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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

More quotes from my Shadowrun4 campaign

 

----------

 

The party is being smuggled out of Hong Kong in a small freight vessel after being labeled as international terrorists. They awake to the sound of muffled gunfire as the ship is being taken over by pirates. They are about to storm the bridge.

 

Bender (OOC): I breakdown the door to the bridge and yell out "Give us your booze!" *rolls dice to punch the door*

 

GM: The door goes flying off the hinges and into the bridge. A stunned pirate near the door has a look of shock and awe on his face and extends his beer grasping hand in your direction.

 

Bender: *Takes beer from pirate* You may live. :cheers:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You obviously do not play with more than one history nerd. I have had entire sessions taken up with dueling history rants.

 

Right there wit'cha. In our group, we instituted the STFU rule. At any point in time, the GM can invoke it, and all players must immediately Shut The F**k Up or suffer the consequences.

 

What those consequences are have never been established, but the fact they exist is enough of a deterrent. :D

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You obviously do not play with more than one history nerd. I have had entire sessions taken up with dueling history rants.

 

Fortunately, our history nerds are all experts on different time periods. There are very few dueling rants, more like

Nerd 1: And after the Mongols did this, (rant rant rant)

Nerd 2: Which lead to the Midevil Europeans (rant rant rant)

Nerd 3: Which of course lead to the colonization era's (rant rant rant)

Nerd 1: Wait a second, where'd everybody else go?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session Seven of Farlanthia.

 

Someone spills food on the battlemap, leading to: "Look, a salsa pudding."

 

A player does something odd -- GM: "At that, I've no idea how they'd respond."

 

The GM rolls some dice -- GM: "Holy buttcheese, never mind."

 

GM: "They're doing magical doohickey stuff."

 

Calidore to the ghost standing next to him, after witnessing a lot of arguing between PCs and NPCs (OOC): "Wanna go get a beer?"

 

Marid comments on Calidore's tactics: "You can have that honorable stuff, I just want to jack things up."

 

Calsar: "You won't see the big explosion that kills us."

 

Marid: "One of us will need a new character."

 

Joan (Anaé) rolls a "1"

GM (her husband): "You've rolled 10 "1s" with that. I'm sorry."

Joan: "No you're not."

GM (long pause): "I love you."

 

Marid (standing in the middle of crater): "Well if [the ghost] is not a rest [now], I can't help him."

 

GM to Calidore: "It looks like you won't need to visit your mother's house now."

Calidore (looking at aforementioned crater): "Good."

 

Marid: "It's not my fault!"

Rest of the Table: "It didn't work for Han, it didn't work for Lando, and it's not going to work for you!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Discussing my efforts at dialogue and cut scenes in Spore : Galactic Adventures

 

Pukusian General
inspiring his soldiers before they go into some vicious door to door fighting
: Try not to kill too many civilians. Remember, lads, we're not at home to Captain Collateral

 

Which got us onto one of Ian's old characters - Captain Collateral, whose power was a ranged hole-in-the-middle energy blast, with cascading sixes. Thus, he could target somebody or something, and leave them unharmed, but fry everything in a ring around that. He once managed to get an 80 out of 6 dice. Unfortunately that vaporised the bad guys, the rest of his own team, and half of the Sydney CBD.

 

Captain Collateral - a danger to himself and others... but mostly others

 

After the Captain fled the country (after warning the world that if anybody came after him he'd destroy the rest of the city) Ian came up with another character with a knack for convincing bluff

 

Incredibly Tough Man
: *
bursts into room
* Never fear, Incredibly Tough Man is here!

Bad Guys
: Er, how tough are you?

Incredibly Tough Man
: You know Sydney?
I was there

Bad Guys
:
:eek:
Ok, we're going to shoot this other guy then. No point wasting missiles.

 

In fact, his only super powers were super-human intelligence and incredible amounts of overacting. He built himself some powered armour later

 

Incredibly Tough Man
: *
bursts into room
* Never fear, Incredibly Tough Man is here! Now, in ARMOUR!

