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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quote of the Week for our little Wildcards group.

 

Skabb (Me): Hey, I forgot, my stink cloud Transfer is non-selective.

Phaze: That's OK. The rest of us took Life Support just because of you.

 

Broadsword -|--->

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Amp, the hero speedster with caffeeinated powers and a contract with PepsiCo.

 

Slick, the frictionless speedster from the Ultimates.

 

Slick attacks another PC, so Amp runs over to get him (full move just to get fairly close). Slick, on his next action, uses his "friction powers" TK to force Amp to continue his forward momentum straight into a wall.

 

Slick says (in a surfer dude accent), "Dude! This can of Amp is flat!"

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The Hills Done Rise

 

The PCs are a UN superteam. A metastorm had awoken the zombies of thousands of soldiers who died in the Crimean War.

John Henry: Gravity / density brick

Kooun Kaze: Gravity-based energy projector

Saulk: Mystic specializing in health magic

 

A Ukranian lieutenant provided relevant historical details.

Lieutenant: "The Ottomans didn't lose anyone in this battle."

John Henry: "They decided to play a game: Let's have you and them fight."

 

The PCs encountered a necromancer who was "observing" the zombie armies. Later, Saulk spotted the necromancer flying toward the helicopter they were in.

Saulk: (to the chopper pilot) "The entity approaching us is friendly ... well ... somewhat cooperative."

John Henry: (helpfully interjecting) "Non-hostile."

chopper pilot: (somewhat freaked out by the whole situation) "Cooperative is nice. I'm delighted by the 'non-hostile', though."

 

The PCs overconfidently leaped into battle with a company of zombies, even though they had been warned that the zombies would be "significantly stronger" near their battle standard.

Kooun Kaze: (a couple phases later) "This is not starting out as one of our better fights."

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Re: The Hills Done Rise

 

Some Embria quotes:

--------------------------

 

GM: So, there are three Fanged Trolls and a Cave Troll. Cave Trolls have long limbs, and can climb walls like a spider.

 

Metreon (OOC): Oh! THOSE are what's been raiding my nightmares! Let's just pull up a chair and watch!

 

-------------------

 

Metreon: *Catches all but one of the Trolls in a fireball*

 

GM: Metreon, you're being attacked by a Troll you've just flamed.

 

Metreon (OOC): "Dont use all Caps, douchebag!"

 

---------------------

 

Leigh the Cleric has had a string of misses

 

Leigh: Pelor?...Mace?...I'm fighting evil?...Help a fella out!

 

*Rolls a crit*

 

:D

 

------------------

 

Varga's Player's watch: *Beeps randomly at various intervals*

 

Metreon (OOC): Dont be a tease! If you're going to beep, please have the decency to explode!

 

--------------

 

Troll King: You do not have a moment. You have but an instant to live.

 

Rhiannon: Whats the difference between a moment and an instant? I'm blonde ;)

 

Troll King: Err...

 

-------------------

 

We are fighting the Troll King. Varga's little sister Helda is with us.

 

Helda: *Moves next to Leigh* You're cute! ;)

 

Leigh: *Concentrating* Not now...

 

Rhiannon: No, shes right. Youre pretty much cute all the time :D

 

Metreon: *Annoyed* Tip your waitress! Can we PLEASE just fight the Troll King, here!?

 

--------------

 

PS: I want our old Emoticons back! You cant tell a " ; ) " from a " : D "

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A session of Unknown Armies

 

Tony "Bender" Benedetti's opinion of local wit: "I feel I was just insulted by a lichen."

 

Sam Tsung (OOC) on the current conversation: "A guy from New Yawk talking to a guy from Tennessee? You'll need a guy from Chicago to interpret."

 

Tony "Bender" Benedetti on life: "Everything is clear through the bottom of a shot glass."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From the Star Hero game:

 

The Cast:

 

Lynn Street James: Motor mechanic from a Max Max esque world. Can drive anything, can fix anything (given enough duct tape) Played by me

Dewey: Cyborg Librarian, vhelmently opposed to Artificial Intelligence. Played by Fein

Hasp Zoloft: Cyborg Zombie Special Forces Officer. He was dead, but got over it thanks to Mad Science. Played By Dr Sinn

Starstalker: Precognatice Pterodactyl Forensic Pathologist Sniper. Need I say more? Played by Boutros.

 

An attempt to infiltrate an enemy headquarters has gone awry Starstalker is captured. This is a turn around, as the players have become infamous for kidnapping NPCs from wherever they go.

