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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From Teh Bunneh's Bloodmater Game:

Brontus Rexx: Human Barbarian

Clio: Tiefling Paladin of the Reven Queen

Rody Falcos: Elf Rogue

Hakkoz Stoneshanks: Dwarf Cleric of Kord

Alix Twilight: Shifter Druid

Paxton Lux: Human Fighter

Justine: Human Warlock

Aester: Dragonborn Warlord

Berrian Wildheart (NPC): Gnome Wizard

 

Comments spread out over a couple of weeks.

 

On timing:

 

Justine: Do we roll initiative?

Brontus: Wait, we got block text

 

Trying to bluff our way into a building:

 

Alix: Avon calling.

Justine: Amway!

Hakkoz: See, she is evil

 

Better without context:

 

Brontus (to Justine): You really should not be in charge of the magnets.

 

After we run out of red markers:

 

Paxton: On the upside, nobody else can be bloodied.

 

Better without context:

 

Alix: The state of Colorado does not count dog years for the age of consent.

 

After the party is attacked by teleporting wolves, one of which is painted white.

 

Hakkoz: I use my Gaze of Defiance

Justine: You realize you have made an emo attack against the white wolf.

 

On trying to pull aggro in DnD:

 

Justine: What makes the bad guys come?

Alix: Overstimulation

 

On the naming of villains:

 

Alix: Drudge, Grime, Sludge, we don't need magic; we need WD-40

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Last night's Champions game:

 

S-Squad is planning to board an alien ship that launched nuclear missiles at Earth, which also picked up the escape pod containing the captain who self-destructed his ship, killling almost all of an NPC hero team and blinding the PC heroes' friend, Cobalt Kid.

 

Synergy: I need to take the engines off-line so they can't self-destruct.

Subliminal: How are you planning to take the engines off-line?

Synergy: (grins evilly) Physically.

 

Discussing why the control room for the landing bay is shielded against radiation...

 

GM: It only makes sense, as this area is frequently open to vacuum and exposed to cosmic radiation.

Subliminal: And the occasional Radioactive Space Monster .

 

Subliminal sets off an area-effect Flash attack on their side of the control room window, blinding the alien officer and the trooper inside. He then uses Mind Control to convince the alien officer to order the trooper to open the control room door to attack the heroes boarding their ship. He sees the officer give the order (though Subliminal can't hear, since the landing bay where the heroes are standing is currently in vacuum).

 

Subliminal: The Flash affects sight, hearing, and mental.

GM: Well, since you set off the flash on *your* side of the window, I'm only giving you the sight and mental effects.

Subliminal: But... that Flash is kinda a mental attack, so why wouldn't his hearing be affected as well?

GM: If the trooper was deafened, he wouldn't have heard the officer order him to open the door. This kinda works in your favor, y'know?

 

The trooper goes into the landing bay and takes aim at Sentinel.

 

Sentinel: So you had the officer order him to attack me?!

Subliminal: No, I ordered him to open the door so we could get in there. The attack thing... is kinda collateral. (Grins sheepishly)

Sentinel: You realize that if I go down, so does everybody else's life support? And we're in vacuum?

Subliminal: ... oooh. Good point.

 

I roll the trooper's to-hit and damage rolls, and he wins the STUN lottery.

 

Sentinel: Wait! Can't I pull my action and dive for cover?

GM: Sure. Where do you dive?

Sentinel: (moves her miniature one hex and lays it down) I dive forward and hit the ground.

GM: Oooookay. When you hear "Dive For Cover," which is the most important word there? "Dive"? "For"? "Cover"?

 

The heroes finally capture the landing bay. Having practiced on their own captured alien ship, Subliminal mentally connects with the computer on the ship they boarded to learn the ship's layout and crew complement. He then gets access to the escape pods...

 

Subliminal: Is there any way I can launch all the escape pods? That should make them think twice before self-destructing the ship.

 

He also accesses the internal cameras to see what the crew is doing.

 

GM: You see a bunch of heavily-armed troopers heading your way.

Subliminal: That's okay. We're going to be teleporting to the bridge. :D

 

While the heroes are attacking the bridge, the captain is invisible to all sight and trying to type in the self-destruct code.

 

GM: Sentinel and Synergy, make a sight PER roll at -2. You're the only ones positioned to see something.

Synergy: I just made my normal PER roll. (pause) Would radar help?