 

But onto last night's game -

 

Paddy McGinty - Mad Protestant Bomber

Sydney Delthorn - Mad Unitarian Student

Lucy Smith - Half Mad, Half Pickled

Alexei Petrovich - Russia's Mad Monk Parapsychologist

 

Me
: "That reminds me - I have to do some research on vampires before Saturday's game"

My wife
: "What kind of vampires?"

Me
: "All kinds - hungry ghosts, vampire tools, hair-eating Burmese vampires, blood-sucking squash..."

My wife
: "If any of them sparkle, they're getting staked on the spot"

Me
: "No, no sparkles - well, there may be fireworks, but no sparkles."

Finally got to run the homebrewed Cthulhu adventure I've been planning for months - the one that ties together all the clues about Boston crime bosses, stolen gold, the Miskatonic library's lending policy on the Necronomicon, and the reclusive 'Mr Smith'.

 

And to my utter pleasure, and no little thanks to deliberate red herrings such as the quote above, they went in armed for vampires, and got Vitus.

 

My wife, player of Lucy Smith and, formerly, 3
: Oh, you ****er. You ****ing ****er. Come here so I can slap you. AND you're sleeping on the couch tonight.

 

My wife
,
for the rest of the evening
: Bastard

Me
: But am I a
magnificent
bastard?
:king:

 

The rest of the players from the previous Vitus-featuring Champion campaign, invited over to spectate on the reveal, were all vastly amused or grudgingly impressed. Players currently in this campaign, not so much :eg:

 

It was an understandable error on the investigators part- weirdo moves into country house, he never comes out during the day, he's never been seen by anybody other than his assistant, who goes into town to buy strange chemicals, rare books, and human blood by the bottle...

 

They just didn't know it was the assistant that drank the blood.

 

In case anybody thinks having Vitus turn up is a Cthulhu game is out-of-genre, I point out that dimension-hopping animal-headed sorcerers are not only Chaosium-canon ( Wrona Bors and his demonic familiar The Man In Black from With Malice Aforethought) they're Lovecraft-canon, too! Through The Gate of the Silver Key, anyone? And the tapir-snouted Swami from Yaddith had the advantage of his own TARDIS - Vitus has been trying to locate another way to the Great Library in the Pleiades.

 

But that was all at the end of the session - Game opens with the PCs waiting at one of the Arkham cinemas for their friend the PI 'Hammer' Dragovic, before they go in to see the evening movie - Nosferatu, as it happens ( it just so happened to be released that year IRL, by a happy coincidence - :eg: ). He's a no-show - apparently he had a hot lead on $40,000 worth of stolen mob bullion. He doesn't show up the next day, either, and his friends start getting nervous.

 

Elsewhere, Sydney Delthorn is delivering the Miskatonic U's copy of the John Dee Necronomicon to the farmhouse 'Mr Smith' is renting. As Mr Masters takes the book upstairs to the unseen 'Smith's' room, he hears what might be muffled shouts and thumping coming from the root cellar. He later discusses his fears with his colleagues.

 

Paddy OOC
: Are you sure it wasn't a raccoon-camel?
(referring to the party's theories about the Thing in the Attic, last session)

 

Paddy
: I'm just the glorified chauffeur around here

Lucy
: ...and don't you forget it

 

Lucy doesn't feel up to anything energetic - she's still recovering from being slashed half open by her great-uncle Gregory last session.

 

Lucy
: Going to the flicks is one thing - dancing is right out - I wouldn't want my guts to fall out on the dancefloor

Me, GM
: Yes, the 20's gave us so many great dances - the Charleston, the Foxtrot, the Intestine Skid...

 

Other musical accompaniment for the game

 

To the tune of
The Lion Sleeps Tonight
-

 

Teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li

Teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li, teke-li-li

 

Down in R'lyeh, in Sunken R'lyeh

Cthulhu sleeps tonight

Down in R'lyeh, in Blackest R'lyeh

Cthulhu sleeps tonight

 

TekeeeeeeEEeeEEEee-li-li, teke-li-li

 

Alexei
: I was down at the speakeasy feeling merry. Then Mary left.

