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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Background: The knight Corsak attacked the party, was wounded and captured, and was to stand trial the next day along with his men. He was murdered in his sleep. Arrik comes back from scouting the road ahead.

 

Michael: Arrik, Corsak's been murdered. Looks like a professional hit.

 

Arrik: Well, I guess his trial won't take long, then.

 

************************************

 

Background: Bert had critically failed the last two times he read his tarot cards.

 

Bert: The cards say we'll have an uneventful night. Nothing of consequence will happen.

 

Rest of the party: We're doomed.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Caleb's car has just been possessed and was about to drive straight into Regina's prized Harley-Davidson.

 

Regina: So.. I'll ask you again.. who did you piss off this time, Caleb?"

Caleb: I don't know, alright!

Regina: Oh. Sure you do... These things.. don't just happen..

Caleb: This only started happening, since about 5 days ago. I haven't pissed anyone else off since then. Honest!

Regina: Ever seen an exorcist, Caleb?

Caleb: The last time I saw an exorcist, you got mad at me when they blackmailed me into spying on you...

Regina: Hell. I can't even remember half of your insane antics..you've done so much shit.. (Local big muckety-muck) Snow's got a whole drawer devoted just to you.

Caleb: Really? Can I see it?

 

-----

 

Caleb: Let's think about this rationally. I haven't pissed off any Necromancers recently. Haven't pissed on any graves, haven't killed anyone.

(A new PC, Clayton, comes into the scene mid-sentence.)

Caleb: Did kill a seeing-eye-dog. Maybe the blind guy wandered off into traffic?

Regina: You killed a seeing eye dog?

Kaylyn: I wasn't even going to go there.

Caleb: I didn't know it was a seeing-eye dog.

Clayton: You killed a innocent animal. That's horrible!

Regina: I'd haunt your ass too... you freak.

Caleb: It's not important

Kaylyn: Well, it was to the blind guy, but I don't think that's the cause of your problem.

Clayton: That's just plain wrong. you killed a blind mans dog?

Caleb: I didn't know the guy was blind!

 

------

 

Clayton is admiring Regina's bike, touching the paint job. (Remember, this conversation is ALL IC)

 

Clayton: This yours? Nice.

Caleb: I'd watch out. The last person who touched Regina's bike without her permission was... well, that was me. And my life's a living hell.

Regina: He's not taking an axe to it, genius.

Caleb: I had a very good reason for taking the axe to the Harley.

Kaylyn: You took an axe to Gina's Harley?

Caleb: It was a long time ago. And she was evil then. I think. Wait, why did I take the axe to the Harley? Maybe we should check the drawer.

Kaylyn: You really are lucky to be alive.

Regina: Yeah, well you're a dumbass. You were hanging out with Fury then.

Caleb: Oh, that's right. that's when I was evil... Yeah, sorry Reg.

Regina: The only reason I didn't kill you.. is Snow thought you were useful. Imagine that...

Caleb: Well, goes to show he's not that great a judge of character...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From a game I ran a bit ago. It's an alt Marvel world, loosely based on the Morgan Le Fae Arc. Characters include the Juggernaut, Wolverine, A son of the Summers Family, and a son of Collosus and Kitty Pride.

 

Juggernauts player: "I think I would like that, but are you sure you wish to risk it? The King's Vengeance is likely to seek me out, and it seems that most consider me a monster." (Note: The evil version of the Avengers)

 

 

Sir Gabriel Grey: Ah.. *he smiles* it is a long list that hunts I and my friend, what are a few more?

 

 

Wolverine's player*Logan turns his head towards England, hawks, and spits on the ground*

 

SGG: or.. *he coughs* put more bluntly..

 

SGG: uh.. that.

 

 

Later on, as they encounter the group sent to get the Juggernaut (Note: Iron Knight is Iron Man)

 

*After a failed attack by the Prince*

 

GM:The Iron knight, even only half aware, still moves like an expert, twisting just enough in midair to aim his weaponry at the Prince's back

 

SGG: *his eyes widen, then narrow as he sees the Knight aim towards the back of his opponent "churl to strike as this! base churl! turn and face me in challenge!" he streaks up into the sky in a trail of fire, sword raised quickly to his face in salute, then brought down in a powerful overhand strike towards the knight*

 

GM: Gabriels strike barely hits the false Knight, but it does hit... He's shaken, reeling back for a moment "You dare strike at me. Name yourself, fool, so I can send your shield back to your patron." *Bit Later, as Gabriel and the Iron Knight face off against each other*

 

 

Prince Henry: "Thank you for the assist, Sir Grey. . ." *with that, Henry circles back around, approaching Iron Knight from the opposite side as Gabriel and solidifies his arm to deliver a punch to his back*

 

 

*Knocks out the Iron Knight*

 

 

SSG: *he sighs* it is not meet to reciprocate strikes such as his in kind your grace...