 

Lynn: We'll have to Kidnap Starstalker

Hasp: Will this count as our kidnapping for this planet?

 

We've met the enemy commander - and they're a very pregant woman

 

Lynn: We can't kidnap her. I'd feel bad

 

Lynn, Dewey and Hasp are disguised as soldiers, with Lynn beign the highest ranked of them. However, this won't stop people from asking questions...

 

NPC Guard: What are you doing here?

Lynn: We're with technical services. We need to do vital system upgrades on this shuttle.

Hasp: We need to install anti-Pterodactyl avionics.

NPC Guard: I don't recognise you, captain...

Lynn: That's captain BOOT TO THE HEAD!

 

Lynn is famous for lying her way through everything. So when the players are ambushed by the guards and surrounded

 

Lynn: (holds up a PDA) I've rigged bombs all over the base. Let me go or else I'll set them off

GM: Make an acting check

 

(rolls a 15)

 

Pregant Commander Lady: She's bluffing

Lynn: Ah crap! BOOT TO THE HEAD

 

The GM is describing our adversaries

 

GM: Hasp, you can see a Pterodactyl priest in long, flowing robes. He's invisible to everyone else

Hasp: Invisible Pterodactyl Ninjas!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

More from the Embria Pathfinder game...

 

In addition to the usual crew (see my sig for details)

 

Helda: Barbarian thief and Varga's little sister

 

Liana: Metreon's former master's cute apprentice

 

---------

 

GM: The Troll King has nailed his iron crown to his head.

 

Varga (OOC): Well, he IS a Troll

 

Rhiannon (OOC): How "emo".

 

------------------

 

GM: A couple of deer run past, followed closely by a pack of wolves

 

Varga: *Raises her bow* Dinner?

 

Rhiannon: *does the same* Sure!

Rhiannon: *shoots a deer*

 

Varga: *shoots one of the wolves*

 

Rhiannon: Wait...whose side are we on??

 

----------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Tapestries, or it never happened!

 

----------------

 

Metreon (OOC): Metreon wakes up from the revel in his room, wearing a horned helmet rakishly askew, with a rare and complex alchemical formula brewing, and the desk covered in indecipherable notations, spell ink, an inky handprint, and pictograms drawn in an inky finger trying to explain how to make it.

 

"How in the world did I do this?!?"

 

----------------

 

GM: OK, so youve skinned the Gorgon, and now have whats basically a giant bull hide, covered in steel plates.

 

Rhiannon: Gorgon; nature's bringandine

 

-----------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Im Lawful Good and blonde! I HAVE to like Halflings!

 

----------------

 

Chyra (OOC): Im generally not family friendly.

 

Varga (OOC): If youre friendly enough, you can start a family!

 

-----------------

 

GM: Vampiric Touch is Bad Touch

 

-----------------

 

Anonymous: If you watch Jaws backwards, its a movie about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to open a beach!

 

---------------

 

GM: Make a Knowledge: Planes check.

 

Rhiannon (OOC): But...we're in the mountains!

 

---------------

 

Chyra (OOC): Im going to use Grave Touch and Touch of Fatigue to status effect it into submission!

 

------------

 

Metreon: *hands over his Magic Missile wand* If anything goes wrong, use this to try to escape

 

Liana: Whats the word?

 

Rhiannon (OOC): "GREASE!" ;D

 

---------------

 

Helda (OOC): 29 on Stealth! I am the wind!

 

Varga (OOC): *blows a "breaking wind" raspberry*

 

----------------

 

Chyra (OOC): My Spectral Hand should follow me everywhere

 

Everyone: *at once* BoooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From the 7th Sea table -

"You know the Russian Bear? That's his wife."

Edge City - Back In Town

Trawler
: "Is there anything I can do to help Avatar burn through the metal?"

Zero
: "Other then holding him underarm and running at the wall?"

 

Zero
: "Um - something is suppressing my psionics down here - I can't pick you up on my mindlink, and you're standing right next to me! I'm having to blow air through my meat-flaps to talk to you! How primitive!"

 

Zero
: "This is all your fault, you know. I
could
have used a mental stun attack - that causes no physical damage at all. But you had to have a psionic suppressor down here, and I have to resort to something like this."
*kicks Destroyer agent in the head*

 

Weldun, GM
: "And now for the most useless superpower in existence, which he nonetheless has"

Zero, OOC
: "Telepathic contact with squid!"

Avatar, OOC
: "Telepathic contact with
plankton
"

Zero, OOC
: "Good one - 'photosynthesise, photosynthesise, photosynthesise...' 'SHUT UUUP!!!!!'"