 

Me, GM
: what will the neighbours think of you leaving a strange man on the doorstep?

Lucy
: That I've got standards.

Me, GM
: Lucy? Standards? When did that happen?

 

Their choice of movie viewing colours their theories about what's actually going on at the farmhouse. My efforts to dissuade them do nothing but strengthen their conviction that they're up against a vampire. BWAHAHAHAHA

 

Me, GM
: Why are you leaping to all these conclusions? Because you just saw
Nosferatu
? Just as well you didn't see
The Circus
, or you'd think you the upstairs room was full of murderous clowns. Or
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
- is there a bunch of knights on bicycles in the bedroom too?

Sydney
: But the noise was coming from the basement

Me, GM
: Ah, that makes sense - there's more room down there.

 

I will make no comment about the PCs lewd theories about what Hammer Dragovic was really up to, other than to say Dr Horrible's Sing-along Blog got a reference, and party raised eyebrows when they discovered he'd pulled off into a off-street.

 

Alexei
:
*trying to get back in to Lucy's good books*
We brought the beautiful scenery with us

Paddy
: Stop blowing smoke up her arse or I'll have to start calling her a chimney

 

Group starts planning ways to get to the house

 

Paddy
: Gottit! Protestant doorknockers

Me, GM
: You already got a pair of Catholic knockers here *
points at Lucy
*

Lucy
:
Lapsed
Catholic

Alexei
: You know a better bra will stop them lapsing so far

 

Alexei
: Lapse any further and the underwear will be a camel toe.

Me, GM
: Raccoon-camel toe.

 

Underwear also feature when they finally manage to get to the house, at 2 in the morning on a moonless night, and realise they've left the lockpicking tools back in the truck. Lucy suggests they use the underwire from her bra. They don't even think about the wisdom on trying to sneak up on a suspected vampire in the middle of night until they're already at the house. Arguments get increasing heated, and loud, but that's all irrelevant - Vitus has been awake and watching them from the bedroom window since they fell into the drainage ditch earlier. Not that they realise this until too late. The PCs realise they really should be trying to be stealthy, and pretend to be chickens.

 

Me, GM
: *
long look at Lucy's player
* As far as I know chicken don't go *uck *uck *uck *uck. Although maybe Lucy chickens do?

 

The Guild gets a bit chilly in winter - Alexei's & Lucy's players rug up under one blanket

 

Paddy's player
: Oh look, it's the Siamese Idiots

Alexei's & Lucy's players
:
*sing the Siamese cat song from
Lady and The Tramp
, complete with dance moves*

 

They discover that the kitchen door has already been kicked in anyway. Paddy privately thinks that this is a good thing, since it means the three business partners' he arranged to go in earlier have already been, and obviously three armed men against one would easily overpower anybody that was in the house. There's no need to be stealthy anymore. Then they discover the three mobsters beaten unconscious in the root cellar.

 

Paddy
: ****
:help:

 

Dragovic is there too, chained to the wall & gagged. His first words once they get the gag off is "Run! For the love of God run!" Alexei, Lucy, & Sydney consider this eminently wise advice and flee for their lives. Paddy, on the other hand, elects to stick around.

 

Lucy
,
later
: That's Dragovic for you - always thinking of others. Unlike that Irish bastard McGinty,
who throws grenades into the kitchen the rest of us are in

 

Paddy
still expecting Nosferatu
: I'm waiting for a creepy bald head to come round the corner. Then I'm going to blow it off.

 

Of course I wanted to be fair to the players - Vitus was not going to use any magic with two exceptions ( and in the end didn't even need to use those) and his physical skills all wound down to merely competent. I also scripted his actions and responses in advance, unless the players did something silly to give themselves away ( happily, they did). On the other hand, I did split the players up, so that they couldn't use player-knowledge to inform their reactions, when, say, their point-man sticks his head around a corner, screams, and starts blazing away at something on the stairs. It upped the panic wonderfully. The enchanted knife they picked up in an earlier adventure would have been an advantage - if they had remembered to bring it.