GM: Crap. Um, yeah, radar would help. A lot. (puts figures for captain and first officer onto the map)

 

Subliminal tries to mind-read the alien captain for control codes, but rolls a critical failure.

 

Subliminal: It's worse than that. He's dumb, Jim.

 

The heroes capture the bridge and lock down all doors on the ship, knowing they can teleport anywhere except engineering. They then begin using the captured ship to attack other alien ships. Meanwhile, Serendipity is monitoring internal cameras and sees an officer and some crew in engineering doing something. She calls Synergy, resident engineer, over.

 

Synergy: Can I tell what they're doing?

GM: It looks like they're trying to activate the hyperdrive.

Synergy: Can they do that from there?

GM: They can activate it, but they can't set a destination. (pause) Going into hyperspace without a destination would be "BAD".

Synergy: Yah. We might want to do something about that.

 

The heroes shut down the hyperdrive and continue redirecting missiles and shooting alien fighters. I give Serendipity periodic updates on what the alien crewmen are doing.

 

Serendipity: (pointing to a room on the map) The crew is trying to get into this room. Is it anything important?

Synergy: Oh. Yeah. That's where the spare nuclear missiles are stored. We might want do do something about that, too, before they blow us up.

 

After they return to Earth:

 

GM: And no, the government won't let you keep the newly captured ship. I'm not going to let you be your own nuclear power.

 

And finally, the words every GM loves to hear:

 

Subliminal: You're EVIL.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From our fist Champions game in months...

 

Pre-game, we are calling to one of the other players that we are about to start...

 

"It's Hero time!"

 

This started a musical interlude...

 

"Can't touch this!"

"Desolid! Can't touch this."

"Invisible! Can't see this.."

 

There was eventually an epic battle. Well, epic in terms of failure, anyway. One moment of success was when Graviton hit the the enemy leader (Mind Star) with a forklift and Stunned her. It would have been a TPK had not Graviton been flying at the time the enemy brick stomped the ground, sending out a shockwave that KO'ed the rest of the party... and started to bring the building down around them.

 

Graviton: (OOC) Hm... should I stay to help the party out? Or make a tactical retreat?

 

Kitelea: (OOC) Look at the bones!!!

 

The group lost it for 5 minutes.

 

Graviton: (OOC) Retreat it is.

 

Later, I was showing them all pictures of the enemy team members. When we got to Mind Star...

 

Graviton: (OOC) Oh yeah. I'd hit that... with a forklift!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

 

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.

Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.

Julian a Vodun park ranger

Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist

Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter

Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator.

 

******

 

Danny: We've got to figure out how to integrate Nigel back into society.

 

Sonia: The first thing you've got to do is build a giant terrarium.

 

***

 

GM: The less urine on my battle mat, the better.

 

***

 

Sonia [describing Danny's new special attack]: Spirit curb stomp

 

***

 

Sonia: We don't want to have to keep you in a box.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Vahne: You know it's hard to burgle in broad daylight when you're the town's local celebrities.

 

 

 

Vahne: Ok, it looks like Tsudo took one of the boats and fled. Let's follow him.

Arakpo: How?

Vahne: With one of the other (looks to see that the two boats that had been moored have been sunk) ... boats. What did you just do?

Zarendrakan: They can't use these boats to attack the city now!

Vahne: *silence*

Zerendrakan: What was that about following Tsudo?

Arakpo: We can explore those caves! *points to the caves in the smuggler's cove*

Vahen: *sigh* Sure, we have nothing better to do

 

 

Zerendraken found Tsudo's journal. The half-elven monk is in league with the goblins that have been attacking the city and apparently in love with the Asimar (but wants to be infernal) main villainess. His journal consists of a few random notes of interest and pining for his "love" and a bunch of sketches of a naked woman.

 

Zerendrakan: Well this information should prove useful

Vahne: It also proves Tsudo is an idiot.

Arakpo: And should teach art.

Vahne: Hush you.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Rolemaster campaign:

 

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

 

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

 

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

 

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

 

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Rolemaster campaign:

 

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

 

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

 

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

 

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

 

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

 

LOL!!! I love Rolemaster.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Rolemaster campaign:

 

Upon entering a room in an ancient ruins the party encounters a statue of a very large humanoid. One of the characters approaches the statue at which point it swings at him. Thankfully the statue misses and everyone backs away. A few minutes later a few more party members arrive and the following conversation ensues.

 

Mage: Hey whatever you do. Don't get close to that statue!