Trawler OOC
: "'Ok, all you lot, pile up into a red tide...'"

Avatar, OOC
: Contact, not control

Zero, OOC
: Always On

 

Gigaton
:
YOU DARE MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF DR DESTROYER!?

Zero
: "Now there's a guy who takes after his boss"

Weldun, GM
: "Nah, he was always like that."

In Cthulhu... Not many quotes, since the scenarios currently unfolding involve mass combat and don't leave much room for humorous quippage.

 

Nonetheless...

Me, GM
: As the rest of you fall back from the
thing
in horror, Sergeant Grabatowski draws his combat knife and storms forward...

Raw marine recruit
: Crap. We're about to lose the Sarge

Me, GM
:
*rolls the dice*
... where he punches the creature in the tentacles and rams the knife hilt-deep into its skull. It twitches once and falls over.

The recruits
:
:jawdrop:
*jaws drop*
Go the Sarge!
:hail:

 

Outside of the actual play -

 

Newbie
: You had diet pepsi and now you're having a ****ing doughnut?

Barbara vdB
: Cinnamon doughnut. Not a **** doughnut.

Newbie
: It
does
have a hole in it...

Me, GM
:
*counts to ten, turns to Purrdence, who as predicted is red with suppressed laughter.*
Yup. Smut Field

 

Regarding the Lovecraft/Poe/Agatha Christie mash-up I'm running at Swancon

Newbie
: Agatha Christie? Is that the vampire lady?

Me, GM
: Noooo, that's Anne Rice.

Newbie
: Ah, I don't see much difference between them.

Both new players were browsing through the graphic novels I had in with me

 

Newbie
: "What... The... ****???? "

Newbie's GF
: "I read manga and I've never seen anything that ****ed up!"

Considering they included Garth Ennis's Kev and Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan, that's hardly surprising

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Both new players were browsing through the graphic novels I had in with me

 

Newbie
: "What... The... ****???? "

Newbie's GF
: "I read manga and I've never seen anything that ****ed up!"

Considering they included Garth Ennis's Kev and Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan, that's hardly surprising

 

Spill... what were they looking it?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Spill... what were they looking it?

 

In Transmet they had a a wide range to choose from, such as those two russian security werewolves having sex on the nuclear hydrant whilst being taped by a roving newsfeed, or the flying mechanical

clitlickers

, or Spider's two-headed chain-smoking cat, but it was Kev where they went back a few pages because they didn't believe what they'd just seen.

 

 

It's the scene where the Doctor has returned with Hawksmoor's head where his nutsack used to be

 

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

In Transmet they had a a wide range to choose from' date=' such as those two russian security werewolves having sex on the nuclear hydrant whilst being taped by a roving newsfeed, or the flying mechanical

clitlickers

, or Spider's two-headed chain-smoking cat, but it was [i']Kev [/i]where they went back a few pages because they didn't believe what they'd just seen.

 

 

It's the scene where the Doctor has returned with Hawksmoor's head where his nutsack used to be

 

I haven't read either of those.... and I know realize I mistook the quote to indicate they were looking at some manga... which I thought meant I might know the series.

 

Never mind... move along.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I haven't read either of those.... and I know realize I mistook the quote to indicate they were looking at some manga... which I thought meant I might know the series.

 

Never mind... move along.

 

That'll teach you

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

More from the Embria Pathfinder game...

 

In addition to the usual crew (see my sig for details)

 

Helda: Barbarian thief and Varga's little sister

 

Liana: Metreon's former master's cute apprentice

 

---------

 

GM: The Troll King has nailed his iron crown to his head.

 

Varga (OOC): Well, he IS a Troll

 

Rhiannon (OOC): How "emo".

 

------------------

 

GM: A couple of deer run past, followed closely by a pack of wolves

 

Varga: *Raises her bow* Dinner?

 

Rhiannon: *does the same* Sure!

Rhiannon: *shoots a deer*

 

Varga: *shoots one of the wolves*

 

Rhiannon: Wait...whose side are we on??

 

----------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Tapestries, or it never happened!

 

----------------

 

Metreon (OOC): Metreon wakes up from the revel in his room, wearing a horned helmet rakishly askew, with a rare and complex alchemical formula brewing, and the desk covered in indecipherable notations, spell ink, an inky handprint, and pictograms drawn in an inky finger trying to explain how to make it.

 

"How in the world did I do this?!?"

 

----------------

 

GM: OK, so youve skinned the Gorgon, and now have whats basically a giant bull hide, covered in steel plates.