 

 

Prince Henry: *looks slightly embarassed* "Forgive me. Perhaps I was taught differently, on the matter of honor in battle. . ."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From my Redwood Academy Teen Supers PBEM. Liane is a neo hippie, Harmony is a Goth. Being 13 year old girls, of course they bicker constantly. After a recent session involving breaking up some gay rights protesters....

 

Harmony "So, we actually agree. I guess we're not so different after all."

 

Liane: "No, I guess not."

 

Bit of a pause.....

 

Harmony "If this is supposed to be one of those emotional, After School Special bonding moments, I'm really not feeling it."

 

Liane: "Me either."

 

Harmony: "Later, Geek."

 

Liane" "Bye, Vampirella."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Right before the game started, the usual banter takes place. I've told player 2 she needs to use a water bottle on player 1 when he is sarcastic to her. (Player 1 & 2 have been dating for two years.)

 

Player 1: Why must you hit me?

 

Player 2: Because you don't learn any other way.

 

Player 3: Use the water bottle.

 

Player 1: Helping or hurting [Player 3]? Helping or hurting?!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From the same group as above, player 3 hasn't read comics and her RPG experience dwells from White Wolf and D&D, so she's having to adjust to the life of playing a hero. Her character has a multiform that is a feline hybrid. Her PC's name is "Cheetah Chick" and her cat form is based off both Jaguar from 4E Champions and Ocelote (4E Asesinos), so she has a 3d6+1 HKA (claws). She had previously taken a few body from Snapdragon, a highly-skilled martial artist (who also has a tail and a 3d6+1 HKA).

 

Player 3: "I want her spleen!"

 

That's sort of her character's quote now.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Two from tonight's session:

 

After thrashing a bunch of Egyptian-themed theives at a museum the PCs call on Oracle, sort of a S.H.I.E.L.D. that deals with the occult. The two agent leading the recovery team are Remiel (an angel) and Sharok (a demon).

 

Cobalt the drunken cyborg: "How did you become an Oracle agent?"

 

Sharok: "We graduated top in the academy."

 

Capt. Mysterion: "So you would be good cop and bad cop?"

 

Remiel: "Yeah. We've never heard THAT before."

 

 

 

When the PCs are threatened by aa ancient Caananite war god, Cobalt the drunken cyborg was less than impressed:

 

"Hey, we fought the Queen of Hell and came out ok, I'm sure we can handle some bozo from the Time Before Guns!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

When the PCs are threatened by aa ancient Caananite war god' date=' Cobalt the drunken cyborg was less than impressed:[/quote']

Emphasis mine.

 

Pretty poetic that Cobalt the drunken cyborg would be threatened by Alcoholics Anonymous Ancient Caananite war god. :snicker:

 

Or did you mean an? :D

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

7th Sea game; yesterday.

 

The PCs are fighting the villains. One of them, a tall, shouting, half-berzerk highlander swinging a big claymore (obviously a member of the Mac Donald school of fighting) attacks a PC.

 

Charlotte de Persix (PC, first session of 7th Sea): what is he trying to do with his claymore and shouting ?

Gunther Hommel : He's a swordsman from the Mac Donald School. He tries to serve Don Alejandro a menu "Mac Leod".

Charlotte (and others) - What ?

Gunther - It's like a menu Big Mac but without the upper slice of bread ...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

‘Kris’ is a FH Elf mage with powers relating to Darkness, Chaos, and Demonology:

 

NPC introduces Kris to the group.

Xentos: Oh great. I don’t know if I can handle another elf.

NPC: Oh, Kris isn’t your average happy-go-lucky, moonlight-and-faywine elf.

Kris: I fart darkness.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

In a Fantasy Hero game it is the GM, another player (female) and myself. She is playing a human thief, I am playing a dwarf fighter. We were (somewhat incorrectly) stalking a wagon caravan. At night, we sort of ambushed the night guards. Earlier, the thief had put sleeping potions in with what was going to be their night meals, so most of the guards were drowsy. The thief tries to come up behind one and slit his throat, but she misses. Her skirmish doesn't go so well, but the dwarf's does. Later, we're deciding whether to attack a small group using ranged weapons or hand-held weapons.

 

Thief: Well, we know I suck up close.

 

Dwarf: That's why I keep you around. ;)

 

Later... at night we are trying to sneak up on the 'farm' (a one room shack and its nearby barn) where an abducted teen is that we're really here to rescue. The thief makes a plan and the dwarf (who wears chainmail) asks if she wants him to go with her, she says yes. (I know I'm not sneaky, but I do the bravado bit well.) She makes her stealth roll and I fail my 8- roll by SEVEN. The sentry in the barn, in the barn loft, the thief and even the dwarf know the dwarf has been loud. The thief shakes her head and runs (quietly) away from the dwarf, to the side of the barn. The dwarf (who already has his crossbow out) starts walking at this point and seeing the thief leave, decides to announce himself.

 

Dwarf (Yelling loudly): "Give me back my goats!"

