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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts
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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From our last bi-weekly session:

 

******

 

Ghost Hunter: The thing that worries me is that he had an astral woody inside your head.

 

******

 

[scene: Front yard of a PC's (Secret ID) home. After a minor altercation with a disguised villain, the front wall has been blown out and the police and fire department have arrived. Solar is the only one there in costume; everyone else is still in their civilian IDs].

 

Solar [to police officer]: I was invited to a party here, had a little too much cola and I uh… I burped.

 

******

 

[scene: PC's husband is driving home toward the above disaster. One of the characters, Spirit Master, heads off to intercept him. He flies over the husband's car, waits for him to reach a stop light and lands next to him.]

 

Spirit Master: Vehicle inspection… new thing in Missouri… I'm moonlighting… Can we talk?

 

******

 

[spirit Master & Solar discussing how to distract the police away from the above disaster so that the husband does not come home to find cops everywhere (of course, the front wall of his house would still be blown out, but at least they're trying).]

 

Spirit Master: I know. Accident on the highway nearby.

 

Solor: Really?

 

Spirit Master: Yeah. I'm going to cause one right now. Call it in.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The PCs have been coerced by an alien robot to join him on his spaceship. Wharf, our drunken cyborg sailor, asked for whiskey. The robot told him there were no intoxicants onboard.

 

Lillith: "Oh my God! We're in Hell!"

 

Wharf: "No. I brought whiskey when we went to Hell."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

During a Buck Rogers game ...

 

GM: "The alarm sounds ... it's not the 'red alert, the $*@('s hit the fan alarm, it's the incoming message alarm."

 

Me: "It sounds like this: Brrrrrrrrrring. Brrrrrrrrrrrrring."

 

Later on ...

 

GM: "The alarm's going off, and this time it IS the %$*$'s hit the fan alarm."

Me: "It sounds like this:" *squishing noises*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Me: You need to roll a 12- to hit him.

 

Player: Eleven, I hit.

 

Me: No, you missed. Look at the dice.

 

Player: They say eleven.

 

Me: (Looking at the dice, again.) No they don't. Count them up.

 

Player: These two make six, plus five is eleven.

 

Me: Um, count them slower.

 

Player: 4+4=6; 6+5=11.

 

Me: While I do agree with you that 6+5=11, I'm afraid 4+4=8.

 

Player: (Scrutinizes her dice.) Shut up! I've only had 45 minutes of sleep!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

a long time ago in DnD, there was a druid visiting the city. he didn't want to stay INSIDE, so he stayed with horses. in the morning, he did his duty with the horses, and the stableboy came in:

 

Stableboy: {looking at the mess} Hey! You! I'm not going to clean up that mess.

 

Druid: {Walking away smiling contendly} Didn't expect you to.

 

GM: He's stunned.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Monster campaign (in D&D). A player character has been effected by Silence Spell, blinded, and was hit by a confusion spell (random results of which are to stand and do nothing for 1 round).

 

"Great: A deaf, dumb and blind ogre"

"Yeh, but I bet he sure plays a mean pinball."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Before the game started:

 

Player 1: My cat has an obsession with my genitals.

 

(It's much funnier when the rest of it isn't explained.)

 

and...

 

Player 1: If it is one thing I've learned about [Player 2], it's two things....

 

Me: The one thing you've learned is two things?

 

During the game, Player 1 discovered that his Hunted is in town under a peaceful exhibition disguise. He is a college student and there have been fliers at his college.

 

Player 1: I'm going to call and see if my roommate is there.

 

Player 3: Would your roommate be in class right now?

 

Player 1: I don't know; I just made him up.

 

Later, the team was going up against the Asesinos. The three players were each playing thier own PC and an NPC or two (for a total of eight heroes versus eight villains). [Keep in mind, my this adventure is based on 250 point game, as are all the NPCs. The PCs are on 350 points.]

 

Me: [Player 1], what does [so-and-so] do?

 

Player 2: Remember, they're expendable.

 

Me: They are not expendable; they're your teammates.

 

Player 2: They're fodder. Use 'em like it.

 

Me: :rolleyes: (though, it was kinda funny)

 

Later, Player 2 was controlling American Eagle [sPD 5; DEX 14] (who was flying about 17 hexes up up) and was going to attack the villain they dubbed 'Swamp Thing' which was about 8 hexes tall, and had a DCV of 1.