 

Rhiannon: Gorgon; nature's bringandine

 

-----------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Im Lawful Good and blonde! I HAVE to like Halflings!

 

----------------

 

Chyra (OOC): Im generally not family friendly.

 

Varga (OOC): If youre friendly enough, you can start a family!

 

-----------------

 

GM: Vampiric Touch is Bad Touch

 

-----------------

 

Anonymous: If you watch Jaws backwards, its a movie about a shark that throws up so many people that they have to open a beach!

 

---------------

 

GM: Make a Knowledge: Planes check.

 

Rhiannon (OOC): But...we're in the mountains!

 

---------------

 

Chyra (OOC): Im going to use Grave Touch and Touch of Fatigue to status effect it into submission!

 

------------

 

Metreon: *hands over his Magic Missile wand* If anything goes wrong, use this to try to escape

 

Liana: Whats the word?

 

Rhiannon (OOC): "GREASE!" ;D

 

---------------

 

Helda (OOC): 29 on Stealth! I am the wind!

 

Varga (OOC): *blows a "breaking wind" raspberry*

 

----------------

 

Chyra (OOC): My Spectral Hand should follow me everywhere

 

Everyone: *at once* BoooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

 

 

Heh. Sounds like Metreon was having his own Myron McClain moment there...

 

 

Major Tom 2009

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

They're back, and they're wackier than ever. Part four of the ULTICORP Champions Quotes (from our mega weekend session last summer). This is the last session from that summer, with me finally having gone through the recording. After this, there's only one more 8 hour session left from that entire campaign.

Silverbolt: Lightning mage. Also a bit of a transmuter, being able to make food out of thing air, and change clothes as a half action. Fond of practical jokes.

Ultisaur: Genetically modified Brick. ULTICORPs latest genetic super-soldier prototype. His spit is acidic and he's somewhat aggressive. Couldn't make it to this session.

Steamjack: Steam-powered Power-Armoured Brit. Enough said. Also, he's going slowly mad.

Pinpoint: Asian Acupuncturist hero, and natrual enemy of the Triad. Speedster Cyborg after an incident involving the Triad and an experimental procedure.

Andy: Snot Elemental controller. Hunted by schoolground bully Butch, who as it turned out is a "son" of Telios.

 

The Random:

Silverbolt: It's interesting that our brakes for HERO system are as long as the sessions.

...

GM: Your existence disturbs me.

...

Steamjack: If he takes the ring off, the whole world explodes. *pause* In theory.

...

GM: There's always property damage. This is a Super Heroic Campaign.

...

Steamjack: You're not quite grasping this Cthulhu thing. There is more to Cthulhu than squid-face.

...

GM: An Autofire tree is throwing pine cones at her.

...

Steamjack: I scream at my fish. That is: I blame them for this.

...

Steamjack: What sort of dog was it before it shook of his face?

...

GM: You succeed in finding something nervous to hit.

...

GM: It's sort of like trying to hit the broad side of a barn while inside it. An ork could do that. Two out of three times.

...

GM: Gaia fails to spot you.

...

GM: I don't have six fingers, contrary to popular belief.

...

Silverbolt: Kick the dog, except don't, its spiky.

...

Andy: Get Bush! Wait, I mean Butch!

Steamjack: Too late, I'm on my way to the White House.

...

GM: you may want to abort to dig for cover.

...

Steamjack: I need three fairly unique dice!

...

Silverbolt: Hey! Give me back myself!

...

GM: Your segments. It is 12.

...

Andy: The Christmas session is gonna have one hell of a recap. "Do you remember way back when..."

...

GM: You're going to push enemy agents into radioactive goo? Do you want a team of VIPER super agents to hunt you guys?

...

Steamjack: I makes sense from the munchkin standpoint.

...

GM: The machinegun was relatively unpathetic.

...

GM: Cybernetic = awesome. It says so in the SPX.

...

Steamjack: Entangler? I haven't even met 'er!

...

Pinpoint: Never fart in a wetsuit.

...

GM: Fear of the Huldra caused a time honored Viking tradition of checking whether a pretty woman has a tail. (mimes slapping an ass)

...

Steamjack: Where did that dice go? It must be a sign from the gods. I only need to roll to dice.

...

GM: Always stand somewhere where you have duct tape and a weapon within easy reach. (Everyone draws a weapon)

 

Concerning hobbits:

Andy: They eat ten times a day, they're like locus.

GM: "Oh my god, we have Hobbits in the field. Bring out the pesticide."

A disturbing conversation:

Andy: Steamjack!

Silverbolt: He's in the crapper.