 

What makes it even funnier is this farm is located near a mountain, which is the direction my dwarf was coming from. Since it is feasible that my dwarf could be missing a goat, the alarm goes off, but they aren't as panicked as they would be if they new my real purpose. Nevertheless, my partner is discovered and a fight breaks out. I run around to the other side of the barn and confront two guys coming out of the one room shack, with orders to escort my dwarf off the property. I charge them and hit one, doing 13 BODY (which 10-11 get through his armor). I look at the other and state with crazy eyes, "Give me back my goats or your next."

 

After I killed both of those guys, I headed back to the barn, but was hit by a psionic attack from behind (the house again). My character turns around, sees a mage (one we called, 'the mumbler') and charges with his axe, swinging and slicing through an illusion. My momentum took me into the doorway. My next phase I look around and see the exact same image.

 

Dwarf: If you're not real, I'm gonna be really pissed. (I ended up hitting him in the head with my blade.)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From tonight's game:

 

UNIT 1 was called to a small town in France, which had just experienced a huge earthquake. A huge amount of damage was done in a small radius but, before we could investigate, we had to help the all of the people who were still in grave danger.

 

A tall, L-shaped residential building (40") was cracked at the foundation and a wing threatened to break off. Union Jack (Brick) had grown to his full height to better hold the building in place (Atlas style) while Tiger-Eye tried desperately to get the residents to evacuate.

 

Union Jack's player (to GM): "If it falls, what will it hit?"

 

GM: "That building over there, but most of it will crumble into the street." But there were people still fleeing the building and filling that street, so it wasn't an option.

 

Indicating the building on the other side, Union Jack's player (to GM): "What's in that building over there?"

 

GM: "That's a government building."

 

Union Jack's player (to GM): "So it's ok if I push it that way..."

 

:D

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

This one's much funnier out of context:

 

"Hey! Quit stalling and smash our balls!"

You know, everyone says that it's funnier out of context, but that's rarely the case. The reason for this is because, "out of context," "Quit Stalling and smash our balls" is a single entendre - pummel my testicles once you've stopped prevaricating.

 

If the balls were some sort of jewels or crystals or something like that... that would make it funnier, making it a double entendre.

 

I want to know the context. Things are *much* funnier in context than out of context, always.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You know, everyone says that it's funnier out of context, but that's rarely the case. The reason for this is because, "out of context," "Quit Stalling and smash our balls" is a single entendre - pummel my testicles once you've stopped prevaricating.

 

If the balls were some sort of jewels or crystals or something like that... that would make it funnier, making it a double entendre.

 

I want to know the context. Things are *much* funnier in context than out of context, always.

I don't want to get into a whole thing here, and I certainly don't want to go against your authoritative decree about what's funny and what's not, but in this instance, IMO, "Quit stalling and smash our balls" is only funny because it's out of context. Putting it in context will do nothing but let me know how it made sense in the first place. I don't want to know how it made sense-- not knowing makes it funnier, to me, because I can use my imagination to fill in the blanks. We already know there was a double entendre, because it's highly doubtful anyone would just order someone to crack him in the nuts (unless here were into that); getting additional confirmation would only weaken the joke, IMO, according to the age-old rule of "Less is More."

 

So you do what you like Jhereg. In context, out of context... whatever flips your switch.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Very well. I’ll inject some context, and everyone can decide on their own, how funny it is.

 

The PC’s were all Entangled in DEF 12 globes. The Brick (named Brick) with his AP STR was the only one able to escape. He enjoyed the exclusivity so much he kept making excuses to do other things rather than free the rest of the PC’s. Thus his dilly-dallying got him chastised: “Hey! Quit stalling and smash our balls!â€

 

At least it’s not you-had-to-be-there funny.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You know' date=' everyone says that it's funnier out of context, but that's rarely the case. ... I want to know the context. Things are *much* funnier in context than out of context, always.[/quote']

It's interesting that you assume because you want to know the context that that's the only (or vast majority) way for it to be funny. I think a lot of times when it's taken out of context it is funnier if you aren't a part of the group.

 

Trying to state an opinion as fact doesn't help arguments or endear people to you. My advice (which is just that, take or leave it, it's up to you) is that to ask the poster to put it in context instead of telling others what their opinons/preferences should be.

 

In my opinion, even after the context has been explained, it's funnier out of context.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Situation: The party has fought and wounded the monster, who dove through a hole in the cave floor. The party hears a 'splah' as it hits water and starts to swim away. Priestess Anara has just completed a spell that may knock the monster unconscious, but she has to touch the target.

 

Bert: Can you swim?

 

Anara: No. Someone can tie a rope around me and lower me down.

 

Bert: [Push]

 

Anara: :nonp:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Very well. I’ll inject some context, and everyone can decide on their own, how funny it is.

 

The PC’s were all Entangled in DEF 12 globes. The Brick (named Brick) with his AP STR was the only one able to escape. He enjoyed the exclusivity so much he kept making excuses to do other things rather than free the rest of the PC’s. Thus his dilly-dallying got him chastised: “Hey! Quit stalling and smash our balls!â€

 

At least it’s not you-had-to-be-there funny.

I think it's funnier this way.

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