Enforcer84 Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... My buddy ran a Marvel Universe campaign where one of the players, a norse "commando" () basically goaded Sabertooth into an ill advised attack on said Asgardian by pointing out that he was an immortal goon. IIRC it was: "So you've been a lacky for the last 50 years. You know, most Immortal villains actually do something with their time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remjin Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... She stepped forward again, and leaned over the table, her nose mere inches from his, staring into each other's eyes. "But let me ask you something, Creed. Here we sit, in a prison. You've got those little restraints on. I don't. When the warden walked out, he locked the door behind us. Now, I know they could get that door open again pretty quick, but how long you think it'd take them to do it? Ten seconds? Fifteen? How many times you think I could hit you before that door gets open? I mean, I'm not exactly in the Hulk-Thor-Wonder Man class, but I don't really need to be at this point, do I? I know, I know, you've got that little healing factor going. Nothing I could do to you would last. I couldn't REALLY hurt you. Oh, I assure you, it would hurt a LOT, but you and I know you'd just curl up in a bloody little ball for a few days until you got all better and the warden would throw me out of the Vault and Colonel Pryde would lecture the hell out of me once I got back out there and it'd just not much matter. But . . ." She leaned back a bit and reached down, her hands reaching out to grab both sides of the table, her voice getting very low and threatening. " . . . I'm really pretty sure that by the time they got those guards in here I could shove most of this table down your throat. Literally. Now, I know you're saying, "no big deal, I'll just heal up" and yeah, that's right. But don't think about that part of it for now. You know what I want you to think of? I want you to stop . . ." She leaned very close to him again, whispering seductively. " . . . and think for a moment, just one moment, about how much it would hurt for those pieces of that table to come back OUT of your body tomorrow morning. Last I checked, your healing factor isn't gonna help you digest metal, so it seems to me that you need to think about exactly how . . . much . . . that . . . would . . . hurt." My sphincter puckerith over... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaras Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... My sphincter puckerith over... ....um. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remjin Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... ....um. It was supposed to be a compliment on a well done scene... too over the top or weird? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaras Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... It was supposed to be a compliment on a well done scene... too over the top or weird? Too initially incomprehensible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheQuestionMan Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Setting the Scene: The Companions (aka Kingmakers) are preparing for their underwater assault on the fortifications of the Harbour of Dekamura (Capital of the Duchy). A male Dwarf Warrior in Plate with a BattleAxe, a male Elf Wizard Warrior, a female Elf Wizard, and an overweight Goblin in Plate with a Halberd get read to enter the water. The Wizards cast their spells, the Warriors quaff their potions, and Goblin smiles and quips. "I guess this is our Dry Run for our Wet Work on the Fishman Fortess eh?" He steps off the ship before he can heat their groans, smiling as he sinks. QM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkfire Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "I guess this is our Dry Run for our Wet Work on the Fishman Fortess eh?" QM I guess the party thought he sunk to a low with that one. I love puns! My fellow players have suffered though years of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfergus Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I love puns! My fellow players have suffered though years of them. Me too! I'm very "punny". The more painful, the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkfire Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... So you enjoy being the Pundit of the group? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... You know, in my gaming group, you get fined for making puns like the ones on the last two pages. You pay a nickel for a standard pun, and as much as a dollar for a really bad one. I'm always broke.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkfire Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I'd be totally broke, at minimum I make at lest one pun a session. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfergus Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... So you enjoy being the Pundit of the group? Yup. I like to punish my players.It is quite punderful to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfergus Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... You know, in my gaming group, you get fined for making puns like the ones on the last two pages. You pay a nickel for a standard pun, and as much as a dollar for a really bad one. I'm always broke.... If I did that, I'd be broke too. We had rules for jokes and puns. A joke is told, the others assign points. A bad pun is told, you get negative points. Negative points do cancel out positive ones. I normally had more negative points that anyone else had positive points. Some times I think I'm lucky to be alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susano Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... This board really needs a "smite" function.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfergus Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... This recent spate of puns reminded me of a gaming quote. In a D&D campaign, just outside of a dungeon in a woods they run into a sort of wild man/nature spirit. Definately male. They killed it as it was in the way. They found out later it was the offspring of a dryad, who lived in a beech tree. Yup. One npc said It was "a son of a beech." (My NPC.) Am I lucky to still be alive? Or do you think I stunned them.? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkfire Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... hfergus if we were in the same group I think we'd be killed. As for your "son of a beech" pun you stunned them senseless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mephron Posted November 18, 2007 Report Share Posted November 18, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I APPROVE OF THAT PUN! But then, I'm a paranomasiac. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
input.jack Posted November 18, 2007 Report Share Posted November 18, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... *Ahem* Moving right along, here are some quotes from the 1936 Masked Alliance campaign. (These are compiled from several sessions, so there will be several of them ) When reading the quotes, please keep in mind that the Red Mole sounds like Gilbert Gottfried. ------------------ [Mystarra autographs a copy of a Masked Alliance "comic" and plants a kiss on both it, and the forehead of the urchin who owns it] GM: Flash forward 40 years; "The bidding starts at $150,000" Mystarra(OOC): "...for this piece of skin from my forehead!" ------------------- Red Mole: Very well, Tor Gan Ru, Mountain Warrior of the Underpeople! You leave me no choice but to unleash the Blinding Light of Heaven!! Tor Gan Ru: I do not fear you, little man! Red Mole: *Clicks on his ordinary flashlight* Tor Gan Ru: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhgh!!!!! *runs away* ------------------- Black Bat: How can we tell if hes still alive? Red Mole: The Mountain Men do not need to breathe; their skin, while alive, absorbs moisture. *Spits on him* He's good. --------------------- GM: I know Captain Lightning is supposed to be a great pilot and all, but...your BLIMP is outmaneuvering these pteranodons! --------------------- Red Mole: Captain Lightning, you fly like one of the Ruby Angels of Nonn. I am very impressed. And also...a little queasy ------------------------ [Captain Lightning looks around, and only sees Mystarra's tiger] Captain Lightning: Looks like its just you and me, Kit. --------------------- Black Bat (OOC): I give the Nazi prisoner some food. GM: He devours it! Mystarra (OOC): He'd be stuck up, but theres nothing inside him ;P ---------------------- Black Bat (OOC): I will quietly keep my eyes open. Captain Lightning (OOC): I will quietly keep my mouth shut! ---------------------- Red Mole: These creatures, called "Ganeths", only attack when ordered to do so. And it first attacked me. Therefore, its orders have something to do with me. Cr*p. ---------------------- Mystarra (OOC): What does it want? *makes an Animal Telepathy roll* GM: Mostly? It wants its nuts to stop hurting. Mystarra (OOC): What happened? Captain Lightning and Black Bat (OOC): CRIME SMASHER! --------------------- GM: The monster is clearly confused by t he Red Mole. Black Bat (OOC): Welcome to the club! ------------------- [Constructs are knocked off of a ledge into shark-infested water] Captain Lightning: Rust in pieces ------------------- Mystarra (OOC): I bite my thumb, sir. GM (OOC): Do you bite your thumb at me. sir? Mystarra (OOC): I bite my thumb. GM (OOC): Listen, c**t... Black Bat (OOC): Yes, its Quentin Tarantino's "Romeo and Juliette", folks! ------------------ Black Bat (OOC): It sounds like a bunch of hippies herding an elephant.. ----------------- GM: The Nazi airman recognizes you. Nazi: Its Captain Lightning! Its Captain Lightning! *Bang! Bang!