Andy: Nevermind!

Pinpoint: Good Luck!

Andy: Don't hurt yourself!

...

Silverbolt: Are you analyzing his actions?

...

Andy: I hear you!

Silverbolt: Careful! She's buying targeting with hearing!

Andy: I can target you!

GM: She doesn't have line of effect so it doesn't matter.

Andy: The door's pretty flimsy, a snot cannonball would go right through.

GM: It's reinforced with lead. I don't want people scrying on me while I'm in the bathroom.

Silverbolt: You're gonna die of lead poisoning, you know that?

GM: Nah, the radon will get me first.

 

And another one:

Andy: I pretty much peed on his bed yesterday.

GM: That would explain a lot, actually.

Andy: NO! What are you talking about?!

Silverbolt: Don't wet other peoples beds!

Andy: I marked it as my own. A perfectly natural phenomenon.

Silverbolt: At least you're moving out.

GM: Yes. You've marked by little brother's territory. And he's throwing the bed away.

...

Andy: I like this chair. I should pee on it.

Silverbolt: Will you stop peeing on the GM's things! Might as well change your character's focus from snot to piss.

...

GM: It would be hard to justify an entangle with those special effects.

Silverbolt: No, no, no, no , no. Not an entangle, a sight group flash.

GM: "not the eyes, not the eyes"

Discussing and recaping the plot so far:

Steamjack: [The alien probe] kept walking in and out of buildings to shake Ultisaur off.

GM: Not so much shake as scrape.

...

Silverbolt: I'm the only one in this party who has yet to commit evil acts.

GM: You're a lawyer. Laaawyeer!

Silverbolt: It's legal

Steamjack: Yeah, he's lawful evil.

...

GM: After a vicious fight in the bowels of the city under the ruins of a city block... That was your fault by the way, ...

Silverbolt: We destroyed an entire city block. Actually, all his [steamjack] fault.

Steamjack: Huh?

Silverbolt: Who detonated it?!

Steamjack: Detonated what?

Silverbolt: The building.

Steamjack: Oh, right, the building.

...

GM: That DEMON would be Devious enough to use the Distraction... Lots of alliteration. To much.

Andy: Just when in the night did you write that?

GM: ten minutes ago.

...

GM: Though ULTICORP is it's usual Silent Self on the Subject... crap. The rumor has it that the probe is being S-studied for new weapon S-systems.

...

GM: They stole the stuff you stole from them when they were trying to steal it from the museum.

 

Silverbolt and Ultisaur's mother is threatening to take them home because they didn't clean the house sufficiently:

GM (after Steamjack has explained the situation, with Silverbolt still pleading over the phone): Now all he has to do, is make his bureaucratics roll. *rolls a 7* He should be fine.

He was.

 

GM: While On his way home from school one autumn day, Andy is struck with the feeling that he is being followed:

Silverbolt: "I think someone is following me" Whack! "Oh, they were."

 

Andy is attacked by a middle school bully (Butch), and a pair of dogs with squid faces:

Steamjack: She contacted us right? I assume it is a conspiracy related to the Fish, and inform her that I am on my way.

...

Silverbolt: I know. I'll show up a threaten to sue them and they'll run away whimpering.

...

Silverbolt: How far away from this place are we?

GM: to.

Silverbolt: Two turns?!

GM: Too far.

Silverbolt: How far away from this place is our steam train?

...

GM: I see that in the long term Andy is faster than the Cthulhu dogs.

Silverbolt: Unless they move non-combat.

GM: Which they wouldn't.

Silverbolt: Unless to try to get in front of her.

Steamjack: Which would require intelligence.

GM: Checking their INT score... *rolls 18 on the INT roll*

GM: They trip over their own tentacles trying to keep up with you.

 

Silverbolt does a KS: Arcane World roll to see if he can identify these critters:

GM: Lovecraft was a moron. Nothing he wrote about really exists, except in the dreamscape, and there only because some people read too much Lovecraft.

...

Silverbolt (having gone through most of his knowledge list): Magical effects and side effects. Beaten by 6.

GM: It could be a transformation spell that has gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Steamjack: Or horribly, horribly right, depending on what they were trying to do.

 

Andy rolls box cars on her TV entertainment roll (the players try everything before going on to do actual leg work):

GM: You think you might have seen it on Teletubies. ... On second thought, that might have been the vacuum cleaner.

...

GM: Clearly your knowledge of the Arcane has failed you on this matter. Clearly your knowledge of Mordern Culture have failed you on this matter. And clearly your knowledge of Steampunk Mechanics have failed you on this matter.

