka explosion." The agents will get hurt too you know, i reply.

 

She looks at me, smiles innocently, and states, " The infidels were going to burn eternally anyway, so I help."

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Originally posted by Avatar

She looks at me, smiles innocently, and states, " The infidels were going to burn eternally anyway, so I help."

 

A Muslim character said this at a PRESS CONFERENCE in the US?

 

I think VIPER just won.

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A team member, Hank, has an ability to attune his senses to one material. That is, he could "sniff" for gun powder and on a successful role he could find it; He could eliminate "stone" from his senses and temporarily see through brick walls as if they weren't there.

 

One of our vehicles is crushed by the enemy. We gather together to continue and try to jam into one vehicle. There is one female team member. The following exchange takes place (I'm paraphrasing)...

 

GM: "You are all exhausted. You're going to have to roll.

Dr. Jack: "I failed mine. Can I medicate?"

GM: "Make your medical roll." [rolls] "Yes, you will be fine for 3 hours."

Gabriel: "I failed mine, can I have some?"

GM: "You're both fine, but you will crash in 3 hours."

Gabriel: "Whose lap does Christine get to sit on?"

Me: "I put her on Hank's. It's best she sit on the 70 year old man rather than the viagra crew over here."

[laughs]

GM: "As you approach, the walls of the manor are stone but covered in paneling in places."

Christine: "Hank, Can you share your sense so I can see through the walls?"

Dr. Jack: "I'll bet she can see wood!"

{more laughter]

 

Joke went right over Christine & Hank's player's heads, but killed the four of us at the other side of the room.

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Originally posted by Brandi

A Muslim character said this at a PRESS CONFERENCE in the US?

 

I think VIPER just won.

 

Luckily, two of the other heroes had moved the crowd out of harms way...and except for another two of the heroes, no one heard her. But I'm waiting for her to do it again.

 

 

More recently, I set the new group of heroes againt 10 Spec Op, the old capture the flag game. Tundra, the 1980's iceman clone, was shouting out in warning. "Common, guys, I respect what you do, I really don't want to fight." Out of the bushes, with complete surprise, two ak-47's spit lead, and Tundra has multiple holes. Shaking off his con stun, he turns to where the bullets came from and shouts out. " I may respect ya, but someone is getting frostbite." and starts blanketing the area in his 9d6 cold ray. I loved it.

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This was several years ago, when I was trying, yet again, to GM a game that the group I played with would like (we were very lazy and not prone to playing anything that wasn't 2nd Edition AD&D). I'm trying to get them into The System That Must Not Be Named *coughFuzioncough* and am running them through a variant of the BubbleGum Crisis setting: for those who don't know, BGC is a futuristic cyberpunk anime with a superpowerful megacorp that manufactures, among other things (they are responsible for like 85+% of all products in the world, like a cross between the Tyrell Corp from Blade Runner and Wal-Mart), cybernetic organisms called BUMAs (they called them Boomers in the dub and the book, but I've heard the original, and it's Buma, dammit). Anyway, the characters are all members of the overworked, underpaid, and underarmed Armored Defence Police. These are the guys who are supposed to stop, among other things, rampaging BUMAs, usually by getting shot until the BUMA runs out of ammo, then getting beat on till the BUMA gets tired. They are supposed to be acting as security at an awards dinner when several BUMA, currently in use as waitstaff, decide to go nuts and kill a lot of people. While the players scamper and try to (a) not die, and (B) stop other people from dying, one of the dignitaries gets emulsified across most of a wall. As they try to get his young daughter (it is an axiom that brilliant scientists must have a cute daughter), she asks, "Where is my Daddy?"

 

The wanna-be Jedi (please, don't ask) replies, "That depends. Are you a religious person?"

 

To this day, that still sticks with me as an amazingly cool-yet-soulless thing to say to someone in that situation.

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Running a space opera/military drama game in the Sillouet system set to the back-drop of a repeat of the American Civil War across the backdrop of the entire galaxy, my players are test pilots for modular mecha called "Arms" (so named because of the two standard vehicular combat chassis, one has two arms and the other doesn't) with a Lieutenant for a CO who insists that his squad refer to him as "the Master Chief" (too much HALO...heavily based him on the Seargent/Teacher from Starship Troopers) and hates being called "Sir" ("Sir? I work for a living soldier!")

 

Anyway, driving back to the base from leave, they're cut off in traffic and nearly run off the south Olimpus Highway (they're on a teraformed Mars...faaaaar future) just to the south-west of the base by a totally bomb red-head in a sweet hi-performance hovercar.

 

Not to be outdone by a woman who think's she's all that (they're test pilots after all...THEY'RE suposed to be all that ;) ) the PCs of course chase her as best they can and get completely left behind in her dust.

 

Back at base (finally), they spot the car and the driver (called Ace...also the best pilot in the group...at least in his head) and the ever-adventurous Running Man (you'll see the point to his name in a bit) track her down to the main testing center fully intent on giving her a big piece of their minds (well Ace was at least...I'm still pretty sure Running Man was fully intent on giving her a piece of something else...hehhehheh...so predictable)

 

Well, as Ace's "what in the hell do you call that?" rant starts up along side Running Man's pickup lines in walks the Master Chief who immediately calls "attention! Now salute the admeral pilots."

 

Of course the look on their faces was priceless (it seemed obvious to me, but I guess the possibility of her being an officer never occured to them) it was what Running Man said next...

 

MC: "Dismissed!"

RM: "Yes Mam!"

 

He's still running laps I think...

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