 

Player 2: Okay, I'm going to fly down and do a move-through on it.

 

GM: Okay, your OCV is 5, your velocity is 17" divided by five, gives you a minus three, making it an effective OCV of 2. Versus a DCV of 1, you need a 12- to hit. Do you want to still do this?

 

Player 2: Yes.

 

GM: Okay, don't roll high.

 

Player 2: [Rolls dice.] I rolled very high.

 

GM: Well, the good news is, you still get to roll your move-through damage. The bad news is, it's on you.

 

Player 1: [To Player 2] Whose side are you on?!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

New campaign starting up:

 

Player: (Creating a priest of the god of knowledge) "You keep suggesting that I take weapon skills. That makes me nervous."

 

Different player,playing a barbarian, so he's chosen to speak with a Scottish accent. He's a crack shot with a bow, and has been convicted of striking a noble [true, the noble was forcing himself on a commoner, and the player broke the noble's nose].

 

Judge: "You have been convicted of Breach of Rank. You may either lose the offending limb, or take service with the Earl of Balim for a period of time of his choosing."

 

Player: "Tis difficult to draw a bow with one arm. I'll serve the Earl."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

have had a number of good ones over the years, but right off the top of my head, I'd have to say my all time favorites came from an old Runequest campaign.

 

First quote was from an Elven character (elves are plants in Glorantha) after being soundly torched by a dream dragon.

 

"Mind if I smoke?"

 

The other occured after our resident Storm-god following semi berserker barbarian duck found himself, yet again, lying on the ground missing a limb

 

"Looks like Steve's not playing with a full duck again"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Reading some of the older posts on this thread reminded me of another quote concerning the same PC duck. The player was a bit distracted, looking up a spell effect or somesuch, and so when my character, sensing an ambush, yelled "Duck!", he looked up and said

"And proud of it!"

And was promptly cut down by a hail of arrows.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Later' date=' Player 2 was controlling American Eagle [sPD 5; DEX 14'] (who was flying about 17 hexes up up) and was going to attack the villain they dubbed 'Swamp Thing' which was about 8 hexes tall, and had a DCV of 1.

 

Player 2: Okay, I'm going to fly down and do a move-through on it.

 

GM: Okay, your OCV is 5, your velocity is 17" divided by five, gives you a minus three, making it an effective OCV of 2. Versus a DCV of 1, you need a 12- to hit. Do you want to still do this?

:rolleyes: Urgh. I just looked at American Eagle's character sheet tonight and discovered that he has 2 Overall levels he could have added towards the move-through and +2 for OCV in HTH combat. So he could have needed a 16- potentially. :rolleyes:

 

Oh well, time to train the players. Again. :)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I wrote this for my FH PBEM game recently and didn't even consider it to be odd...that is until I got a whole bunch of "classic" responses from my players.

 

___________

Looking at the back set of doors you see nothing different in them

from the first set of doors you had entered through. The workmanship

was exquisite, and once again opening both sides of the doors was

more than a one person job. So far other than being in a secret layer

for evil everything appeared to be calm and peaceful...no reason not

to proceed. However, caution was still called for you had no doubt,

so using the same strategy as opening the first door you carefully

proceed, warhammer in one hand at the ready.

___________

 

Another one of my all time favs happened many years ago while playing a Star Wars game. The GM had us trapped in a hanger bay, doing his best to keep us on the planet to better continue his 'planned' storyline. However, we were rocking and rolling and were almost to our ship. So the GM had no choice but to say that a door opened right across from the ship and inside were dozens of Storm Troopers ready to take us prisoner. What happened next was a thing of beauty.

 

GM - "OK the blast doors open and you see roughly 30 battle ready Storm Troopers."

 

Masa Chono (PC - Bounty Hunter) - "Thermal Detonator"

 

GM - "What?"

 

Masa Chono - "I still have my Thermal Detonator. Set it and toss it at um."

 

The group roars it's approval, while the poor GM appears about to cry. Needless to say we were soon on our ship looking for a new adventure.