Pinpoint: Acupuncture! I beat it by 2.

...

Pinpoint: Steamjack, assist my inventor roll, I'm making Deep Thought.

...

Pinpoint: Does it at least make a Mac?

GM: nope, you don't succeed by enough for a Mac; you make a Windows.

Andy: Run-time Error!

Steamjack: I press ctrl-alt-del.

GM: reality crashes.

 

Silverbolt makes a bold plan:

Silverbolt: I'll disguise myself as a lawyer, and go over to his house with a court summoning for running Annie down with Cthulhu Dogs.

Steamjack: You ARE a lawyer, just take off your disguise.

 

Butch's garden starts attacking the players:

Andy: It was a pine tree?! You could have warned us! What kind of a GM are you?!

Silverbolt: He did tell us. We just ignored it because it's a pine tree.

...

Silverbolt: His plants are programmed to attack anything that walks down his garden?

GM: Apparently. Or just lawyers.

 

Silverbolt unleashes hellfire on the gas attacking rose bushes:

GM: I wonder whether the gas is flammable. I guess we're about to find out. But first, Steamjack.

Steamjack: no, no, no, I want to see this.

 

I put a hat on that would put Jayne's to shame:

Silverbolt: Why are you wearing a hat?

GM: Its cool.

Silverbolt: No. No it isn't.

GM: It's been lieing in the shade under my bed. Its not warm, hence cool.

 

It's a running gag that Andy is a girl (because of the female player):

GM: There is now a boy on your back.

Steamjack: Girl.

GM: I will not confuse her gender. *pause* Note that I said "her".

 

Steamjack tries to pull Butch over to him:

GM: He catches fire.

Silverbolt: Does he appear to be in pain.

GM: He appears to be charcoal. He catches fire quite quickly.

Steamjack: I scream like a girl and throw him away.

...

GM: Right. Your archenemy spontaneously combusted.

Andy: I'm feeling pretty good about that actually.

 

The players find out that "Butch" is one of the creations of Telios, the perfect man:

Andy: As in he is a demon?

GM: No, as in he has genetically modified himself to be virtually awesome.

Steamjack: I abort to disagree.

 

Steamjack tried to steal a poison gas rose while the fire department and ULTICORP R&D argue over who should get them, but it explodes:

Steamjack: Rocket fuel roses.

...

Steamjack (underground): I stick up my hand, and imitate a rose bush.

GM: ULTICORP fails their PER roll badly, you feel your hand being grabbed.

Steamjack: I counter grab. *Thoomp* "there you are!"

GM: The fire department comments: "bloody gophers"

...

Steamjack: I pick up the R&D department and put it in my pocket. Does the R&D department object to this?

...

Steamjack: I scream "My science!" and start up the Arcane Turbine. Which means I start burning ozone.

GM: Which means the R&D department takes three steps back and set up their sensor arrays.

A discussion on the quality of the various chairs in the room:

Steamjack: You need to be able to lean back like this. *Silverbolt deliberately sits as to ignore his advice, and looks comfortable* This is also why I think Silverbolt is subhuman.

GM: That's your reason?!

Silverbolt: Sub? Sub?!

Steamjack: One of them...

The players head into the sewers to interrupt a trade between Telios and VIPER:

GM: Trying to find the old chemical plant is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Except the haystack smells far worse and is half a mile wide.

Pinpoint: No problem; needles are my specialty.

GM: It's a metaphor!

Pinpoint: No, its not.

GM: yes, it is.

*repeat trice*

Andy: Actually, its a simile.

GM: ... Boring person.

 

Navigational cut scene:

GM: It takes about ten minutes to find an entrance into the old sewers

Steamjack: Excuse me?! I could dig a straight line.

GM: Yes. And if you miss the sewers you'd dig a straight line until you hit magma.

Steamjack: That would be annoying...

Silverbolt: But he has sonar...

GM: Sigh. Can you not mess with my cut scene?

Steamjack: Sorry, I thought this one was interactive.

 

I did this on purpose:

GM: For here it's just following the sign posts and avoiding the more unstable regions. What could possibly go wrong? ...

Steamjack: Oh, come on. Don't say stuff like that.

Silverbolt: You had to say it!

GM: Of course I had to say it.

Silverbolt: Alright every one. PER rolls!

Terrain description:

GM: Platform, Platform, Catwalk, Catwalk, Catwalk, Platform, Pile of Radioactive Goo, Pile of Radioactive Goo.

Silverbolt (to Andy): Up for a swim?