 

Arriving character: You mean like this? (He walks up to the statue)

 

The statue swings mightily connecting with the party member. The critical results in the characters heart being destroyed by the concussion of the blow. Instant death.

 

Mage: Yeah, just like that!

 

Rolemaster is a harsh mistress.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I almost forgot about this gem from last session...

 

Just before the big battle (the one in which the party suffered a TPK) Nightengale used her Aid to buff everyone's EGO because they knew they were going up against a powerful mentalist. One of the teammates, Prism (aka Dash in his secret ID) has a tendency to be a bit overconfident. Ergo...

 

Nightengale: (OOC) Everyone, please accept my apologies in advance for actually increasing Dash's ego!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From a long ago campaign where thirteen of history's most evil villains were attempting to take over the world. Characters were investigating events and trying to uncover the identity of the "Evil Thirteen".

 

Characters:

Agent Fox; an FBI agent modeled after Mulder on X-Files

Vladimir; a former Spetsnaz soldier and mercenary type

 

Scene: Fox and Vlad are hot on the heels of a shadowy stalker who has been caught spying on the PCs. They have chased the bad guy into a nearby church where they see him hiding in the rafters.

 

Shouting in rage, Vlad draws both of his Desert Eagle .50cal pistols and shoots continuously at the bad guy while running forward. The ninja drops to the floor and Vlad continues to empty his pistols into the body until he is standing over the body with his pistols clicking empty. As he reloads his pistols, he looks to Fox who has been standing at the entrance dumbfounded by what he has just witnessed.

 

Vlad (triumphantly): "That is how we do things in Russia!"

 

Just then an Uzi wielding bad guy appears near the alter and starts firing at them. Fox pulls out a pistol and fires a single shot which hits the goon in the head and drops the guy instantly. Fox blows on the end of his pistol and puts it away turning to Vlad he says:

 

"That is how we do things in America!"

 

To this day it is a moment we all remember.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From a long ago campaign where thirteen of history's most evil villains were attempting to take over the world. Characters were investigating events and trying to uncover the identity of the "Evil Thirteen".

 

Characters:

Agent Fox; an FBI agent modeled after Mulder on X-Files

Vladimir; a former Spetsnaz soldier and mercenary type

 

Scene: Fox and Vlad are hot on the heels of a shadowy stalker who has been caught spying on the PCs. They have chased the bad guy into a nearby church where they see him hiding in the rafters.

 

Shouting in rage, Vlad draws both of his Desert Eagle .50cal pistols and shoots continuously at the bad guy while running forward. The ninja drops to the floor and Vlad continues to empty his pistols into the body until he is standing over the body with his pistols clicking empty. As he reloads his pistols, he looks to Fox who has been standing at the entrance dumbfounded by what he has just witnessed.

 

Vlad (triumphantly): "That is how we do things in Russia!"

 

Just then an Uzi wielding bad guy appears near the alter and starts firing at them. Fox pulls out a pistol and fires a single shot which hits the goon in the head and drops the guy instantly. Fox blows on the end of his pistol and puts it away turning to Vlad he says:

 

"That is how we do things in America!"

 

To this day it is a moment we all remember.

 

The bunneh's friend, are you?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

In our game tonight we have been enlisted by Bill Gates to steal a priceless book written in Atlantean so that we can teach him the language.

 

GM: Do you teach Bill how to read the language?

ME: My proposal is to teach him 75% of what he needs to know and then charge him again for Atlantean 2.0

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

 

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.

Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.

Julian a Vodun park ranger

Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist

Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter

Zeke a demon-possessed private investigator.

 

******

 

Julian: I guess I should go into the room so we can all be trapped.

 

***

 

Sonia: I have a 15- Perception, darn it; I can do it while I'm unconscious.

 

***

 

[The team are confronting a vampire that's been tormenting them for several game sessions. Julian has been taunting her throughout the fight until she manages to land a 15 body claw attack on his arm.]

 

Mary: Where's your bravado now?

 

Julian: On the floor with the rest of my arm.

 

***

 

Kayla: I have a feeling that, even without their heads, they're not going to do very well.

 

***

 

Julian [to Sonia]: Yes, you slowed her down so the rest of us *real* heroes could take her down.

 

Kayla: Hey, wait a minute... He called me a real hero!

 

***

 

Zeke: Well, I thought the shooting was important.

 

***

 

[in the middle of combat]

 

Julian: Is Mary dead or just unconscious?

 

GM: Are going to take time to examine her?

 

Julian [sigh]: I melt her face again.