* [The bullets bounce off Captain Lightning's armored jacket, as the Nazi misses BOTH his attack rolls by 1] Nazi: Captain Lightning is bullet proof! Captain Lightning is bullet proof! ------------------- GM: So, Black Bat does an acrobatic flip across the back of the dinosaur, before hitting the Nazi? Black Bat (OOC): Yep! GM: I love this game! ---------------- Crime Smasher: *Punches Kriegsmadchen* Kriegsmadchen:*Punches Crime Smasher back* Crime Smasher: Wow! The only woman who ever hit me THAT hard was my mother! Kreigsmadchen: *Pins Red Mole under a stone alter* I doubt that your whore of a mother could do THAT! Crime Smasher: My MOTHER *SMASH* was a SAINT! Kriegsmadchen: *Is knocked out by Crime Smashers tremendous punch* Black Bat: Then how did she... where did you... oh nevermind. ------------------ Crime Smasher *getting into one captured Nazi airplane, behind Captain Lightning*: Squawk if you need us. Mystarra *slipping into the passenger seat of the other plane, behind Black Bat*: Ba-GAWK! -------------------- [Captain Lightning pulls a hi-G maneuver that most pilots couldnt even dream of] Mystarra *on the radio*: Crime Smasher, are you all right? Crime Smasher: ...gluuuurgh... Mystarra: Oooog. Black Bat *piloting*: Never ask a question that you cant handle the answer to ----------------------------- Red Mole: The color of your fungus isnt important. Its what you DO with it that counts! ------------------------- Captain Lightning (ooc): I yank the wheel, and maximize the combination of speed and torque. Whats that called? Black Bat (OOC): Spork? ------------------------- [Captain Lightning rams a paddy wagon through the front doors of a KKK hideout, and bootlegers the truck across their tables and chairs] Captain Lightning *shouting out the open window*: This where I get tickets for the Policemans' Ball? --------------------- [Heroes pile out of the paddy wagon, and gun and arrow fire erupts] Butler *calmly approaching Captain Lightning through the barrage*: May I take your coat, sir? ----------------------- Dr. Gloom: Your father killed my father! Black Bat: Your father had it coming! Dr. Gloom: ......Youre quite right... ------------------ GM: Yay! Yeoman (NPC) finally hit Pyre! Now, how much damage does Yeoman do? *checks Yeoman's sheet* Captain Lightning (OOC): I dunno. Its never come UP before! ;p ------------------- Living Pyre: *rolls minimum damage on a flame blast* Yeoman: What was your name again? "Zippo"? Captain Lightning: No way! Zippos are reliable! ----------------- Captain Lightning: If YOU like hitting people, and SHES into it, then why dont you two just get together and leave the rest of us alone? Black Paladin: Thats Wednesday. Black Bat: Does it HAVE to be Wednesday? Red Hood: It does. It really does. ------------------ Red Hood: Everyones coming at me with silver!! Black Bat: Thats what I get every WEREWOLF I meet Red Hood: Thats such an ugly word. Black Bat: Whats that say about you?! ------------------ [black Knight looks around at the unconscious members of his KKK lodge, then turns to Captain Lightning] Black Knight: Are you a bigot? Cause we have an opening... --------------------- Mystarra (OOC): Who do I know that knows something about mesmerism? GM: You know of Sargoz the Summoner. Mystarra (OOC): Is he a good guy? GM: Hes not a BAD guy. He just has no interest in letting people swing things at his head. ------------------------- Mystarra: Why, Yeoman! You presume upon my honor! GM: No, but he may hit upon it and see what happens! ----------------------- Kate: More pizza, Rocket? Human Rocket: We have a pizza rocket?!?.....Oh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From tonight's Black Watch Fantasy Hero game: Crispin: Why does he get to speak and I don't? Niels: Because when you speak, things tend to accidentally blow up. Crispin: That only happened once, and only because I'd been drinking! Niels: So it's your choice: Either stop drinking, or stop speaking. Crispin: Tough choice. Roxanna: Nothing like starting the day with a brisk bit of carnage. Niels: How come there are half-elves but no half-dwarves? (long pause) Crispin: 'Cause that's gross. We're fighting a giant squid-thing in a mountain lake: Niels: Just because I have faerie wings doesn't make me less of a man. Tiger-girl swoops in low over a lake to attack a giant squid and misses... badly. Ithan: Huh... Maybe there is something about the whole cats and water thing. Niels: Don't let the wizard get knocked out. I'm flying over a lake and wearing 80 pounds of armor. Crispin: I could turn you into a mermaid! Roxanna: No. No. No. Crispin: ...I'd give you seashells and everything... Crispin: I tried to teleport him, but he's too heavy. GM: He ain't heavy. He's our brother. Crispin: I call this spell, "Bigby's Pimp-Slap Hand." "Don't eat the calimari that comes offa that thing!" Niels: We've cut four arms off the octopus. Kell: That makes it a quadropus. Crispin: Does this guy ever shut up? Niels: I was about to ask the same of you. *smack!