 

Silverbolt tries to take out the lights:

GM: Only one problem: Capacitor. There was a capacitor here *gestures to space next to a vat of radioactive goo*.

Andy (dripping with sarcasm): That's secure.

GM: They weren't expecting a lightning strike two hundred meters below ground.

The vat was damaged, rapidly making the ground level a very dangerous place to be.

...

GM: So the protective rails are more solid than the containers for radioactive stuff. Yay for Detroit engineering.

...

Silverbolt: It's pitch black?

GM: yep.

Steamjack: Doesn't the radioactive goo glow?

GM: true, I guess there is some light.

Pinpoint: Very ominous lighting.

 

A radiation accident:

GM: Ultisaur crouches down, grabs a Brutus and a Nimbus Injection, jabbing himself going Roar!, as he always does.

Silverbolt: who gave him one of those?!

GM: Who knows. Its a cutscene. He flies over here. You (Andy) go "sigh" and follow him over for support. (both players are now using restrainable movement modes and directly over a vat of radioactive goo.) This guy opens fire. With his entangle.

 

Best without comment:

GM: I can already see it on the forums. Best without comment: Andy: Where do you think the lizard has its penis?

Andy: ... Fine.

Pinpoint: Said in a pool of radioactive acid.

Another glance at a character sheet:

Steamjack: PRE

GM: Presence. The ability to go Buga-buga-buga!

Steamjack: And not being impressed by others going Buga-buga-buga!

Silverbolt: Why do we never go Buga-buga-buga! ?

Steamjack: Actually I'm planning on doing that now.

All players at once: Buga-buga-buga!

 

Directly from the recording:

Silverbolt: How did he... What the... Shi... Eh, Pinpoint? You're dead. You're very, very dead.

...

(The joys of having a weapon in VIPER's arsenal that the players are deadly afraid of.)

GM: You may wanna divide for cover.

Silverbolt: ... That works too.

...

Pinpoint escapes elegantly:

GM: The Thumper continues firing. *to Steamjack* You know that wall you were hiding in? You are now in the open.

Steamjack: I abort to dig for cover.

 

The VIPER agent are now outnumbered:

GM: The remaining VIPER agents surrender.

Andy: Seriously? VIPER agents surrender? I didn't know they could do that.

A characteristics descussion:

Silverbolt: If a 12 year old has high Comeliness it means he's a pretty-boy and gets picked on a lot.

Andy: 20...

GM: He is a pretty-boy who gets picked on a lot, as witnessed by the flammable one.

 

Hexagons:

GM: the sum of the outer angles on a hexagon is 60 times 6, so 360.

Andy: How lame.

GM: You're lame.

Andy: you're getting defensive because I dissed hexagons? That's kind of pathetic.

GM: I've gotten used to making maps with them...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

My game ran short, so we played Apples to Apples after. I am the only female in the group, and I drew "sexy". One of the cards played on it was "wrecking balls", and I laughed even harder when I found out it was played by my husband.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Yet more quotes from Teh Bunneh's D&D 4th campaign - Bloodmäter.

 

---

 

The Party

 

Clio: Tiefling Paladin of the Raven Queen

Rody Falcos: Elf Rogue

Hakkoz Stoneshanks: Dwarf Cleric of Kord

Alix Twilight: Shifter Druid

Brontus Rexx: Human Barbarian

Paxton Lux: Human Fighter

Justine: Human Warlock

Aester: Dragonborn Warlord

Berrian Wildheart: Gnome Wizard

 

---

 

Don't think about it...

GM: Brontus has probably eaten too many churros...

Brontus (OOC): It says here that every character gets a "basic ranged attack."

 

The Barbarian offers a warning to the Warlock...

Brontus: You will treat your fellow party members with respect...or I will crush you.

Berrian: But with respect.

 

As the party is being sniped by crossbowmen...

Alix (OOC): Are the bolters these short Dwarves over here?

GM: "Short" Dwarves?

 

Random...

Aester: This reminds me of my latex allergy...

Clio: T.M.I!!

 

Some Powers only work when the character is attacked...

Berrian: I stab myself so that I can teleport!

 

Not all Barbarians are smelly...

Brontus: I do not have a smell. I have a musk.

 

The Dwarf Cleric is not the greatest of tacticians...

Hakkoz: We need to get our heavy hitter on board the pirate ship. Pax, when you get close enough to me, I need you to toss me over the railing close to the enemy Tiefling. Then, Brontus, I need you to get within 5 squares so when I hit the Tiefling with my Hallowed Advance power, I can teleport you aboard the ship.