 

Me, GM
: The bullet whines off into the darkness

Alexei
: Stupid whinging bullets

 

Vitus takes them down hard, leaving half of them with broken jaws, hairline skull fractures, and so on. It's not pretty. They resign themselves to a dramatic fade to black, and are quite surprised to wake up in the basement.

 

Me, GM
: It would appear the werewolf-thing has run out of chain. But that's ok, since you so thoughtfully brought all that rope with you.

 

Vitus is standing in a chalk circle consulting the Miskatonic copy of the Necronomicon he 'borrowed', chanting and gesturing violently in a bestial tongue.

 

Alexei
:
*looking at Lucy, understandably worried*
you're not a virgin are you?
*thinks this statement through for a moment, visibly dismisses it, and turns to Sydney instead*

 

Vitus pierces his own palm with the tip of a dagger, and presses it to the foreheads of the eight captives, and snarls

 

"Take heed, humans. Should you
ever
raise your hand against me again, I have given my creatures leave to drink your soul. Every flea, every louse, every tick and bedbug and floor maggot will be free to pierce your skin and kill you by degrees. One bite, and every chill and fever is more of your being gone to feed their kind. Do not cross me - for I am Wrath, and every crawling creature of your your world can be my eyes."

 

And then left town, leaving the Necronomicon behind, since the starmaps Dee re-drew for his edition are uselessly inaccurate for his purposes. Not that the PCs know this, and they now fully intend to read the book cover to cover to find out just what that bastard did to them - BWAHAHAHAHAHA

 

And the best thing about this? It's all a total bluff. The chant was Vitus's commentary on humanity's incestuous ancestry, and what he'd like to do to them, in the gnoll language Uruak. Sure, there are enchantments and geases but Vitus is prejudiced against that particular college of magic.

 

Anyway, I prepared a Mythos CYOA, in advance -

 

Understandable Mistakes

 

Anyone would have made the same error - the reclusive SCHOLAR, who never left his HOUSE in the DAY, and his regular order of human blood from the SANITARIUM. Of course you thought he was a VAMPIRE. Who would have expected an alien WEREWOLF-thing, who now has you and your ALLIES chained in the basement for further SPELL research?

 

Heroic Adventure, +8, +3 San

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

So, the heroes of S.P.I.R.I.T. have just defeated Dr. Quetzalcoatl and destroyed his secret base, time for some downtime.

 

One of the heroes, El Caminante, has a secret ID as an Argentinian Gaucho. He's also Jewish. So he asks his dad what's happening with the plot of land next door, because he's been planning on buying it.

 

His dad: "Well, someone bought it. And they're herding sheep. I was waiting for you to come home. Let's go do this."

 

El Caminante in SID: Okay.

 

So they gather their posse and go out there, and sure enough, there's a low posted fence and a bunch of sheep grazing on the other side of it. They pull out their rifles and massacre the sheep. More plot consequences concerning this later...

 

Venazea's Player OOC: Oy vey! Sheepherders!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Me
: "That reminds me - I have to do some research on vampires before Saturday's game"

My wife
: "What kind of vampires?"

Me
: "All kinds - hungry ghosts, vampire tools, hair-eating Burmese vampires, blood-sucking squash..."

My wife
: "If any of them sparkle, they're getting staked on the spot"

Me
: "No, no sparkles - well, there may be fireworks, but no sparkles."

 

If you ever really need this stuff... Asian Bestiary, Volumes I & II.

 

:D

 

And I so wanna move to Australia so I can get in on a game....

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

So, the heroes of S.P.I.R.I.T. have just defeated Dr. Quetzalcoatl and destroyed his secret base, time for some downtime.

 

One of the heroes, El Caminante, has a secret ID as an Argentinian Gaucho. He's also Jewish. So he asks his dad what's happening with the plot of land next door, because he's been planning on buying it.