* Ithan: It's not our fault that you don't know how to protect your royalty! Niels: Dude, shut up! You'll anger them! Ithan: It's OK, I don't speak Dwarvish. Niels: Yeah, but some of them might speak Common. GM: Hey, maybe the wizard could use his powers to drain the entire lake! Ithan: Please don't say things like that in front of Crispin. He's very suggestable. Niels: Why was the prince out there? GM: It's a tradition among our people. When the prince comes of age, he goes out to gain experience in the world. Niels: How long had he been gone? Crispin (OOC): Oh, about two hours... GM: You saved my eldest son! I don't know why he was messing with a Kraken... Tealca: He takes after his mom. Ithan: Are Dwarvish cookies any good? Niels: They taste like hardtack, with raisins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balabanto Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... In today's exciting episode of Knight Rangers, the heroes accidentally blew up yet another machine, switching several of their minds with the minds of sentient gorillas. Please keep in mind, all apes are male. Some characters don't realize this yet, and some of these characters are married. Emerald takes the Juggler, and begins teleporting away with him. Ape #1 (Knighthawk): Emerald, put my husband down right now! Emerald: Uhm....what happened? Ape #2 (Flea): Stick blew up the machine! Ape #3 (Stick): Honey...wake up...(Begins waking up his wife, Redwave.) Redwave (Wakes up, sees a big gorilla....):AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This is not what I meant by Gorilla my dreams! Juggler: What's going on. Oh...my god...my wife is a gorilla. A male gorilla. You are NOT getting the bed when we get home! Ape #1: If you don't want to be kicked out of the house for good, you will get me OUT of this body! Juggler: I don't want you IN that body! Stick (Ape #3) : I really think we need to figure out what happened and try to fix this. Ape #1: For once, I agree with Stick. Ape #2: This is so not good... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt Frisbee Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... From Input.Jack... [Captain Lightning pulls a hi-G maneuver that most pilots couldnt even dream of] Mystarra *on the radio*: Crime Smasher, are you all right? Crime Smasher: ...gluuuurgh... Mystarra: Oooog. Black Bat *piloting*: Never ask a question that you cant handle the answer to Now THAT'S comedy. Thanks for the chuckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... One of many, many tales about my brother's online character Suna, an evil sorceresss with a very low boredom threshold. She's already the most loathed character on the server (altho the GMs adore her for making life interesting) and she has taught the locals not to drink any unattended beers in the local pubs, since they're quite likely potions of drowning. One group of fighters is out for revenge after Suna totalled most of the server's main town Haven (with the GMs blessing) They've proven bright enough not to go after her themselves, or try to hire assassins (it never works), so they've kidnapped her familiar and send her a message. "Give back everything you've taken or the ferret gets it" Unfortunately, with a tiny spark more of intellect they may have known that familiars can cast spells too. By the time they recover conciousness Suna has tracked them down and is waiting happily in the armchair, flanked by enhanced demons, and other annoyed-looking denizens of the fiery abyss. Soona : "Now, you mentioned something about a ransom?" They flee, crowding through the door and straight into the fire elementals, that herd them through the building and over every trap she's busily installed in the corridors. Eventually, a nervous cry comes back from where they've been cornered. "Can we come back and negotiate now?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliceTheOwl Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... The team returns from a frozen world, much like Narnia with big, sentient critters and an Ice Queen, who returned them to their world. There, they find their city overrun by DEMON, who are holding it in sway with something called a Nagathin. Sapphire flies up to the newly-returned Infiniteens and says, "You guys probably hear this a lot, but it's good to see you. We thought you were dead." Singirl, who's has a lot of time to ponder her reply to this (as it's the eighth time she's heard it, deadpans, "Reports of our deaths were greatly exaggerated." Brick remarks, sarcastically, that we were on vacation, drinking Mai Tais. Singirl corrects, "FROZEN Mai Tais." After finally beating the Nagathin (which is a giant snake demon, susceptible to cold), Singirl looks at the body and suggests they have it for dinner, as there's plenty of meat to be had. Striking Tiger protests, "I'm not eating demon!" Singirl wiggles her eyebrows and replies, "It's quite fun, you know." Striking Tiger's player goes OOC to remark, after mentioning that her character goes a deep shade of red, "You don't get much more virginal than Yuki." Singirl's player says, "EXACTLY!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remjin Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Which online game would that be? I'm curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliceTheOwl Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Oh, it's not online; it's our FtF Teen Champions game. Josh and I alternate running a game, and that's what he gets to run. The log is here. Dang. He's WEEKS behind on keeping that updated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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