Berrian: Or...Brontus could just use the gangplank right there.

Hakkoz: There you go being logical again!

 

A number of tactics involve both Leaders backing up the big Barbarian Striker...

Brontus: I've got a great pit crew.

 

The party pounces on a Tiefling pirate captain, hoping to use the ship's edge to their advantage...

Aester: Don't knock her off the edge of the ship!

Alix: Why not?

Aester: She's a Boss. She's probably covered in Loot!

 

The Barbarian drops his beer to rescue the Gnome, much to everyone's surprise...

Brontus: Berrian is more important than my six-pack.

 

Random again...

Aester: This bridge is kicking my @$$!

 

Even more random...

Alix: Okay, Brontus, I'm going to set you on fire. Don't panic.

 

Commenting on Hakkoz's fashion style...

Rody (OOC): He's the Dapper Dan Dwarf.

 

The Cleric of a war-god can be very callous toward injured prisoners...

Hakkoz: Well, they can't fight anymore so they're no use to Kord.

 

Philosophy meets mathematics...

Aester: Alignment is like algebra - as long as it equals out in the end, it's okay.

 

The Druid speaks with animals to get some information...

Alix (OOC): I'm going to talk to the birds.

Hakkoz (OOC): You're Twittering?

 

Best without explanation...

Rody: I have the Charisma of a used condom.

 

The fighter is brave - not bright, but brave...

Aester: Pax, get over here so I can heal you! You're almost dead!

Paxton: No, it's okay! On my next turn, I'll take the ongoing damage...then I'm at 1 hit point...then I kill this last drake...and finally I make my saving throw. It'll be fine!

Aester: THAT's your plan??

 

---

 

Enjoy!

 

Lonewalker

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The cast of our Monster Hunter game:

 

Kayla a psychic ninja on the run for kidnapping her younger sister, Molly.

Mike, a half-angel who, due to a psychic accident, ended up switching bodies with the 17 year old Molly.

Julian a Vodun park ranger

Danny a ghost-hunting martial artist

Sonia a half-vampire newspaper reporter

 

 

***

 

 

[Prior to the game we're talking about what our next campaign will be when this one winds down in a few months.]

 

 

Sonia's player:Can we go back to Champions where it's easier for me to blow things up?

 

***

 

GM (jokingly): I could always run Toon.

Julian's player: Toon, as written by Frank Miller.

 

***

 

Kayla's player: That why I like this game. It's, like, kinda okay to kill people.

 

***

 

[On with the game proper.]

 

 

***

 

 

[The group is discussing what to do with the prisoner they've had penned up in a box for the last couple of weeks.]

 

 

Sonia: He's not an it. His name is Nigel.

 

Julian: You've named the pet!

 

***

 

Sonia: I like that plan. Let's do it. Before anyone can argue about it.

 

***

 

Mike: We don't know if he's innocent or not. That's why I'm treating him with more of a mild neglect.

 

***

 

Danny: What could we do to him that was worse than working at the DMV?

 

***

 

Danny (OOC): We're doomed. The GM rolled dice and said, "cool."

 

***

 

[Julian has hit the streets to find information on the two gangs that have recently been the victims of what appears to be attacks from a very upset ghost.]

 

 

Julian: Any chance that these two gangs could be working together on something?

 

 

GM [as a random street informant]: Hell no. Just about a week ago they were having a fire fight and a gas station blew up!

 

Julian (OOC to the rest of the group): Was that us? Did we blow up a gas station recently?

 

***

 

Julian: I cringe in pride.

 

***

 

Danny: I can be as non-discrete as I want with this phone call.

 

***

 

Mike: I was born. I was raised. Then I started killin' things.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From our recent session of Pulp Hero.

 

The PCs are battling a Chinese Vampire on the deck of their ship. Father O'Malley, the resident expert on Occult matters, smites said creature with ... guess it would be a blast of Holy magic.

 

GM rolls randomly for hit location. Yep, you guessed it, he rolls "Vitals" (read: Groin). GM describes how the creature howls in pain / rage as that particular area of his anatomy catches fire.

 

Comments are then made by Players:

 

"THAT's the worst case of clap I ever saw."

 

"Father, Father. It BURNS when I pee."

 

"Padre. You do realize that NOBODY will ever believe that you hit that area by accident."

 

By this time, Fr. O'Malley's player is pretty much helpless with laughter.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Yep, you guessed it, he rolls "Vitals" (read: Groin).

 

 

You do know that "Vitals" doesn't really mean "groin" don't you?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary points out that in fact that was probably a shot to the heart.

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