 

***

 

Sonia: Can I kill the vampire now? And then Julian?

 

***

 

Julian: I don't think I can afford to be a hero any longer.

 

***

 

Julian: Who else is worst hurt? [player looks at character sheet] Oh, yeah, me.

 

***

 

Julian: We lock them in the boiler room and set it on fire. If they get don't free, it's natural selection.

 

***

 

Zeke [on the phone with his police contact]: Do you know any doctors who can dig a couple bullets out of me off the record?

 

Det. Mariska Alerton [pause]: I really wish you hadn't said that over my home phone line.

 

***

 

Kayla: Fine, just put me in the frickin' trunk.

 

***

 

Mike: It's not my body that's hurt anyway.

 

***

 

Julian: We're a team. We don't communicate.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Due to Real Life , the GM ended part one of Farlantha, Age of Dreams, with the PCs at level 8, not 10. That said, here are the quotes from the last session of the first phase of the campaign:

 

(Warning -- we were in a silly mood).

 

Calidore (OOC): "4Chan sums up Calsar as follows: 'LOL Random'."

 

On how to get rid of evil minions in your employ: "Pink slips written in explosive runes."

 

"Napalm sticks to ghouls."

 

Na'Yumi: "There's an army coming?"

Duncan: "Why do you think we're leaving town [so quickly]?"

Wyk: "That's what we do everyday?"

 

The GM is describing a location the party is approaching.

Calidore (OOC): "So... the College of Mages is basically Helm's Deep with Hogwarts in the middle."

(pause)

GM: "FYI Mike? I hate you."

The GM then describes the College of Mages as basically Helm's Deep with Hogwarts in the middle... "just all in ruins."

 

Calidore on how to get into the enemy fortress (OOC): "First we build a giant rabbit."

 

"Fire up the grill, we got werewolves!"

 

Wyk: "You can't sacrifice something you want to get rid of."

 

GM (to Joan, his wife): " You hid my dice!"

Anae (a.k.a Joan, the GM's wife): "I did not! I'm not upset you forgot your dice...."

 

Duncan (OOC): "Haven't you ever heard of wight supremacy?"

 

Next time we meet -- 11th level!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Today's Champions game

 

Earthquake (earth-themed brick): I hit the truck, trying to disable it (rolls 14 BODY).

GM: You have an engine block.

 

I want Martial Arts, Weapon Element: Seige Engines

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Weapon Element: Palindromedary Mounted Weapons

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Dwarf (OOC): I hope combat happens soon.

GM: And then the wizard you were talking to slumps over dead.

Dwarf: Wait, what just happened?

GM: Phase 12, you see two thrown axes in the back of the wizard.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Dwarf (OOC): I hope combat happens soon.

GM: And then the wizard you were talking to slumps over dead.

Dwarf: Wait, what just happened?

GM: Phase 12, you see two thrown axes in the back of the wizard.

Step 1 of any successful plan: Make sure the Dwarf can't talk.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The wizard talks of old magic and how spells could age someone to place power into magic items..

Troy asks what this aging might do to children.

The elf informs Troy that the blink dog is already full grown.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From the 7th Sea table - a PC's pregnant wife has woken up with a craving for iced cream

 

PC
: "It's two in the morning! There is no way on Earth I can get you iced cream!"

Wife
:
bursts into tears
You don't love me anymore!

PC
: You're right! I don't!...
I shouldn't have said that...
:help:

GM
: In this era one of the treatments for gonorrhea is running a red-hot wire up into the affected areas. Since she's a fire mage, your wife doesn't bother with the wire.

 

GM
: It's 1668 - there's not a lot of international news coverage

 

Climate Change

 

Fireleaper
: Of course some cities won't want to be protected by dikes.

Me
: It threatens their masculinity

 

And on the effects of rising sea levels on Florida

 

Me
: And if you believe that I've got some condos in Florida to sell you. Nice water views...
:eg:

 

Playing Munchkin, we encounter a combined Unspeakable Awful Indescribable Horror, AND Squidzilla

 

Me
: We just ran into
Cthulhu?!?
:help:

 

Our GM is a no-show - we picture him in the starring roll of a picture I'm drawing of a pack of gnoll pirates about to disembowel a sailor.

 

Trawler's player
: A Hyenous crime

 

Avatar
: Avatar, disrupting radio traffic worldwide.