 

Tanda

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

years ago during a D&D campaign we were exploring an island

and we find this blasted lifeless circle with a sword buried to the hilt in the middle. our hobbit thief decided to pull the sword out

 

poof, a type I demon appears and grabs the thief, and then takes off with him

the thief is pounding on the demons chest, finally somewhere around a thousand feet up the thief is yelling "Let me go... Let me Go" the demon says "Sure"

and does...

 

the player characters had no way to stop the fall, so the mage cast a sleep spell

the rest of us held up scorecards

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I thought I had posted this was before on this thread, but I could only find it on another, so here it goes:

 

We were playing Star Wars and had been caught by an Imperial officer. We were almost bluffing our way through when the I.O. asked one player (who was caught with explosives on him) where he was at during this time. His response:

 

"Well, Sir, if you must know, I was masturbating."

 

We busted out laughing and couldn't play for at least 30 minutes.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

*There's a warning plaque on the closed coffin lid. It says: "DANGER: Do not expose contents to sunlight. Do not expose contents to flame. Do not open unless accompanied by an expert. Fragile.*

 

On the coffin lid seems to be a series of pictograms designed to be read by a civilization thousands of years in the future depicting a person opening the coffin and pulling out the stake. The first one shows a happy spaceman from the future opening the lid. You know he's happy because he's got a smiley face. The second shows him pulling the stake. The third shows the stick-figure in the coffin sitting up. He's got a frowny face with fangs. The fourth shows the stick-vampire eating the spaceman. Now the spaceman is frowning, and the stick-vampire is smiling. The fifth shows the stick-vampire frowning, hunched over the dead body of the spaceman.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

At last night's 7th Sea game...

 

*on the Vodacce courtesan Gabrielle pulling an NPC Avalon lady aside to give her romantic advice*

"Hey, it's "Dear Gabby!"

 

*our Inish PC on a Montaigne NPC asking our Montaigne PC for some Montaigne wine*

"Why? Does he need to get grass-stains out of the knees of his pants?"

 

*a more gutter-minded PC on the crew of the Black Dawn having additional spare cash lying around because of their Captain's prodigious luck*

"Yeah, I'm sure that they've picked up lots of booty."

 

Michelle

aka

Samuraiko

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Caleb: My current problem isn't mental.

 

Fury: Did I miss 'let's randomly beat the hell out of somebody' night again?

 

Caleb notices a woman's zombielike state... "You're not interested in me for my brains, are you?"

 

Caleb: Why do all the women interested in me have to be psycho or zombies!

Suicide: Maybe it's your aftershave...

 

(Cornered by three demon possessed women.) Caleb: You may think you have the upper hand, but you forgot one thing...I can run really fast, and none of you are wearing support bras.

 

Fury: This is just sport. It's like bobbing for apples.

Suit: If bobbing for apples involved guns and killing people, yeah.

Fury: You've obviously never played it my way.

 

Suit wipes away an invisible tear. "I didn't know you cared, Fury." Like a little teddy bear...a little, sarcastic, murderous teddybear."

 

Fury: "Is there a cult I should know about, because if I'm missing virgin sarcifices. I'm going to be pissed. I always miss out on the fun shit. Drawing first blood, devirginizing virgins, the ice cold beer, jacking the new shipments of mercedes, alternating tuesday fright night fights."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Gotta do a little explaining before this means anything.

 

Okay, I intro'd a friend, Robert, to Champions. He's smart and he said he liked reading comic books (to my surprise) and with my 2 brothers' help, we were able to create a character and discuss the combat system.

 

The villain group attacks a corporation and the heroes defend the corporate building. Robert's character is attacked, of course, by the villains. After some time, combat as well as the game is almost over. Now for the quotes by Robert one after another:

 

Robert: "Now, what's going on?"

GM: "The bad guys are attacking you. Y'know, the bad guys."

Robert: "Why are they attacking me?"

Everyone: "Because they're trying to take over this business!"

Robert: "Why are they doing that?"

Player 1: "Cause they're bad guys!"

Robert: "The player characters are attacking me?"

 

A brief, stunned silence followed by..

GM: "No, the bad guys are attacking you. The martial artists who have been attacking you for the last 2 turns."

Robert: "So who are they?"

Player 2: "They're the guys the GM is running."

Robert (points at GM) "He plays multiple characters? Isn't that confusing?"

I mean, this is mindboggling! :jawdrop:

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