 

His dad: "Well, someone bought it. And they're herding sheep. I was waiting for you to come home. Let's go do this."

 

El Caminante in SID: Okay.

 

So they gather their posse and go out there, and sure enough, there's a low posted fence and a bunch of sheep grazing on the other side of it. They pull out their rifles and massacre the sheep. More plot consequences concerning this later...

 

Venazea's Player OOC: Oy vey! Sheepherders!

Would that make them a bunch of Sheephurters?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Clearly, you are not aware of the long-standing warfare that exists between cattle ranchers and sheepherders. :) The last Cattle/Sheep war in the United States wasn't stopped by the FBI until the mid 1960's.

 

In South America, it still happens. :)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Incredibly Tough Man : *bursts into room* Never fear, Incredibly Tough Man is here!

Bad Guys : Er, how tough are you?

Incredibly Tough Man : You know Sydney? I was there

Bad Guys : :eek: Ok, we're going to shoot this other guy then. No point wasting missiles.

 

 

Lucy, later : That's Dragovic for you - always thinking of others. Unlike that Irish bastard McGinty, who throws grenades into the kitchen the rest of us are in

 

CYOA

 

Solid gold!

 

 

Grenades in kitchen incident?

 

 

CYOA?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Solid gold!

 

yes. my brother has his own livejournal tag - "fraternal bastardry" - Look it up some time

 

 

Grenades in kitchen incident?

 

That particular quote comes from a few minutes after the incident in question - where the rest of the PCs were debating going back into the house to rescue Dragovic. McGinty could go fry - since he had been the one that threw a lit blackpowder-and-nails grenade into the kitchen they were currently fleeing up into and across.

 

 

CYOA?
\

 

"Create Your Own Adventure" - a feature of the old Mythos game where you wrote up your own objective lists as an Adventure Card. 'Night of the Smurfing Dead' perhaps, or 'Cows with Guns'

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From my Shadowrun game:

 

We've had a bit of shakeup in characters. Carotis and Thaddeus have gone missing, and Beldarien Corbin, their Shaman Sniper has gone away for a time, due to inhaled Astral inhibiting chemicals. (Carotis and Thaddeus' players wanted to try new characters, Beldarien's has gone and gotten himself a social life. For shame.)

 

New additions:

Franklin: Dwarf Technomancer rigger. His favorite drone is an almost pixel for pixel copy of a tachikoma from Ghost in the Shell. He also has a Doberman Drone with a mounted Panther cannon he calls "Boomer". Also, he has the shell program of an old Technomancer riding in his brain-meats.

 

Donovan: Human gunslinger. Has little to no memory of his past. Woke up one day with a bunch of money, some custom guns and a bunch of fake IDs. He figures one of them may be real, so he's come to Seattle to figure out who he is.

 

And, as always:

Hank "Venom" McNeil: Beer swigging mechanic/and the unluckiest luckiest SOB on earth

Haru Tetanuga: Elf Technomancer and boy-whore. Currently weighing prom invites. long story.

"Red": Human street-samurai/rigger. Specced for guns and action girl moments. Her motorcycle has a surly elf AI named Lou.

Diom "Die" Zanuff: Ork blades specialist/mystic adept.

Susan: Dwarf Med-Mage and Bliss addict. Carried the badass ball last week.

"Fast" Eddie Sanchez: Elf mneumonic courier/novacoke-head/mystic adept. NPC

Giovanni "Wraith" Valentino: The group's cybered out fixer. Ended up being a runner for a short time, due to lack of personell.

 

 

Players wake up in a prison cell. Their equipment gone, their clothes gone. Eventually they meet the administrator of the Saeder-Krupp orbital prison facility:

"Red" (OOC): "Wait just a ****ing second. I'm not only in jail, I'm in space jail?! Where's the guy with the gold cigarette lighter?"

GM (me, OOC): "Hey, YOU were the one to base your concept on Cyber City Oedo 808. I didn't force the explosive collar on you."