Zero
: Think locally, act globally

 

In Cthulhu - the raid on Innsmouth. Each player is playing 6 PCs, including the marines sent into the smugglers tunnels under the northside slums

 

Col. Lancaster OOC
: Dear God sir, your dog just ripped my leg off. So it can hump it in peace

 

Barbara vdB
: "I just ask one thing - can you make sure your campaign doesn't escape and infect ours this week?"

 

Also from the other table, listening in on our campaign - they have long experience of previous characters played by my wife

 

"Dear god - tell me you didn't just give her a flamethrower"

"At least tell us you didn't give her any fuel!"

"Worse - she's got a flamethrower. I've got flares.... and
I'm standing right behind her
"
:eg:

"Scream!"

 

Purrdence's Marine
- The flamethrower's named for my wife Vera. My ex wife.

Me GM
- She was a hot tamale

 

Me GM
-
(Describing the Flamethrower)
After two short bursts, it needs a refill

Purrdence's Marine
- that's what my wife used to say.

 

Sergeant
-
(
Mocking another PC's Bigfoot encounter, in reference to something BIG that just swam under the boat)
Did it have a beard, boy?

Purrdence's Marine
- Not as big as my ex-wife's!

 

Purrdence's Marine
: My ex husband...

Sergeant
: Husband? Is there something we don't know about you, Private?

Purrdence's Marine
: Wife! I meant wife!

Me GM
: Well this is Massachusetts. They're advanced about that sort of thing up here

 

Me GM
: The tunnel is damp, and dripping with clammy slime and phosphorescent algae...

Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine &
:
"Just like my ex wife..."
.

Me GM
: What was that?

Purrdence's Marine &
: Nothing, nothing
*looks innocent*

Me GM
: ...and stinks of decaying fish...

Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine
:
*collapse laughing*

Me GM
: *
headdesk
*

 

Attempt and fail to stop a fellow marine from being dragged overboard by something

 

Sergeant
: Oh great, we just turned Private Douvre into a wishbone. Oh look, I got the big end!

 

Me GM
: They're not gators. Gators don't have fingers like that. Gators don't have faces like that. And gators don't wear golden jewellery either.

Sergeant OOC
: - Dear God they've got bling!
(makes gang signs and leans back in chair)
Deep Ones Bitches!

 

Private Anzacks
to ineffectual Officer
- Yessir, Captain Toothless, sir! Right away sir!

Purrdence's Marine
- And this is why you're still a private and nobody likes you

Private Anzacks OOC
: Really? I thought it was cause I kept taking everything I could get my grubby little hands on

 

Purrdence's Marine
- I failed, I rolled 18. My Dex is only 15. Ass over manboobs.

 

On the Coastguard Cutters patrolling outside Innsmouth harbour

 

Petty Officer - OOC
- Sir, it looks like theirs a pair of boobs out there.

Captain - OOC
- Get your mind out of the gutter son.

Petty Officer - OOC
- No seriously sir, it looks like a couple of Irishman.

 

On the submarine S-19

 

Petty Sub Officer
-
(denying a crewmember crushed to death under a fallen torpedo is useless
) What are you talking about? He's armed, he has a torpedo.

 

Me GM
: -
(Describing an NPC)
.. is rigid and unbending.

Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine
: Just like my ex-wife.

 

In RL, the Swan River is amazingly noxious tonight - gaggingly, eye-wateringly bad.

 

Purrdence
: Gah! Smells like a Deep One crawled up the river and died
:sick:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ha! I had to go hunting' date=' but I posted that story back in 07! I'm shocked that Captain O remembers that... That was indeed a moment of gaming awesome. :thumbup:

 

 

Now you should tell them the story about how you defeated the main bad guy in the jeep race to rescue a hostage held on a dangerous jungle island...

 

Don't forget to mention the GM's reaction...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

 

Me GM : - (Describing an NPC) .. is rigid and unbending.

Private Anzacks & Purrdence's Marine : Just like my ex-wife.

 

We all have the same ex-wife? What're the odds? ;-)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I forgot to write down many from our D&D 4th game last night, but two stood out:

 

After we've cleared the ancient Deva city of its infestation of Fell Taints, we're searching the city (okay, looting it) and discover 2,500 GP, split into 50 bags each containing 50 GP, in a side building of the main temple. Our shaman is adding all of that gold to our pile-o-loot.

Isari (Deva avenger): HEY! Those are for people who visit the temple!

Willow (Eladrin shaman): WE visited the temple!

 

Isari: A Deva Avenger is like a paladin with a bad toothache.

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