"Red" (sullen, OOC): "I didn't even do anything this time!"

In her defense, she had missed the last session, and this one picked up in medias res, so she was a bit... confused.

 

Beldarien is taken away by the administrator, it's explained that his dealings with a... creature... calling itself Veronica has caused a small panic about possible infection.

Administrator: "The process is... unpleasant, but, please, try to remain conscious. Any feedback you can give us about the machine will be invaluable."

Beldarien: "Isn't there a blood test or something?!"

Administrator: ::looks at other attending doctor over a diabolical machine, then looks at Beldarien:: "No."

 

Group manages to escape with a doctor's help. They are pursued by ED-209 security drones. They escape with:

Bowman: Ork runner, expert with bows and has an odd cyber-eye (it's really an iBall drone)

Trina: Ork Gunslinger Physical Adept. loves the butterfly motif.

Harley: a genetically modified woman with cat ears and a tail. Too bubbly for most people's taste, but an expert mechanic.

Dollface: A mute young woman with a porcelain mask affixed to her face. Displayed... troubling abilities in combat, but seems to like Haru.

and finally JC, a powerful young technomancer and his drone riding Sprite companion Mathie.

Franklin and Donovan hadn't joined yet, Thaddeus and Carotis were missing, so it was a large group of people.

In the flight hangar, the group encounters the Administrator again, but something is... wrong with her. She mutates and attacks (think the game Prototype and you're on the right track). They manage to retrieve their gear and defeat her and escape. The station is covered with a flesh/reddish growth, much like what happened to the administrator. Something isn't right, and Saeder-Krupp is in the middle of it.

 

On the way back to earth, a thud and a scrape is heard on the roof. Red panics.

"Red": "It's gonna breach the hull, and then we'll lose out air, and our blood will boil in 13 seconds! I may throw up on you."

(Yes, that was a new Star Trek quote)

 

After crashlanding a stolen orbital shuttle in the barrens, Susan gets a little aggravated.

Susan: "Breakfast. I need breakfast. I've had an AWFUL day."

 

The group gets sent on another run almost immediately.

Susan: "Fine! Just doggie bag it, I'll eat it in the van!"

 

A long series of events involving a cleaning crew, a ghost, a wrecked APC, a toxic spirit, and a dumpster dive for the skull of a hacker leaves Hank covered head to toe in garbage, slime, and various bodily fluids. The group brings him to a carwash. They stand him in the middle of a bay and have him strip. Susan, Die and Red are armed with the high pressure hoses, the brush and the wax gun, respectively. Hank is... dubious about the upcoming process.

Haru: "My advice is, CLENCH EVERYTHING!"

 

That was the end of our session a couple weeks ago. Its late now, so I'll finish it up later.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

sigh.

that's the only Quote of the Week from the Middle Earth D20 crew.

 

all the characters were killed off.

one was slain by real-life jobs, one by EVE online, and one by WoW.

 

Except me, my Ranger Barbarian is still out there somewhere, offending one of Tolkien's denizens or another.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Me, at last weekend's SCA event:

"I'm a big boy. I can handle my own zipper."

 

In-context' date=' that would make sense - Costumes.[/quote']

 

Zippers aren't period. (The zipper being referenced was on a sleeping bag.)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

At the risk of tooting my own horn, I had a brief flash of wit at our game last night.

 

We're starting a new game, playing low-level superheroes in a gritty street-level campaign. The PCs were invited to the funeral of a reclusive rich man and the reading of his will, wherein it's revealed the deceased was a retired superhero who fathered all of them. :nonp:

 

Everybody's introducing themselves to each other, and it comes out my character's the only one without powers (I'm playing basically a Tony Stark / Bruce Wayne type without the angst).

 

One of the other characters, a Paris Hilton-clone with ice powers, commiserated with him, "Aw, poor baby! No superpowers for you!"

 

With a deadpan voice, I riposted, "Yeah, I guess I'll just have to console myself with being obscenely rich. It's such a burden to bear." :D

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